Category Archives: Criteria

Generate Overlapping Interests Between Conversational Partners

Overlap Their Desires With Yours

Pretty much everything can be thought of as a mix of two extremes.

Like sweet or salty. I like salty food more often than not.

But once in while I like to eat something sweet. Too much and it’s not good any more.

In NLP there are all kinds of “Meta Programs” that are these filters through which we see the world.

And like everything else, they can be thought of in “extremes” but most of us have a mix.

Like you can be motivated to move away from fear, or toward pleasure.

If you are too much of one, it will cause trouble.

Most of us are maybe 1/3 of the way from either end.

Another thing is how people make decisions.

One the hand, there are people that simply cannot decide unless somebody tells them exactly what to do.

On the other hand, there are people that absolutely NEED to be the decision maker in every single situation.

Clearly, both are kind of lame.

But most of us are a mix of both, usually more one than the other.

If you are interested in self development, taking an active role in improving your life, or have even thought about doing things differently, then chances are you are more “internally motivated” than “externally motivated.”

Meaning you’re likely more of a self starter than somebody who needs to have somebody tell you what to do 24-7.

It’s good to know what these filters are if you ever need to persuade anybody.

Andy whenever you talk to anybody about anything, there’s usually some persuasion going on.

Sometimes a lot, sometimes a little.

Now, you could spend a lot of time reverse engineering somebody’s “meta models” until you have them wired down completely.

Then you could present your ideas to them to fit into their “model of the world.”

There are consulting companies that make lots of money doing this for clients and employees.

But there is a MUCH easier way.

Just ask.

I know, simple, right?

But if you ask people what they want, (which most people NEVER do), they’ll usually be happy to tell you.

Then just figure out a way to present your idea so that it matches what they want.

This is MUCH easier than most people think.


Because most people think in very vague terms. Few are walking around with a specific idea of what they want.

Then you take THEIR vague desires, and match them with yours (vague or specific, it really doesn’t matter) by using the SPECFICALLY VAGUE language patterns of covert hypnosis.

This is ESPECIALLY easy when you’re using these patterns on people you already know. Even just casually.

Because you already sort of “know” what makes them tick. What they want. What makes them happy.

So when you talk to them using these patterns, YOUR ideas will seem like THEIR ideas.

Which means no matter WHAT they reference (internal or external) it will make perfect sense.

Get Started:

Covert Hypnosis

How The Light Bulb Went Off In My Head

Use Their Reasons, Not Yours

Speak Their Language

​I remember when I got my first job right out of college.

Pretty broke, didn’t have much furniture. First apartment was pretty bare.

I needed a lamp, so I went to a local lamp shop (that I walked to).

The guy working there was really helpful. Asked a bunch of questions not only about what kind of lamp I wanted, but a little bit about me as well.

He didn’t try and sell me the biggest and most expensive lamp. Rather, he helped me find one that was inexpensive, and would do the job. He was also understood that I’d just started working, and didn’t have much cash.

He said something like, “Every other paycheck or so, you can come back and slowly build up your lamp collection.”

And guess what?

For the next couple years, every time I needed a lamp, that’s where I went.

On the other hand, I’ve bought (or tried to buy) things and the salesperson had the opposite effect. I said I wanted to spend 20 bucks, and they’s show me something for 30 bucks. 

Once I was taking a piano class, and I wanted to buy a cheap keyboard. Since I was just beginning, I wanted the cheapest one I could find.

So I went to my local Guitar Center, and the guy noticed me looking at keyboards. He didn’t ask me many questions, only noticed I was looking at the more cheaper models.

“You don’t want those, man! That’s kid stuff! You need this one over here!” And he showed me this $500 model that had too many buttons in to count.

Needless to say, not only did I NOT buy a keyboard from this guy, but I don’t think I EVER shopped at that particular Guitar Center again.

Even if you’re not selling anything, or not overtly persuading anybody, I’m sure you can see the difference in communication styles.

Talking to somebody based on THEIR needs, vs. talking to somebody based on YOUR needs.

The funny thing is, if you take some time to get to know them, find out not only what you want, but what their limitations are (real or imagined) you’ll be MUCH MORE LIKELY to get YOUR needs met.

That lamp guy went out of his way to help me find the cheapest lamp. But over the next two years or so, I probably bought 5 or 6 lamps from him.

When you first find out about others, you can create a much, much stronger relationship. And they’ll remember you for a lot longer. Even know, I can picture that lamp guy in my mind.

