Category Archives: How To Talk To Girls

The Myth Of Female Desire

Attraction Is Like Hunger

Are You Building A False Image?

What do women want?

All you’ve got to do is figure this out, and you’ll be in good shape, right?

Maybe.

First, remember that attraction, deep physical and emotional attraction is an instinct. Sure, the longer you’re in a relationship with somebody, and the more you get to know each other, and the more you learn to respect and support each other, you can certainly “grow to love them.”

And certainly this is the way relationships were built for most of human history. That instant lust that we all sometimes confuse for love wasn’t there in the beginning. It was a long, slow process.

But these days, you’d need to belong to some crazy religious cult or seriously consider one of those mail order bride websites to get together with somebody you barely know.

Which means in order to create a decent relationship, you’ve got to be able to create real attraction.

And once again, keep in mind this is an instinct.

Consider another instinct. Hunger. If you are hungry, you might not be sure what you want. You certainly can’t predict what you would like. Sure you might try and scan your memory to some of the things you’ve eaten in the recent past, or maybe imagine a few restaurants in your neighborhood.

But this is only an approximation. A conscious guess of how your unconscious will respond to a certain stimuli.

You could not even know you’re hungry, and then suddenly somebody puts a plate of food in front of you that you’ve never seen, and suddenly it’s your favorite dish!

This is an instinct, and we simply can’t predict how we’ll respond to certain stimuli unless it’s in front of us.

When creating attraction in women, this presents a few problems.

No woman is going to know how she’ll feel about any guy until she interacts with him. Pictures won’t do it. A copy of his resume won’t do it. Even his ultra polite behavior on a first date won’t do it.

So asking her what kind guy she likes is kind of pointless. Or even dangerous if you listen to her answer and assume it’s actually true.

This would be like you saying you’d like to eat a cheeseburger, and then suddenly wolfing down a plate of chicken wings. You weren’t lying, you were only guessing. But somebody who was busily cooking you a cheeseburger based on what you said wouldn’t really understand.

So trying to figure out what women want, and then trying to figure out how to turn yourself into that person is not a great strategy.

So what is?

Just talk to as many woman as you can. Find the one that is turned on by the natural you. And who spurs the natural desire in you for her.

It may take a while, but when you find her, you’ll be glad you put in the effort.

When Should You Use Seduction Technology?

What's The Rush?

What’s The Rush?

Here’s a dream scenario, of what an interaction with a girl would go, as most guys imagine it.

You walk up to her and use some kind of opener. She’s intrigued, and turns toward you. The more you talk, the more she becomes interested. Pretty soon she’s got the whole room fazed out in her mind, and all she sees is you.

You pay attention to her lips, they are slightly parted, and swollen. If you pay attention to her pupils, they are getting bigger and bigger. That unconscious response we all have when we’re looking at something we like.

If you touch her, she increases all her signs of attraction. Her eyes get a bit bigger, she takes a deep breath (as if she secretly wishes you were touching her somewhere else).

Whenever you say something and nod, she slightly nods as well, in perfect agreement.

So far so good, right?

Now, if ALL you want is some quick sex, and nothing else, this is as good as it gets. But most guys, even though they claim they want to love ’em and leave ’em, really want more.

Sure, sex is great. But when you’re having sex with somebody that really gets you, really believes in you, and is genuinely concerned (both for her own reasons and for yours) that you’ll be successful in life, this is a MUCH different feeling than having sex with some girl you’ve just met.

One problem of creating massive sexual desire in an hour or so is you have ZERO idea of what this girl is like. And unless she’s totally OK with getting with a guy and banging him within an hour, a couple of things are likely to happen.

One is that she’ll think you tricked her, or put something in her drink. This is very bad. Unless you’re a traveling salesman and plan to blown town in the morning, this could get you in serious trouble.

Or she could convince herself that she’s found “The One.” Why else would she sleep with you so quickly unless she absolutely KNEW you were soulmates?

This, also, could present some serious problems if you aren’t planning on slinking back to your secret hideaway in the morning.

So yea, it’s fun to create that attraction pretty quickly. But it’s also pretty frikkin dangerous.

So here’s another alternative. Another way to create that same MASSIVE sexual desire, WITHOUT all the potential problems.

First, come up with a list of criteria. Things that MUST be true about your idea girl.

Then find a girl that HAS all those criteria.

