Monthly Archives: November 2015

How To Kill Social Anxiety

Kill All Fear

Be The Thing People Want

​I went to this party once, and I was supposed to meet a friend there.

But just as I pulled up, he called me to tell me he couldn’t make it.

And the party was a friend of HIS friend, so I didn’t know anybody.

So, what did I do?

I played a game with myself. I looked at my watch, and gave myself an hour to get everybody’s name.

Did I make it? No, I didn’t.

But the reason I didn’t was pretty interesting. Seems that just by setting that internal goal, I was getting “caught up” in conversations with people. Pretty soon I started to think to myself, “Geez, I need to get out of this conversation, as I still have people to meet.”

Other times, I’ve gone places, even with friends, and just sat there looking around.

Waiting for something to happen.

And what happens if you sit around waiting for something to happen? It usually doesn’t happen.

Because when it comes to social situations, that seems to be everybody’s game plan. Wait around for somebody else to make the first move.

Since in the first instance, I was the one making the first move in every single conversation, people didn’t want to let me go.

I was the “thing” that they were waiting to happen.

Now, you don’t have to meet everybody every time you go out. But ANYTHING is better than just kind of winging it and hoping something happens.

Think of going on a mental scavenger hunt. Try and collect things, like three hobbies, three jobs that people have, or anything else like that.

That way, you’ll remove the BIGGEST social fear people have. And that is rejection.

If all you’re doing is trying to find three different hobbies, the ONLY way you can get rejected is if nobody has any hobbies, or everything thinks their hobby is a matter of national security and won’t tell you unless you’ve been cleared by the CIA.

See, when most people talk to somebody interesting, they really don’t have a specific goal, other than to “be accepted.”

So long as you choose any other goal, that will push your default fears to the back of your brain, where they won’t bother you.

And once you start walking up and talking to people, they will see YOU as the most charismatic and magnetic person in the room.

To learn more tricks like this, check this out:

How To Dissolve Social Anxiety

Abandonment Issues

You’re A Poopy Head!

​Most people realize that getting involved with other people is necessary.

At the same time, this is one of our deepest fears.

This is why despite the massive piles of cash that can be made in sales, few people would go near a sales job.

This not only requires talking to other people, but getting rejected by others.

That huge pile of cash is smack dab on the other side of one of the biggest fears of all.

Rejection.

Just imagine, for a second, that you had ZERO fear of rejection. You could talk to anybody, anywhere, any time and say anything, just to see what would happen. Even if they started screaming and yelling at you like you were the Devil himself, you’d just think it was pretty funny. Like a four year old kid calling you a poopy-head.

What could you do? What would you be able to accomplish?

Here’s a trick that can help that happen. It won’t happen automatically, and you’ve got to practice it for a while, but when you do, it’ll sink in and become automatic.

Everybody, regardless of who they are, has a HUGE collection of fears. Even the greatest actors of all time suffer from MASSIVE stage fright.

CEO’s who made billions have a collection of irrational fears just like everybody else.

And as you can guess, many of these fears stem from childhood.

One of the deepest fears, which was installed BEFORE we learned any language, is fear of abandonment.

We crapped our pants, we cried, and for a while, nobody came to help us. Sure it may have only been a minute or two, but from a one month old’s perspective, that was an eternity.

So here’s the trick.

Next time you see somebody you’d love to approach and start a conversation with, for whatever reason, just imagine them as being one month old. Laying in their crib with a big steaming pile in their pants.

Screaming their heads off, and wondering why nobody is coming to help them.

Do this until you feel sympathy for them. Then, once you start feeling genuine sympathy for them, imagine walking over, one adult to another, and making them feel good. Imagine that YOU have the power to uplift them, rather than the other way around.

Most people see somebody they’d like to talk to, and imagine that other person has all the power.

But this quick exercise will quickly dissolve that imagination, and replace it with a more resourceful one.

This is just ONE of the many exercises and techniques in the Interpersonal Resonance course.

Designed to transform YOU into an incredibly powerful, fearless, and persuasive communicator.

Learn More:

Three Essential Daily Activities

Pre Frame Your Future

Power of Pre Framing

​Sometimes you can have a really good day.

