Monthly Archives: October 2015

Are You Playing The Numbers Game?

Put Down The Phone

Hang Up The Phone

​Long, long time ago, I had a job in a call center.

One of those aggressive, call-a-million-people-a-day places.

They were selling some kind of long distance service. The training was one day, with the guru firing everybody up.

They had a new training class once a week. Maybe 50 new people. After one week, about 40 would quit.

And within a month, half of those who were left would quit.

They paid ten bucks an hour, plus commissions.

So they were willing to pay 45 people (those that quit) for up to a month, without much return.

The idea was that the remaining five people that would stay would make up the difference.

Meaning the income generated by those five sellers, calling people over and over and over would MORE than pay for what it costs to pay the other 45 who never made a nickel.

I’m sure you’ve heard of the 80/20 rule? Twenty percent of the people make eighty percent of the profits?

It’s the same from the sellers point of view. Sure, 9 out of 10 people would hang up. But that tenth person was where the money was.

So long as they kept calling, they kept making money.

As you can see, having awesome sales skills wasn’t required. Only the ability to memorize a short script, and a VERY thick skin.

Same goes with meeting people for romantic reasons. At least according to the theory. Come up with an easy to spit out pick up line, say to enough people, and you’ll collect some numbers. Call enough numbers, and you’ll get some dates.

After all, it’s just a number’s game, right?

Well, it is to most. But it doesn’t HAVE to be.

Because most communication models don’t teach people HOW to be persuasive. At the heart of most strategies is the “numbers game” theory.

But in reality, there is a much, much better way.

A way that doesn’t require massive rejection. Or the stigma of being pushy or creepy.

A much more respectful communication model. That is based on the OTHER PERSON first, not your wants or needs.

A way to get them to WILLING open up to you, and tell you things they’ve never told anybody before.

A way to make them GLAD they interacted with you, even if you don’t exchange contact information or contracts or even agree on anything you’ve discussed.

In truth, most communication strategies only teach two quadrants, when in reality there are four.

When you respect ALL FOUR, you’ll speak to people in a way they’ve never heard before.

Making YOU stand out in their memory for the rest of their lives.

In a very, very good way.

Learn How:

Open Them Like A B-Day Present

Open Them Carefully

Avoid Putting Them On The Spot

​There’s all kinds of funny scenes in movies when two people are talking, but they both think they are talking about something different.

One of the key components of the Milton Model, the set of language patterns used in conversational hypnosis, is artful vagueness.

Meaning if I said something like, “He said that they were thinking about doing that, until she came up and said it was a bad idea, until they realized the true implications,” you really have ZERO clue what that means. Lots of unspecified pronouns and verbs.

But when you use these with a lot of skill, you can kind of “guess” what meaning the listener or reader will use when they fill in the blanks.

For example, consider this sentence:

“My brother and his cousin were talking about whether or not to study hypnosis or work on their language skills, and then he decided it was a good idea, so they did that.”

It’s still pretty confusing, but any meaning you come up with has to do with improving your communication skills.

Unfortunately, a lot of people use those vague words without being clear what they refer to, or without using them with any thought.

So you get two people talking about something and they both kind of have to guess what each other means.

One way to see this in action is to listen in on a conversation. Or be quiet for a few minutes when you’re in a group setting. Pay close attention to the specific words and sentences others use. 

You’ll find that most of the time, the stuff people talk about is VERY vague.

Now, what happens if you want to get more information?

Most people ask equally vague questions. Like, “What do you mean?” or “Tell me more.”

And if you’re talking about something, and somebody asks you a question like that, it’s easy to feel “on the spot,” as if everybody is suddenly looking at you to deliver some kind of genius idea.

Luckily, there is a pretty easy way to get people to speak more specifically about what they want.

And it WON’T make them feel “on the spot.” It will have the opposite effect. It will make them feel validated and noticed. Something we ALL crave. Not just for “being them” but for their specific ideas.

The set of questions is kind of the polar opposite of the Milton Model, which is based on vagueness.

When used carefully, not only will they open up like a birthday present, but they’ll NEVER forget you.

What’s more, is the more you ask them about their deepest desires, the more they’ll naturally associate their deepest desires with YOU.

What could you do with that?

Learn More:

How To Resonate With Others

Ditch Your Monkey Brain

Upgrade Your Brain

​The English language is packed with metaphors.

