Category Archives: How To Talk To Girls

Dreamland is Loveland

Plant Emotional Seeds

When I was very young my sister and I tried to make a pizza.

We threw a bunch of stuff haphazardly on top of some bread.

No idea what we were doing.

As expected, it tasted like crap.

I’ve been on a lot of backpacking trips.

Some of the coolest parts are the meadows that are way up there.

No humans around, gorgeous streams and flowers.

A single trail going through a huge valley.

Some people get pretty intense with their gardens.

They spend a lot of time planting and pruning and weeding.

The result is very nice.

Even though they know exactly what it’s going to look like, it’s still beautiful.

Compared to the naturally occurring wildflowers up around eight or nine thousand feet, which is more beautiful?

They are both beautiful in their own way.

One is because of the setting, the backdrop.

The other is because it’s a creation of the mind, and of the soil.

Which is doing more work?

The mind or the soil?

The mind can understand what seeds to plant, how much work to put into the weeding, how much space to allow, etc.

But the seeds do everything else.

Sure we can describe what’s happening.

At least, up to a certain point.

It’s nice to think of ourselves as creators of the garden.

But in reality, we’re just putting the right ingredients together in the right proportion.

Then we only stand back and wait for nature to do what nature does.

How or why THAT happens is anybody’s guess.

But you don’t need to understand it to create a beautiful garden.

You just need to appreciate it.

Many things are that way.

At the same time they are mysterious, but also simple.

Food is simple to cook, but the emotional gratification we can get from eating is indescribable.

Human relationship are the same way.

At least they CAN be.

You don’t need to understand how or why they work, only enough to mix everything together in the right proportions.

And give it the space to happen.

And just like a garden, if you create it correctly, it will grow.

Learn How:

Love Hypnosis

Yeah Baby!

Be Their Spark Of Life

When I was in elementary school, we experimented with bacteria.

This pretty much amounted to spitting in a petri dish, and then watching the mold grow.

Same stuff that grows on bread if you let it sit too long.

On the one hand, it’s a pretty basic process.

You mix a bunch of ingredients and watch the stuff grow.

If you buy a hundred loaves of bread and let them sit in your kitchen too long, they’ll grow the same kind of mold every single time.

Yet at the same time, WHAT that mold really is has baffled scientists since forever.

Sure, they can describe it, predict how and where it grows, but WHAT exactly is “life?”

How did it start?

Their best guess was that lightening somehow gave the primordial ingredients the energy they needed to transform from inorganic matter to organic matter.

Or God intervened.

Or maybe aliens.

Who knows?

On the one hand, it’s very, very predictable.

On the other hand, it’s almost magical.

Our emotions are the same way.

From inside our own minds, from our own subjective experiences, emotions can be wonderful, horrible, confusing, inspiring and everything in between.

Yet at the same time, certain chord progressions, which can be mathematically described and explained, tend to evoke the same emotions in many people.

On the outside, it’s purely scientific and rational.

But on the inside, simple songs can evoke very deep and powerful emotions.

Same with movies.

Produced with rational thinking creators, who know what type of story structures work, and which ones don’t.

Even cookie cutter Disney movies make people feel deep emotions.

At the same time, our emotions are indescribable, but easy to “manipulate.”

Not the best word.

But every time you specifically choose to see an action movie, or a horror movie, or a romantic tearjerker, you are HOPING your emotions will be manipulated in the right way.

The more effective a movie manipulates your emotions, the BETTER the movie is.

If the movie DOESN’T manipulate your emotions, it’s not believable.

What about one on one?

Can we use the same process?


And if you create the RIGHT emotions, it doesn’t matter if you are creating them as rationally as the directors and actors and writers to get paid gobs of cash.

Because your target will feel WONDERFUL.

Learn How:

Love Hypnosis

Confidence Beats Everything

Social Conditioning Skills

The other night I watched a sci fi movie on Netflix

Maybe you’ve seen it.

It’s called, “Paycheck,” with Ben Affleck.

He was an engineer, and he and his partner had an interesting way for him to take lucrative freelance jobs.

He’d go to a company, help them invent some new product, and they’d pay him.

And then his partner would erase the portion of his memory, so he couldn’t divulge the secret information to other companies.

But in the beginning, they showed him practicing some kind of martial art.

