Monthly Archives: October 2015

Are You Running Numbers?

Find Out What They Want First

A long, long time ago, I used to work at Disneyland.

No, I wasn’t dressed up as a character. My job was to walk around and ask people various questions. Where they were from. How long they were staying. Which rides they liked the best, etc.

I worked for the “guest research” department. Our job was to collect demographic data to support the marketing department.

At first, it was pretty nerve wracking. We had to walk up and start conversations with people all day long. On an average day, we’d interact with 500-1000 people. A lot of people quit after a week.

But after a while, it became pretty fun. After all, you get to meet people from all over the world who are on vacation, and usually in a pretty good mood.

There’s a lot of ways you can use statistics. Marketing, sales, baseball, economics. If it weren’t for statistics, we humans would be pretty clueless. They wouldn’t even know how much to charge for insurance.

Sometimes when we think in terms of meeting people, for friends, romance, or even in sales, we tend to think in terms of “numbers.”

If you call enough people, you’ll get enough sales. If you ask enough people for their phone number, and go on enough dates, you’ll meet Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Problem is sorting through all those people can be pretty intimidating. Sure, you intellectually know that if you “number close” the next 500 attractive people you see, your BOUND to find your “soul mate” in there somewhere! (Or at least somebody close enough!)

However, the whole “numbers game” theory can be a little misleading.

Sure, no matter WHAT you do, you will NEVER be able to convince everybody. Despite what WAY over-hyped marketing may claim, there ARE going to be people who simply aren’t interested.

However, with just a few simple tweaks in how you communicate, you can SIGNIFICANTLY increase your odds.

What if you KNEW that you really only need to talk to TEN people before finding your soul mate?

What if you KNEW that instead of calling a hundred people for every sale, you only needed to call ten?

Would that make it easier? You bet it would!

How do you do this? The first step is to remove all your inner conflicts. Even if you have the best sales pitch written by Dale Carnegie himself, it won’t work if you’re so nervous you’re shaking when you deliver it. (Same goes with meeting guys and girls for relationships.)

The second step is to FIRST find out what THEY want, so you can speak in “their language.” You’ll find this will SIGNIFICANTLY improve your chances. With ANYBODY you speak with.

Do that, and ALL communication will be much, much easier.

Learn More:

Interpersonal Resonance

Look Into Your Future

Think Long Term

Making decisions can be tough sometimes.

One way is good, but it’s got some drawbacks. On the other hand, if you do something else, it may be safe, but not nearly as fun.

A lot of things go hand in hand. Often times something good will go along with something not so good. It feels really good to stuff your face in front of the TV. But it doesn’t feel so good the next morning.

It may feel good to sleep in, but when you finally roll out of bed and see that it’s already in the early afternoon, you might not feel so excited.

One economist theorized that humans reached an evolutionary tipping point when we started to naturally think of pleasure out in the distant future, compared to the pleasure now.

Meaning that lower animals are only driven by instincts. They can’t really plan. Even when squirrels save nuts for the winter, they’re being driven by instincts. It’s not like they fire up Excel and calculate their caloric requirements.

Humans, on the other hand, somehow figured out how to compare doing something now, vs. doing something differently, and then comparing the potential results in the unknown future.

Like maybe in the present a caveman wanted to punch another caveman in the face. But then he’d imagine that guy’s buddies ganging up on him later, so he would plan a better alternative.

They great thing about this is that you can cultivate it, and develop it.

Like any other skill, the best way to do this is to simply practice.

Start small, and do more and more as you can.

For example, consider waking up ten minutes earlier tomorrow, just to prove that you can. This will build up your “delayed gratification” muscle in your brain.

As you well know, persistence is one of the most important skills for any kind of success.

All the genius inventors, artists, business people, scientists, none of them would have accomplished what they accomplished had it not been for persistence.

Whatever you want, you can get. But getting it WILL take time. It WILL take trial and “error,” or feedback.

So long as you keep your imagination fixed on the distant future, when you WILL be successful, you’ll keep going.

Consider doing something each day that builds up this attitude. Take one thing you’d like to do, or one thing you want to do but know you shouldn’t, and imagine how it will affect your life one year from now.

Spend a few moments thinking about that BEFORE doing it, whatever it is.

Keep this up and you’ll develop a skill few people have.