All the lights are green, all your jokes are funny, and you even have pretty good dreams.

Other days, everything sucks. Nothing works, and you can’t fall asleep to save your life.

Many people use language that indicates they aren’t in control of their lives.

I hope I get lucky tonight.

I hope somebody gives me a chance.

I never get the right breaks.

I’m sure you’ve heard tired old sayings like “you’ve got to make your own luck” about a million times. 

But how the heck do you do that?

It’s definitely a skill, rather than a mindset.

Meaning it’s something you need to consciously practice, and get better at.

Unlike things like learning the directions to a local restaurant, where you only need to learn once, and then you’ve got it down.

Learning how to “make your own luck” is something that takes a LONG TIME to develop. In fact, think of this as one of those general life skills that you’ll NEVER be “good enough” at.

So, how do you develop this?

The first is to know what you want. Sure, everybody wants more money, more sex, more love, more recognition.

But how SPECIFICALLY do you want those things? What do you want to get paid for? What kind of person would you like to be in a relationship with?

Take some time to figure those out.

Then you can get started. You can first pre-frame every single day, and every single event.

Sure, this takes work. Sure, you’ve got to remember to do it. And sure, it takes the “fun” out of things “just happening.”

But guess what? Most people who wait around for stuff to happen are always waiting!

Anyhow, before you go into a situation, take a couple of seconds. Tap your temple quickly to remind yourself that you’re looking for ANY opportunities to get closer to your life goals.

Then, at the end of the day, spend a few minutes thinking and writing about what you DID to get closer to your goals. Then write a few ideas about what you can DO the next day.

IF you do these three things on a daily basis, your life will keep getting better and better.

Of course, since pretty much everything you want will involve other people in some respect, working on your social skills and your interpersonal skills will go a long, long way.

And in the same regard, this is a LIFE LONG process. Not a “once and done” process.

The sooner you start, the better off you’ll be.

Learn More:

Juggle Your Way To Greatness

Juggle Yourself to Riches

Practice Your Skills

​There are many different skills one can learn in life.

Some are portable, and can be taken wherever you go.

Some require tools, some require hands, some required specific knowledge.

If you know how to bake a cake, you can do so in any kitchen provided you have the right ingredients.

If you know how to juggle, you can do so with any objects of a certain size. Bean bags, eggs, shoes, wadded up pieces of paper.

Some skills are worth a lot of money, while other skills are a lot fun.

Some skills are considered “meta” skills. These are higher order skills that make other skills possible.

For example, if you had decent skills of learning (which EVERYBODY does) then you could learn any skill you wanted to, so long as you had enough time, motivation, and any required equipment.

One way to motivate yourself is if that skill in question would get you paid, or any kind of positive social recognition.

It’s been said that if you spend only one hour a day on any particular skill, and practice with intention, within a year you will be in the top 1% in the world.

Consider something like photoshop. A highly complicated piece of software. There are people who have been using photoshop for YEARS. But have they been learning for years, or did they get to a certain level, and stay there?

Continuous learning requires ALWAYS pushing your limits. For example, if you wanted to be a world class juggler, you would ALWAYS need to be pushing yourself.

You wouldn’t stop at three eggs. Or small objects. You would always PUSH YOURSELF beyond what you could do.

Next time you see some world class juggler on YouTube, ask yourself this question:

“How many balls did that guy drop in his lifetime to get to that level of skill?”

When you practice is also crucial. Just the other day I was at a stoplight. This guy, who was practicing his juggling skills, ran out into the middle of the intersection, put on a quick juggling show, and when the light changed, ran back to the sidewalk.

Was he perfect? Nope, he dropped plenty. But everybody honked and clapped when he was done.

Everybody had a smile on their face, including me.

I’d bet that in a year or so, that guy’s going to be a FANTASTIC juggler.

He’s not afraid to fail in front of others, while EVERYBODY is having a good time.

Another meta skill (That YOU have) is communication.

The better you can communicate with others, the more you can get. Whatever it is you want.

Will it always be perfect? Nope. Will you say foolish things that make people look at you funny? Yep.

