Monthly Archives: March 2016

Where Do You Come From?

Destroy Fear of Mistakes

I was watching this interview the other day.

One of the writers who was talking about the next Star Wars movie.

The question was about one of the characters, and what the writer’s response was to the various “origin theories” floating around online.

He gave some kind of vague answer, saying it would be “satisfying” to everybody.

But the idea of an “origin story” is VERY common in almost all popular stories and myths.

Often times the formula is first we meet the hero, then we become interested in how they “became” the hero.

Why is this so compelling?

Maybe because all of us, on a deep level, want to know “where” we come from.

Maybe as ancient tribes were wandering across the face of the Earth, knowing where they came from would help them to learn from their mistakes. Or learn from their predecessors, mythological or not.

One metaphor is when driving your car, the ratio between the windshield and your rear view mirror is a good ratio.

Meaning you want to be focused MOSTLY on where you’re going, but you need to glance behind you from time to time.

When talking about Meta Programs, this means you want to be motivated a little bit by pain or fear, but mostly by the pleasure of where you are headed.

This is one of the problems many people have with goal setting. If they ONLY are motivated by moving away from pain, the further away from pain they get, the less motivation they have.

Compare the people in your local gym in the first week of January to the first week of March and you’ll see the difference.

How can you avoid this common trap?

Spend a few minutes each and every day meditation on where you are going.

Visualize what it will be when you get there.

Feel all the feelings, see all the sights, hear all the sounds.

This is the power of keeping a daily journal.

If you have a goal, write down ANYTHING you did that day to get you closer.

Then imagine ANYTHING you can do the next day. And actually take the time to imagine doing it.

The future will be EASY to create when you practice building.

Of course, there will be mistakes along the way. You can use journaling to USE THOSE to propel you even further into the future.

Once you realize how beneficial they are, the “fear” of “mistakes” will vanish.

It’s not magic. It takes time.

But with daily practice, you can slowly change your beliefs, behaviors, and attitudes, that will make it easy to achieve anything.

Of course, at the heart of most life plans is your ability to communicate with others.

Because part of EVERY hero’s journey is the support crew.

Get Started Building Yours:

Interpersonal Resonance

You Become What You Practice

Do You Practice Procrastinating?

They say that knowledge is power.

That’s sometimes true, but sometimes not.

A lot of knowledge is useless unless you know how to apply it.

Like if you watched some guy on YouTube doing a demo of how to play a certain song on the piano.

You might be able to watch enough to know the chords, keys, etc.

But you wouldn’t be able to play it to save your life.

That’s the difference between “knowledge” and “working knowledge.”

One sounds kind of cool at parties if you want to talk yourself up.

But the second is fantastic for actually creating things that you can enjoy.

Many people fall prey to the “shiny new object” disorder when it comes to self development.

They read book after book, and wonder why they are never spinning their wheels.

Imagine if you went to a friend’s house and they had tons of books on martial arts.

And you asked them how often they practiced.

And they said, “Practice? I only read about it…”

You’d think they were pretty silly.

Yet that’s how most people approach self development. They read all the books, but rarely do the exercises more than once or twice.

But just like anything else, the more you practice, they better you’ll get.

At anything.

If you want to practice procrastination, all you would have to do is do it at least once a day.

And pretty soon you’d be a world champ!

Once a patient came to Milton Erickson, and said she had a problem controlling her weight.

Dr. Erickson said he didn’t believe her. And to prove he was right, he wanted her to go out and gain ten pounds, which she did pretty easily.

This set the belief that she did indeed control her weight perfectly fine. Which made it easier for her to change her habits to move it in the direction she wanted.

Bottom line is you’ll get better at whatever you practice.

If you practice doing nothing then you’ll be a world champ.

If you practice communicating with elegance you’ll be a world champ.

If you practice sales, persuasion, seduction, whatever, you’ll be a world champ.

If you practice dealing with your inner demons, so you can express yourself openly, confidently and charismatically, wherever you are and whoever you’re talking, you’ll get pretty good at that.

This guide will show you how. It’s FILLED with exercises that will turn you into a persuasion ninja.

Get Started:

Interpersonal Resonance

Use Their Model Of The World

Learn From Einstein’s Mistake

I was reading a pretty good financial article the other night.

It was by this guy who’d written a few bestselling books. He’s got connections inside the Federal Reserve, and he’s been in the business for many years.