Which means you’ll be able to get stuff few people can.

These will help:

Mind Persuasion

Are You Anti-Resonating?

What’s Your Frequency

When I was a student, resonance was my favorite topic.

I had this ultra hard physics lab with this ultra strict teacher (who barely talked), and the experiment we did on resonance was by far my favorite.

The reason the sky is blue is because of resonance. The reason kids love swings so much is resonance.

Resonance occurs when you apply an external frequency in congruence with the natural frequency of any system.

When you rub your fingertip around the top of a wine goblet, for example, the small bumps in friction as your finger moves across the rim is the same as the resonance frequency of the glass.

Some systems are very simple, like a kid on a swing, and have only one resonance frequency.

Others, like a wine glass, have different frequencies based on different configurations. Different amounts of wine in the glass will produce different pitches, or different resonating frequencies.

Other things are WAY more complicated.

Like when two people are talking. If you and somebody else just “click” then you are pretty much in resonance with each other.

If you’re lucky, you can find a partner with whom you can resonate with for most of your life.

On the other hand, it can feel that you are “out of sync” which is kind of the opposite of resonance. Your “frequency” and the “frequency” of the other person (or people) are as opposite as can be.

Needless to say, this is frustrating and lonely.

How can you bust out of this trap?

Take a step back, relax, release some stress and “feel out” the other person, as if you’re are just meeting them.

This is EXACTLY what kids do the first time they get on a swing. They have NO IDEA which frequency to pump their legs. They just keep trying until they get it right.

If you are OUT of resonance with anybody, or with life in general, just apply the same principle.

Imagine if a kid got on a swing and had a pre-set idea of how fast he should pump his legs. And no matter what, he ONLY pumped them at THAT precise frequency.

And when it didn’t work, he blamed the swing for not cooperating.

Sounds silly. But this is EXACTLY what most people do.

They don’t feel it’s up to THEM to resonate with the world, it’s the WORLD that is supposed to resonate with THEM.

This usually doesn’t work so well. (Unless you have super secret magic ninja powers or something.)

So, how do you bust out?

Relax, open your mind, feel the energy around you. Through you. Let IT move YOU.

Doing some daily mental practice will help.

Learn More:

Mind Persuasion

Are You Using The Right Metaphor?

Change Your Map

There’re a lot of mystery surrounding the “conscious” and the “unconscious.”

Like they are two separate things. One in one part of your brain, and another in another part of your brain.

Your “conscious” wants to do something, but your “subconscious” is holding you back.

Or your “conscious” is the captain while the “subconscious” is the ship.

In reality, these are all metaphors. Metaphors, of course, are very simple explanations for much, much deeper phenomenon.

When they say “The Map is Not The Territory,” in this case, any metaphor is a map, and the reality is the territory.

I like reading books about history. Back in those days, those dudes had some messed up maps. Which meant they never really knew where they were going.

If you’re going off a bad map, or a map that doesn’t have an alligator swamp or a tiger valley, you might run into trouble.

Often times, in order to save brain power, we think the map IS the territory.

Unfortunately, the map, or the metaphor, in this case, is only a guess. An approximation.

If we were scientists, we’d come up with a model. Then we’d test the model against what we saw. Then if the model didn’t accurately predict what we saw, we’d have to change our model.

Once there was a guy on a ship. The sea was rough, so he grabbed onto the anchor. It saved his life. But then the ship came into calm waters, and dropped the anchor. The guy was still scared, so he held on. He figured it worked before, why not now?

Well, after the guy died, he realized his mistake.

Never hang onto something when it’s not working!

Of course, giving up a model, or a map, or a metaphor you’ve held dear for a long time can be tough.

But the bottom line is you HAVE to ask yourself this question:

“Am I getting what I want?”

If you are, then keep doing whatever you’ve been doing.

If not, then the answer is clear. Do something else!

Try another model. Try another metaphor. Try anything!

So long as you have a clear goal in mind, and you’re brave enough to measure ALL feedback along the way, and adjust accordingly, you will not fail.

Doesn’t matter WHAT model or metaphor you use. If it works, it works.

If you need to shake your brain up and look at things differently, so you can start getting better results, give some of these tools a try.

They’ve helped plenty others, and they can help you.