This type of communication will help you create much, much more.

Learn How:

The Nine Cupholder Strategy

Party In The Minivan

Party In The MiniVan

​I used to know this guy who was ULTRA excited.

Not about anything in particular, just about life itself.

He had a job selling cars, and even though he didn’t know so much about cars, he could sell them. Really, really well.

Once he told me a story about a minivan he sold. The only thing he knew about it was that it had 9 cupholders.

He kept referring to this over and over and over again, with EXTREME excitement. “It’s got a great engine, it’s super safe, cause it’s got all these airbags and stuff, and did I mention it’s got NINE cupholders? Everywhere you go, PARTY in the minivan, people!”

Maybe this guy had some genetic defect or something, or he had a super reserve of adrenalin somewhere most of us don’t. He was also a chain-smoking heavy drinker, so maybe he was always trying to overcompensate his hyperness.

When people sell stuff, it’s common to think you’ve always got to be so over the top all the time.

After all, most people are taught in order to sell, you’ve got to push push push on “features and benefits.”

I read this book once on linguistics, by Stephen Pinker (I’m a HUGE fan, he’s got a few TED talks).

He said that all language is persuasive. Meaning whenever we talk, we have SOME kind of outcome in mind, even if it’s to cheer up our friend, or get them to meet us down at the pub for a couple.

Dale Carnegie taught decades ago that the easiest way to get somebody to do something is to simply get them thinking it was their idea.

He also said that everybody is always wondering, “What’s in it for me?”

So when you first are going to say ANYTHING, first ask yourself, “How is the OTHER person going to benefit by what I say?”

Compare this to the strategy most people use:

“Me, me, me, me, and oh, by the way, me.”

Even if you don’t really know the person, you can kind of guess what they want, based on who they are, and what they are doing.

Like if you’re talking to somebody cute in the grocery story, just take a few seconds to come up with a reasonable assumption about THEIR model of the world before you open your yap.

Everybody wants validation and to be recognized for who they are.

If you do this FIRST, before you talk about what YOU want, you’ll be pretty amazed.

Then again, maybe you won’t. Maybe this is something you ALREADY know.

This is the outer game that makes everything EASY.

If you want to boost your INNER game, to make it even easier, check these out:

How To Avoid Criteria Mismatch

Make Sure You're A Match

Make Sure You’ve Got Enough In Common

If you want to sell something to somebody, you need to have rapport. If you want to persuade somebody of something, you need to have rapport.

Rapport is that deep feeling of connection. That feeling that makes you feel comfortable and fully trusting that person you’re talking to. And contrary to many traditional sales teachings, rapport is mostly unconscious, and not really dependent on the kinds of things you’re talking about.

It’s pretty easy as well. Matching body language, matching rate of speech, matching rep systems if you’re advanced enough. Then once you’ve established you’re in rapport (by checking and making sure you’re pretty much mirroring each other) then you want to start leading.

Meaning you move slightly, and make sure they follow you. Once you’ve established this, you can start getting down to business. 

How long does it take to get rapport? It all depends. If you’re a likeable person and you’re both pretty relaxed to begin with, then it won’t take long. But if you or they are in a bad mood, or maybe you’re in some kind of confrontational environment, then it may never happen.

However, there is a time when creating rapport too fast may not be such a great idea. And that is when you’re meeting somebody who is a potential romantic interest.

Unfortunately, many sales techniques have made their way into the dating world. Certainly, they are very similar.

But there’s an assumption in sales that shouldn’t be in dating. If you’re in sales, everybody is a potential candidate. So long as they’ve got the money, they are a potential customer.

But think about dating. If you are intending to create a relationship, everybody is most certainly NOT a candidate. After all, dating for the long term is about much more than physical attraction. Now, to begin with there absolutely MUST be some physical attraction, but that’s just start.

But you also need to have a lot of other things in common. And until you know what those things are, you should hold off on doing any kind of advanced selling topics.

For example, let’s say you see a girl who is absolutely gorgeous. So you fire up your hypnotic selling machine. Within an hour, she’s dripping with desire and thinks you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread.

And you keep your hypnotic selling machine turn on “max seduction” all the way through your first sexual encounter.

The next day, she’s head over heels in love with you, because you’ve been banging on her hot buttons all night long.

But you don’t really know ANYTHING about her!

What if she has the opposite political beliefs as you? What if you go to daily mass but she’s a witch? What if she’s a vegan and you eat raw steak three times a day? Sure, you can put up with a little bit of differences, but be careful!