Communication, like any other skill, will improve the more you practice.

And if you practice not just for a year, but for the rest of your life?

Amazing things will happen.

Learn More:

Have You Started Your Adventure Yet?

What's Buried Under Your Church?

What Do You Have Buried?

​There’s an interesting book called “The Alchemist.” 

About a guy who sets out into the world to discover his riches. He hears about this mysterious science called “Alchemy” where you can turn rocks into gold. 

Everywhere he goes, he hears stories about this mysterious man who can allegedly perform such magic. Through his travels, the hero meets a lot of people, learns all kinds of skills, but eventually comes home empty handed.

Only when he comes home, he finds that underneath the church where he lives, there is lots of gold buried.

Now, the question is, could he have taken a shortcut and just gone straight for the gold?

Or did he have to spend YEARS roaming the world, having adventure after adventure?

Did he need to go through that in order to ready himself to find the gold?

Of course, the gold is a metaphor. The church is also a metaphor.

You have gold, or greatness, inside of you. But can you take a shortcut and find it now, or do you need to go out into the world and have adventure after adventure?

A few people are lucky. They stumble their way to greatness. But are they REALLY lucky?

They finally realize that have what most people only dream about, but they aren’t really happy.

They really have no idea what they did, or how they achieved what they have.

This is why so many movie stars and musicians suffer from various addictions.

Sure, it’s important to “follow your bliss.”

But if ALL you feel is bliss, you won’t have nearly a strong sense of accomplishment.

No matter WHAT you want to achieve with your life, you WILL have to get out into the world and have some adventures.

And you WILL need to accept the idea that many times you WON’T get what you want.

But you WILL be able to turn those experiences into even better ones later, if you are willing to accept ALL feedback during your adventures. NOT just the good stuff.

Most successful entrepreneurs know that it takes a few failed businesses before you hit it big.

Few people meet their dream mates the very first time they talk to an attractive person. Most people realize you’ve got to at least go on a few dates before you find THE ONE (whatever that means to you.).

No matter WHAT you are intending, riches, fame, health, greatness, getting involved with other people is crucial.

Unfortunately, that is the ONE THING that most people would like to avoid.

Which means when you learn how to interact with others in a way that will leave a positive trail of happiness behind you, you’ll have an decided advantage.

Learn More:

Which Hero Are You?

Dragon Slayer

Kill Your Inner Demons

​It’s been said that there are only seven different stories.

Meaning that of all the movies, books, plays ever written, they all fall under seven broad categories.

Seeing as how stories go back since before recorded history, they are likely the way they are because they mirror our human lives.

Consider three common ones, we’ve all seen and read a million times.

The first is the good guy vs. bad guy story. A hero, who goes out to defeat some evil monster. Luke vs. Darth, Dorothy vs. The Witch, Harry vs. Voldemort, and on and on.

Who is the evil monster in your life? Perhaps it’s those demons that live inside your head. The ones that keep telling you it won’t work, or you’d better not express yourself. Or it’s better to be safe than sorry.

What happens when you kill YOUR evil monster?

Another story is the rags to riches to rags to riches again. Somebody gets rich, but loses themselves in the process. Then they lose all their money, only to find themselves. Usually they get rich again, but they realize it’s not so important.

Have you lost your true self? What happens when you rediscover him or her? Do you think creating riches will make that much easier, and create much less inner conflict?

Another story is the quest. A guy girl or group has to go somewhere to find something. This is often combined with the first type of story, where you kill some evil monster.

What is your great quest? What is the purpose of your life?

As you can guess, these same stores are told over and over again, in many different forms, to help us remind us of our purpose.

To kill those inner demons. To find ourselves. To continue the quest of our lives.

No matter what part of your story you’re currently involved in, one thing is crucial.

Other people.

In all the stories, the hero (that’s YOU by the way) always needs a crew. A group of supporters to helps him or her.

Rarely is the hero a lone wolf.

When you can learn to not only YOUR truth, but carefully and respectfully elicit the truth of others, you will gather a team that will follow you to the ends of the Earth.

You can slay any beast, achieve any quest, all the while being true to yourself.