Learn More:

Mind Persuasion

Get In The Game

Make It Easy On The Thunderbolt

What happens when you forget a crucial ingredient in a complicated dish?

It comes out like crap, that’s what!

Once I was a kid and I wanted to make some popcorn. But I couldn’t find any cooking oil. So I grabbed a bottle of this stuff that sort of looked like cooking oil.

Only it was some syrup stuff. Needless to say, it didn’t come out so well.

Some of the greatest inventions were mistakes. Even myself, as I make many mistakes, find that sometimes the mistake is better than what I wanted.

Then I incorporate it into my routine, and find I’ve got all kinds of options I didn’t know about.

They say that post-it notes were invented by accident. And during the American space program, all kinds of things were invented as byproducts. Electronic gizmos, gadgets, many of which became consumer goods.

None of which were expected.

There’s this theory in economics call “spontaneous order.” Meaning if you have a bunch of people who have a common problem, the “hive mind” will somehow solve it. Usually in a way that nobody could have predicted.

The path to success is never a straight line. And most of the stuff you’ll achieve in life won’t be because that’s what you were after, that’s just what happened.

Consider finding a romantic partner. Most people would agree that having a positive relationship with the right person is a cornerstone of a good life.

How do we humans “enter” into that relationship?

Look at the language. We “fall” in love. Can you plan to fall? Can you schedule a fall? Nope. You’re just walking down the street and BAM!

In The Godfather (both the movie and the book) they referred to this as the thunderbolt. Strolling down the street happy as can be and BAM! The thunderbolt hits and you’re in love.

All success is like this. It happens when you least expect it. But it WON’T happen if you are waiting for it to come knocking on your door.

You’ve got to be out in the world. Head up, eyes and ears open. Engaged with your environment. Including all the people around.

For many, this is pretty scary. But fortune, as they say, favors the brave.

Not dudes who binge watch Netflix all day long on their day off!

The simplest most powerful thing you can do is GET OUTSIDE and engage yourself. Go to new places. Talk to new people. Try new things.

And be open to anything, and everything.

These tools will help:

Mind Persuasion

Are You Wasting Crucial Seconds?

Force Yourself To Action

I had a friend once with a swimming pool.

Once I was over hanging out, and he was trying to coax his 8 year old nephew to jump in.

The kid could wade in and swim, he was just scared to jump in straight from the side.

Finally my friend grew a little impatient, picked up his nephew, and sort of held him/dropped him into the pool.

After crying for a bit, the kid started jumping in over and over again on his own.

Once I was at the mall, going to a movie. I was getting ready to go up the escalator. In front of me was a mom with her kid, who was terrified of the escalator. She was trying to convince him it was safe, then saw me waiting. So she picked him up and carried him.

I noticed that right when she did that, the looked of terror on his face suddenly changed to happy relief.

Once I bought a new truck, much bigger than my old car. I was complaining to my friend that parking it was much different. He just said, “Don’t worry, it’s weird at first, but pretty soon you won’t even notice.”

There’s plenty of ways to ease into something you don’t want to ease into, but you KNOW you’ve got to ease into.

You can wait for somebody to push you, or wait for somebody to pick you up, or take your time until it gets comfortable.

The first two aren’t really good strategies, as they depend on other people. People that are always depending on others to get them going tend to wait.

Usually their whole lives.

On the other hand, self starters tend to ALWAYS get the good stuff.

But here’s the thing. Self starters aren’t the super human warriors we imagine they are.

Every single moment of their lives is them choosing to act, rather than wait around.

From the outside, they look the same as the rest of us.

Only they get all the breaks, meet all the right people, and seem to be much happier.

Are they lucky? Or do they just lean forward into uncertainty a little bit more than most?

That’s the real secret. Not being a super hero. Just having the mindset of always going forward, even in tiny, baby little steps.

Even if somebody is right there to push you in, waiting for them to do so may cost you a fortune.

Or a crucial few seconds while you watch some other goof go over and talk to the person of your dreams.

It’s up to you.

Are you going to take action? Or wait for somebody to FORCE you go take action?

Get Started:

Mind Persuasion

The Nine Cupholder Strategy

Party In The MiniVan

I used to know this guy who was ULTRA excited.

Not about anything in particular, just about life itself.

