Category Archives: Conversational Skills

All In Your Mind

How To Calibrate Your Energy

I used to work in this huge lab.

We had all kinds of expensive equipment used for measuring all kinds of stuff.

Each one had to be calibrated.

Some every day, some once a year.

There was another lab, (with one guy) and his only job was to make sure the calibration of all the stuff (in my lab and in the other labs) was all up to date.

We made stuff that was regulated by the FDA, and they’d pop in unannounced every once in a while and check.

How do you calibrate something?

Compare it to a standard.

For example, one of the units of measure for pressure is millimeters of mercury.

A glass column filled with liquid mercury will exert a certain pressure relative to the height.

So you increase the actual column height of the actual mercury, and then compare that to how the electronic pressure gauge is reading.

You can calibrate people the same way.

This is one of those exercises people do in NLP seminars.

Ask a person two questions, and get them to tell the truth on one, and lie on the other.

The idea is you relax your mind, defocus your eyes, you can read the difference their energy between lying and telling the truth.

If you do a few times by calibrating (knowing when they are lying so you can accurately measure they’re “lying energy”), then you can have fun.

It’s a lot easier than people think.

The thing about us humans is we’ve been around a long time, and been effectively communicating with one another LONG BEFORE spoken language was invented.

But if ALL you focus on is spoken language, you’ll mist over NINETY PERCENT of people’s true message.

Think about the difference between really GOOD actors and really TERRIBLE actors.

Both are given the words to say. Both are told HOW to say those words.

But some are really good, (and are worth millions) and some are not so good.

What’s the difference?

Inner congruence. We believe the million dollar actors.

The straight to streaming actors, not so much.

How do you develop that inner congruence?

By accepting and appreciating ALL your energy.

Few people ever consider this.

Most folks only know they have good stuff, and bad stuff.

They chase the good stuff, and ignore anything that causes discomfort, anxiety, or fear.

But if you appreciate ALL your energy, and learn to express it through all of your communication, there is magic.

Learn More:

Sex Transmutation

Quantum Love

Both Sides Of Metaphysics

In Quantum Physics they have a metaphor called “The Great Smoky Dragon.”

It refers to the idea that at its most basic, fundamental level, the nature of reality is not measurable.

Meaning any kind of system has a lot of components.

When talking about a particle, it’s got mass, spin, charge, direction, momentum (which is a function of mass and speed).

But the MORE you know any one of those, the LESS you can know the other.

This is different than taking the temperature of a pot of hot water.

When you do that, you lower the water by soaking some of the heat into the thermometer.

But matter, at it’s fundamental level can only exist as a probability wave in some parts, and a physical entity in other parts.

It CAN be pure probability wave, but it can NEVER be wholly physical.

The Great Smoky Dragon metaphor is the idea that you can see the dragon’s head, you can see the dragon’s tail, but the middle is a vague puff of smoke.

Most people are aware of the idea that we are “not physical beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a physical experience.”

But what if that’s not accurate?

What if that is only a metaphor, like the smoky dragon is a metaphor (which is a metaphor with a metaphor since dragons are metaphorical creatures).

What if the “other side,” we are really spiritual creatures having a physical experience, but on “this side” we are physical creatures having a spiritual experience?

One thing about metaphors if that if you start to think they are REAL, you can get into trouble.

What if your boss said that you’ve got to go and kill some dragons.

But he was metaphorically referring to taking market share from your competition.

Only you thought he was being literal, and you showed up with your dragon killing tools.

You’d look pretty silly!

They say that before you become enlightened, you have to chop wood and carry water.

And after enlightenment, you still gotta chop wood and carry water.

So what’s the point?

Maybe the point is that chopping wood and carrying water AFTER being “enlightened” is a lot better.

That’s why any kind of system should be accessible from both perspectives.

Both your “enlightened self” and your “unenlightened self” is going to need an ax and bucket.

And any other tools you use to help you succeed should address both sides.

Luckily, the energy (just like the wood and the water) that makes up both sides is the same.

Learn More:

Sex Transmutation

Play The Long Game

How To Play The Long Game

Imagine if it were only possible to imagine two days into the future.

No matter what else was going on, whenever somebody started referencing more than two days out, their voice would sound like garbled nonsense.

If you read anything that referred to anything more than two days out, it would shift into unintelligible scribbles.

If your boss told you to about a meeting next week, it would seem like he was speaking Martian.

On the other hand, if he told you about a meeting tomorrow morning, it would make perfect sense.

Actually, you wouldn’t go to work unless you got paid every other day.

If boss said anything like, “work here for a week or two and then we’ll pay you,” it would sound like, “work here for blah blah blah blah….” and you wouldn’t take the job.

Imagine if all the food you had went bad after two days.

It just disappeared or something.

Obviously, life would be horrible. You’d have to be committed to a nuthouse, since taking care of yourself under those conditions while living in a modern world would be impossible.

This goofy metaphor DOES, however, point out a very necessary ingredient in being able to live a successful life.

The more you can FEEL the results of your actions today FAR out into the future, the more likely you’ll succeed.

Imagine something as simple as weight loss.

If ALL you could tell was how the food tasted RIGHT NOW, it would be tough to eat healthy.

On the other hand, what if every bite of junk food you took came with a VERY REAL image of the results in two, three, five or even ten years.

For example, imagine each time you took a bite of a Big Mac you had a vision of having a heart attack, along with the actual chest pains.

And each time you took a bit of something healthy, you got a vision of yourself with a chiseled body in mirror, along with actually hearing the voice of sexy people whispering, “Nice body, baby!” in your ear.

You might even say that when it comes to building a successful life, the ability to weigh the impact of your actions you consider today ON your distant future is the most important.

They say that this was the shift that made ancient humans shift from hunting to gathering.

After all, hunting is very dangerous. Farming not so much.

But if you’re a hunter, you can kill and eat something TODAY.

If you’re a farmer, it takes a LONG TIME to get going.

Luckily, building in this skill, of developing a LONG VISION, to help you choose the best actions to take, is easy.

And like any other skill, the more you practice, the better you’ll get.

Get Started:

Entrepreneurial Mind

Who Ordered The Brains?

The Structure Of Success

When I was a kid I love science.

Still do.

So when it came time to choose a major, I chose physics.

For a while, everything was pretty cool.

Until I hit those upper division classes.

With really difficult math.

At first I freaked.

I didn’t know if I could handle it.

I almost changed my major.

But I finally decided to stick with it.

And by going really slowly, and spending a lot of time studying, I finally managed to escape with a degree.

And once I figured out the “trick” to learning difficult math, it was easy.

Not easy, easy, but easier than I thought.

Before, I would listen to lectures, do the homework, and that was it.

And them cram for a couple hours before the exams.

But with those upper division classed, I had to change my strategy.

I found myself spending a few hours each weekend.

I needed to in order to keep up.

But once I got the “rhythm” it was normal again.

Meaning I didn’t worry, I just had to “re-calibrate” my studying frequency and duration.

And every other class after that was the same.

Since I’d learned the “study structure” of one class, I could apply it to all classes.

I’ve found the same thing is true in a lot of areas.

Once you step back and look at the “structure” you can apply the same “structure” to other things.

Kind of how you learn to ride one bike, you can pretty much ride all other bikes, so long as they have the same structure.

This is how our brains are wired. This is why we can live anywhere on Earth, even back before electricity and even agriculture.

Finding food, shelter, and staying away from dangerous animals has a similar structure.

Do it near the equator, you can do it at the north pole.

Sure, the content is different (predators, food, shelter) but the structure is the same.

Learning anything, skills, subjects, communication strategies, once you get the structure down, you can repeat it as often as you like.