So he knows what he’s talking about.

Anyhow, he said anything is easy to understand when you have the right model.

But with the wrong model, you’ll never “get it.”

Of course, politicians and the economists who work for them choose models to help their careers, rather than accurately describe what’s going.

Which is why government run economies usually don’t do so well.

One my favorite stories from physics is the discovery of Quantum Mechanics.

A bunch of ultra-smart dudes (Einstein, Bohr, Plank, etc) were trying to out exactly how this “event” was happening.

They kept trying different mathematical models, and kept getting it wrong. Even Einstein.

But unlike government goofs who are in love with their own ideas, as soon as they found out their model was wrong, they had no problems trashing it and coming up with a new one.

We ALL share the same type of misconception.

We become so in love with our own models, even when they aren’t working, we’ll do anything to FORCE them to be right.

That’s the heart of “cognitive dissonance.” We literally can’t see things that prove us wrong. Our monkey brains won’t let us. It thinks our egos can’t take it.

But if you’re trying to do ANYTHING that involves the participation of other people, you’ll ONLY be able to find people that are congruent with your own model.

This is where “confirmation bias” comes from. We only hang out with those who agree with us. Only watch TV shows that we agree with. Only read news sources that share our opinions of the world.

But if you can ditch that thinking, you’ll be able to build relationships with A LOT MORE people.

If you’re trying to sell something, you’ll make a lot more money.

If you’re trying to find a romantic partner, you’ll have a lot more options.

Now this is much deeper than simply trying to “see another person’s point of view.” Or changing your politics just to make a sale.

This is about listening to other people describe THEIR OWN model of the world.

And when you do that, you’ll be able to present YOUR IDEAS in terms of THEIR MODEL.

That way, it will sound much, much more congruent to them.

You’ll get more agreement, more dates, more sales more of whatever else you want that other people have.

Learn More:

Interpersonal Resonance

Can You Predict This?

Master The Variables Of Communication

Way back when I was in school, I studied physics.

And most of the classes, even the upper division advanced stuff, was dumbed down.

Meaning they would only talk about simple systems.

More than a few variables, and the math gets way too complicated.

Even today, when they have MASSIVE computing power, they still can’t predict the weather with much accuracy.

Sure, it’s going to rain. It’s going to be sunny. There’s a huge storm coming.

But beyond those general statements (which most sailors from hundreds of years ago could tell you) they can’t get much more specific.

And that’s only a FEW variables. Heat, humidity, wind speed, precipitation.

Now consider somebody who wants to know a few “lines” to memorize to say to other people in order to get some kind of result.

A date, a sale, a phone number.

Just two people who’ve known each other for YEARS have WAY MORE variables than any INORGANIC weather system.

Think about that.

That’s why it makes little sense to memorize any kind of language pattern to use with another human.

And why it’s much more important to learn basic TECHNIQUES.

Kind of like boxing. Not the greatest metaphor, since communication isn’t a fight, it’s a search for mutual understanding and mutual benefit. But it helps to understand.

You NEVER KNOW which particular punches you’ll throw in which particular order.

So you do a couple of very important things.

One is you practice ALL KIND OF MOVES. Jabs, roundhouses, uppercuts, etc.

AND you practice READING YOUR OPPONENT. So you know when and what kind of punch to throw.

When it comes to communicating, it’s pretty similar.

But most people completely IGNORE the idea of the OTHER PERSON.

But when you simply pay attention to the other person, and understand what they want, presenting YOUR IDEAS in those terms (what they want) is much more effective.

In fact, it’s SO EFFECTIVE, that if you spend most of your time getting to know them, what they’re interested, etc., everything else will simply fall into place.

Of course, this isn’t as easy as baking a cake. Everybody’s different. Everybody responds differently. And between YOUR IDEAS and THEIR IDEAS there’s a lot of junk.

Specifically, everything that makes up YOUR inner game, and everything that makes up THEIR inner game.

Simply understanding these exist will put you miles ahead of everybody else.

Making it much easier to create WONDERFUL interactions with pretty much anybody.

Anywhere, anytime.

Get Started:

Interpersonal Resonance

Are You Waiting For Luck?

Are You Waiting To Get Lucky?

I saw this movie the other night about King Arthur.

This is one common story in Western Culture.

In this particular story, Sir Lancelot had to run this huge obstacle course.