Learn How:

Are You Waiting For Magic?

Soul Mate Fallacy

Where My Money?

​We humans are very good at self-deception.

We do this to protect our ego, and it’s easy to see in others.

But in ourselves, it takes a lot of courage to admit we’ve been conning ourselves.

Take the idea of a “soul mate.”

On the one hand, it sounds incredibly romantic. Like we’ve all got this “perfect person” out there somewhere, who is a perfect opposite piece of our emotional jigsaw puzzle. The person that will “complete us.”

And when we meet this person, all the fireworks go off, and we finally feel like we are getting what we “deserve.”

Now, if there really IS some soul mate, how do you know when you find them? Consider this simple mathematical mind experiment. It’s not very fun, but it’s pretty instructive.

If you did have some kind of “soul mate” that was 1 in a million, how in the heck do you find them?

Think of it this way. Let’s say one person out there had a million dollars to give you. But they only knew you were the person if the FIRST words you said to them were, “Where’s my money, honey-bunny?” to them.

If you were in a room of ten people, and you KNEW one of them was “The One” with the million, this would be easy. Saying that silly line to ten people (or less) would not be a problem for most of us.

But what about in a city of 1,000,000 people? Would you walk up to EVERY stranger on the street and say that?

Maybe, maybe not.

The problem with the “soul mate” theory is not only that we ASSUME there’s only ONE person, but also we are somehow going to MAGICALLY be in the right place, at the right time, and somehow come up with the confidence to talk to them.

On the other hand, what if the “soul mate” theory is bunk? What if there are MANY MORE people that COULD be our soul mate? But we have to talk to them for a little bit and find out?

Of course, this doesn’t just work for soul mates. This works for friends, business partners, potential bosses, clients, etc.

The TRUTH about us humans is we are MUCH MORE COMPATIBLE with a much larger percentage of the population than we lead ourselves to believe.

Because believing in the “soul mate” theory removes the RISK and FEAR of needing to talk to so many people.

We can pretend to wait for the “magic” to somehow happen.

But what happens when you realize that YOU can MAKE that magic happen?

That you can learn that talking to people is easy, fun, and usually pretty rewarding.

And that you can also learn to talk to them in a way that you can make that magic happen a LOT more often?

How would you see the world then?

Learn how, and find out:

How To Shine Your Light

How to Change Their Filters

How To Create Their Filters

​Why is the sky blue?

This is a good metaphor for how the mind works.

We’ve all got these filters in our heads. Some are preprogrammed, some are learned.

For example, nobody comes into this world with our names burned into our brain.

Yet it doesn’t take long to associate a name that somebody else has given us, with our deep sense of self-identity. If we’re at a party, and somebody says our name a few feet away, we’ll automatically pick up on it.

Money is something else we “learn” to be on the lookout for. If you’re walking down the street, and you see a green piece of paper out of the corner of your eye, you’ll turn your head before you even know what’s what. 

And if it IS money, you’ll feel a rush of excitement as you reach down and pick it up. None of this will be conscious. Sure, you’re consciously aware of it while it’s happening, but it’s driven by subconscious desire.

Here’s the cool thing. If you moved to a country with a totally different type of money, different shape, different color, different material, you would EASILY start seeing THAT with the same subconscious desire.

Other filters are much more flexible. Meaning they can be conjured up on the spot. For example, if you started to talk to somebody, friend or whoever, about something they REALLY wanted, they would start seeing YOU through those temporary filters of desire.

This is why a lot of dating coaches recommend going on “action dates” in the beginning of the relationship. You subconsciously associate the fun and excitement with each other.

The more you talk to somebody about their desires, they’ll subconsciously associate their desires with you. Both because they are looking at you while they are talking about their desires, and they are talking about their desires BECAUSE you are the one asking them questions about it.

Kind of like why the sky is blue. Of all the different color light that comes from the sun, blue comes through the strongest. The molecules in the upper atmosphere vibrate at about the same frequency as blue light. So the sky appears blue.

When you ask questions about their desires, in the right way, and ask good follow up questions, in the right way, they will see YOU as resonating with their desires.

