Category Archives: How To Keep A Conversation Going

How To Keep Conversations Going With Girls

Just Go With The Flow

Practice Makes Perfect

What do you say to a girl after you’ve introduced yourself? That’s a question most guys think they need to answer BEFORE they walk over there. But that’s kind of putting the cart before the horse. It assumes that you want to talk to her after you introduce yourself. It assumes she wants to talk to YOU after you introduce yourself.

Believe it or not, neither of these are a given. So there’s really no point in trying to come up with a million and one conversational topics before you go over there.

However, if you need some rules to keep handy, here’s a few. The first thing you should do is simply pace the environment, and your activity.

If you made eye contact with her a couple times before you approach (which is a good idea), just mention that when you walk over.

“Hi, I noticed you from over there, and I was interested in meeting you. My name’s George.”

Then see how she responds. If she looks likes you’re intruding, or she’s shocked, or she looks scared, don’t worry. There’s plenty of girls. However if she smiles (which is pretty likely if you were trading EC before you walked over) just say something else about the environment.

This can be anything neutral that is absolutely true. It sure is bright in here. The music is pretty loud. The drinks here are delicious. (This is called an ice breaker, BTW, it’s only designed to make you and her feel more comfortable).

Then, see how she responds to that. If she smiling and looking at you with her face AND her body, keep going. If not, bail, and go somewhere else.

After that, just use your imagination.

Don’t know what to say?

Here’s the best way to think of things. Just start approaching girls. Start today. Then, later on, keep a journal of what happened. Just write down things you COULD have said or done that might have made things go better.

If you did this once a day, in a few weeks you’d have ZERO PROBLEMS coming up with what to say.

The problem with most guys is they treat talking to girls like it’s some kind of intellectual exercise.

It’s not. It’s just like sports. You’ve got to practice, fall on your face, gain some experience, and then learn from experience. That’s really the only way to get better.

If you are committed to doing this, you’ll soon have ZERO anxieties when it comes to talking to girls. You’ll not only have plenty of say, but you’ll have lots of experience talking to girls that turn out to be not so interesting.

Which means you can simply refine your criteria for your dream girl, and keep looking for her.

Secrets Of First Conversations With Girls

How To Avoid Those Pauses

Avoid The Uncomfortable Silences

There’s two pretty diverse schools of thought when it comes to talking to girls, especially the first time.

One is to simply be yourself. This is much more honest, organic, real and spontaneous. If it works, there’s nothing better than two people spontaneously exchanging that magical conversational energy flow.

On the other hand, it can be pretty terrifying. If you ever get to those uncomfortable silences, when nobody knows what to say, it’s a real rally-killer, as they say in baseball.

To combat this fear, many guys try memorized lines, and stories. Even the entire conversation is kind of like a stand up comedian doing his bit for the thousandth time in front of a laughing crowd.

Now, if you do this with girls, it can work and work well. Sure, the first few times you may stumble, but once you’ve got your rap down, it’s pretty repeatable. Walk up, spit out your ten minute set of patterns, and get her fired up to jump on your junk.

Of course, later on, she may wonder what the heck happened. That guy she met BEFORE having sex was super fluent and articulate, and now she’s wondering why you don’t talk with such energy, enthusiasm, or sentence structure.

If all you want is a string of one night stands, then Bob’s your uncle.

But if you want something more, more natural is more better. Less memorized and more spontaneous.

But then you may run into those uncomfortable silences.

What do you do then?

The easiest way is to simply practice talking to people, wherever you go. But instead of just talking about the weather or why the bus is late or why the local sports team sucks, see yourself as a treasure hunter.

Make it a point to try and find something interesting about everybody you talk to.

This will do three very helpful things.

The first is it will make talking to people a lot easier. Since you’ve got a specific intention in mind, you won’t worry about trying to keep the conversation going.

Two is it will give you a lot of experience with a lot of people, especially in feeling with those random pauses that WILL come up. And when you’re talking to some random dude or old lady in line at the supermarket, those random pauses won’t bother you so much.

Three is it will give you a lot of experience to draw from, especially when you find some interesting stories. You may think that woman in front of you in the supermarket is the most boring stay at home mom ever, based on her clothes and the items in her cart. But she might have been stuck on a cruise ship for three weeks without power, or gotten lost in a foreign country, or something else totally random AND amazing.

What do you do with these stories?

Whenever you’re talking to a cute girl, and you come up to one of those pauses, just whip out a story of one of your discovered treasures.

“Hey, that reminds me. I was talking this lady at the supermarket the other day, and she went on a cruise too, only her ship sunk and she was rescued by a Russian submarine!”

This will not only give you something interesting to talk about, you’ll come across as a cool guy who can talk to anybody, anywhere, any time.

Something that’s very attractive.

How To Sort For Your Dream Girl

You're Number One!

Why Settle For Second Best?

It’s easy to miss the forest for the trees, when it comes to meeting girls and looking for Miss Right.

(Or Miss Right Now if that’s your thing.)

Long time ago I went skydiving. It was the kind that required only about five minutes of instruction before jumping out of the plane.

We had an experienced jumper strapped to our backs, which would kind of hold our hand. We got to pull the chute, but in case we blacked out or puked, he’d be there to make sure we didn’t die.

One thing the guy told me right before we jumped has stuck in my mind, as it’s very useful in many different areas.

“Don’t look at a point on the ground. You’ll fixate on it and miss everything.”

What he meant was that we were only free falling for about a minute. And if we looked way down below, and saw a house or a car or something, we’d tend to stare at it. If that happened, our ride would be over and we would have missed it.

I followed his advice and didn’t look down at all. Just out onto the horizon.

(One of the most amazing experiences of my life.)

When you’re talking to girls (or prospecting as they say in sales) it’s easy to “fixate” on one girl.

There’s a whole world of girls out there, but once you start talking to one, and she seems to like you a bit, it’s very easy to lose the big picture.

Then suddenly she’s turned from a “prospect” into the only game in town. Sink or swim. Win or lose. Live or die.

If this happens, it’s almost guaranteed you WON’T get her, unless she’s TOTALLY into you.

One thing that turns both girls AND guys off is desperation.

Texting too much, calling too much, hanging onto conversations too much.

If she’s got a medium level of attraction, this will kill it in a hurry.

Sure, there’s certain “rules,” like only text three times a week, or only call every other day, or whatever.

But if she’s your ONLY option, these rules are impossible to follow. You’ll drive yourself nuts.

The EASIEST way to make sure you don’t switch in to desperation mode is to ALWAYS BE PROSPECTING.

Meaning you should always be talking to girls, making them laugh, seeing if they’re personalities are as attractive as their faces.

And always dating them if you’re into each other enough.

AND always being open about it.

One criteria that you MUST have is that she should be into you AT LEAST as much as you are into her.

And when you’re going out with several girls, and one of them starts pressuring you for exclusivity, then it’s time to consider her.

But never before that.

This will make you more attractive, and give you much more choice, which will keep you out of the desperation mind set.

These Tools Will  Help:

mindpersuasion.com

True Alpha Behavior

Alphas Aren't Really Mean and Scary

Not What Most Guys Think

Many guys get stuck when girls try and “test” them.

If you read any forum related to getting girls, guys will post something she did or said, and ask:

“Was this a test?”

It can be confusing. You can be jamming along, everything’s groovy, and then suddenly she says or does something that doesn’t make any sense, and kind of puts you on the defensive.

When this happens, and it does, will and continue to happen, it generally IS a test.

Why do girls do this?

Girls don’t like guys for the same reasons guys like girls. Guys are much more into looks and physical beauty. This doesn’t mean that it’s the ONLY thing, but it’s a pretty important one.

Girls, on the other hand, are much less concerned with looks, and more concerned with personality. This, of course doesn’t mean that looks are COMPLETELY irrelevant to girls, but they’re not nearly as important as guys think they are.

So when a guy is checking out a girl, he knows right away if he’s attracted. She’s pretty, she’s got nice features, she’s dressed to kill. In about two seconds, the male attraction is fired up.

But when girls feel attraction, it doesn’t happen right away. She needs to be a lot more sure of his personality.

Since this has been true since the dawn of time, girls are hard wired to “test” a guy to make sure he can handle unexpected things.

No girl wants to hook her wagon to a guy who’s going to collapse into a butt-hurt little boy at the first sign of trouble.

So, how do you respond?

Think of it from her perspective. A evolutionary, biological perspective.

The whole purpose of her tests is to make sure he can handle adversity without being affected.

Which means you don’t get angry, you don’t try and “flip the script” and show her who’s boss.

The less her tests bother you, the better.

This is the REAL dominant alpha that girls respond to.

Not the kind who can yell and scream and act all tough and stoic and all of that other BS.

The guy who’s happy and content with himself and sure of himself and his abilities no matter WHAT happens.

Imagine you’re a caveman, and you’ve got a cave wife and a couple of cave kids following you down some dirt path.

If you come up to an obstacle, how do you respond?

If you’re her ideal caveman, you’ll simply say, “Hmm. An obstacle. Let’s go around it.”