It was for some carnival they were setting up.

In order to get through it, he needed strength, flexibility, balance and a lot of luck.

Kind of a “foreshadowing” event of what he’d need to navigate the deeper politics of the movie.

Most successful people, if they’re truly honest, will admit that “luck” plays a HUGE role in how they did what they did.

Of course, “luck” is one of those things that we all think we know, but it’s pretty hard to agree on the definition.

Certainly if you’re NOT lucky, that makes a ready excuse for not being successful.

And even if you ARE successful, part of you may think it will be snatched away, so if you attribute at least part of it to “luck” then you won’t feel so bad in the “rags” part of your “rags to riches to rags” story.

But if you REALLY want to reverse engineer success, a fantastic book is “The Millionaire Next Door.”

Sure, these guys got “lucky,” at least sometimes. But part of being lucky means to always be on the lookout for opportunities, and always being ready to take advantage of them.

And most of those guys in that book realized that success is a long, consistent effort more than anything else.

If you want to do ANYTHING very, very well, then you better be willing to put in the consistent practice.

Instead of asking yourself, “what can I do to be successful,” a better question should be, “what kinds of things should I do on a daily basis to slowly BUILD my success?”

Of course, few people think of success this way.

They tend to think in terms of winning the lottery, or “meeting” the right person.

But if all you did were a few mental exercises every day, ten minutes per day, you’d soon have skills most people don’t know exist.

The heart of nearly all success is the ability to communicate effectively.

Not just to communicate YOUR ideas, but to carefully elicit the ideas of others.

Because when you get YOUR ideas working along with the ideas of others, THAT’S when you start to build MASSIVE success.

Get Started:

Interpersonal Resonance

Are You Memorizing Lines?

Are You Memorizing Lines?

If you wanted to model somebody, there are two things you’d need to consider.

Their outer behavior, and their inner thinking.

Now, obviously a lot of things aren’t that dependent on inner behavior.

If you wanted to make some chicken nuggets, for example, you’d only need to copy the outer behavior.

You could find a decent YouTube video, watch what they do, and copy them.

So long as you do the right steps, you’ll get the right results.

On the other hand, there are other things that require a deep understanding of what’s going on the inside.

Many people who are interesting in improving their dating skills, for example, would love the idea of being able to memorize a bunch of lines and then just “spit them out” and get the same results.

But if you’ve ever watched a crappy movie, you know there’s a lot more than just memorizing lines.

Even take two actors, everything else the same, and you’ll get two DRAMATICALLY different results.

For example, imagine some guy famous for making comedies. The guy who played “Doc” in Back to the Future, for example, but trying to pull of a serious James Bond.

Sure, it might work, but it would be DRAMATICALLY DIFFERENT.

This is the fallacy of thinking you can just “memorize” what to say, and have the same effect.

Of course, when we’re talking about acting, it’s a ONE WAY communication.

Which means that actor expects us to sit there and be passive.

This is also another fallacy in thinking you can memorize lines and have them work on a potential client or romantic partner.

This is actually GOOD NEWS.


Because most books, courses and techniques involve some kind of “inner game” and “outer game.”

Inner beliefs, and outer behaviors.

But they completely IGNORE the other person.

When you take into account the UNIQUE ideas, perceptions, experiences and beliefs of the OTHER PERSON, your own “outer game” is much less important.

In fact, in reality you need VERY LITTLE outer game to UNWRAP their inner game.

And once they are seeing YOU through their own unique filters, desires and criteria, it’s much easier than most people realize.

Doesn’t matter WHAT your purpose of communicating is.

Business, personal, romance or just of for fun.

When you focus on THEIR inner game, everything else falls into place.

Learn More:

Interpersonal Resonance

Do You Feel Cheated?

Is Life Throwing You Curve Balls?

If you’ve ever played any kind of competitive sports, then you know what it’s like to “fake” somebody out.

You’ve got the ball, and you pretend to go one way.

If you’re congruent enough, they believe you, then you can quickly shift the other day.

This looks pretty good if you can pull it off.

Most people can’t.

It also feels pretty embarrassing to fall for this.

This is the strategy behind the curve ball.

Make it look like a ball, so they don’t swing. But it turns out to be a strike. (or the other way around).

If fact, most pitches are designed to be deceiving, unless you’re throwing pure heat.

The trickiest to throw (and to hit if it’s thrown correctly) is the knuckle ball.

