Monthly Archives: May 2016

Mind Mismatch

Eliminate Mind Mismatches

The other night I watched that Facebook movie on Netflix.

They had those guys that were on the rowing teams.

Most sports are a combination of skills, strengths, endurance, strategy and teamwork.

But in that kind of competition, teamwork can make or break you.

You can be weaker physically, but if you are “in sync” much more than everybody else, you’ll win.

When I was in high school I had this girlfriend. After the initial excitement wore off, our dates were pretty similar.

“Where do you want to go?”

“I dunno, where do you want to go?”

And we’d end up driving around in circles. Not really circles, but we wouldn’t ever do anything interesting, since we never had much of a plan.

One of the secrets of a good relationship is compatibility. Sure, there’s got to be physical and emotional attraction, but if you aren’t mostly compatible, it’s not going to work.

One thing that can mess up us humans is the idea of a “mismatch.”

We can be mismatched in our jobs, wrong skills at the wrong company. In a relationship. In a major in college. Even choosing a movie to watch. You get about ten minutes in and think, “Hmm. This isn’t for me.”

One of the most common mismatches is our instincts.

They were designed to help us during hunter gatherer times, but they mess us up now.

Like eating.

Back then, it made sense to eat everything in sight whenever you could.

Not so much now.

Back then, everybody was egalitarian. Meaning they all shared the wealth, which in those days was food.

But now, you see some ultra rich person in front of you at the supermarket, on some level it FEELS like they’re “cheating” because they are not sharing with you.

But unless you know HOW they got all their money, you can’t really judge them.

Assuming “cause-effect” relationships were none exist is also a holdover.

Back then, even if you were wrong nine times out of ten, but that one time out of ten kept you alive, assuming cause effect relationships where none existed (loud noises equals danger, for example) kept you alive.

The ancient dudes who wanted to investigate everything in meticulous detail eventually got eaten.

However, there are WAY more variables today than back then.

Not only that, but it’s WAY less dangerous.

So those “cause-effect” relationships we assume are true are FALSE probably 99.99% of the time.

And when they ARE true, we wont’ die. Not even close. Maybe feel some social discomfort.

But our ancient brains haven’t been updated.

Or at least not very much.

The good news is with some consistent and creative imagination, journaling, and VERY SMALL risks on a daily basis, you can retrain your brain to see the world much more accurately, and much more in your favor.

So taking those actions to get you what you want (money, companionship, sex, fame, social status, income, wealth, whatever) will be natural and easy.

Learn How:


Customize Your Brain

Customize Your Brain

When I was in high school I went to this party.

I’m not sure what the occasion was, but there was a mix of kids and adults.

I don’t even remember if it was a kid party with a bunch of grownups, or a grownup party with a bunch of kids.

Anyhow, I was in the garage, and I noticed the homeowner had a car covered up.

But it was a pretty small car.

After a few questions, the owner (of the home and the car) came out and took off the cover.

I don’t even remember what kind of car it was (I was never a “car guy”) only that was a little red convertible.

And he was spending his free time customizing it, down to the super cool looking dash board, with all kinds of gauges and dials.

One thing that struck me was how this guy lit up with enthusiasm when he was describing it. Something he was obviously passionate about.

Most people buy a car, and they’re good. They may put down some custom mats, or maybe even put something cool on the dash, but that’s about it with how much people “customize” their cars.

Most people use their brains the same way.

They figure they’ll use their “stock model” without doing any custom work to it.

Sure, they’ll go to school, like everybody else.

Fill it up with enough data to pass the next test, like everybody else.

Then get a job, like everybody else.

And show up on time, and do what they’re told, like everybody else.

That strategy works, until it doesn’t.

Then what?

What happens if you want to do something, and you look upside your brain for a strategy, and come back with nothing?

What happens if you (gasp!) have to try something you’ve NEVER done before, in an attempt to get your needs met, but your factory-setting brain says, “No way, dude!”

You could vacillate, like everybody else.

You could look for somebody to blame, like everybody else.

Or you could do something different.

You could get started TODAY learning how to customize your brain.

How to practice thinking, so the when the inevitable situation comes up, you won’t be stuck.

You’ll take action, leaving everybody in the dust.

How do you do that?

Here’s How:


Re Train Your Monkey Brains

Re Train Your Monkey Brain

There was a magical shift in our thinking, long time ago.

According to an Economist.

When we think of doing something NOW, that’s called “present good.”

When we think of doing something in the FUTURE, that’s called “future good.”