Which means YOU will be seen in a very, very good light, regardless of who you are and what you may or may not have to offer.

To learn how, check this out:

How To Tap The Hive Mind

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The Collective Unconscious

​Words can often be misunderstood.

For example, Chomsky is famous for coming up with the theory of “Transformational Grammar.”

In which he described things called “surface structure” and “deep structure.”

People who liked to think of themselves as intelligent and insightful started to use those terms for many non-scientific things. Like the “surface structure” vs the “deep structure” of an artists painting. Or an interpretation of a book or movie.

But in reality, Chomsky only meant to describe a very specific linguistic detail of our common grammatical structure.

In fact, he was so upset that people “misused” his theory that he changed the name to s-structure and d-structure.

Another word that gets thrown around is Jung’s “collective unconscious.” Now, this could either mean ONE big brain that we are all hooked into.

OR it could mean (and likely does) the SAME structure that we all share in our brains.

He noticed that many of his patients had the same dreams, and those dreams had the same “characters” which he later described as “archetypes.”

It’s kind of like saying we have a “collective thumb.” Meaning we all have the same thumb that does the same thing. Not that there’s some HUGE universal thumb we’re all hooked into.

On the other hand, we can never really understand the structure of reality. We can only guess. And the bottom line is not whether or not we’re “right” in our description, it’s whether or not we can get what we’re after.

Consider the “hole” theory from solid state physics. A bunch of physicists were standing around, trying to comprehend the mathematics of a body of matter with super-concentrated atoms. So concentrated that there was very little space between them.

The math was MASSIVELY difficult. Then once scientist had an idea. Instead of treating that object as a collection of atoms (which there were billions and billions) why not treat it as a collection of holes?

There were a lot less, so the math would be easy. And guess what? It worked PERFECTLY. Even though it was clearly false (or was it?)

So, what really IS the super conscious, or collective unconscious?

More importantly, how can you interact with “it” in order to get what you want?

Well, try this theory on for size, and see if it works.

The collective unconscious is other people. Every single time you interact with another human, you are “tapping” in to the collective unconscious. Or the super conscious if you prefer.

One node in the VAST storehouse of human knowledge and experience.

One node in the network of creation, responsible for producing EVERYTHING.

One small neuron in the HIVE MIND of humanity.

How can you interact most effectively?

Here’s How:

Are You Asking For The Right Things?

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Time To Grow Up

​There’s a lot of watershed moments in a person’s life.

The time before your first kiss, and the time after.

The time before you started working, and the time after.

The time before you had kids, and the time after.

One of the most important is also the hardest to identify, as it manifests itself in many ways.

The childhood portion, and the adult portion.

When we are children, all we need do is ask, and we receive.

But this doesn’t work so well when we’re adults. On the other hand, there are plenty of books, strategies, political beliefs, and even religions that promise simply asking is all we need do.

This begs the question, if ALL of us ONLY ask, then who’s doing the giving?

What if all the guys and gals who ran the electricity and water plants decided they didn’t need to go to work, and all they needed to do was sit home and “ask”?

What if the people around the world that grew the food we all depend on every day decided that they just needed to sit home and “ask” instead of going to work every day?

I know, these are tough questions we don’t like asking. We LOVE the idea of getting something for nothing.

But as mentioned above, that really only works for kids. Who have parents who are genetically programmed to take care of them.

As adults, we have to always look for not only what we want, but what we can give in order to get it.

And the easiest way to do this is to simply ask others what THEY want.

When we get into the habit of doing this, then things can go pretty smoothly.

Most people walk around talking about themselves. What they’ve done. What they want to do. What they think they deserve.

Sure, if you happen to have EXACTLY what they want, and you KNOW somehow that they’ve got what you want, then that may work pretty well.

But this is pretty rare. 

On the other hand, when you have enough faith in people in general, that just by talking to them in a certain way, you can get a LOT more than you think you can. 

When you start ASKING other people what they want, instead of overwhelming them with your desires, something pretty amazing will happen.

They’ll suddenly become energized. Open. Excited. They’ll wonder who the heck YOU are, and how they can help YOU.

This will open many more doors that most people realize exist.

Find Out More: