It’s very hard to do something when we are afraid to do it.
Most of the time, we think of this from our own perspective.
But it can be very helpful to see this from others as well.
We all have the experience of trying to convince somebody to do something.
And they “sort of want to” but they are a little scared at the same time.
Maybe you want to go out and be social, but your buddy wants to play video games.
They’ll never say, “Yeah, going out and meeting people sounds fantastic. But I’m kid of scared of rejection or saying something stupid and looking like an idiot, so I’d rather stay here and play video games.”
Instead they say, “Dude, that’s lame, let’s just chill here.”
One of the common tactics of avoid unpleasant situations is to condemn that which we fear.
It’s kind of an internal reframe.
I don’t want to go out because I’m afraid of rejection, I don’t want to go out because going out is lame.
They may give a few supporting arguments for the “lame” part, making their argument sound logical.
Cover charges, waiting in line, traffic, etc.
But the REAL reason is the same.
Carefully hidden beneath all of their surface structure “logic.”
The common response is to argue with their surface structure logic.
But since that’s just a cover for the REAL issue (in this metaphor social anxiety) it will only REINFORCE that the REAL issue is the surface level.
You could try and “prove” you are right by forcing them to admit they’re really scared, so you could tell them there’s nothing to be scared about.
But that would make them dig even deeper.
“Dude, what the hell are you talking about? I just don’t to wait in line so I can spend $20 for a gin and tonic!”
A much BETTER strategy would be to acknowledge the real issue, and just leave it be.
Sometimes you NEED the objection to overcome it.
But often times this isn’t the case.
You just need to do the opposite.
Frame your idea so that it’s so compelling, they’ll overcome their own objection.
This way, even if you’re wrong about the objection, it won’t matter.
Luckily, pretty much any idea can be presented so it’s MORE powerful than any internal objections they may have.
Which is even better, since in overcoming their own objections (usually subconsciously) they’ll convince themselves it was THEIR idea all along.