Learn How:

End Self Sabotage

Nothing Is Real Keep Going Forward

The Illusion of Perfection

They say that practice makes perfect.

And like most “truisms” that we all tend to agree are more or less correct, this one, while well intentioned, is not entirely accurate.

As a motivational statement, it does just fine.

In that regard, it IS true. Whatever you want to get better at, the more you practice, the better you’ll get.

And all else equal, practicing something MORE is better than practicing something LESS.

If they had a violin playing competition, for example, whoever practiced the MOST would end up winning.

You’ll find this is true in all people with world class skills.

They are the ones who have practiced the most.

They say you can “master” anything, and be “world class” with 10,000 hours of practice.

At an hour day, that is a little over 27 YEARS.

Which, in a world of instant gratification, seems like an eternity.

But it’s well within a normal life span.

Meaning if you start in your mid twenties, you’ll be WORLD CLASS in your chosen skill by the time you’re fifty or so.

Or, if you don’t want to wait that long, you can be world class in 14 years (two hours of practice a day) or seven years (four hours of practice a day) or three or four years (eight hours of practice a day).

Of course, you’ll NEVER get to a point where you say, “OK, I’m done, now I can rest!”

Because the idea of being “perfect” doesn’t really apply in many areas.

Sure, you can make a “perfect” circle, but how the heck are you supposed to bake a “perfect” cake? Or paint the “perfect” picture?

Paradoxically, “mastering” something is not synonymous with perfecting any skill.

No matter WHAT you are practicing, so long as you are drawing breath, you can get better.

Whether you are the world master, or you’re just starting out.

So, what would YOU like to get better at?

Get Started:

End Self Sabotage

Click With Anybody

How To Click With Nearly Anybody

The idea of resonance has always been a favorite of mine.

Even as a kid, when I didn’t know what it was.

Me and my friends learned how to shake street signs.

If you push it back and forth at the right frequency, you can get some pretty huge oscillations.

Much bigger than you’d be able to push on your own.

Being a kid and leveraging some principle of science to create an effect seemingly impossible is pretty cool.

The same happens when people “click” with one another.

Most of the time we stumble through life, just trying randomly.

So when that “click” does happen, it’s extra special.

Because it’s “scarce” it seems to be more valuable than it really is.

Scarcity does that.

But this presents a problem, one we really don’t realize.

Because we perceive those situations (where we “click” with others) as “scarce” we tend to hang onto them LONGER than we should.

Luckily, this won’t happen once we realize that feeling of “scarcity” is only in our mind.

Once you learn how to CREATE that “click” feeling, the scarcity goes away.

And will make those “click” situations MUCH BETTER.

Normally, when we start to “click” with somebody we are both worried and ecstatic at the same time.

Happy it’s happening, but worried because it’s scarce.

And scarce things tend to stay that way.

So not only do we hang on for dear life, we tend to do things not to ENHANCE that “click” feeling, but protect it.

We don’t want to ruin a good thing.

But once you learn how to create that click feeling in a majority of the people you interact with, a couple of things will happen.

One is because they won’t be scarce, you can relax and enjoy them.

Two is because you’ll be relaxing and enjoying the situation, the other person will “resonate” with you.

This is what people do.

We vibe with one another.

If YOU are nervous, so will the other person.

IF you are relaxed and enjoying yourself, so will the other person.

This requires that you stop HOPING it will happen, and learn how to MAKE it happen.

Once you do, you’ll have a skill few people even know exist.

Learn How:

Hypnotic Storytelling

Metaphors Are Cool

Middle Mind Bombs

Metaphors are pretty cool.

They are amazing devices that writers, poets, and other literary geniuses use.

For example, there’s that poem, “The Road Not Taken.”

Is it about an actual road? Is it about our life’s path? Something even deeper?

That’s the cool thing about metaphorical descriptions. You can take a relatively simple one and it will flip people’s minds around for a long time.