The moral of the story? Qualify first, and seduce later.

Always Let Her See The Real You

Don't Be Shy!

Share Your Truth From The Get Go

Most everything in life belongs on some kind of spectrum.

There’re generally two extremes, and most things take place with a mix of both.

Take something as simple as exercise, for example. Some people are way over on one side. They spend hours a day in the gym, are super careful about what they eat, and act like Superman around kryptonite if somebody offers them a doughnut.

On the other side, there are those that act as if any form of elevated heart rate will end in certain death. There could be a room filled with ready to go porn stars on the second floor, but if the elevator is broken, they’ll give it a pass.

How you behave around women is also on a continuum. There’s the super alpha aggressive side, where she must ALWAYS follow your lead no matter what. Then there’s the other side, when you only do what she allows you to do.

Some guys will talk to a girl, and “test” to see if she’s following them or not. They’ll talk to her for a couple minutes, and then move three feet down the far. If she follows him, she passes. If she doesn’t, he forgets her and moves on to somebody else.

Then there’re guys who do the opposite. They walk up and ask if it’s OK to talk to them. Then they ask if it’s OK to buy them a drink. They even ask if it’s OK to ask for her number.

Sure, both ends of the spectrum will get you a certain type of girl. 

But consider this, the type of girl you get, will ALWAYS expect you to act like that.

Which means if that’s not the real you, you’re going to be in serious trouble.

Now, consider a guy who’s pretty in control of his life, outside of dating. But when he talks to girls, he’s the type to always ask for permission.

There’s going to come a point where he starts to feel comfortable around her, and doesn’t need to ask for her permission any more.

But when she first met him, ALL SHE KNOWS about him is he always asks for permission. That might even be one of the  main reason she liked him in the first place. Maybe she likes guys who “know their place” or something.

Later on, this guy is going to be miserable.

Same goes with the other guy. If he’s trying on some “alpha-persona” he’s going to attract the type of girl who ALWAYS needs to be told what to do.

Unless he’s comfortable with that, there’re going to be problems later on.

How do you solve this dilemma?


When you first talk to her, behave like you normally behave. Around your buddies, coworkers etc.

Let her know the real you from the get go.

Sure, she might not like the real you. But so what? Your job is to find the girls that do.

And then simply pick the best one.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

The Trifecta Of Magic Relationship Generation

Have Yourself A Three Way!

One Thing – Three Benefits

There’s one thing that will skyrocket your game more than anything else.

This one thing will not only eliminate approach anxiety, but will make you much more attractive. And it will allow you to get girls that are much closer to what you’re looking for.

What’s more, the more you do this, the less chances you’ll get emotionally destroyed like some guys.

What is this thing?


Now, most guys don’t have ANY conscious criteria when looking for girls. All they need is that she be above a certain level of attractiveness, and she like him enough to date him and sleep with them.

Beyond that, they’re pretty much OK with anything. 

The funny thing about humans (both men AND women) is we are REALLY good at reverse rationalization. Now, many guys think this is purely a female trait, but in truth, we both do it. In fact, many neuro-biologists are starting to think one of the main purposes of the conscious mind is to be some kind of after the fact story teller. Making up stuff so our subconscious behavior fits into some kind of narrative that won’t drive us crazy.

How does this present itself in guys?

We see a girl, know absolutely nothing about her. We sleep with her. We still know pretty much nothing about her. But since our caveman brains are hard wired to do ANYTHING to keep a steady supply of sex close at hand, we’ll make up all kinds of stories about her that make her sound like the “perfect girl for us.”

No matter what her personality is like, no matter what she wants to do with her life, we somehow believe that’s EXACTLY the kind of girl we were looking for.

But this is just a self-hypnotic con. This is also why many relationships crash and burn. After that initial self-hypnosis wears off, we finally see who we’ve been with. And when we find we don’t have much in common, AND we aren’t sexually attracted any more, there’s no reason to stick around.

From both the male AND the female perspective.

How do we avoid this?

Simple. Have a list of non-physical criteria, AND the stones to act on it BEFORE you sleep with her.

Meaning if you meet an attractive lady who’s good to go, but she doesn’t meet your criteria, you’ve GOT to disqualify her.

This will make approaching girls easier since you aren’t sure if they’re qualified or not.

This will make you much more attractive because you’ll be a lot less needy and desperate.

This will make it less likely to get burned later as you’ll end up with somebody you’re actually compatible with.

Try it, and see.