Category Archives: Fight Or Flight

Become A Super Hero Persuader

How To Disappear Hidden Objections

It’s very hard to do something when we are afraid to do it.

Most of the time, we think of this from our own perspective.

But it can be very helpful to see this from others as well.

We all have the experience of trying to convince somebody to do something.

And they “sort of want to” but they are a little scared at the same time.

Maybe you want to go out and be social, but your buddy wants to play video games.

They’ll never say, “Yeah, going out and meeting people sounds fantastic. But I’m kid of scared of rejection or saying something stupid and looking like an idiot, so I’d rather stay here and play video games.”

Instead they say, “Dude, that’s lame, let’s just chill here.”

One of the common tactics of avoid unpleasant situations is to condemn that which we fear.

It’s kind of an internal reframe.

I don’t want to go out because I’m afraid of rejection, I don’t want to go out because going out is lame.

They may give a few supporting arguments for the “lame” part, making their argument sound logical.

Cover charges, waiting in line, traffic, etc.

But the REAL reason is the same.

Carefully hidden beneath all of their surface structure “logic.”

The common response is to argue with their surface structure logic.

But since that’s just a cover for the REAL issue (in this metaphor social anxiety) it will only REINFORCE that the REAL issue is the surface level.

You could try and “prove” you are right by forcing them to admit they’re really scared, so you could tell them there’s nothing to be scared about.

But that would make them dig even deeper.

“Dude, what the hell are you talking about? I just don’t to wait in line so I can spend $20 for a gin and tonic!”

A much BETTER strategy would be to acknowledge the real issue, and just leave it be.

Sometimes you NEED the objection to overcome it.

But often times this isn’t the case.

You just need to do the opposite.

Frame your idea so that it’s so compelling, they’ll overcome their own objection.

This way, even if you’re wrong about the objection, it won’t matter.

Luckily, pretty much any idea can be presented so it’s MORE powerful than any internal objections they may have.

Which is even better, since in overcoming their own objections (usually subconsciously) they’ll convince themselves it was THEIR idea all along.

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Seven Laws

Embrace Your Fears

Don't Run Away

Don’t Run Away

​Fear is an often misunderstood feeling, or emotion.

One the one hand, it’s useful for survival purposes, as it keeps us safe.

Way back in the old caveman days, either fighting or flighting was both part of the same strategy, to not get killed or eaten.

One compels to avoid, one compels us to engage. If we are going to avoid, we have a sudden burst of energy to run away. If we choose to engage, we have a burst of energy to overcome whatever obstacle is in front of us.

A great modern day metaphor is public speaking. Or more generally speaking while being at the center of public attention.

If you’re out with your buddies or something, and suddenly everybody’s staring at you for some reason, you may choose the “flight” option. You wouldn’t actually run away, but you’d remove yourself from the center of attention any way you could. Make a quick joke, find somebody else to shift the attention to, etc.

On the other hand, you could choose to engage. Not start throwing punches, but accept the situation, and use your sudden burst of energy to make the best of it. Make your voice louder and more confident. Feel the energy rush through you and consciously channel it to something powerful and magnetic.

Now, this is NOT the way most people think about “fear.” They think it’s to be avoided at ALL COSTS. They spend their whole lives purposely getting into situations just so they can AVOID anything fearful or anxiety causing.

But like all of our other instincts that helped us survive in the past, this is something we need to deal with today.

Take hunger, for example. In the past, we ate as much as we could whenever we could. But if we tried that now, we wouldn’t be able to fit out of our front doors. So most of us have to “manage” our hunger. We are careful when we shop. We avoid certain foods, knowing they are bad for us.

But we also know that certain foods are good for us. And that eating is one of life’s great pleasures. Sharing a special meal with a special someone is a wonderful experience that many of us repeat as often as we can.

Fear, or that sudden pulse of energy can be the same way. Managed the same way. Used the same way. Enjoyed the same way.

Accept it. Embrace it. Use it as the tool it was meant to be.

Just don’t avoid it.

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