Then take her on a couple dates, just to make sure. When you ARE sure, then let loose with the mad patterns and seduction tools.

Then you’ll have a highly qualified girl, who’s perfect for you, who wants nothing more than to bang you silly.

Again and again and again.

Do Seduction Tricks Really Work?

Beware of Romantic Shortcuts

Beware Of Shortcuts To The Heart

Most guys would love some kind of “shortcut” to a woman’s heart.

Just take a look at some of the headlines of popular seduction products and you’ll see what I mean.

“One weird trick that will make her love you.”

“The three texts to turn her on.”

“How to get your ex back with this one weird trick.”

“The three steps to her bedroom.”

And on and one.

Can it really be this simple? Well, it CAN. But not really. If all you’re after is some physical fun, then these might work. But unless you’re some ultra jaded poon hound, that’s going to cause trouble. 

Why?

Most guys can’t just pump-n-dump, as much as we like to brag like that on the Internet. Emotions have a crazy way of getting involved once we’re intimate with a woman. When it comes to love, sex, and romance, love to slide down that slippery slope. 

Meaning at first it may be just physical. In fact, you may even have a conscious, rational, adult conversation that it’s going to ONLY be physical. But chances are, somebody’s going to develop feelings for somebody. Mother Nature ain’t stupid.

Sure, some primates spend their entire lives banging as many of each other as they can.

But not the human primate. We are hard wired to form long term pair bonds. And when we’re hard wired to do something, our rational plans don’t usually stand a chance.

So if you think you’re only going after a little fun, think again. As Quarterbacks are fond of saying, every time you throw a pass, three things can happen, and two of them are bad.

Same with hooking up. Three things can happen. You both bang each other silly and then go your separate ways. Or you develop feelings and she goes her separate way. Or she develops feelings and you go your separate way. 

Before you even walk up to her, ask yourself, “What do I want?”

If you are absolutely sure you ONLY want to get laid, make sure you project that energy.

Make sure she knows you’re a player.

On the other hand, if you’re looking for an honest relationship, then maybe you should ditch all those “weird tricks” and “three steps” or whatever.

Just talk to her like you confident, relaxed self. Don’t be fake nice, and don’t be fake alpha.

Just talk to her, be in the moment, and see what happens.

You might be VERY surprised!

The Truth Of Rejection Vs. Regret

Not As Bad As You Think

How To Gain Real World Experience

They say that rejection is better than regret.

Meaning if you walk up, talk to a girl, and get rejected, it feels pretty bad. 

On the other hand, if you see a pretty girl, and DON’T talk to her, it feels pretty bad to.

However, even if you agree with the above statement, it may not make it any easier to approach.

Why?

It only holds true on an experiential level.

Meaning if you’re like most guys, you’ve got TONS more experience with regret than with rejection.

Which means you’re pretty used to regret. So much in fact it feels normal.

On the other hand, rejection is mostly in your imagination. And anything in our imaginations can feel pretty terrifying.

So, what good does that statement or any other supposed “truism” about dating, do for us?

If you gain as much experience with rejection as we do with regret, then you’ll get it on a gut level.

So much so that it seems totally obvious, and even silly to say out loud.

Kind of like if you told your buddy, “the sky is blue,” as if it were some kind of genius insight.

This is pretty common when guys start to get pretty good with game.

They wonder what the big deal is.

Why?

If you don’t have a lot of success with girls, it’s easy to imagine that talking to girls on the one hand is totally terrifying. But it’s also pretty easy to imagine that it’s also like cutting in line to heaven.

But in reality, it’s nothing like that.

Any girl you walk up to and talk to isn’t going to scream at the top of her lungs, get all her friends to gang up on you and beat you to death.

On the other hand, she’s not going to morph into your fantasy porn goddess and go into a trance of desperate sexual submission.

In fact, when you get into the habit of talking to cute girls, you’ll find out that they are pretty normal. They ARE people after all.

And in case you haven’t noticed, most people are pretty normal. Some are weird, some absolute nut jobs and some you wish you’d never met. But most are pretty normal.

The more girls you talk to, the less you’ll worry about rejection. 

What about regret?

Imagine you were walking down the street, and you saw something on the ground that looked like it might be money.

But you were feeling lazy, so you didn’t pick it up. Then later, you’d start to wonder. What if it WAS money? What if was A LOT of money?

You’ll never know. Compare that to the “rejection” of picking it up and finding it was some pretend money or monopoly money or something. Sure, you’d be disappointed, but not “rejected.”

This is the comparison of “rejection vs. regret” that you’re going for.

The more experience you get, the sooner you’ll get there.

The more people you talk to, the more experience you’ll get.

So get going!

The Never Ending Cycle Of Means and Ends

You Can't Have One Without Leading Into The Other

One Leads To Another

No matter what you do, it’s always a mix of two things.

Means, and ends.

Now, this may be a bit of an oversimplification. You can take pretty much any one thing or process and come up with a kajillion different categories to put them in. Good things and bad things. Legal and illegal. Safe or dangerous, etc.

But for the sake of this post, we’ll talk in terms of ends and means. Means is simply what you do to get the ends.

But few things are purely one or the other. And end is useless unless it’s part of a bigger process, or means, to get an even bigger end.

This is helpful to think about when you’re out with the intention of meeting people, especially the ladies.

Most guys see a cute girl, and suddenly all their problems will be solved if only she accepts them. Then they’ll be the hero of Earth, and never worry about anything again.

But even if you walk up and she falls madly in love with you, SHE is still a means to a greater end. Certainly, you are not going to use her and throw her aside like a spent Dixie cup. Hopefully you’ll see her as a partner in creating a relationship, even for a short time. And that relationships is going to be a means to create an ends of more happiness, self expression, and sexual fulfillment.

Now, if you walked up and said all this, you may sound like Data from Star Trek.

But this is how you are programmed.

All humans are built with goal seeking mechanisms, and feedback mechanisms.

And within each feedback mechanism are all kinds goals in and of themselves.

Just think about walking. Your overall intention is to get from here, to over there.

But in the process of doing so, you need to keep balance, and keep one foot going in front of the other.

If you captured only a second or two in time, and played it over and over, each step of your foot would be an end, within a larger process.

The bigger you go, the same this same structure exists. From the smallest atom all the way up to the galactic truth of why this whole thing exists.

Not to get too metaphysical, but no matter WHAT happens with that one particular girl, the same overarching goals still exist, and you will still pursue them.

So instead of seeing her as a “make or break” princess of the realm, just see her as maybe part of your own process, maybe not.

Go over and talk to her, and see what happens.

How To Properly Discriminate

Discrimination Isn't Always Bad

Increase Speed And Accuracy

They say discrimination is a bad thing, and should be avoided at all costs.

While this is true for some things, it’s certainly not true for others.

“Discriminate” is one of those vague words that has taken on some negative connotations in the past few decades.

But what does it mean?

Basically, it means looking at several choices, and choosing one for your purposes, based on some specific qualities of the things you are looking at.

Like if you wanted to buy only red apples and not green ones, you would discriminate by color. Absolutely nothing wrong with this when buying apples.

Or if you were choosing a job, and you only wanted to work in a couple cities, you would discriminate by location.

This only becomes a problem when you are assuming things about the “thing” which you are choosing, based on a very superficial quality.

Like the old saying, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” It could have a crappy cover, but be a great story. Or could have a fantastic cover, but be a horrible book.

Personally, I’ve been “conned” many times by choosing a DVD by the cover, only to find that the movie absolutely sucked. (Sometimes I think they spend more money on the cover than they do on the actual movie!)

One type of discrimination is absolutely crucial.

The women you choose to be with. Now, all humans are pre-programmed with some basic filters on what they find attractive, and what they don’t find attractive. We automatically discriminate this way. But since it’s unconscious, we don’t really acknowledge it.

But that’s not what I’m getting at.

Since getting together with (or chasing) the wrong women can cause you a LOT of grief, it’s a good idea to make sure you choose wisely.

The more accurately you can discriminate, and the earlier, the better.

Ideally, you’d be able to tell if she was your type or not within the first few minutes of talking to her.

That way you don’t waste any time.

Of course, if all you want to do is get laid, then you’ll walk up to any attractive enough girl with a pulse and do and say anything to get her into bed.

Again, that’s not what we’re after here.

So, how do you discriminate, or to use a less loaded word, qualify?

First, you need to be comfortable around attractive women so you don’t get hypnotized by their beauty.

The easiest way to do this is to simply talk to as many attractive girls as you can find. Not to pick them up, just to fill your brain with experience.

And the more you talk to, you’ll learn something amazing.

Some of them will become MORE attractive the more you talk to them.

Some of them will become LESS attractive the more you talk to them.

The more of this experience you get, the easier it will be to qualify.

Essential Skills For Dating

Leave The Lines On The Wall

Stop Relying On Memorized Lines

If you want to be successful with girls, you’re going to need to think on your feet.

Most guys don’t like to hear this. Most guys imagine there is some kind of magic combination of words or behaviors that will “create attraction.” And all they’ve got to do is perform these in the right order, and she’ll fall into some kind of life long trance of obedient desire.

Now, if that DID happen, that would be pretty horrible. It’d be like having a non-thinking robot who does nothing but follow you around and agree with everything you say.

Now, if you haven’t been getting a lot of female attention lately, this sounds like the greatest thing ever. Even if you have been getting a lot, this may sound like a good deal.

But it’s not. Because you’re missing out on the greatest part of attraction. A free thinking, intelligent, self confident women who treats you kindly and affectionately because she wants to, and is driven to, both consciously and unconsciously.

Many people have bosses they have to pretend to be friends with. Maybe you’ve got one like this. Maybe you ARE a boss like this. And after a while, the bosses start to think that the people that work for them really DO like them.

But they don’t.

Only because he or she controls you’re livelihood, do you pretend to be best buddies. If you changed jobs, and then saw them at the mall, you’d probably avoid them.

This is the kind of thing most guys THINK they want. A girl who is affectionate and kind to them because they’ve hypnotized her some way, and she has no choice.

But when a girl has a choice to stay with you, or leave you, and chooses to stay with you, that is a wonderful feeling.

And it only comes with being spontaneous, in the moment, and genuine.

This is utterly terrifying for many people. We feel if we show people the REAL us, they’ll see who we really are, and reject us.

And guess what? Some of them will.

But a few of them won’t.

The ones that like us for who we REALLY are, not some fake nice guy, or pretend player, or overly aggressive alpha, they’ll stick around.

Not because they have to. Not because they are afraid what people will say if they don’t. Not because of social pressure.

But because they want to.

Two Crucial Criteria That Make Dating Much Easier

These Two Things Will Make Everything Easier

Get Rid Of Approach Anxiety

What goes through your mind when you approach a girl? If you approach girls. Many guys don’t. Or they wait until they are introduced, or they meet them through social circles, or they meet them online.

But being able to approach girls you find interesting, and start conversations with them is a very wonderful skill to have.

Now, many guys approach girls, but they find the process incredible nerve racking. Meaning they’ve got to warm themselves up. They’ve got to have a couple of drinks. They’ve got to go out with their buddies and make sure they’ve always got moral support.

That’s certainly better than never approaching, but that mind set has several limitations. One is that you are going out specifically to meet girls. This means it’s going to be very hard to be spontaneous. 

Imagine you hook up with your dream girl this way. You get married, have a bunch of kids, and you’re sitting their with your grand kids.

“Grandma, how’d you and grandpa meet?”

“Oh, he was so sweet. I was downtown in the local meet market, and he came up with his buds, all hammered, and spit out some pretty sweet game on me. He kept negging me and doing some crazy ‘push-pull’ that had me ALL confused!”

I hate to break it to you, but this isn’t how most girls dream of meeting their soul mates.

They’d like to believe that it “just happened.” They’d much rather believe you came up to them in the library, or the coffee shop, or some bookstore. And they knew you were interested, and you knew they knew, etc.

In order for THAT to happen, you’ve got to ditch the idea of “going out to meet girls” and embrace the idea of just living your life, and talking to girls you find attractive and interesting as a normal course of who you are.

Which means if you’re hanging out in a coffee shop (not to meet girls but just because you like to chill in that particular environment) and you see a cutie, you simply start a conversation and see what happens.

If she seems interested and game, you keep talking. If she pulls back, closes off, or doesn’t want to be bothered, you eject quickly AND politely. No harm, no foul.

One of the biggest mistakes guys have is not having any criteria. Meaning they see a cute girl, and they suddenly accept her just the way she is, before they even meet her.

Then when they walk up, it’s a matter of getting “accepted” or “rejected.”

But consider this, one of your most important criteria should be that SHE be open enough, self confident enough, and spontaneous enough to at least talk to you for a couple of minutes. On top of that, another important criterion is that she be interested in you enough to keep talking, or exchange numbers to talk some more, later on.

If she doesn’t meet these two criteria, then she doesn’t qualify. Nothing wrong with that.

So instead of going over and hoping you get accepted, go over just to find out what’s what.

It will make it a lot easier.

Ease Your Way Up The Dating Ladder

One Rung At A Time

One Step At A Time

Many guys tell themselves they’d like to get better at talking to girls. Getting their numbers, going on dates, and creating relationships. Then they go out with their buddies, maybe think about approaching, and try something. Then they get blown out, and go home.

While it’s admirable to want to improve your skills in any areas, you’ve got to go about it the right way.

The dating forums are filled with angry guys who’ve tried a few times, didn’t get what they wanted, and then figured the game was rigged, or the world is not worth dating, or any other narrative that protects their ego.

But think of it this way. Imagine you wanted to learn to play the piano. So you went and bought yourself an expensive keyboard. Then you bought a songbook by Bach or some other master composer.

Without even learning how to hold your fingers correctly, you opened your songbook to some random page, and tried to interpret those crazy looking squiggly lines, and started banging away.

Your friends (whom you’d invited to give you moral support) started laughing hysterically. Or maybe they tried to give you some advice. Or maybe they told you that all pianos were rigged somehow, and you had to be some kind of insider to know how to play them correctly.

Does this sound like a great way to learn the piano? Of course it doesn’t.

Things like learning music, or a language or a martial art, take time. We know they take time.

In fact, if you have ZERO knowledge of any kind of martial art, how long before you’d be ready to enter into a black belt level tournament?

At least a couple years. A couple years of dedicated practice, focused exercises, and serious dieting.

Talking to girls is no different. You don’t start at the top level. You don’t go the hottest bars in town, talk to the hottest girls, and expect to get some decent results.

Social skills are learned skills. Sure, some people are naturally good, just like some people are naturally gifted in music or sports.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to play.

How do you learn seduction?

Same way you’d learn anything else. Start slow. Practice consistently. Give yourself plenty of time.

The best way to start to practice your social skills is to simply talk to people. Any time you see somebody that might be interesting, simply start up a conversation, and see what happens.

If you do this regularly, like working out at the gym, you will improve.

Get started.

How To Get A Girlfriend

Everything's Easier When You Follow A Blueprint

Anything’s Easy With Proper Planning

No matter what you want in life, you’ll never get there if you don’t know what you want.

I know, sounds like one of those catch-22’s. But consider this. All humans come preprogrammed with certain desires, that drive our instincts. Most of these instincts are shut off unless they are in the presence of our corresponding desires.

Once something is present that can satisfy one of these desires, we feel an almost uncontrollable urge to take certain action, based on our environment, in order to satisfy that particular desire.

Consider food. I’m sure you’ve had the experience if not being hungry, and then suddenly you smell something really good. Then all you can think about is food. If you are near the food, and it’s available, it’s nearly impossible to not eat it.

Like maybe you’re going to a party, and you don’t really feel like eating anything. But when you get there, there’s a MASSIVE spread of good stuff. Then you simply can’t help yourself.

Sure, you may tell yourself some stories like, “I don’t want to be rude,” or “Well, since they went to the trouble,” or, “I just felt like eating.”

But in reality, your inner caveman saw and opportunity to eat, and took over.

Same goes with seeing attractive girls or any other “trigger” that jump starts out caveman brain.

If you ONLY go by your caveman brain, you may get lucky, you may not.

Only if you take the time to decide what you want, and plan your life accordingly, do you have any hope of escaping the “I hope I get lucky” trap.

For example, let’s say you wanted to lose weight. So you bought a couple diet books. You decided to ditch all your food at home that didn’t fit your new diet plan. Then you carefully went shopping for only the foods that would support your new diet. And you avoided restaurants and fast food places as much as you could.

This, of course, would make it a lot easier to lose weight, or get in shape.

Most people realize this. And they realize it would take time. Plenty of time.

But for some reason, when we think of relationships, we expect it to “just happen.”

We don’t plan what kind of relationship we want, or the type of person we want it with, or where we might meet them.

We just show up and hope for the best.

That would be like going to McDonalds, ordering a couple of super size Big Mac packs, and hoping you might get lucky and get that six pack.

Take some time. Choose the kind of girl you’d like. Figure out how you’ll know her when you see her.

And go talk to her. Keep this up, and pretty soon you’ll have a nice relationship.