If you are a genius, (Like Robert Frost, the author of the aforementioned poem), you can come up with a very simple set of words, and they’ll be discussed for generations.

“The Road Not Taken” is four verses, maybe elementary school level vocabulary, but about as deep as anything we’ll ever read.

Do you need to be a literary genius to tell mind bending stories?

Not in the least.

In fact, it may actually be a hindrance.

Why?

It all depends on the outcome you want.

Sure, if you want people to think of you as an esoteric poet who is always describing deep truths of human nature, that’s one thing.

But if you have a specific outcome in mind, like getting people to feel more outgoing, to increase their buying desire, or even to get them to fall in love, you might want to leave the deep metaphors at home.

Because if you HAVE a specific outcome in mind, what you DON’T want is for people to be standing around thinking, “Wow, that was cool, I wonder what it really means?”

In fact, you want to have the OPPOSITE effect.

The whole idea of telling hypnotic stories is to get their attention OFF the actual stories, and on their own emotions.

How do you do that?

But telling super simple stories, split up in a way so they’ll be burning nearly all of their brain power just to pay attention.

Then in the middle, when they are most transfixed (and wondering what the heck is going on) that’s when you deliver the power.

You don’t need clever metaphors, you don’t need ultra colorful language.

Because in the those middle stories, you can look directly at them, and say EXACTLY what you’d like them to do or feel.

Just have those words coming from ONE of your characters to ANOTHER character.

Once you deliver the “goods” then you can go back and finish all the loops.

They won’t really remember much of what you said, but they WILL feel like doing what you described.

And THAT will make all the difference.

Learn How:

Hypnotic Storytelling

Love Advice

Maximize Collective Genius

A famous quote that’s been attributed to many different guru-types, and even a few politicians is a variation of this:

“It’s amazing what humans can do together when nobody cares who gets credit.”

Meaning if you combine enough people together, with a diverse enough background, and set them to a common task, their collective problem solving ability is enormous.

Much more so than any one guy or gal.

(Or even a supercomputer for that matter.)

This has been proven time and time again in all kinds of studies.

One thing that will kill this genius problem solving ability is if ONE GUY is in charge and needs to be recognized as the “idea man.”

We all have experiences with people like that.

You’re in a group, trying to figure out something, and on one level, people are trying to come up with an actual solution.

But on another level, it’s like people are having an “idea contest.” Once they spit out their idea, they defend it no matter what.

They’ve even done studies on jury deliberations that show this.

When everybody says out loud, “guilty” or “not guilty” those trials take twice as long as those when they always keep it secret.

Meaning when they write “G” or “NG” on a slip of paper and then count the votes anonymously, those trials are over a lot quicker.

People are more focused on finding the truth rather than defending their version of it.

Something about saying “your idea” out loud makes it VERY HARD to change later on.

Social scientists are always trying to figure out ways to tap the collective problem solving ability of groups, without getting killing it with the “my idea is best” syndrome.

This is one of the reasons why giving advice rarely works.

It’s a subtle way of saying, “My idea is better than you’re idea.”

And since you’re giving them advice, they sort of presupposes that they’ve ALREADY stated their idea.

But here’s the funny thing.

If you tell a story, and wrap your “advice” in the story, they’ll look at it, and see your idea, but think it was their idea.

Especially if you take a bunch of similar stories, all on the same theme, and tell them one after another.

They’ll think you’re just talking random gibberish when this sudden spark of inspiration hits them.

They’ll actually look at you as if the idea just “came to them.”

Any idea will work, so long as you can wrap it in a few simple stories.

And the more people you tell the stories to, the better ideas they’ll come up with.

The only thing you need to do is turn off your own, “my idea is best” switch in your brain.

And you can get them to do anything.

Learn How:

Hypnotic Storytelling

Emotions Are Awesome

Escape The Rigid Hierarchy

I watched a pretty goofy movie the other night on Netflix.

It was a romantic comedy, and the “hero” was a salesperson for a big drug company.

They had them memorize a sales pitch, and they had to practice saying it while holding a lit match.

The idea was to finish before the match burned out.

And in order to “close” doctors (they people they were selling to) they had to hide out in the parking lot and wait for them to pull in.

Then they’d run up and hammer out their sales pitch.

When you’re selling like that, it’s clearly a number’s game.

It’s about as cold as you can get.

Meaning the customer (in this case doctors) have no idea you’re there. Then you show up out of nowhere and start pounding them with “features and benefits” in twenty seconds or less.

This is the model of almost all sales, even with warm customers.

You walk into a shop, and your sort of interested, but they still use the same technique.

They take a bunch of pre-set, memorized ideas, and try to FORCE them into your head.

This is precisely why sales is high tension, and high turnover.

Few people can handle that much “confrontation” for very long.

Why is it like this?

All the way up the food chain, it’s the same way.

The upper managers (in the movie and in real life) train the salespeople.

The sales people are told EXACTLY what to say, and then they turn around and repeat it to the customer.

A very tight chain of command.

There’s no room for dissent, no room for discussion.

The ideas are created at the higher level.

Then they are “implanted” into lower level minds (salespeople) who go out and forcibly try and “implant” them into the customers minds.

This is what happens when people aren’t allowed any independent thought.

The ideas come down from the top, and that’s the way it is.

Whoever gets those ideas (in this case the memorized sales pitch) into the most minds gets the most money.

Of course, it doesn’t HAVE to be that way.

You can be an independent thinker.

And independent idea creator, not only in YOUR mind but in the minds of people you are talking to.

When you’re going from the top down, it’s ALWAYS about content.

But when you’re an independent operator, a freelance “thinker,” you can start with the emotions.

And give your listeners the FREEDOM to “dress them up” with their own content.

This is much easier (and fun) for you, and much more enjoyable for them.

You can think of it of setting their minds free from the rigid chain of command.

Learn How:

Hypnotic Storytelling

Secrets Of Influence

Allow Them To Discover You

Giving advice is always a tricky subject, both receiving and giving.

Nobody really likes to be told what to do, even if we have a pretty good idea that the other person has our best interests in mind.

One of the fundamental concepts of our human nature is given a choice, most of us would rather live self-determined lives rather than be micro-managed.

But sometimes, though, you see somebody doing something and you KNOW it’s not going to end well.

Or you have an idea of something they could do, and you KNOW it would work out well.

But it’s not really something you could give “advice” on.

What do you do in that situation?

If you’re in a straight up persuasion situation, where you KNOW what they want and they KNOW they it’s your job (either as a friend or your actually job) to help them, it’s pretty easy.

Like if you were a waiter and somebody asked you, “what’s good?”

You’d give them your opinion.

If you sell something and somebody walks into your shop, it’s a fair assumption they will EXPECT you to help them decide.

But what if you’re hanging out with friends, or even socially, and it’s not really appropriate to say, “Well, what I think you should do is…”

What then?

Telling stories is perfect.

Give them an example of somebody else, who was in the same situation as them, and explain how THEY solved the problem.

But you’ve got to be careful.

Because sometimes you KNOW what they should do, but not only do you suspect they won’t like your “advice,” they also don’t think they should be doing anything differently than what they are.

Maybe they’re about to make a huge mistake. Or maybe they don’t recognize the opportunity that is standing right in front of them.

If you aren’t careful, your “story” will sound VERY MUCH like “advice.”

Luckily, there’s a way to mix up a few stories so they will easily be able to “discover” your “advice” on their own.

What’s more, is you can set it up so they will REALLY LIKE this “advice.”

And they’ll have the pleasure of thinking they “discovered” this advice on their own.

All in a couple of minutes of regular social conversation.

And once you figure out how, you can use this powerful technique in any situation where people are talking.

Learn More:

Hypnotic Storytelling