One of the pieces of advice often given to guys who want to do better with girls is to “detach from outcome.”

This is pretty good advice for pretty much any kind of performance. If you’re too worried about the results, the additional stress and anxiety will mess up your behavior.

Paradoxically, the less you’re concerned with the outcome, the more likely you are to achieve it.

However, this is one of those catch-22’s. It’s nearly impossible to detach from the outcome if you don’t have any experience in getting it.

For example, if you’ve never gotten a phone number from a girl, and you ask somebody, it’s going to be very, very hard not to be nervous.

On the other hand, if you’ve gotten hundreds of numbers, it’s a lot easier to not care too much if the girl you’re currently talking to is going to give you her number.

It seems that in order to detach from the outcome, you first have to achieve the outcome a bunch of times. It doesn’t take much to see this can quickly turn into a recursive loop of insanity, keeping you stuck over in the shadows, while all the other guys are having all the fun.

What’s the answer?

Instead of detaching all the way from the outcome, simply pull back a bit. For example, if you want to get the number, set that as your intention, and then forget it. Then consciously think of all the things you would need to do anyway, to get the number, and focus on those. 

Like walking up to her, talking to her, making her smile and laugh. Lose yourself fully in the process. Enjoy the process. Make that your “intermediary outcome.”

See your main outcome of getting her number as comprised of a bunch of intermediary outcomes right after another.

If you are terrified of talking to her, focus on just walking up. Enjoy that process. Do it a few times until you build up a memory of getting that outcome, and then move on to the next.

Walk up and say hi, and then go somewhere else. Once you’ve got plenty of THAT experience, start an actual conversation.

Sounds like a long time, right?

Well, consider this. Most normal guys NEVER get much better at talking to girls than they were in high school. They may find themselves DECADES later still struggling with the same issues.

If you took your time, planned on a few months of just pure practice, and forgot about any outcome, you’d improve a LOT quicker.

This will help:

Girlfriend Generator