There’s a very old Sufi poem (by Rumi, I believe) I like.

The gist of it is that if we step through fire, we’ll end up nice cool water.

But if we go straight to the cool water, we’ll end up in the fire.

This, of course, is a metaphor for life.

The things we think are easy are only easy in the short term. They generally build up into HUGE long term problems.

That ice cream may taste good, but if you eat it every single day, you won’t feel so great.

On the other hand, it may seem like the worst idea possible to go for a walk when you’re favorite TV show is on, but once you make it a habit, you’ll feel pretty good.

And that “good feeling” that comes from doing things that aren’t so great in the now, but build up, is a much, much different “good feeling” from doing those things in the present.

Those “present only” good feelings (like sleeping in, eating cheeseburgers for breakfast etc) are pure pleasure. There’s no feeling of accomplishment built in. These pure-pleasure feelings come from the outside.

On the other hand, that feeling you get when waking up early every morning has become a habit, or going for a walk at night instead of eating ice cream is a good feeling that comes from within, and is based on your own accomplishments and actions.

One of the ways this paradox manifests itself is when we want somebody to “tell us what to do.”

Sure we’d like to meet that special someone. Sure we’d like a much more fulfilling career. Sure we’d like to achieve self-actualization. If only somebody would tell us what to do.

The only problem is that all the REALLY good things in life, things that last, like wealth, relationships, REAL happiness, HAVE TO come from within.

Nobody can tell you any step by step procedures or paint by numbers steps.

You HAVE to work it out on your own.

Sure, you can learn the basic structure, just like you can learn how exercise and healthy foods will help you get in shape. But the SPECIFIC exercises, and the SPECIFIC food, are up to you to figure out. Some things work for some people, others work for others.

Creating relationships is the same. Talk to enough people until you find somebody that spins your propellers. HOW and WHEN you do that, and what you specifically say is up to you to figure out.

The good news is that there are NO shortcuts.

Why is this good news?

Because if there were, then EVERYBODY would be on them.

Since there’re not, every single path you find to any kind of success will be YOURS.

Your creation, your dreams, your results.

Nobody else’s.

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