Language itself is an interesting concept.

Evolution moves pretty slowly. It’s not like one day there were a bunch of monkeys standing around throwing bananas at each other, and out popped some human elegantly spinning tales of wonder.

Chimps have basic language and signs.

Another interesting thing is that we all have three brains. Our reptile brain, or mammal brain and our neo-cortex (new brain).

Unfortunately, when Mother Nature (or whoever) decides to upgrade our brains, it’s not like getting a software upgrade. They don’t remove old components and replace them with new components.

Brain upgrades get put on top of old software. So we’ve still got all that primitive junk under a very thin layer of new brain.

How does this affect language?

Well, every time we use a noun, we HAVE to use it as if it’s a REAL OBJECT, even if it isn’t.

Like when we say, “In a meeting.” There’s really no such thing as a meeting. Sure, there’s a meeting room, a table, a bunch of chairs, and the people. But the “meeting” itself is really just a shared hallucination. A description of what’s going on.

Technically is called a “nominalization.” A noun (meeting) made from a verb (to meet).

But when we use “meeting,” we HAVE to use it AS IF it were a real thing.

What kind of thing?

Well, we say “in” a meeting, so we think of it like a container.

Like “in” love. Or “in” our cars.

So if we say “in” our cars, why do we say “on” the plane, or “on” the bus, or “on” the train?

Aren’t those containers as well? Not how we think of them. We think of them as vehicles. And our old brains imagine a vehicle to be something you ride “on.” Like “on” the horse.

Metaphors can be helpful, but they can also make us imagine life is much simpler than it really is.

Like the “law of attraction” for example. All you have to do is “radiate” something on some “frequency” and you’ll attract that same “stuff.”

Sounds great, but also sounds pretty vague.

How EXACTLY do you “resonate?”

Sure, it works with magnets. But magnets are very, very simple. Made up of simple components.

YOU are incredibly complex. Filled with thing scientists don’t dare question, as they are WAY beyond human understanding.

The good news is you don’t need to know exactly HOW it works.

All you need to do is figure out what you want, and keep checking if you’re getting closer or not.

AND when you ask questions in the right way, it will DRAMATICALLY accelerate the process.

Learn How:

How To Release The Brakes

Release The Brakes

Trust Yourself

​Once I had to move from one apartment to another, a few hours apart.

I rented a big U-Haul truck. I drove between these two cities a lot.

But when I was driving the moving truck, it took a lot longer.

I guess for insurance purposes, they had a “governor” on the accelerator.

You couldn’t go more than the speed limit.

They have these mountain bike tours in Hawaii, and other places.

You ride to the top of these LONG hills (in a van) with gorgeous views. Then you coast down, on your bikes.

Only for safety, the bikes have breaks that are set permanently. Meaning you CAN’T go very fast.

Otherwise somebody would go too fast, crash, and that would be that for the tour company.

Once I was riding a skateboard from a friends dorm, back to mine, in college.

In between was this HUGE hill. One I was too scared to ride down during the day.

Only that night, after having a couple, I had an INCREASE in confidence.

Unfortunately, it was only imaginary confidence. Not confidence based on experience.

Needless to say, I crashed. 

I used to live near these hills. I had a pretty decent mountain bike. I’d ride up and down those hills after work, and on the weekends.

There was one hill that was fantastic. Amazing views from the top. A long, steep decline, which curved slightly to the right.

The no lights or intersections on the way down. And at the bottom, it was flat for about half a mile before the first light.

PERFECT for seeing how fast you could go.

The fastest I ever went was 53 mph, just coasting.

And that was only having released the brakes just for about twenty seconds.

No speed wobbles. I had all the safety gear, but it was still plenty scary.

AND plenty exhilarating.

Brakes are like your inhibitions. Sometimes they are there for a reason. Sometimes you can release them for the wrong reasons.

But when you release them for the RIGHT reasons, it’s REALLY exciting.

What’s even better, any fear you feel during that excitement is all in your mind.

It’s not like riding down a steep hill where one wrong move could transform you into hamburger meat!

But when you release your interpersonal inhibitions completely, the excitement is JUST as real. 

How do you do that?

First you’ll need to do some exercises specially designed to retrain the way you think about these things.