It bounces all over the place, but it’s moving slowly.

Looks easy to hit, but it’s not. Quite the opposite.

Clearly, how well you deceive others in sports can help you win.

But in life, the opposite will happen. If you purposely try to deceive others, you’ll land in hot water.

You’ll develop a reputation, nobody will want to do business with you.

Or worse, you might get sued or end up in jail.

Scientists tell us we have a highly evolved “cheating” filter.

Meaning we are really good at sniffing out social cheats.

In hunter gatherer societies, we didn’t need it. Everybody knew everybody else.

But when societies started getting really big, it became easy to con people.

Which meant people had to develop a “sixth sense” for people who were con artists.

Unfortunately, sometimes this can be a hair trigger.

Meaning we feel like we’ve been conned, when we really haven’t.

This happens when we “expect” something, but don’t get it.

We “assume” that we “should” get something because of commonly understood social rules or something.

Like a guy will flirt with a girl. She gives him her number. Then they go on a date, but she’s not interested any more.

This certainly FEELS like she “tricked” him.

But in reality, she was attracted, then she wasn’t. Happens all the time. Nobody tricked anybody.

One thing that can make it worse is if you are PREDISPOSED to see “trickery” where none exists.

This comes from your childhood experience. If you EXPECT people to manipulate and take advantage of you, you’ll see it where it doesn’t really exist.

Likewise, if you EXPECT people to be friendly and kind, you’ll see THAT as well.

And since our BEHAVIOR creates our world much more than we realize, we can be trapped in a horrible world if we don’t address these underlying issues.

Meaning we need to understand that the world is only a reflection of our expectations. Since these are largely unconscious, it take can a while to uncover and change them.

But when you do, you’ll literally be living in a completely different world.

Much better. Much friendlier, and much more prosperous.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

Be Your Own Best Friend

How To Like Yourself

Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of articles about “happiness.”

Not really happiness, but the books about happiness.

Usually written by some famous (and usually attractive) psychologist.

But the “secret” they’ve discovered is pretty basic.

Nothing earth shattering.

Like when you make mistake, don’t beat yourself up.

Talk to yourself like a friend instead.

Encourage yourself.

However, this doesn’t really help.

Because people that are “happy” do that anyway.

Naturally talking to yourself as a friend instead of beating yourself up is an outcome. An effect, rather than a cause.

The CAUSE is that you genuinely LIKE yourself.

If you LIKE yourself, you will naturally talk to yourself like a friend.

So in a sense, those super famous “psychologists” are telling us to like ourselves more.

Like we could just “flip a switch” and fix everything.

It’s about as helpful as telling somebody who wants to lose weight to just “eat less.”

Gee, thanks!

Liking ourselves ITSELF is an outcome. An effect, rather than a cause.

Think of “liking yourself” like you’d like a friend.

Why do you like them?

They make you feel good. They’ve got your back. They have similar interests. Similar struggles.

We can’t really “choose” who we like and who we don’t.

Sure, if you’re FORCED to be roommates with somebody, you generally LEARN to like them.

Well, guess what?

Your FORCED to be roommates with YOURSELF.

So how can you learn to “like” yourself?

One way is to like what you’re doing.

Think if you had a friend, that was always coming over and messing up your apartment. Always eating your food. Never replacing it. Always getting in your way.

How long would you like them?

Not very long.

Think of the opposite friend. He or she came over and helped you clean up. Helped you keep your fridge stocked. Encouraged you to go out and meet people.

One way to like yourself more is to be your own coach.

Be able to shift in and out of coaching mode.

Write down a list of things for yourself to get, or do, or accomplish.

Then at the end of each day, write down the things you did to get closer.

Then write down the things you can do tomorrow.

Then during the day, think of these “to do” items. Go through them mentally.

Thinking of doing things for your “future self.”

Or think of following a list of tasks from your “past self.”

Crazy hallucination?

So what?

You’ll not only “like” yourself. But you’ll be “proud” of yourself. You’ll want to “show yourself off” to others.

Give it a try, and see.

There are plenty more mental exercises like this to increase happiness.

Learn More:

Emotional Freedom

Are You A Sheep?

How To Spin The Other Direction

One time I went to a Vietnamese restaurant with a Vietnamese friend of mine.

We were both looking over the menu, and we had both decided on the same thing.

It was in Vietnamese, so he had to explain everything to me.

He ordered, and then I ordered.

The waitress looked at me, deadpan, and said, “copycat.”

My friend thought it was the funniest thing.

We kept going back to that restaurant because the food was delicious.

But he always referred to it as the “copycat” place.

Humans are, after all, primates.

And the expression, “Monkey see, monkey do,” is pretty applicable to us humans.

Once in high school my neighbor and I were discussing how much people were “sheep.”

They teacher had done teaching, we’d all finished out in-class assignment, and we were all just sitting around waiting for the bell to ring.

Like animals in a cage waiting for instructions at the zoo or something.

My buddy and I decided to be “rebels.” To stand up and leave a minute before the bell rang.

We felt like we were doing some kind of heroic act of disobedience or something. (high school idiots lol!)

But when we stood up in defiance, everybody copied us. Like it was no big deal.

As we shuffled out, the teacher looked at the clock, confused.

Bottom line is that humans copy each other MUCH MORE than we realize, or would like to admit.

But here’s a way that EVERYBODY is copying YOU that maybe you haven’t thought of yet.

How you see yourself.

If you think you’re an idiot, guess what?

You’ll act like an idiot, and everybody will COPY your own JUDGMENT of yourself.

If you REALLY THINK you’re an awesome person with a lot to offer, people will copy THAT judgment about yourself as well.

Most people think get it backwards.

They think OTHERS judge us FIRST, and then we RESPOND to that.

But that is impossible.

How can they possible judge you just by looking at you?

They need help. Hints. Clues. Evidence.

Where do they get that from?

Your own opinion of yourself.

Change THAT, and you’ll change everything else.

Naturally, this isn’t as easy as changing your shirt or your shoes.

There IS a pretty tight feedback loop.

You, them, you, them etc.

But once you get started, and KEEP WORKING ON YOURSELF, you’ll slowly tip that feedback loop in the other direction.

You’ll think genuinely positive things about yourself. That will change your behavior. That will change how others perceive you. Which will AMPLIFY your own positive opinion about yourself.

When you get into THAT rhythm, (and KEEP it going) life is pretty good.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom

Beware of Shortcuts

Are You Caught In A Horror Movie?

There’s a lot of horror movies based on short cuts.

Young couple is driving to some cabin, and the guy knows a short cut.

Then they end up surrounded by zombies or ghosts or little kids that live in the corn.

Funny thing about popular movies, is even the craziest ones have to reflect reality.

Sure, there are some weird movies that make absolutely zero sense on any level.

But most movies that most people watch have to match reality on a few levels.

It’s only the part that “goes wrong” that makes it interesting.

Psychologists tell us the very reason that stories came to be was to teach us things.

Sure, they were bored around the caveman campfire every night. And telling stories did pass the time.

But eventually, the BEST stories were the ones that also taught a lesson.

Not in a preachy way, or even in an Aesop’s Fable way, where they have to SAY the moral at the end.

Stories that teach us on many levels, so we can all individually, on our own, kind of see how the meaning speaks to US on a deep, personal level.

So what’s the deep meaning of taking shortcuts and ending up in some cannibals dinner?

Maybe that shortcuts are dangerous.

Maybe that thinking we can shortcut ANY process is generally not a good idea.

Sure, we may think we can skate by, and look like a hero, but often times, we just end up wasting more time.

Like the old saying goes, “If you don’t have time to do it right, how are you going to find time to do it over?”

Yet, go into any bookstore, or shop on Amazon for any product, and MANY of them are based on “shortcut thinking.”

Lost fifty pounds in one weekend.

The “weird trick” that will make any girl fall in love with you in seconds.

The secret ninja method to hijack the options market to make a kijillion dollars on auto pilot.

How to grow fifty pound tomatoes with only a spoonful of dirt.

You get the idea!

Maybe the QUICKEST WAY to do anything is to AVOID shortcuts altogether!

I know, sounds counterintuitive.

But MANY things work because they are counterintuitive.

As I’m sure you’ve experienced MANY times, some of the BEST FEELINGS in life come when you are in the process of BUILDING something.

Not in finding a way to GET something without doing any of the work.

What do you want to build?

You really can choose anything. So long as you take your time, go slow and BE CONSISTENT.

Get started, NEVER STOP, and you’ll be AMAZED.

These mental tools and exercises can help:

Emotional Freedom