He had a job selling cars, and even though he didn’t know so much about cars, he could sell them. Really, really well.

Once he told me a story about a minivan he sold. The only thing he knew about it was that it had 9 cupholders.

He kept referring to this over and over and over again, with EXTREME excitement. “It’s got a great engine, it’s super safe, cause it’s got all these airbags and stuff, and did I mention it’s got NINE cupholders? Everywhere you go, PARTY in the minivan, people!”

Maybe this guy had some genetic defect or something, or he had a super reserve of adrenalin somewhere most of us don’t. He was also a chain-smoking heavy drinker, so maybe he was always trying to overcompensate his hyperness.

When people sell stuff, it’s common to think you’ve always got to be so over the top all the time.

After all, most people are taught in order to sell, you’ve got to push push push on “features and benefits.”

I read this book once on linguistics, by Stephen Pinker (I’m a HUGE fan, he’s got a few TED talks).

He said that all language is persuasive. Meaning whenever we talk, we have SOME kind of outcome in mind, even if it’s to cheer up our friend, or get them to meet us down at the pub for a couple.

Dale Carnegie taught decades ago that the easiest way to get somebody to do something is to simply get them thinking it was their idea.

He also said that everybody is always wondering, “What’s in it for me?”

So when you first are going to say ANYTHING, first ask yourself, “How is the OTHER person going to benefit by what I say?”

Compare this to the strategy most people use:

“Me, me, me, me, and oh, by the way, me.”

Even if you don’t really know the person, you can kind of guess what they want, based on who they are, and what they are doing.

Like if you’re talking to somebody cute in the grocery story, just take a few seconds to come up with a reasonable assumption about THEIR model of the world before you open your yap.

Everybody wants validation and to be recognized for who they are.

If you do this FIRST, before you talk about what YOU want, you’ll be pretty amazed.

Then again, maybe you won’t. Maybe this is something you ALREADY know.

This is the outer game that makes everything EASY.

If you want to boost your INNER game, to make it even easier, check these out:

Mind Persuasion

Cook Up Some Horrible Junk

Love The Trash Can

When I was a kid I loved foggy days.

I remember driving with my dad, when we couldn’t see more than a few yards.

He thought it was pretty scary. I thought it was pretty cool.

Once I took this cooking class. Well, I took the same class twice, with two different teachers.

One was REALLY specific about how much stuff to put in. 1.2 ounces of this. 3.25 cups of that. Simmer on 20% heat for 2.4 minutes.

While we all got some pretty good results, it wasn’t so much fun.

The other teacher was the opposite. Some of this, a little for that, cook until it’s done.

I’ll admit, I’ve made some horrible mistakes in the kitchen, but I always enjoy cooking. And I learn to cook some things that I KNOW aren’t in any recipe books.

When I was a kid a few of my friends were into models. Airplanes, cars, ships, etc.

I tried once, but gave up. When I opened up the box, saw all the tiny little pieces that had to be put in the EXACT place in the EXACT order, I kind of lost my enthusiasm.

Where’s the fun in following step by step orders? Well, I supposed having a room full of perfectly built replicas that you can be proud of is a pretty good accomplishment. One I certainly admire and respect. It takes a lot of work, patience, dedication and skill.

When Michelangelo was asked how he made such beautiful sculptures, he didn’t say he made anything.

He said the sculpture was already in the rock. He just found it by chipping away the junk on the outside.

Many people would like a step by step plan that guarantees success. One that has ZERO room for error.

But the thing is that if there WERE something like this, everybody would get the same thing.

One crucial element in a modern society is a diversity of talent. Some people are good at building models. Others are good at operating on people. Others are great at painting, still others are good at dreaming up plans for new buildings that only exist in their mind, before they exist in the world.

The reason there simply CAN NOT be a “step by step” method for any success is that even two doctors will have two different skill sets they bring to the same surgery.

Two different artists will create two completely different pieces of art.

Your are here to create YOUR masterpiece that is UNLIKE any other.

Which means you NEED to spend a lot of time trying, failing, and trying again.

Just like I do in the kitchen. Sure some stuff will be thrown in the trash.

But some stuff will amaze your friends.

AND make you a TON of money.

So long as you are moving forward (or two forward and one back), you can’t lose.

Get Started:

Mind Persuasion

Can You Juggle Yet?

Feedback Loops

Lots of inventors have tried to come up with a “perpetual motion machine.”

At least in the old days. But then again, there’s still plenty of things being sold today (not the things themselves, the designs for them) that somehow claim to be an endless source of energy.

It’s a pretty shrewd marketing strategy, when you think about it. The “thing” they are selling is just a book with some plans. The “promise” is some magic machine that will spit out endless energy forever.

Only to build it, you’ve got to have a PhD in mechanical engineering, and a decent lab with the right equipment.

The idea of some kind of self-perpetuating feedback loop has been around forever.

This was kind of the promise behind “cold fusion” back when they allegedly discovered it. Pour in salt water, and it spits put clean electricity.

On the other hand, you can view human life on Earth as a kind of “perpetual energy machine.” After all, a few thousand years ago, all we had were basic tools. Now look at what we’ve made. Nobody helped us. No magic aliens came down and showed us the way.

Just humans interacting with other humans and making better and better and more complicated stuff.

Every success “fed back” into the system, which simply created more success.

For some reason, when we think of personal achievement, we think it’s a one stage or one process thing.

Read the right book and suddenly you’ll be blessed with secret knowledge to crack the code.

Say the right affirmations and you’ll suddenly be approached by beautiful people with sacks of money.

If you read a book on juggling, would you be able to juggle? Or would you need to practice?

Sure, it helps to know the theory. But unless you’re content to impress all your friends with your deep philosophical insights about juggling, you would have to actually practice.

Which would mean spending a LOT of time dropping balls (or bean bags or chainsaws) all over the place.

You KNOW this.

But for some reason, when we read books on dating, or making money, or even losing weight, we half expect some magic fairy to come fix everything at night while we sleep.

If it were this easy, EVERYBODY would be thin, rich, and surrounded by super models.

It’s not that it’s difficult to get these things. It just takes time.

And ONE crucial element most people simply CANNOT fathom.

Being able to accept feedback. Not just the good stuff, but the “bad” stuff as well.

Because ALL feedback is more information. That can be fed into the system to make you better next time.

And guess what?

If you KEEP getting better next time? You’ll get pretty good!

Get Started:

Mind Persuasion

Jump Without Fear

Know Where You’re Going

When I was younger I had this girlfriend.

Often times we’d go out, but neither of us really had a plan. So we’d end up driving around, only to end up at some cafe or restaurant.

Of course, just being together was enough, but sometimes it felt pretty silly.

“What do you want to do?”

“I dunno, what do you want to do?”

The first time I went bungee jumping I was pretty terrified. Leaning over the edge was pretty scary.

The second time was a lot of fun, since I knew what to expect. I actually looked forward to doing something that almost made me pass out from fright earlier.

Whenever you want to do something scary or important, it’s natural to feel inner conflict.

Even if you’re really sure you want to buy something, part of you wonders if maybe you should wait until something better comes along.

In economics, they call these “opportunity costs.” If you do X, you CAN’T do Y.

One the deadliest things to have, both from an internal perspective, and an outward demonstration, is incongruence.

If you are an athlete, and you’re trying to “fake somebody out” but you’re not good at it, it won’t work. It’s clear to them you’re only “faking” left. They can read you like a book.

If you’re interacting socially, being incongruent can be the kiss of death. On the outside, you may appear to be friendly, but you’re sending out a creepy vibe.

Studies have shown that incongruence is the most devastating trait to have in sales and social relationships.

Clearly, it’s also a HUGE impediment to any kind of success. You’ll never get out there and do what needs to be done if you’re conflicted on the inside. Even when you DO take action, it will be half-hearted at best.

How do you get congruent?

One way is to make sure your goals are VERY clearly defined. Know what you’re getting. Know what you’re going to HAVE TO give up. Have a pretty clear idea of what it will take to get there.

The reason my second bungee jumping trip was fun was that I KNEW it was going to be fun. I had experience that I wouldn’t end up as a splat on the pavement.

But you can also do this by taking plenty of time to visualize your WELL DEFINED GOAL.

The bigger and brighter it becomes, in your mind, the more certainty and inner congruence you’ll develop.

Spend plenty of time DEFINING your goal, and plenty of time CHARGING your goal with your emotions.

These will help:

Mind Persuasion