Then you’ll learn how to communicate with others, in a way that will make THEM feel that excitement just because you are around.

Which means YOU will be able to not only FEEL that exhilaration, but create it at will, within anybody you meet.

Learn How:

The Tipping Point

Create Your Tipping Point

How To Engineer Luck

​I used to go to the gym a lot.

For a while, I was using these stair climbers.

They had a program that looked like you were going up and down hills.

Going up was hard, and when you watched the readout, you could tell when an easy part was coming.

The resistance in the pedals suddenly lessened considerably. You could go a lot faster with a lot less effort.

I remember the first couple times I went rock climbing. Pretty scary to say the least.

But paradoxically, after I slipped a couple of times, it became a lot less scary. I had a buddy who was an expert, and he would always go first. As he climbed up, I’d feed the rope out. He would put the rope through pieces of “protection” so that if he fell, he’d fall until the rope was tight, from his waist, through the “protection” and then back down to me.

But when I climbed up after, slipping was only a couple inches. As the rope was straight from me to him.

So when I did slip a couple of times, I IMMEDIATELY felt the rope holding me. 

Once I had experience that the rope was there to protect me, the fear vanished, and I climbed a lot faster, and more confidently.

If you’ve seen romantic movies, there’s often a time when a couple has a lot of sexual tension. He feels it, she feels it, but both are kind of scared to act on it.

Then when they both act on it at the same time, that’s when the fireworks start. That fear is IMMEDIATELY replaced by a pleasure that has no equal.

If you’ve experienced this, you KNOW what an awesome feeling that is.

Most of the time, resistance, either internal or external, takes a while to get over. It slowly gets smaller, as our courage and fortitude slowly gets bigger, until we get to that tipping point.

But sometimes, it can happen in an instant. Like on the stair climber, or rock climbing or kissing your partner for the first time.

Most people think that these things “just happen.” That when they do happen we are “lucky.”

But in reality, these “tipping points” can be engineered.

Not only engineered, but reproduced at will. Which means you can walk up to anybody, and talk to them in a way that will almost GUARANTEE that tipping point will happen.

When THEIR internal fear vanishes, and the floodgates open.

Now, GETTING to that point takes some time. Some practice. Some mental exercises.

But it IS worth it.

Learn How:

How The Light Bulb Went Off In My Head

Use Their Reasons, Not Yours

Speak Their Language

​I remember when I got my first job right out of college.

Pretty broke, didn’t have much furniture. First apartment was pretty bare.

I needed a lamp, so I went to a local lamp shop (that I walked to).

The guy working there was really helpful. Asked a bunch of questions not only about what kind of lamp I wanted, but a little bit about me as well.

He didn’t try and sell me the biggest and most expensive lamp. Rather, he helped me find one that was inexpensive, and would do the job. He was also understood that I’d just started working, and didn’t have much cash.

He said something like, “Every other paycheck or so, you can come back and slowly build up your lamp collection.”

And guess what?

For the next couple years, every time I needed a lamp, that’s where I went.

On the other hand, I’ve bought (or tried to buy) things and the salesperson had the opposite effect. I said I wanted to spend 20 bucks, and they’s show me something for 30 bucks. 

Once I was taking a piano class, and I wanted to buy a cheap keyboard. Since I was just beginning, I wanted the cheapest one I could find.

So I went to my local Guitar Center, and the guy noticed me looking at keyboards. He didn’t ask me many questions, only noticed I was looking at the more cheaper models.

“You don’t want those, man! That’s kid stuff! You need this one over here!” And he showed me this $500 model that had too many buttons in to count.

Needless to say, not only did I NOT buy a keyboard from this guy, but I don’t think I EVER shopped at that particular Guitar Center again.

Even if you’re not selling anything, or not overtly persuading anybody, I’m sure you can see the difference in communication styles.

Talking to somebody based on THEIR needs, vs. talking to somebody based on YOUR needs.

The funny thing is, if you take some time to get to know them, find out not only what you want, but what their limitations are (real or imagined) you’ll be MUCH MORE LIKELY to get YOUR needs met.

That lamp guy went out of his way to help me find the cheapest lamp. But over the next two years or so, I probably bought 5 or 6 lamps from him.

When you first find out about others, you can create a much, much stronger relationship. And they’ll remember you for a lot longer. Even know, I can picture that lamp guy in my mind.