If you’re a butt-hurt little cave boy, you’ll say, “This is so unfair! I didn’t sign up for this!”

Which guy do you think most girls would like to follow?

Build up your belief in yourself. Accept whatever she says as an opportunity to demonstrate your value by shrugging them off.

No big deal.

This will get her attracted to you faster than anything else.

More Mind Tools:

mindpersuasion.com

Here’s What Women Really Like

Secrets Of Female Desire

Secrets Of Female Desire

There’s some crazy tests they’ve done to see what turns men on, and what turns women on.

These are NOT those lame tests where they ASK people what turns them on. People generally give answers they THINK they should.

Luckily, science ALWAYS finds out how to get around human deception.

One way is to measure the size of the pupil. When we see something we like, our pupils get bigger. 

So they set up these ultra sensitive measuring eyeball things and flash a bunch of pictures.

And what do guys like looking at (according to their pupils)?

Girls. Girls in bikinis. Girls in bikinis with big boobs. Naked girls. Naked girls with big boobs. Naked girls with big boobs kissing each other.

OK, Ok, you get the idea.

Big surprise, right?

What makes girls pupils get bigger?

Babies.

Yep, among all the things, those do it for girls the most.

The moral of the story, then, is that when you’re going out picking up girls, bring a baby.

Just kidding.

But what this DOES tell us that when they flashed pictures of guys with ripped abs, all kinds of bling, even super gorgeous dudes that just walked off the cover of Men’s Health, the girls (according to their pupils) were, “Yea, whatever.”

Which means your body shape, your looks, your bling, your six pack (the one on your stomach or the one in that brown bag you think nobody sees) doesn’t mean squat.

Now, to some guys, this is great news. Most of us don’t belong on the cover of Men’s Health. I know I don’t (except maybe to show what happens when diet and exercise plans fail miserably).

But the folks who DO get angry at this are folks who spend tons of time in the gym, or tons of money on clothes.

They seem to believe they can follow the same playbook girls can. Meaning get in shape, dress nice, and just show up and wait for the girls to flock, like they’re peahens or something.

Here’s a newsflash. (One you already know).

The BEST way to get a girl to notice you, to get her fired up, to get her to want to go home with you (or at least give you her number), is to go up and TALK to her.

That means walking over there, introducing yourself, and find out what she’s all about, and letting her know what you’re all about.

Of course, HOW you talk to her will make all the difference. NOT what you’re wearing while you do.

Learn How:

mindpersuasion.com

Brass Tacks And Hot Girls

Everything In Life Is A Negotiation

What Most Guys Are Afraid To Know About Girls

Many guys tend to see women as the “enemy.”

Meaning if they walk up to a girl, and don’t get what they want, then it’s some kind of female conspiracy. Or if they go out and get shot down by every girl they approach, they go home bitter and angry.

To be sure, it can seem like an adversarial relationship. On a very deep level, women are programmed to find men to “seem like” good resource providers. And men are programmed to find women to “seem” like good baby makers.

It’s kind of like we’re both, on a VERY subconscious level, trying to pull one over on each other. Guys try getting as much as they can, while giving as little as they can, so do girls. It’s just the way of life.

If you walk into any store where the price is negotiable, it’s the same way. The sales clerk, while pretending to be your long-lost bestest buddy, will charge you as much as possible.

You, on the other hand, while being ultra friendly, are hoping he gets ZERO commissions.

Friendly on the surface, but adversarial on a deeper level.

But like they say in Ancient Rome, “Caveat Emptor.” Which means it’s up to YOU, the customer, to make sure you’re getting a good deal. It’s not up to the store, or the advertisers, or the sales clerk. That job falls squarely on YOU.

Perhaps the reason for so much anger towards women is that guys EXPECT to get something. Then when they don’t get it, they feel cheated.

Like if your goofball neighbor lied to you about the price he paid for his car, telling you he got it for 10K less than he really did.

You go to the shop, asking for the same price, and they look at you like you’re nuts. This of course, makes you angry, as you feel like they’re trying to pull one over on you.

If you want success with women, it’s up to YOU to make it happen. Nobody’s going to give it to you. Women aren’t some magic “reward” for graduating college, or getting a good job, or finally getting that promotion.

They aren’t a “prize” and neither are you.

You are a negotiator and so is she.

And both are you are trying, hoping, to enter into a long term agreement with each other that BOTH parties get what they want, at a reasonable cost.

If you want an attractive woman in your life who spins your propellers in the right ways, YOU’VE got to be an attractive man in HER life to spin HER propellers the right ways.

That requires negotiation. Usually a lot.