Even though he wasn’t a fighter, and the movie hadn’t gotten to the part where he had to USE any kind of “fighting,” it made sense.

If you are going to be a scientist and have portions of your brain wiped periodically, you need to stay in “fighting shape.”

Most people recognize that “staying in shape” is important.

Most sports can be improved if you have more endurance.

Boxing, basketball, tennis, even bowling or golf are easier if you’re in good shape.

Any lots of endurance-heavy sports like boxing or basketball sometimes come down to which athlete is in better shape.

Once you are too tired to lift your arms to block a punch, your boxing skills won’t count for much.

Kind of like Mark Twain’s truism about reading.

The difference between somebody who CAN’T read and the difference between somebody who WON’T read is NOTHING.

The difference between a boxer who CAN’T lift his arms due to fatigue, and a boxer who doesn’t KNOW HOW to lift his arms is nothing.

Both are going to get punched in the face.

What’s the best “conditioning” for “life skills?”

Social confidence.

Public speaking, debating, even acting skills can often boil down to who’s got the most confidence, not the best skills.

Even before George Clooney became world famous, and had to go to auditions like other struggling actors, he said confidence was WAY more important than skill.

Robin Williams started out in a TV show called “Mork and Mindy.”

(About an alien named Mork).

How did he get the part?

He showed up at the audition and ACTED like an “alien” the whole time.

When he was waiting, he actually sat in his chair upside down.

That’s not an advanced acting trick.

That’s advanced CONFIDENCE.

The more CONFIDENCE you have, the easier life is.

Click Here To Learn How

Social Confidence

The Wonderful Path of Life

If you have zero expectations, you’ll never be disappointed.

However, you won’t accomplish much, either.

We humans have this weird idea that once we get that next “thing,” whatever it is, we’ll be satisfied.

This is one of the reasons that lottery winners and other folks who accidentally stumble upon riches are usually pretty unhappy.

Sure, once the money comes and all those money worries are gone, they have to go back to their regular lives, their regular friends (if they have any) and their regular health problems.

This can be an absolutely HORRIBLE realization.

If you THINK that all of your problems can be cured with a bunch of money, and then get the money, ONLY to find that you STILL have those same problems, then what do you do?

However, accepting the simple fact that life isn’t a “once and done” event, where you have one easy thing to do, and once you do it, you’re done.

Life is a series of bigger and more complicated “problems” to overcome.

Because every time you successfully overcome them, you’ve got more skills and resources.

Sure, there are some animals that just sit up in the trees and eat leaves, never having to worry about anything.

But that would be REALLY boring!

Another problem that is common is we have these HUGE dreams, but never get started.

We think about them a lot, but we never really get going in any appreciable way.

One of the things NECESSARY to achieve those dreams is unfortunately something that we FEAR the most.

And that is failure.

The path between where you are, and what you dream for your life is long, and filled with unexpected twists and turns.

Paradoxically, the BEST way to learn how to do something is FAIL a few times.

You don’t have to fail big, but the best way to learn is through feedback, both good and bad.

Because ALL feedback is useful. Do more of what works and do differently than what doesn’t work.

When you can wrap your mind around this concept, and fully embrace it, there will be NOTHING you can’t achieve.

Figure out what it is, take action, LEARN from every step, and NEVER STOP until you get there.

Whatever it is you want, PEOPLE will likely be a fundamental aspect of getting it.

Which means developing your people skills will go a long ways.

Click Here to learn how.

Her Attraction For You Is Never Set In Stone

Always Be Testing

Always Measure

There’s a lot of sales slogans that find their way into the realm of seduction and pickup.

Always be closing, always be prospecting, hot prospect, cold prospect, etc.

But there’s one that doesn’t get much air time, because it’s not really applicable to sales, or therapy, the two other areas where having persuasive language can be a benefit.

And that is to always be testing.

This is not intuitive, because it’s basic human nature to assume that everybody sees the world the way we see the world. And this can cause guys a LOT of grief in relationship building.

Guys see a girl, and become attracted to her. This is because the evolutionary triggers installed in our brains are based on how she looks more than anything else. Sure, it is also desirable for her to be smart, friendly, have a decent sense of humor, but for basic attraction, we need looks before we need anything else.

And once she’s got the right look, based on your type, that level of attraction is fixed, and won’t change, unless her body changes significantly.

With women, this is absolutely NOT true.

Just as we’d like to have things about her personality be true as an afterthought to her looks, girls are the opposite.

They’d like a guy who looks good as an afterthought to his personality. 

This is why it’s MUCH MORE LIKELY to see a decent looking girl with an ugly guy than the other way around.

If a guy has a strong personality, good social skills, is totally confident and enjoys being in his own skin, that’s generally good enough for most girls.

Which means her level of attraction for you is going to be dependent on how she feels AT THE MOMENT.

This is crucial in the early stages. Guys almost always make the mistake that if she likes him for the first night, then her attraction for him is set in stone (like his is for her) and he doesn’t have to do anything.

This is absolutely NOT TRUE.

Especially if you’re the type to go out and use “game” when you meet her first. You’re giving her a personality that’s NOT your real personality.

From a guys perspective, it would be a girl looking completely different than she did the night before.

So, it’s very likely that her level of attraction for you is going to ALWAYS be in flux the first few weeks or even months that you’re together.

Which means it’s YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to always measure her level of attraction. If it drops, adjust your behavior accordingly. If it’s up, keep doing whatever you were doing.

Is this fair? Maybe, maybe not. But that’s not the point. The point is if you don’t continuously measure her levels of attraction, you won’t know when it sinks, and you won’t know why she’s gone.

But if you learn to measure it and keep it up, she’ll be yours for good.

How To Get Better At Talking To Girls

Always Choose An End Point For Practicing

Determine The End Point BEFORE You Talk To Her

No matter what you want to get better at, practice is the only way. When we go to school, there are subjects, and there are skills. If you’re learning something like history, this is clearly a subject. You memorize all the names, dates, intentions behind all the actions, and you’re in good shape. You can use your regular thinking to understand events.

Other “subjects” are more like skills. Math for example. The only way you can get better at math is by practicing math. If you tried to memorize some equations, it wouldn’t get you very far. Language and sports are the same way. If you tried to get better at basketball by studying some books in the library, you wouldn’t be a very good basketball player. 

Sure, you could talk about it intelligently, you could sound like you knew what was going on. But if somebody put a ball in your hand, you wouldn’t know what to do.

All human relationships are skills like that. If you want to get better at sales, you’ll need to practice. If you wanted to get better at public speaking, the only way would be to practice. If you wanted to get better at negotiating, the only way would be to practice.

Talking to girls is the same way. For some reason, many guys imagine that talking to girls is something you can learn from a book or by reading various forums. Sure, this can help you in between practice sessions, but it is by no means a substitute for practice.

One problem that comes up is separating practice from the real thing. If you were practicing basketball, you’d do drills, and you’d have scrimmages, or practice games. You wouldn’t worry too much about the practice games, only the games with other teams.

But for some reason, when guys go out, they rarely see it as practice. They always see it as the real thing. Which means they don’t see it as a learning experience. It’s always in the frame of “success or failure.” And unless you’re a stone cold natural from birth, you’ll have many more failures than successes.

This makes it INCREDIBLY hard to get out there. Imagine if you were on a basketball team and the ONLY time you ever even dribbled a ball was during a regular game! You’d have to lose plenty of games through plenty of seasons before you got any good.

That’s why you should PRACTICE with girls, much more often than you talk to them for real. How do you practice? Choose an end point BEFORE you talk to her, and stick to it.

For example, if you are OK with flirting but can’t open to save your life, go out and PRACTICE opening. Don’t worry what happens next. Just see it as practice. Don’t worry about closing or even exchanging names. Once you start talking to her, YOU’RE DONE. Exit gracefully and find somebody else.

This is much harder than it sounds. Guys are genetically wired to go as far as we can with every single girl. But if you force yourself to practice, you’ll get a lot better, a lot more quickly.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

Are You Ignoring Her Personality?

Don't Ignore What's Inside

Look A Little Deeper

When I was a kid, sometimes my parents would get those boxes of expensive chocolates.

I don’t know if you’re familiar, but they were all pretty similar in appearance. Outside they were all pretty round, some darker, and some lighter. But inside, some of them had some pretty gross stuff, at least from a kids perspectives.

Which meant that my parents always ended up with a box of chocolates that had small bites taken out of them.

When guys see a gorgeous girl across the room, they are making a LOT of assumptions about her. Her personality, her beliefs, the way she talks, her habits. Pretty much EVERYTHING about her, except her looks.

Which is why it seems absolutely nuts to nervous walking and talking to her, at least from a rational perspective.

If you stop and think about how many gorgeous girls you’d have to talk to find one that you really click with, it would seem like talking to cute girls would be a chore, rather than something to be scared of.

If you’ve ever been in a really bad relationship and wanted to get out but didn’t know how, you know that is a very, very unpleasant situation to be in. Especially if you and her share the same social circle. A literal nightmare.

Yet guys charge in full speed ahead thinking ALL they need is a girl that’s physically attractive, and everything else will take care of itself.

This is not a very effective strategy to say the least.

Now, I know this makes total sense on paper. But when you’re in the mix and that cutie is making those flirty eyes at you, all this rational understanding is going to fly out the window.

Does this mean you’re back to where you started?

You don’t have to be. In order to have a more curious mindset (rather than a desperate mindset) when approaching is to simply get a lot of experience with a lot of girls.

Specifically with a deep, experiential understanding that many girls will simply disqualified.

How can you generate this feeling?

Simply talk to as many girls as you can. Don’t hit on them. Don’t number close them. Just short, polite, conversations. Long enough to know that girls are people, just like you. Some are smart, some are dumb. Some are nice, some are mean. Some are outgoing, some are shy.

The more “data” you get, the easier it will be.

This will show you how:

Girlfriend Generator

Look In The Mirror, Not The Market

How Do You Measure Your Success?

Skill Building Power Of Responsibility

In sports, there’s an idea of a plateau. Or in weight or exercise. When you first start, you’ll notice some pretty quick improvements. But then you kind of level off for a while. This is perfectly normal, and so long as you understand it’s perfectly normal, you’ll keep up with your training.

And you’ll see periodic “steps” up to the next level. On which you’ll stay for a while before the next step.

Game, or more specifically, social skills are the same way. This is both good and bad. It’s bad in that it can trick you into thinking that once you get to a certain level of game you don’t really need to improve any more. This can lead to “blaming the market” syndrome when you don’t get what you want.

For example, a lot of guys have no problems getting laid, but they have significant problems finding what they call “quality women.”

They imagine that since they can get laid, they’ve got all the game they need. When in reality, they’ve got JUST ENOUGH game to get laid.

But here’s where the problems begin. If you don’t know specifically what you want, other than getting laid, you’ll never find it. What’s more, you kind of expect it to “just happen” based on some imaginations based on the way you think the world “should” work.

One way to overcome this is to ALWAYS assume that if you can’t get what you want, the ONLY response is to improve your game. This is hard to do. It’s incredibly easy to blame the environment. And often times it IS the fault of the environment.

But so long as you FORCE yourself to look in the mirror rather than at the market, you’ll continue to improve. And you’ll see the same plateaus and steps you’ll find in sports or any other skill development.

Of course, there is another way. A much easier way that will make it much more natural to improve your game as an automatic result.

And that is to create a highly detailed set of criteria that describes what you’re looking for. What kind of girl? What kind of relationship?

The more detail you come up with, the more likely you’ll find her.

Naturally, she won’t pop out of the ether. You’re going to have to go looking for her. You’re going to have to talk to, and likely date a LOT of girls before you find her.

But in doing so you’ll be consistently improving your game.

So when you finally DO meet her, you won’t blow your chance.

Learn More:

Girlfriend Generator

How To Stop Agonizing Over Your Crush

Find Somebody Who Likes You As Much As You Like Them

How To Switch Your Interests

One thing humans have a hard time doing is predicting their instincts. This is something Mother Nature was very, very clever about when she set them up. Sure, we all have a raw desire to eat, for example, but we also have a huge range of things that can satisfy that hunger.

Even if you have a specific desire for a cheeseburger, for example, you won’t starve if you can’t find one. There’s plenty of other things that can fit the bill. Or imagine being really thirsty. Sure, you may have a hankering for red Gatorade, but if they don’t have it at your local 7-11 you won’t die of thirst. You’ll happily drink another flavor or even (gasp!) water.

Imagine if your friend invited you to a dinner party. Would your presence be contingent on what they were serving? Not likely.

This is true for all instincts, especially sexual or romantic desire. That’s the strongest.

However, if it seems easy to switch a pizza for a cheeseburger, even when you’ve had your heart set on pizza, why is it so hard to stop pursuing any particular girl when she’s simply not into you?

The Internet is filled with guys and gals DESPERATE to make that “one person” like them.

However, if you step back, the process is the same. Before they met that person, they had a “raw instinct” or desire to meet somebody. Then they met that person and they were close enough. So now all their energies are focused on that “one person.” 

But consider this. You’re friend tells you he’s having chicken burritos for dinner, and invites you over. You’re fantasizing about chicken burritos all week. But then you show up, and he’s got beef stew instead. Will you pout, and refuse to eat? Will you feel like you’re friend has tricked you? No. You may say something, but you’ll eat the beef stew, and probably enjoy it.

So why can’t we switch our romantic interests as quickly as we can switch our food interests?

It all comes down to our ancient brains. Food was always just around the corner. And built deeply into our collective experience is that there’s plenty of different kinds of food. So we KNOW on a deep, instinctive level, that if we don’t get the particular food we’re after, they’ll be a suitable replacement sooner or later.

But with romantic interests, it’s a LOT different. For most of our history, most people only had a couple chances in their entire lives to hook up.

So we were programmed to see those few chances as DO OR DIE on a deep, instinctive level. That’s why when you’ve got your sites set on your crush, it’s nearly IMPOSSIBLE to forget about them and find somebody else.

But here’s the thing. If you literally FORCE yourself to interact with other people, you WILL find somebody that will replace them in your mind.

This is simply a matter of overriding unconscious instincts and programming with conscious thinking and behavior.

This is the stuff civilization is made of. This is what civilized people do.

If you simply make it a habit, make it part of who you are, to interact with girls (or guys) on a regular basis. You will be a lot less likely to get messed up emotionally by a crush that doesn’t return the affection.

Here’s a step by step plan that will help:

Secrets Of Social Confidence

No Need For Tricks

No Need For Tricks

Many guys would pay a lot of good money to learn the secret of attracting women. Like if there was some magical combination of words or behaviors that would get a girl turned on.

When people started combining the idea of covert hypnosis and seduction, a lot of people made a lot of money. The idea of walking up to a girl and telling her some story which sounds normal, but is really turning her into a raving nymphomaniac, is something guys would pay THOUSANDS of dollars for.

And to be sure, if you did have enough covert hypnosis skills, you certainly could do that.

But here’s the thing. Deep inside most desires to do something like that, is a desire to “shortcut” the system.

Meaning the traditional way of getting a girl is pretty simple. Walk up to and talk to a lot of people. Not only girls, but pretty much everybody. In fact, if you made it habit of being a social, outgoing person, it would soon be second nature.

This is pretty terrifying to many guys. So they buy courses and go to seminars in hopes of shortcutting the system. They figure if they only learn some secret weird trick (or set of weird texts) they’ve only got to talk to one or two girls.

Unfortunately, any kind of system that is based on human communication can ONLY be vague at best. The best hypnotists in the world only have their level of skill because they’ve been practicing for YEARS on real people, in real situations.

No matter what you’re trying to learn, sales, covert hypnosis, pick up, being a stand up comedian, it’s simply going to take a lot of practice. There’s simply no way to shortcut the process.

So here is the good news.

If you accept the above as valid, then you don’t really need to learn ANY seduction or pickup technology.

The most fundamental human skill is communication. The more you communicate, the better you’ll get at it. There’s no need to memorize patterns or study “alpha male” behavior or anything else.

You’ve already got the skills programmed into your DNA to be a charismatic speaker. In front of one person, or in front of many people.

All you’ve got to do is practice.

Start talking to people. Realize that if you want to be good with the ladies, you’ll need to be the kind of guy who’s comfortable talking to anybody, anywhere, any time.

Sure it may be scary at first. But stop and consider what will happen when you DO become ultra comfortable with the ladies.

You will lose ALL social fear. Asking your boss for a raise, cold calling people on the phone, anything you want to do, that involves talking to people, will become natural and easy.

Isn’t that worth taking some time to practice?

Start slow, and build your skills over time.

This will show you how:

Girlfriend Generator