This type of communication will help you create much, much more.

Learn How:

Pull Yourself Together

All Together Now...


​Sometimes in the movies, they’ll have these rowing races.

Usually they involve some guys or gals in some expensive ivy league school.

If you’ve seen that movie about Facebook (The Social Network) then you know what I mean.

Two long rowboats, with six or seven guys. All rowing.

At first glance, it would seem to be a competition of strength, and endurance.

While that’s part of the equation, it’s not the main part.

They’ve got this guy at the front, with a bullhorn.

He’s shouting, “Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!”

The MAIN contest is who can work together the best.

If you’ve got team A, for example, that are really strong but aren’t quite “together” when they take each stroke, they’ll be easily beaten by team B, who might be weaker, but are VERY “tight” when they row.

Like one entity, instead of a bunch of different guys.

I had a buddy once I worked with. He saw this band. He said they were AWESOME. But he didn’t say anything about the kind of music, whether it was original or cover stuff.

He only said they were “as tight as a mosquito’s butthole.” Meaning they played together VERY well.

That was more important than the music they played, or even the instruments they used.

You know how when those ultra professional singers can break a glass or a mirror with their voice?

It’s not because their voice is ultra powerful. It’s because they can hold a note that is the EXACT same frequency as the vibrational frequency of the glass or the mirror. It’s their ability to hold a note ultra steady, not sing really, really powerfully, that allows them to do that.

This is the power of congruence.

When you’ve got ALL your internal parts working together. Just like that band, it won’t matter WHAT you are talking about. People will only find it amazing and won’t be able to stop listening to you.

What’s even more, when you can elicit the frequency of even the shyest person, so the TWO of you can resonate together, that will be a connection like no other.

How do you do that?

First, get congruent yourself. This takes time. This takes plenty of mental practice. This takes some uncomfortable digging through those emotions most people would rather not face.

But the rewards are ENORMOUS.

Once you get congruent yourself, your mere presence will awaken a desire in others. One they’ll share with you like they’ve never shared before.

What can you DO with such power?

A lot.

Learn More:

Are You Boxed In By Fear?

The Cage Is Imaginary

The Cage Is Imaginary

​Things that we are most afraid of will never happen.

Sure, we all are going to die. We all know loved ones that have died or will die in the future.

This is part of life.

But when you walk up to that attractive person to start a conversation, there’s very little probability they’ll laugh at you or call the cops.

And if you go into your bosses office and ask for a raise, they won’t likely fire you on the spot.

Trouble is, that our brains are hard wired to be MUCH more sensitive to POTENTIAL danger than potential pleasure.

Meaning if there’s a forty percent chance we’ll get a raise, and a one percent chance we’ll get fired, our caveman brains will focus on that one percent like it’s 99 percent.

That kept us alive when there were critters hiding in the bushes waiting to eat us.

Even though they aren’t there any more, we’re still using an outdated version of brain software.

The good news is that you CAN upgrade your brain. But it’s not like Windows, when you shut off your PC And it goes through about 27 upgrades before finally shutting down.

If you want to upgrade your brain, you’ve got to do it consciously. This takes time. This takes effort.

How do you do it?

Meditation. Focused visualization. Forcing yourself in uncomfortable situations if only to PROVE your worst fears will never come true.

Journaling is also another great way. Just write down all the stuff that happened, at the end of the day. Write down what you did. Write down what happened. Write down what you may be able to do differently next time.

This is really the way the brain operates anyhow. Learning by trial and error. Only by doing daily journaling, you’re taking the trial and error (or trial and feedback) and elevating it to a conscious level.

Kind of like fighting someone using only instincts, vs. fighting someone after having trained in a Dojo for ten years.

Many people spend YEARS working on their bodies. Or their careers. Or their hobbies.

But few people even know how to work on their brains. Let alone make the effort.

But consider this. If you spent 30 minutes a day practicing the piano, you’d be pretty good in a few years.

So good you’d be able to sit down at any party and bang out some pretty good tunes.

What about working on your brain?

If you spent only five or ten minutes every night, doing some focused mental exercises or journaling, you’d be a super hero social ninja after a short while.

You’d make more money, have a much more rewarding romantic life, and be much more fulfilled.

Isn’t that worth a few minutes of your time every night?

Which exercises should you do?