This will help:

Frame Control

How To Overcome Her Tests And Increase Attraction

Secrets Of Being A Verbal Ninja

Verbal Ninja Skills Are Crucial

One of the most powerful skills you can have is verbal flexibility.

Any goof can memorize a bunch of pick up lines and patterns. But a true natural will take ANYTHING she gives him, and can flip it around to mean pretty much anything else.

Imagine a fighter who only knows one punch, or a football team who only knows how to run up the middle.

They run into any opponent that can defeat that one move, and they’re done.

On the other hand, any team that can easily adjust their offense based on the defense of their opponent will win every game they plan.

Of course, this is a HORRIBLE metaphor for meeting girls. 

Why?

In sports, both teams can’t win. One team can ONLY win if the make the other team lose.

This absolutely the wrong attitude to have when meeting girls.

Unless you’re the type of guy who sneaks up behind girls and starts talking to them completely unexpectedly, she WANTS you to succeed.

If she’s NOT giving you obvious signs she wants you to go away, she WANTS you to keep going. She WANTS you to seduce her. She WANTS you to bang her silly.

Now, not the way you think. She doesn’t really know you yet. But she HOPES that you are the guy she’s been looking for, who will know how to spin all her propellers.

But in order to figure out if you’re THAT guy or not, she needs to TEST you.

Most guys are terrified of this.

You should absolutely WELCOME tests.

Why?

There are two ways for a girl to get to know a guy enough to know she wants to slip in between the sheets.

One is to go on a several dates, see him operate in various situations, see how he interacts with all levels of society, see how he handles himself under pressure.

This is pretty much the whole reason for the dating process. Most guys know right off the bat if they like a girl, since our criteria are pretty much based on her physical appearance.

But girls based their attraction on behavior. 

Now, this is all unconscious. It’s not like they have a spreadsheet with a bunch of qualities they tick off every time they finish a date.

But they need to interact with a guy for a while before they KNOW they are attracted.

UNLESS, of course, they throw out some tests.

Most guys assume that tests mean she’s mean, or wants to hurt you, or is trying to chase you away.

But in reality, when she tests you, her cave girl brain is trying to ACCELERATE the attraction process.

She wants you to pass, so she can be attracted to you.

How do you pass? 

Have the verbal flexibility and sense of humor to see they are no big deal.

Like sparring with a five year old. They are trying to hit you in the nuts. But you just playfully knock their punches away, and have fun while doing it.

See tests the same way. With a solid sense of self, some strong frame control and verbal flexibility, her tests will be a welcome acceleration to your bedroom.

Learn More:

Frame Control

Secrets Of Female Attraction

She Doesn't Care What You Look LIke

Why Looks Don’t Matter To Girls

Most guys, when they think of their ideal girl, think in terms of looks.

This isn’t because men are “visual” like many people have claimed. Everything that has to do with sex and reproduction is based on evolution.

The bottom line is that every generation there were small changes in our DNA makeup. Not programmed in by nature or aliens, but just random copying errors.

Changes that added benefits were kept. Changes that took away benefits or caused damage were quickly eliminated. (Those that had these didn’t live long enough to reproduce.)

If you know anything about marketing, then you know what a “split test” is. It’s when you take your ad, change something about it, and run it against the original, just to see which works better.

You can think of evolution as one LOOOONG split test. And WE are the winners.

So, back to the question.

Why do guys think  mostly in terms of looks when they think of their ideal girl?

This is most definitely NOT politically correct, but it’s scientifically and biologically correct.

Men want the most suitable mothers for their potential children. This means big boobs, smooth skin, thin legs, flat stomach, and youth.

Why youth? 

Because if you get together with a young girl, you’ll have more babies than if you get together with an older woman. It’s pure mathematics. Nothing else. Evolution made more copies of people that liked young girls, since guys that liked young girls made more copies of themselves.

Step Aside, Butch!

Mother Nature Always Wins

Mother Nature is cruelly efficient.

Anyhow, anything that makes up a suitable mate, from male standpoint, can be determined by looking at her.

This generally includes ANY sign of youth, and ANY sign of health. Boobs, teeth, hair, lips, legs, whatever.

One glance across the room will tell a guy everything he needs to know.

What about girls?

Do looks matter as much?

No. 

They do not.

Why?

Think about what’s important to a woman. After she gets pregnant, she’s out for a couple years. That means her man needs to be out taking care of business.

This means being a good hunter. Which means being able to be a strong social leader.

Why?

Any time the guys go out hunting, the dude in charge is going to bring home the most meat. The dude at the bottom is going to get the leftovers.

