Category Archives: fearless

Become A Super Hero Persuader

How To Disappear Hidden Objections

It’s very hard to do something when we are afraid to do it.

Most of the time, we think of this from our own perspective.

But it can be very helpful to see this from others as well.

We all have the experience of trying to convince somebody to do something.

And they “sort of want to” but they are a little scared at the same time.

Maybe you want to go out and be social, but your buddy wants to play video games.

They’ll never say, “Yeah, going out and meeting people sounds fantastic. But I’m kid of scared of rejection or saying something stupid and looking like an idiot, so I’d rather stay here and play video games.”

Instead they say, “Dude, that’s lame, let’s just chill here.”

One of the common tactics of avoid unpleasant situations is to condemn that which we fear.

It’s kind of an internal reframe.

I don’t want to go out because I’m afraid of rejection, I don’t want to go out because going out is lame.

They may give a few supporting arguments for the “lame” part, making their argument sound logical.

Cover charges, waiting in line, traffic, etc.

But the REAL reason is the same.

Carefully hidden beneath all of their surface structure “logic.”

The common response is to argue with their surface structure logic.

But since that’s just a cover for the REAL issue (in this metaphor social anxiety) it will only REINFORCE that the REAL issue is the surface level.

You could try and “prove” you are right by forcing them to admit they’re really scared, so you could tell them there’s nothing to be scared about.

But that would make them dig even deeper.

“Dude, what the hell are you talking about? I just don’t to wait in line so I can spend $20 for a gin and tonic!”

A much BETTER strategy would be to acknowledge the real issue, and just leave it be.

Sometimes you NEED the objection to overcome it.

But often times this isn’t the case.

You just need to do the opposite.

Frame your idea so that it’s so compelling, they’ll overcome their own objection.

This way, even if you’re wrong about the objection, it won’t matter.

Luckily, pretty much any idea can be presented so it’s MORE powerful than any internal objections they may have.

Which is even better, since in overcoming their own objections (usually subconsciously) they’ll convince themselves it was THEIR idea all along.

Learn How:

Seven Laws

No! Shut Them All Down!

The C-3PO Response

Sometimes we humans get so worried about stuff we overcompensate.

I think of it as the “C-3PO” response.

From the scene in the original Star Wars.

Luke and the gang were stuck in the trash compactor. He finally radios 3PO and says “shut down all garbage compactors on the detention level!”

To which 3PO in his melodramatic worrier style says (while flailing his arms), “No! Shut them ALL down!”

This is kind of how our monkey brains work whenever we find ourselves in a fight of flight situation.

This is when our brains think that FEAR means “Forget Everything And Run!”

Like you see an interesting person across the room. You could smile at them. You could subtly nod at them.

You could walk by them and measure their body language as you do so. You could walk up and introduce yourself.

You could walk over and use some cheesy line (if you’re trying to create a romantic spark). In reality, there are TONS of things you could do that would move you closer to your ideal relationship with that person, for whatever reason.

But what does your C-3PO monkey brain say? “No! Don’t Do ANYTHING!”

Because once upon a time, way back in the hunter-gatherer times, the plan of “better safe than sorry” was correct more often than not.

Because walking over to check out an interesting looking bush could LITERALLY get you killed.

So the 3PO defense was actually pretty useful back then.

Now? Not so much.

Kind of like it was useful back then to eat everything in sight, whenever you had an opportunity.

Do that today and you soon won’t be able to fit through your front door!

The 3PO defense is one of the weird problems with being a modern human with a monkey brain.

Even from a purely physical standpoint, the “Neo Cortex” (literally New Brain) is just a thin layer over the thick mammalian brain, which is itself over the reptilian brain.

So we’ve got this thin, relatively new layer of brain competing with millions of years of evolution.

Which is why our FEELINGS and EMOTIONS can so easily trump logic.

I mean, what’s the WORST thing that can happen, realistically speaking, when you walk over and talk to that interesting person (or whatever else you’d like to be able to do)?

They politely (or even not politely say) they’re not interested.

But based on our emotional response, it’s as if we think they’re going to deliver a roundhouse kick to the head, before they strip us naked and throw us to the wolves!

So, how can you adjust your EMOTIONAL responses so they are in line with what will REASONABLY happen?

By doing the exercises in here:

Fearless

Copy What You Want To Do

Are You Copying The Right Things?

Little kids are cute. Very cute.

Especially when they copy adults. Now, a lot of us grownups think we’re all that.

And when we see a little kid copying, we imagine all kinds of wonderful things about ourselves.

Like that little kid is somehow seeing us for our “real self” or they have some kind of “special” connection to us.

Unfortunately, biology tells us something different. Little kids of all animals (humans, birds, etc) learn by modeling.

They are hard wired to copy those around them. Especially if the person that they are copying from is confident and enjoying themselves.

If you’ve ever wondered why it was hard to get your kids to eat that gross baby food while you were eating a burrito, now you know.

They CANNOT turn off their “copy mode,” it’s always on.

Which is why parents know they need to be very careful how they behave around their kids.

But for some reason, when we grow up, we seem to forget our natural learning mode.

Simply watching somebody doing what we want, and then copying them.

Of course, the more complicated the “thing” is, the harder it is to “copy.” Like if you wanted to copy a concert pianist, it would be hard if all you did was dress in a tuxedo and bang around on the keys.

You would have to copy how they read music. You would have to effectively copy how they reference their own memories of learning.

No matter WHAT you are learning, part of it should be imagining yourself performing it as if you were an expert.

To give your subconscious some kind of direction when you ARE doing the necessary boring stuff. Like playing the scales, or learning the more simple songs. Or building in the lighting quick response from seeing a note written on a page, and making that same sound come out of the piano.

No matter WHAT skill you are learning, there is one META-SKILL that will always be required:

A belief that it is possible.

Even if you practiced piano for three hours a day for the next ten years, if you BELIEVED that you’d always suck at the piano, you would always suck.

But if you BELIEVED you were destined for greatness, you’d get there a lot quicker.

Sure, you’d still have to do the work to get there, but the path would be a lot smoother, and a lot more enjoyable.

One of the biggest elements of a negative believe is fear. If you are afraid of success or failure, that will manifest as a belief that you CANNOT do what you want to do.

Which means if you get rid of that fear, you’ll also get rid of your negative beliefs.

Get Started:

Fearless