The shift happened when early humans learned to IMAGINE a “future good” in the “present,” thereby turning into a “present good.”

For example, let’s say you would like to eat some ice cream, RIGHT NOW.

But you also have a goal of losing weight, six months from now.

Now, you COULD, eat the ice cream now, and say you’ll get started on the diet TOMORROW. (You’ve never done this, right?)

Or you COULD take some time to imagine that FUTURE GOOD (you’re future body) SO MUCH, that it becomes MORE DESIRABLE, as you imagine it in the present (making it a “present good”) than eating the ice cream.

This is what that Economist thought happened to people as they slowly changed from hunter-gatherers (let’s go find something we can eat NOW), into farmers (let’s do work TODAY so we’ll have a CRAPLOAD of easy food in six months).

This REALLY kicked into high gear when any particular society had done this for a few years.

Because of the work in the PAST, they had food TODAY. Enough to last until the food in six months was ready.

Now, who in their right mind, when getting food is easy as planting seeds and waiting, would run after some scary animal and try to kill it?

Needless to say, once EVERYBODY turned into farmers, that’s when societies took off. Governments, laws, massive irrigation systems, running water in or near EVERY HOUSE.

Obviously, that was just the start. That event (the thinking “trick” of DELAYED GRATIFICATION) led to EVERYTHING we have today.

And you can use that SAME thinking trick to train yourself how to take the daily action needed to be able to create ANYTHING.

Fantastic relationships, interesting careers, million dollar skills.

How do you do this?

Every time you think about doing something in the future, there’s a potential BAD outcome and a potential GOOD outcome.

Unfortunately our monkey brains automatically will think of the BAD outcome, and keep you from taking action.

But with proper practice, and some reasoned thought when thinking about taking action, you can take that potential GOOD outcome, and make it BIGGER (in your mind) than that potential BAD outcome.

There are MANY ways to do this.

And with practice, ANY ACTION you’d like to take (giving a powerfully persuasive speech, talking to a super sexy person, explaining to your boss why it’s in HIS or HER best interest to give you a raise), will FEEL GOOD rather than scary.

Learn More:


Escape From Negative Loops

Flip The Switch On Negative Cycles

There’s plenty of circles in the world.

Or cycles if you prefer.

Earth around the sun, moon around the Earth. Tides up and down.

Our lives also have cycles. Good days, bad days.

But sometimes we can get “stuck” in a self-fulfilling cycle.

Or the opposite, which is AWESOME.

The bad one is called a “vicious circle.” The good one is called a “virtuous circle.”

Like when you’re “on,” you get FANTASTIC results.

Which spurs you to try new things. Which gets you even MORE on, so you try even BETTER things.

This is that wonderful momentum where just taking action, REGARDLESS of the result, is an end in and of itself.

Since you’ve started to associate any ACTION with the mostly POSITIVE results you’re getting, you start to FEEL GOOD simply by taking action.

Which, of course, makes it much more likely that action will yield even more positive results.

The opposite, is pretty much opposite in every way.

You fall flat on your face every time (or at least it feels that way).

So even taking action starts to SUCK. Which means you’re scared WHILE taking action, which makes it almost guaranteed you’ll FAIL (or not get what you think).

Go to any message board regarding ANY type of self improvement, and you’ll see TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE.

People that are in a VICIOUS CIRCLE and think the world sucks.

And those who are in a VIRTUOUS CIRCLE, and think the world is AWESOME.

(These two types fight quite often, btw.)

Two types of people in the SAME WORLD having a completely different experience.

The WORST thing about being in a vicious circle is it SEEMS like you continuously PROVE that the world sucks.

But remember this: What The Thinker Thinks, The Prover Proves.

You think the world is the way it is, THEN you go out and PROVE that it’s like that.

But since there are SO MANY variables out there, you can pretty much prove anything.

Like certain congressman are really reptiles.

Or demons come and rape you every night.

Or whatever.

So, HOW do you break out of that vicious circle, and start to get the VIRTUOUS CIRCLE going?

Use the same rule. What the thinker thinks, the prover proves.

Now it takes time, it’s like spinning in one direction.

You’ve got to SLOW DOWN first, and then SLOWLY start to spin in the other direction.

First you need to REFRAME events as they happen, from bad to good.

Then you need to START VERY SLOW taking action, and EXPECTING SUCCESS.

Then REFRAME whatever happens as good FEEDBACK that will help you next time.

Do plenty of journaling, and plenty of mental exercises.

It takes time, but it is WELL worth it.

Learn How Here:


No! Shut Them All Down!

The C-3PO Response

Sometimes we humans get so worried about stuff we overcompensate.

I think of it as the “C-3PO” response.

From the scene in the original Star Wars.

Luke and the gang were stuck in the trash compactor. He finally radios 3PO and says “shut down all garbage compactors on the detention level!”

To which 3PO in his melodramatic worrier style says (while flailing his arms), “No! Shut them ALL down!”

This is kind of how our monkey brains work whenever we find ourselves in a fight of flight situation.

This is when our brains think that FEAR means “Forget Everything And Run!”

Like you see an interesting person across the room. You could smile at them. You could subtly nod at them.

You could walk by them and measure their body language as you do so. You could walk up and introduce yourself.

You could walk over and use some cheesy line (if you’re trying to create a romantic spark). In reality, there are TONS of things you could do that would move you closer to your ideal relationship with that person, for whatever reason.

But what does your C-3PO monkey brain say? “No! Don’t Do ANYTHING!”

Because once upon a time, way back in the hunter-gatherer times, the plan of “better safe than sorry” was correct more often than not.

Because walking over to check out an interesting looking bush could LITERALLY get you killed.

So the 3PO defense was actually pretty useful back then.

Now? Not so much.

Kind of like it was useful back then to eat everything in sight, whenever you had an opportunity.

Do that today and you soon won’t be able to fit through your front door!

The 3PO defense is one of the weird problems with being a modern human with a monkey brain.

Even from a purely physical standpoint, the “Neo Cortex” (literally New Brain) is just a thin layer over the thick mammalian brain, which is itself over the reptilian brain.

So we’ve got this thin, relatively new layer of brain competing with millions of years of evolution.

Which is why our FEELINGS and EMOTIONS can so easily trump logic.

I mean, what’s the WORST thing that can happen, realistically speaking, when you walk over and talk to that interesting person (or whatever else you’d like to be able to do)?

They politely (or even not politely say) they’re not interested.

But based on our emotional response, it’s as if we think they’re going to deliver a roundhouse kick to the head, before they strip us naked and throw us to the wolves!

So, how can you adjust your EMOTIONAL responses so they are in line with what will REASONABLY happen?

By doing the exercises in here:


Self Service Brain Surgery

Self Service Brain Surgery

When I was a kid I had this 150 in 1 electronic kit.

It had a bunch of raw circuit elements, with these little springs.

You could connect the various elements together by sticking a small wire into the spring, and into another spring.

All in all, you could make 150 separate circuits.

The two I can remember are a lie detector, and a strobe light.

Of course it came with an extensive manual; connect point C3 to point D9, for example.

Each circuit had 5 to 10 connections.

It’s a good metaphor for how our brains work.

They have all these separate “components” that can be “wired” together in different ways.

It also helps to understand how our subconscious processor works.

I think it’s better to think of it as an ultra-fast computer rather than some metaphysical mystery.

It computes ultra fast, base on sensory inputs (sights, smells, etc.) and memory, and it’s output is a “feeling,” either a good one or a bad one. Good means go, bad means don’t.

Like when you hear a song that is associated with all kinds of good memories or experiences, that song triggers all those memories on an unconscious level, which then delivers a good “feeling.” You can then take that feeling and consciously recall all those good memories. That’s kind of what happens when you “zone out” for a few minutes.

Similarly, when you encounter some sensory evidence that brings up a ton of “bad” memories, you get an opposite reaction. A bad feeling that makes you freeze. You suddenly want nothing to do with anybody, and get that feeling of wanting to curl up into a ball and hide from the world.

The good news is that you can use the “circuit theory” to rewire HOW those automatic feelings are generated.

Those original circuits were wired when you were very young. Too young to even process language in some cases.

But you learned that some “experiences” were bad, and were best if you didn’t act.

You also learned that some “experiences” are good, and told you to charge ahead.

So way later on, in your current life, any similar experience will trigger those same bad (or good) feelings.

But they are NOT hard wired in there. They are only connected (metaphorically) like on those springs. All you have to do is bend the spring a little bit, pull out the wire, and stick it somewhere else.

Now, you don’t really need to open up your brain pan and look in the mirror while you work on your gray matter with electrical tools.

You can rewire your noggin by imagining certain things in certain orders.

This is a lot of what NLP is, conscious manipulation of emotions and images.

Only what they usually leave out of most NLP trainings is you have to do it A LOT for it to “stick.”

It’s not a “once and done” thing like it’s usually taught.

But just like playing the piano or juggling, the more you practice, the better get.

And if you want to “practice” feeling fantastic in as many situations as possible, check this out:


How To Rewire Your Fears

Re Wire Your Fears

I’ll never forget the first time I went skydiving.

It was about an hour drive to the jump place. All the way out I was secretly hoping we’d get into a car crash so we wouldn’t have to go.

The first split second I jumped out of the plane, I was pretty out-of-my-head terrified.

But the next sixty seconds (free fall) was one of the most incredible things I’ve ever experienced.

They say that’s one way to get over your fears.

“Feel it and do it anyway.”

And they are right. Truth is that most of our fears are false. So if we just FORCE ourselves through that, we’ll notice the fear is not there. The experience can be exhilarating, or it could be boring.

But who the heck wants to FORCE themselves through their fear?

Sure it works, but just because it works doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.

Yeah, on the other side of your fears are your greatest resources. Your greatest strengths.

There’s that old story that the gods who created us hid our greatest powers behind our fears, since that’s the last place we’d look.

(I guess the gods didn’t want the competition.)

But still, who the heck wants to make a daily habit out of getting into a brawl with your inner demons?

We’re hard wired to NOT do stuff like that unless we feel our lives are dependent on it.

(or we’re afraid of wimping out in front of our buddies).

Is there another way?

There sure is.

See, our fears are based on FALSE assumptions. A lot of them. We imagine doing something, and then our lighting bast brain imagines the WORST possible outcome. Then delivers a horrible feeling to keep us from doing what we want to do.

This keeps up from realizing that WORST possible outcome (that we didn’t even know about since it happens below conscious awareness).

The trick is to RE-WIRE your brain, so that when you think of doing something, instead of your lighting fast reptile brain automatically going to the WORST possible outcome, it either goes to the BEST one, (giving you a really POSITIVE feeling) or a more likely, neutral outcome.

Think of it like a circuit. One wire splitting into two wires. At the end of each wire is a possible outcome. One good, one bad.

But since our brain’s PRIME DIRECTIVE is to keep us safe, the “wire” leading to the WORST outcome is a lot thicker. So our brain impulse more easily travels down THAT wire to the WORST outcome.

But by taking the time to BUILD UP the BEST possible outcome, so that wire is AS THICK as the “fear” wire, you’ll have a more realistic imagined outcome. Meaning BOTH WIRES will be “checked” by your brain impulse, and you’ll have a more neutral feeling.

There are plenty of ways to do this.

You’ll find them all here:


Obliterate False Fears

How To Deprogram Yourself

I read an interesting history book a while back.

It’s premise was that all of human history could be described as a timid, lazy people.

All of the major historical events were driven primarily by two goals.

One to make things less scary, and two to make them easier.

Scared and lazy people making things easier and less scary.

Now, this is just one way of looking at things. One thing about NLP is you learn that “meaning” is pretty flexible.

Sure, if you’re measuring how many grams something is in a laboratory, there’s not much room for coming up with different meanings.

But any time you have anything related to the human experience, or even a biological experience (trees growing, etc.) meaning really IS flexible.

Which is good news when we’re talking about things that scare us.

I’m sure you’ve heard the popular “self-help” description of FEAR:

False Enemies Appearing Real.

Sounds cool, sounds like you know what’s up, but just coming up with smart sounding sayings like that doesn’t really help much when you’ve got to stand up in front of people and give an impromptu speech.

You can tell yourself that your fears are false until you’re blue in the face, but when you stand up, everybody gets quiet and looks at you, it’s kind of hard to logic your way out of being petrified.

So, how exactly do make that “truism” real?

How do we actually FEEL that our fears are false, rather than pretending we’re all that?

Practice, that’s how.

One of the things about being human is we are all born WAY before we are fully developed.

Meaning the first years of our lives, our brains are a sponge.

Unfortunately, we tend to soak up both TRUE things about the world around us, and FALSE things.

Since our brains were designed for a much different time, being “safe” rather than “sorry” makes our young brains a lot less discriminating.

So we learn that a lot of things are scary, even when they’re not.

Problem is that here we are as adults, with those learned experienced programmed into us like they are instincts.

So they those “false” fears FEEL just as real as the REAL fears.

Luckily, we can slowly dismantle the false ones, and keep the real ones.

By focused visualization, mental exercises, journaling and other “tricks.”

It’s not magic, and it does take time.

But imagine what you’ll be able to do when you’re ONLY afraid of things you SHOULD be afraid of? Like escaped tigers and jumping out of airplanes.

Learn How:


The Infinite Loop

The Exchange Model of Communication

There’s a pretty interesting procedure in NLP called “Integration of Parts.”

Basically it’s a hallucination where you create a “dialogue” between two “parts.”

Like if “part of you” wants to get out and meet people, but another “part of you” wants to stay home and watch TV.

You bring them both out, and literally talk to them (and hear their responses) as if you were having a negotiation between two physical entities.

The idea is to keep “going up the logical level” of each of their “desires” (going out and staying in) until they both realize they want the same thing.

Then you can work on coming up with a better strategy to get that need met, rather than having inner conflict.

The reason it works is if you take any “criteria” for why we want to do something, and you’ll end up with a hard to describe “feeling” that can be equated pretty easily with any other hard to describe “feeling.”

Like you buy a car because you want to get to point A to point B. But you buy a certain car for certain reasons (safety, looking cool, feeling good, etc).

Good salespeople know to respectfully find these “higher order criteria” so that they more easily fulfill them.

If you want car that has a 350 cc engine and gets 22 MPG, that’s going to be harder to satisfy than a car that makes you “feel safe.”

When talking to people for personal reasons (e.g. not selling them anything). The same strategies apply.

You don’t exactly walk up to a stranger and ask them what they’re looking for in a new acquaintance.

But knowing those criteria are ALWAYS there will help a lot.

Whenever people are meeting each other socially, we all have pretty much the same criteria.

We want our ideas to be heard and respected. We want our wants, needs, and fears validated.

We don’t want to be told our ideas are silly or foolish.

We’d all rather talk about things we want, rather than we don’t want.

Looking at social interactions as negotiations is a bit strange.

But if you keep it on the down low, and always give them something before you expect something back, you’ll have a lot more success.

AND you’ll find that talking to people is a lot easier, when you’re using the “give first” mindset.

You’ll be remembered more, and you’ll be thought of in a much better light.

Doesn’t matter if you’re making friends, looking for lovers, finding new business contacts, or just passing the time.

See every conversation as some kind of “exchange,” and give before you get.

You can learn how, and a lot more here:

Interpersonal Resonance

The Time Travel Belief Change Technique

Time Travel Pattern

Most people have a lousy memory.

In fact, unless you specifically take measures to remember something, you won’t.

Which is why few people can remember names.

They say their name, you focus on it, and that’s that.

Then only a few seconds later, POOF!

“Sorry, what was your name again?”

Memory is something that SEEMS true, but is rarely the case.

Study after study shows that unless we PRE-FRAME a situation so that we want to remember something, we’ll usually be pretty fuzzy.

Even then, like sitting in a classroom, where the WHOLE PURPOSE is to remember whatever the teacher is writing on the board, we pretty much suck.

We can’t remember things even when we try!

This is good news.


Because every one of your limitations, (real or imaginary) are based on things that happened to you IN THE PAST.

And unless you’re one of those crazy Rainman-people who can memorize everything PERFECTLY, those memories are FALSE.

Meaning all of your fears, phobias, anxieties are based on false memories.

Of course, knowing this doesn’t help.

Just like jumping out of an airplane with a parachute is still scary as crap. Even though you KNOW that the probability of success is 99.999%.

However, knowing that those memories are false can give you an edge.

Meaning you can go back into your brain, and go back in time, and RE-WRITE those memories.

Sure, it does take time. It’s not like switching off a magic “fear” switch in your head.

Remembering what you WANT to remember, rather than what your monkey brain is FORCING you to remember, will take consistent effort.

But think of all the other things you’ve learned in life through consistent effort.

All your skills, abilities, knowledge. That didn’t come easy!

So, how do you do that? Rewrite your memory?

Daily journaling is helpful. Especially when you are starting from a real event in present time.

Say you wanted to talk to somebody, but lost your nerve.

Start there. Rewrite the situation as if it happened the way you WANTED it to.

Then take some time to REMEMBER THAT. As if it really happened.

After all, if you’re head is going to be filled up with false memories, they may as well be ones that help you, right?

What would you like to be able to do? What would you like to be able to accomplish?

Think of the steps required to do that.

Think of those steps as if they were as easy as making a piece of toast.

That’s what’s possible when you take control of your thinking.

Learn How:
Interpersonal Resonance