There’s plenty in here to choose from:

Scientifically Created Desire

Are You Waiting For Proof?

Are You Waiting For Proof

​When I was a kid I loved science. 

I loved taking things apart to see how they worked. (And not being able to put things back together).

I remember sitting spellbound as my brother told me all about molecules, atoms and subatomic particles.

The unseen beyond the reality we think is complete.

Later, while other kids were reading comic books, I was reading science books.

I’ll admit, science is great. But it does have SEVERE limitations.

Often times, people will use it as an excuse to keep from doing something risky.

Or even believing in something that may make them look foolish.

They proudly call themselves “skeptics” as if they are on some higher intellectual plane.

They say things like, “Well, do you have any proof?” “Have there been any studies done?”

Problem with statements like this is by the time there’s sufficient proof, everybody knows about it and it’s no big deal.

It’s the people who charge ahead WITHOUT proof that are the hero’s. Not the skeptics hiding in the laboratory of the mind.

Strangely enough, even when there IS proof, people tend to avoid believing stuff. Some things make us comfortable, even when there is plenty of evidence showing us we are wrong.

This is one of the driving factors behind “cognitive dissonance.” We literally CAN’T SEE something that PROVES we are wrong. We are somehow wired to protect our ego at all costs.

Sometimes though, you’ll find some study or a piece of evidence that proves what you already know. Something that can give you a decided edge in the dog eat dog world out there.

Back in the seventies, a guy wrote a couple of books. One was called “Dress for Success,” and the other was called “Live for Success.”

The thing about both of these books is that they were based on DATA, not theory.

He actually had guys and girls go out into the world, and specifically dress and act certain ways in order to see how people responded to them.

The results were very, very interesting. 

One thing that turned people off the MOST was incongruence. Meaning when somebody was saying something that was in direct contradiction to their body language.

That tends to send out a very “icky” vibe.

On the other hand, people who were the opposite, totally congruent, were more attractive than anybody. Despite the clothes they were wearing, and even despite the actual words they were using. So long as the “content” of their words weren’t aggressive, people couldn’t get enough of them.

Being congruent is something that will make EVERYTHING you are doing much, much easier.

How do you get more congruent?

That’s ONE of the many benefits of the Interpersonal Resonance course.

Learn More:

Two Secrets Of Irresistible Communication

Are You Spitting Word Salad?

Do Your Words Make Sense?

​Dale Carnegie tells an interesting story in one of his books.

Some famous lady (politician or rich person or something) had a “conversation” with Carnegie one evening.

Only Carnegie didn’t speak much. All he did was ask directed questions and follow up questions. All the while being genuinely interested in what she had to say.

A couple days later, when somebody asked her opinion of Carnegie, she said, “He’s the most interesting conversationalist I’ve ever met!”

This, of course, is after he discovered that EVERYBODY is always most interested in themselves.

So when you talk to people about themselves, they will like talking to you.

ESPECIALLY when most of us walk around talking about ourselves.

If you want to do an interesting, eye opening experiment, eavesdrop on a couple people talking. Or take yourself out of the conversation, mentally, if you’re in a group. 

You’ll hear something like this:

“Well, I …. and I … so I…”

“Yes, that’s fascination. But me… and me… and me…”

Another thing you’ll notice is there is a HUGE lack of “content” in most every day conversations.

In our heads we’ve got these half baked ideas. Then we attach a bunch of random words onto these ideas and spit them out. And hope something works.

Trouble is, when EVERYBODY is doing that, you get a bunch of people talking about themselves with a LOT of “fillers.”

Sure, talking is natural. Walking is natural. Eating is natural. We don’t have to think about it. We just do it.

But you can also improve the way you walk, talk and eat.

In fact, ANYTHING you can do, you can improve upon. All you’ve got to do is elevate it to the conscious level, improve what works, get rid of what doesn’t and let it sink back down into your unconscious.

Your words are your most valuable tool. Your most effective skill. Your ability to take a thought from inside your head, put words to it, and put that SAME thought (and what you think about that thought) into the heads of others will open doors most don’t know exist.

The power of your words will take you farther than any degree, any amount of experience, and any connections (or lack thereof).

And when you combine these two ideas, that if increasing your ability with your words AND the fact that everybody is MOST worried about themselves, you can create anything you want.

Learn More: