Category Archives: Boundaries

Are You Sitting On A Hidden Minefield?

Ditch The Hidden Traps

Stop Tip Toeing Around

How do you respond when you hear or see a child cry, other than your own?

Many perceive it as a nuisance, especially if you’re in church or at the movies.

One interesting thing to do is when you’re out “watching people” in public, check out the reaction of others when a kid starts crying.

Most of the men will look quickly with a slight bit of annoyance.

Some of the women will look at the parent, depending on their own experience.

Maybe both.

There’s a technique called “dark energy” or “shadow energy” whereby we assume that the things about others that bother us are really because they remind us about parts of us we are unwilling or afraid to face.

A way to dig into your own negative energy is to wait until somebody bothers you.

And then instead of getting angry at them, or wishing they’d go away, ask yourself, “What is it about me that they might remind me of?”

And then pay attention to the answer. If you find a part of yourself that don’t particularly like, or aren’t very proud if, simply accept it.

Just sit with it for a while, and accept it. Don’t ignore it or change it.

Many places in the world that have seen plenty of warfare have live mines.

Meaning there’s big fields where farmers can’t farm, kids can’t play, and people can’t take shortcuts.

Since they are so expensive and time consuming to find and remove, they just put up a big fence around it with plenty of warnings.

We also have hidden “mines” within us. Things that suddenly “go off” with you least expect them.

Somebody says something, somebody looks you a certain way, and it might remind you of something far, far back in your past.

Maybe something you’d rather not face. Something you did, or something that was done to you.

The good news is that there is an easy way to get rid of those land mines from your past.

Which will give you a lot more space to play, grow and take shortcuts.

And the process can be a lot of fun.

Learn More:

Emotional Freedom

Do You Talk Yourself Out Of Success?

Shut Down Those Inner Voices

Deal With Those Inner Voices

There is a battle raging inside your mind.

Most people don’t know this, but you do.

Few notice this, but you know it’s there.

A battle of ideas, intentions, desires.

Part of you wants to move forward, but then a split second later, too quick for most to notice, another part steps in with the doubts. The worries. The “what ifs.”

When I went bungee jumping, the guy at the top said don’t hesitate. Don’t look down. Just look straight ahead, count to three and lean forward. If you look down, you’ll talk yourself out of it.

This is a clear example of what happens that everybody understands. But when you want to speak up in a crowd, say something in a meeting, or approach an interesting stranger, it happens too quickly for most to notice.

What’s worse, that second voice is the most persuasive voice you’ll ever hear. Not only does that voice convince you it’s not a good idea to do what you wanted to do, but it’s actually BETTER if you don’t.

And if you’ve got a super advanced Jedi ninja in your brain, you may even find yourself patting yourself on your back for your “advanced insight” that keeps you from doing what you wanted to do anyway!

How did we get this way?

Once upon a time, we would move forward with nothing but enthusiasm and excitement. Then we learned that sometimes it was not such a great idea. Adults yelled at us. Teachers scowled at us. Those with “moral authority” shook their fingers at us.

So that secondary voice isn’t REALLY trying to hurt us, it’s trying to protect us.

But like those 100 year old Japanese soldiers still living in the jungle, they don’t know the war’s over.

They believe it’s still raging.

Which means yelling at them, cursing at them, thinking they are somehow proof of your “brokenness” isn’t the best way to approach them.

Kindly let them know they’ve done their job well. They did a fantastic job keeping you safe when you were a kid and surrounded by well meaning but not always effective adults.

Tell them to stand down. You’re an adult now. You can deal with whatever comes up.

Let them know you’ll check in from time to time, maybe for advice, maybe just have a few laughs over the old times (like when you got yelled at by your teacher in front of the class).

But other than that, it’s all you.

Set yourself free.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

How To Obliterate Inhibitions

Everything Is Perfect

All Is Perfect

Many things are very inefficient.

On the other hand, everything is always perfectly efficient.

From nature’s point of view, everything’s perfect. Always has been, always will be.

The laws of science always behave exactly the way they are supposed to.

It’s only when the human brain, intention, and limited understanding come into play do things seem to be out of whack.

Take riding a bicycle for example. You put in a certain amount of energy to get from point A to point B.

A lot of that energy is heat, both in your body and in the bike. 

Or consider driving a car. You put gas in, and drive somewhere. The gas produces exhaust, which means that there’s an inefficient use of fuel. A perfectly efficient use of fuel would leave zero exhaust.

Same goes with your body. Fuel in, and exhaust out. On a personal level, it seems to be a lot of wasted energy.

But then again, from a very broad perspective, it’s perfectly the way it should be.

Only when we want something we can’t get, or we don’t understand the system does something seem to be “not working.”

Take something simple like shooting baskets. You shoot and you miss. Even if you completely miss the rim, the laws of physics are still working beautifully.

But what happened? Your brain wanted it to go in, but your body didn’t cooperate. Or did it?

Maybe part of your brain was wanting it to go in, and part of your brain was worried what everybody would think if you missed.

Kind of like having one of those two-person bikes when both people aren’t pedaling in sync.

When you were born, you were perfectly in sync with your intention and your intuition. When you wanted something, you let everybody know. When you were curious about something, you went over and grabbed it. When you were sad, you didn’t pretend you weren’t.

Then you went through a process of becoming an adult. Sadly, many folks don’t make it through this “training period.”

Many people never regain their innocence, curiosity, tendency to express their emotions clearly and confidently.

Think about an adult you know, that can still do that. Open, fearless, not afraid of risks.

Most people would describe somebody like that as incredibly charismatic.

It’s really just a combination of an adult mind (and all the implied responsibilities), with a childlike attitude. When you combine those two, there’s NOTHING that can stop you.

All you’ve got to do is ditch all those “learned inhibitions” that come with a typical growing up process.

That outgoing, creative and curious charismatic YOU is still there.

Ready to let yourself out?

Get Started:

Emotional Freedom

How To Set Boundaries That Are Respected

Set Love Boundaries

Assertive Communication

How do you know when you find the right woman?

She’ll be easy. No, not that! I mean you won’t have to “manage” her. Or put up with much nonsense.

Now, putting up with nonsense doesn’t mean she’s bad, it just means you’ve got a criteria mismatch.

Most people, when they get into relationships, have only the criteria that the other person likes them. Then they cross their fingers and hope for the best. Usually, this doesn’t work out so much.

I’m sure you know how important it is to set boundaries, right? How she responds to your boundaries will tell you if you’re really compatible or not.

Say one of your boundaries, for example, is not being late. If anybody shows up more than 20 minutes late, that’s something you simply do not want to put up with.

And say on your second date, she’s 30 minutes late. Now, most guys wouldn’t even say anything. But since you’re an advanced student of game, you know that it’s VERY IMPORTANT to set boundaries as early as possible.

So you may say something like, “I know this may sound strange, but I have a personal rule that I don’t wait for more than 20 minutes for any meeting.”

How she responds will tell you EVERYTHING.

If she acts like that’s a huge burden to deal with, that might be enough to cut this one lose.

On the other hand, if she’s NEVER more than 20 minutes late again, that means she might be a keeper.

Ideally, you want to know your boundaries. Then, you’ll need to express them calmly and rationally when they are crossed. And they WILL be crossed.

Then you’ll need to know how to respond based on how she responds.

Compatible couples who are truly into each other tend to respect each other’s boundaries without much fuss.

Those that don’t end up with lots of unexpressed anger or hurt feelings, which isn’t healthy for anybody.

Many people fall into the trap of “She should know what to do.” Maybe so, but thinking this will get you intro trouble.

Always assume it’s YOUR responsibility to set the boundaries, and make sure you respond when they are crossed. Never let anything slide.

After all, you don’t want to hook up with somebody who’s always disrespecting you, do you?

And you may have to be the one to carefully elicit her boundaries as well.


That will make you MUCH more attractive to her.

Since most guys never even come close to this level of “relationship game” you’ll be a shiny star in a sea of bumbling clowns.