Monthly Archives: January 2015

How To Replace Anxiety With Confidence

Control The Thoughts In Your Mind

Choose Your Emotional Response

Ever wonder why some people are always ultra confident, and others are naturally shy?

It helps to understand the lighting quick process our brains go through when entering into unknown situations.

Our brains don’t like to do a lot of work. We have a combination of programming and learned references to help preserve brain power.

So when you walk into any situation, your brain does a couple of quick passes. The first is sort for any instinctive based triggers, like any authority figure or any social proof signals.

The second sweep is to compare the situation you’re about to enter with anything similar you’ve done in the past.

This happens in less than a second, and the result is your “feeling” about that particular situation. Fear, happiness, excitement, boredom, etc.

If there’s no clear authority or social structure, meaning there’s just a bunch of people doing their own thing, then you’ll quickly reference your own history. 

If there is something you’d like out of the situation (meeting new and interesting people, for example) and you’ve never done well in that type of situation, then the “feeling” that your brain will deliver to you may be anxiety or something else less than helpful.

But even if you’ve never confidently walked into a room and chatted up a bunch of strangers, you can still learn to generate automatic confidence instead of anxiety wherever you go.

Another thing your brain does really well is generalize. You learn to tie one pair to shoes, you can tie them all. You can learn to drive one car, you can drive lots of different vehicles.

This also works with confidence. It’s easy to generalize feelings of confidence in one situation, like talking to your friends, to other situations, like talking to strangers.

It’s just a matter of training your subconscious to NOT think of talking to “strangers” but rather talking to “people,” something you have tons of experience with.

Of course, retraining your brain won’t be instant, any more than learning any other skill can be learned on the spot. It takes practice, and some mental effort, but not much.

In just a few minutes day, doing some focused mental practice will have enormous benefits.

You’ll train your brain to not only walk into any situation and feel confident, but in control. Meaning other people will look to YOU for guidance.

To learn how, check this out:

Frame Control

Brass Tacks And Hot Girls

Everything In Life Is A Negotiation

What Most Guys Are Afraid To Know About Girls

Many guys tend to see women as the “enemy.”

Meaning if they walk up to a girl, and don’t get what they want, then it’s some kind of female conspiracy. Or if they go out and get shot down by every girl they approach, they go home bitter and angry.

To be sure, it can seem like an adversarial relationship. On a very deep level, women are programmed to find men to “seem like” good resource providers. And men are programmed to find women to “seem” like good baby makers.

It’s kind of like we’re both, on a VERY subconscious level, trying to pull one over on each other. Guys try getting as much as they can, while giving as little as they can, so do girls. It’s just the way of life.

If you walk into any store where the price is negotiable, it’s the same way. The sales clerk, while pretending to be your long-lost bestest buddy, will charge you as much as possible.

You, on the other hand, while being ultra friendly, are hoping he gets ZERO commissions.

Friendly on the surface, but adversarial on a deeper level.

But like they say in Ancient Rome, “Caveat Emptor.” Which means it’s up to YOU, the customer, to make sure you’re getting a good deal. It’s not up to the store, or the advertisers, or the sales clerk. That job falls squarely on YOU.

Perhaps the reason for so much anger towards women is that guys EXPECT to get something. Then when they don’t get it, they feel cheated.

Like if your goofball neighbor lied to you about the price he paid for his car, telling you he got it for 10K less than he really did.

You go to the shop, asking for the same price, and they look at you like you’re nuts. This of course, makes you angry, as you feel like they’re trying to pull one over on you.

If you want success with women, it’s up to YOU to make it happen. Nobody’s going to give it to you. Women aren’t some magic “reward” for graduating college, or getting a good job, or finally getting that promotion.

They aren’t a “prize” and neither are you.

You are a negotiator and so is she.

And both are you are trying, hoping, to enter into a long term agreement with each other that BOTH parties get what they want, at a reasonable cost.

If you want an attractive woman in your life who spins your propellers in the right ways, YOU’VE got to be an attractive man in HER life to spin HER propellers the right ways.

That requires negotiation. Usually a lot.

This will help:

Frame Control

Why Words Only Get You So Far

Explode Your Personal Magnetism

Deep Structure Of Charisma and Personal Magnetism

One mistake we tend to make is when we model other people.

Since humans have been around, we’ve learned much of what we can do by copying others.

When we were young, we copied our parents and those around us.

When we were in school, we learned by paying attention to social triggers.

I remember once in third grade, there was this brief but intense “yo-yo” fad.

At the end of second grade, nobody had a yo-yo. But by the first couple months of third grade, EVERYBODY had a yo-yo, and everybody was trying to outdo each other with all the different tricks.

Since this was WAAAAY before the internet, the only way we could learn new tricks was by watching and copying others. It’s not like that they had a book of yo-yo tricks in the local library.

With yo-yo tricks, what you see is what you get. You can either do the trick, or you can’t. You have feedback right then and there that tells you if you are doing it right or not. (My big trick was “around the world”).

It gets pretty complicated, pretty quickly, when the skills we are “copying” from others involve human interaction and communication.

In sales, they try to make this as simple as possible. I’ve had a couple of face to face, in-home sales jobs where they wouldn’t let you go out into the field unless you had a complete, 20 minute presentation fully memorized.

Funny thing was, that even though everybody was going out and spitting out the same memorized pitch, some people sold a lot, some people didn’t sell anything.

I’m sure you know that communication is only about 7% verbal. The rest of the 93%, all the body language, facial expressions, indications of confidence or lack of confidence, that accounts for the sales, and the non-sales.

So even if you take a perfectly written script, and memorize it line for line, it will only take you 7% of the way.

(This is one reason why really good actors get paid so much, they can “fake” most of that 93% where “bad” actors can’t).

How do you get that other 93%? 

It’s all about your inner game. The energy you carry with you, and subconsciously project everywhere you go.

Funny thing is, when somebody comes along that is REALLY solid in that 93%, the words won’t really matter much.

They just show up, and everybody knows.

The good news is that building up that “inner game” is pretty easy. You just need to know HOW to practice, and be willing to spend the 5-10 minutes a day that will get you there.

To learn how, check this out:

Frame Control