No woman wants to be helpless for two years while living off the leftovers.

All women want to have their man being the leader, and bringing home the most meat.

How can they tell  he’s the leader?

How he carries himself. How he speaks to others. How he handles criticism. His confidence. His body language. What he believes about himself and his future.

Can she tell this by looking?

Nope.

How does she tell?

By interacting. By seeing him under pressure. By seeing how he is around his boys.

How can you become a social leader? A TRUE alpha?

Here’s How:

Frame Control

Easy Ways To Keep Talking To A Girl

How To Keep A Conversation Going With A Girl

Keep The Conversation Flowing Like Water

Most guys can walk up to a girl, say “hi,” and maybe get  her smiling.

Then what?

Knowing how to keep a conversation flowing, and her feeling relaxed and not under any pressure, is essential to being able to effectively increase her interest.

So, how do you do that?

You could come up with a bunch of stuff to say beforehand, as some people recommend, but then you’d be like a roving stand up comedian. If she doesn’t like your “act” then you don’t have much to fall back on.

A much better strategy would be to combine a couple of ideas from covert hypnosis.

One is called “Utilization.” This is when you simply take whatever she gives you, and use it. This way, you won’t freak out if she doesn’t respond the way you think she “should.”

The other thing to use is to elicit her own “trance states.”

Now, this doesn’t mean pull out your watch and start swinging like some goof up on stage.

What it does mean is eliciting, or get her talking about things she’s really interested in.

Now, most girls are going to freeze up if you walk up and start asking her all kinds of personal questions.

If You Lead, She Will Follow

Always Go First

Which is why you’ve got to go first. Meaning you mention some stuff you’re interested in, then ask her opinion.

Don’t argue or bust on her if hers are different. That comes later.

At this stage of the conversation, you’re just interested in getting her talking about things that make her feel good.

Since they are  her ideas, and not your stories or techniques, there won’t be any resistance.

Then just keep “digging for gold” and get her more and more juiced about her own ideas.

The ideal outcome for this conversational tactic is to get her talking about her “ideal future” with regards to hobbies, jobs, school, or whatever she’s comfortable talking about.

Granted, this takes time, and practice. But once you get to this level, you won’t need any kind of memorized game or patterns or even any bling.

Because she’ll be talking about her ideal future, all while looking at you.

Which will get her to subconsciously associate the two, together, (you and her dreams) in her mind.

And when you can do that, you’re doing pretty good.

This can help:

Frame Control

Embrace The Spotlight Of Seduction

She's Waiting For You

Why She Wants You To Approach Her

One of the most common fears when speaking to women you’re attracted to is how you’re “performing” in a social setting.

It’s common to feel as if all eyes are on you when walking up to a girl you’ve been flirting with from across the room.

Now, to be honest, a lot of guys ARE watching you, and some of them DO hope you fall on your face.

Why?

Because they are too terrified to approach themselves, so if they see you approach and succeed, it will make them feel worse. But if you approach and get blown out, it will actually make them feel better.

One thing humans are exceptionally good at is deceiving ourselves. Now, if you were brutally honest with yourself, the ONLY reason you don’t become an approach machine when you’re out where there’s plenty of single, attractive women is because of fear or anxiety.

This is something most guys will NEVER admit, even to themselves. We tell ourselves things like, “Well, I’m not in the mood,” or “she’s not my type,” or “I’m not in a place where I’m ready for a relationship,” or any self con job.

How do I know these are self deceptions?

Because if ANY of those women walked up to you, talked to you for five minutes, and then asked you to go home with her for wild, uninhibited sex, all of those “reasons” would vanish.

You wouldn’t tell her she’s not your type.

You wouldn’t tell her you’re not ready for a relationship.

You wouldn’t tell her you were just hanging out with the boys.

Make A Move!

Make A Move!

So when you walk over there and fall on your face, all those other guys who are too terrified to make a move will be able to feed their excuses.

“See, that’s why I NEVER approach girls, they LOVE shooting guys down!”

This, of course, is absolute nonsense.

I’m sure you’ve heard the crab theory. Where a bunch of crabs are in a bucket, and one crab starts to climb out, and all other crabs drag him back down.

It’s kind of like that.

What’s the answer?

Consider things from HER perspective. If you simply get up and walk over there, you’re sending her a strong signal.

That you aren’t scared like those other little boys. That you’re willing to take a risk, instead of waiting around for a girl to do all the work.

Just doing this will INCREASE your attraction.

A lot.

And when you carry yourself with a strong frame, one she’ll LOVE to melt into, you’ll be even better.

Learn More:

Frame Control