Author Archives: mindpersuasion

Are You Boxed In By Fear?

The Cage Is Imaginary

â€‹Things that we are most afraid of will never happen.

Sure, we all are going to die. We all know loved ones that have died or will die in the future.

This is part of life.

But when you walk up to that attractive person to start a conversation, there’s very little probability they’ll laugh at you or call the cops.

And if you go into your bosses office and ask for a raise, they won’t likely fire you on the spot.

Trouble is, that our brains are hard wired to be MUCH more sensitive to POTENTIAL danger than potential pleasure.

Meaning if there’s a forty percent chance we’ll get a raise, and a one percent chance we’ll get fired, our caveman brains will focus on that one percent like it’s 99 percent.

That kept us alive when there were critters hiding in the bushes waiting to eat us.

Even though they aren’t there any more, we’re still using an outdated version of brain software.

The good news is that you CAN upgrade your brain. But it’s not like Windows, when you shut off your PC And it goes through about 27 upgrades before finally shutting down.

If you want to upgrade your brain, you’ve got to do it consciously. This takes time. This takes effort.

How do you do it?

Meditation. Focused visualization. Forcing yourself in uncomfortable situations if only to PROVE your worst fears will never come true.

Journaling is also another great way. Just write down all the stuff that happened, at the end of the day. Write down what you did. Write down what happened. Write down what you may be able to do differently next time.

This is really the way the brain operates anyhow. Learning by trial and error. Only by doing daily journaling, you’re taking the trial and error (or trial and feedback) and elevating it to a conscious level.

Kind of like fighting someone using only instincts, vs. fighting someone after having trained in a Dojo for ten years.

Many people spend YEARS working on their bodies. Or their careers. Or their hobbies.

But few people even know how to work on their brains. Let alone make the effort.

But consider this. If you spent 30 minutes a day practicing the piano, you’d be pretty good in a few years.

So good you’d be able to sit down at any party and bang out some pretty good tunes.

What about working on your brain?

If you spent only five or ten minutes every night, doing some focused mental exercises or journaling, you’d be a super hero social ninja after a short while.

You’d make more money, have a much more rewarding romantic life, and be much more fulfilled.

Isn’t that worth a few minutes of your time every night?

Which exercises should you do?

There’s plenty in here to choose from:

Interpersonal Resonance

Scientifically Created Desire

Are You Waiting For Proof

When I was a kid I loved science.

I loved taking things apart to see how they worked. (And not being able to put things back together).

I remember sitting spellbound as my brother told me all about molecules, atoms and subatomic particles.

The unseen beyond the reality we think is complete.

Later, while other kids were reading comic books, I was reading science books.

I’ll admit, science is great. But it does have SEVERE limitations.

Often times, people will use it as an excuse to keep from doing something risky.

Or even believing in something that may make them look foolish.

They proudly call themselves “skeptics” as if they are on some higher intellectual plane.

They say things like, “Well, do you have any proof?” “Have there been any studies done?”

Problem with statements like this is by the time there’s sufficient proof, everybody knows about it and it’s no big deal.

It’s the people who charge ahead WITHOUT proof that are the hero’s. Not the skeptics hiding in the laboratory of the mind.

Strangely enough, even when there IS proof, people tend to avoid believing stuff. Some things make us comfortable, even when there is plenty of evidence showing us we are wrong.

This is one of the driving factors behind “cognitive dissonance.” We literally CAN’T SEE something that PROVES we are wrong. We are somehow wired to protect our ego at all costs.

Sometimes though, you’ll find some study or a piece of evidence that proves what you already know. Something that can give you a decided edge in the dog eat dog world out there.

Back in the seventies, a guy wrote a couple of books. One was called “Dress for Success,” and the other was called “Live for Success.”

The thing about both of these books is that they were based on DATA, not theory.

He actually had guys and girls go out into the world, and specifically dress and act certain ways in order to see how people responded to them.

The results were very, very interesting.

One thing that turned people off the MOST was incongruence. Meaning when somebody was saying something that was in direct contradiction to their body language.

That tends to send out a very “icky” vibe.

On the other hand, people who were the opposite, totally congruent, were more attractive than anybody. Despite the clothes they were wearing, and even despite the actual words they were using. So long as the “content” of their words weren’t aggressive, people couldn’t get enough of them.

Being congruent is something that will make EVERYTHING you are doing much, much easier.

How do you get more congruent?

That’s ONE of the many benefits of the Interpersonal Resonance course.

Learn More:

Interpersonal Resonance

Two Secrets Of Irresistible Communication

Do Your Words Make Sense?

Dale Carnegie tells an interesting story in one of his books.

Some famous lady (politician or rich person or something) had a “conversation” with Carnegie one evening.

Only Carnegie didn’t speak much. All he did was ask directed questions and follow up questions. All the while being genuinely interested in what she had to say.

A couple days later, when somebody asked her opinion of Carnegie, she said, “He’s the most interesting conversationalist I’ve ever met!”

This, of course, is after he discovered that EVERYBODY is always most interested in themselves.

So when you talk to people about themselves, they will like talking to you.

ESPECIALLY when most of us walk around talking about ourselves.

If you want to do an interesting, eye opening experiment, eavesdrop on a couple people talking. Or take yourself out of the conversation, mentally, if you’re in a group.

You’ll hear something like this:

“Well, I …. and I … so I…”

“Yes, that’s fascination. But me… and me… and me…”

Another thing you’ll notice is there is a HUGE lack of “content” in most every day conversations.

In our heads we’ve got these half baked ideas. Then we attach a bunch of random words onto these ideas and spit them out. And hope something works.

Trouble is, when EVERYBODY is doing that, you get a bunch of people talking about themselves with a LOT of “fillers.”

Sure, talking is natural. Walking is natural. Eating is natural. We don’t have to think about it. We just do it.

But you can also improve the way you walk, talk and eat.

In fact, ANYTHING you can do, you can improve upon. All you’ve got to do is elevate it to the conscious level, improve what works, get rid of what doesn’t and let it sink back down into your unconscious.

Your words are your most valuable tool. Your most effective skill. Your ability to take a thought from inside your head, put words to it, and put that SAME thought (and what you think about that thought) into the heads of others will open doors most don’t know exist.

The power of your words will take you farther than any degree, any amount of experience, and any connections (or lack thereof).

And when you combine these two ideas, that if increasing your ability with your words AND the fact that everybody is MOST worried about themselves, you can create anything you want.

Learn More:

Interpersonal Resonance

Are You Running Numbers?

Find Out What They Want First

A long, long time ago, I used to work at Disneyland.

No, I wasn’t dressed up as a character. My job was to walk around and ask people various questions. Where they were from. How long they were staying. Which rides they liked the best, etc.

I worked for the “guest research” department. Our job was to collect demographic data to support the marketing department.

At first, it was pretty nerve wracking. We had to walk up and start conversations with people all day long. On an average day, we’d interact with 500-1000 people. A lot of people quit after a week.

But after a while, it became pretty fun. After all, you get to meet people from all over the world who are on vacation, and usually in a pretty good mood.

There’s a lot of ways you can use statistics. Marketing, sales, baseball, economics. If it weren’t for statistics, we humans would be pretty clueless. They wouldn’t even know how much to charge for insurance.

Sometimes when we think in terms of meeting people, for friends, romance, or even in sales, we tend to think in terms of “numbers.”

If you call enough people, you’ll get enough sales. If you ask enough people for their phone number, and go on enough dates, you’ll meet Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Problem is sorting through all those people can be pretty intimidating. Sure, you intellectually know that if you “number close” the next 500 attractive people you see, your BOUND to find your “soul mate” in there somewhere! (Or at least somebody close enough!)

However, the whole “numbers game” theory can be a little misleading.

Sure, no matter WHAT you do, you will NEVER be able to convince everybody. Despite what WAY over-hyped marketing may claim, there ARE going to be people who simply aren’t interested.

However, with just a few simple tweaks in how you communicate, you can SIGNIFICANTLY increase your odds.

What if you KNEW that you really only need to talk to TEN people before finding your soul mate?

What if you KNEW that instead of calling a hundred people for every sale, you only needed to call ten?

Would that make it easier? You bet it would!

How do you do this? The first step is to remove all your inner conflicts. Even if you have the best sales pitch written by Dale Carnegie himself, it won’t work if you’re so nervous you’re shaking when you deliver it. (Same goes with meeting guys and girls for relationships.)

The second step is to FIRST find out what THEY want, so you can speak in “their language.” You’ll find this will SIGNIFICANTLY improve your chances. With ANYBODY you speak with.

Do that, and ALL communication will be much, much easier.

Learn More:

Interpersonal Resonance

Look Into Your Future

Think Long Term

Making decisions can be tough sometimes.

One way is good, but it’s got some drawbacks. On the other hand, if you do something else, it may be safe, but not nearly as fun.

A lot of things go hand in hand. Often times something good will go along with something not so good. It feels really good to stuff your face in front of the TV. But it doesn’t feel so good the next morning.

It may feel good to sleep in, but when you finally roll out of bed and see that it’s already in the early afternoon, you might not feel so excited.

One economist theorized that humans reached an evolutionary tipping point when we started to naturally think of pleasure out in the distant future, compared to the pleasure now.

Meaning that lower animals are only driven by instincts. They can’t really plan. Even when squirrels save nuts for the winter, they’re being driven by instincts. It’s not like they fire up Excel and calculate their caloric requirements.

Humans, on the other hand, somehow figured out how to compare doing something now, vs. doing something differently, and then comparing the potential results in the unknown future.

Like maybe in the present a caveman wanted to punch another caveman in the face. But then he’d imagine that guy’s buddies ganging up on him later, so he would plan a better alternative.

They great thing about this is that you can cultivate it, and develop it.

Like any other skill, the best way to do this is to simply practice.

Start small, and do more and more as you can.

For example, consider waking up ten minutes earlier tomorrow, just to prove that you can. This will build up your “delayed gratification” muscle in your brain.

As you well know, persistence is one of the most important skills for any kind of success.

All the genius inventors, artists, business people, scientists, none of them would have accomplished what they accomplished had it not been for persistence.

Whatever you want, you can get. But getting it WILL take time. It WILL take trial and “error,” or feedback.

So long as you keep your imagination fixed on the distant future, when you WILL be successful, you’ll keep going.

Consider doing something each day that builds up this attitude. Take one thing you’d like to do, or one thing you want to do but know you shouldn’t, and imagine how it will affect your life one year from now.

Spend a few moments thinking about that BEFORE doing it, whatever it is.

Keep this up and you’ll develop a skill few people have.

Which means you’ll be able to get stuff few people can.

These will help:

Mind Persuasion

Are You Anti-Resonating?

What’s Your Frequency

When I was a student, resonance was my favorite topic.

I had this ultra hard physics lab with this ultra strict teacher (who barely talked), and the experiment we did on resonance was by far my favorite.

The reason the sky is blue is because of resonance. The reason kids love swings so much is resonance.

Resonance occurs when you apply an external frequency in congruence with the natural frequency of any system.

When you rub your fingertip around the top of a wine goblet, for example, the small bumps in friction as your finger moves across the rim is the same as the resonance frequency of the glass.

Some systems are very simple, like a kid on a swing, and have only one resonance frequency.

Others, like a wine glass, have different frequencies based on different configurations. Different amounts of wine in the glass will produce different pitches, or different resonating frequencies.

Other things are WAY more complicated.

Like when two people are talking. If you and somebody else just “click” then you are pretty much in resonance with each other.

If you’re lucky, you can find a partner with whom you can resonate with for most of your life.

On the other hand, it can feel that you are “out of sync” which is kind of the opposite of resonance. Your “frequency” and the “frequency” of the other person (or people) are as opposite as can be.

Needless to say, this is frustrating and lonely.

How can you bust out of this trap?

Take a step back, relax, release some stress and “feel out” the other person, as if you’re are just meeting them.

This is EXACTLY what kids do the first time they get on a swing. They have NO IDEA which frequency to pump their legs. They just keep trying until they get it right.

If you are OUT of resonance with anybody, or with life in general, just apply the same principle.

Imagine if a kid got on a swing and had a pre-set idea of how fast he should pump his legs. And no matter what, he ONLY pumped them at THAT precise frequency.

And when it didn’t work, he blamed the swing for not cooperating.

Sounds silly. But this is EXACTLY what most people do.

They don’t feel it’s up to THEM to resonate with the world, it’s the WORLD that is supposed to resonate with THEM.

This usually doesn’t work so well. (Unless you have super secret magic ninja powers or something.)

So, how do you bust out?

Relax, open your mind, feel the energy around you. Through you. Let IT move YOU.

Doing some daily mental practice will help.

Learn More:

Mind Persuasion

Are You Using The Right Metaphor?

Change Your Map

There’re a lot of mystery surrounding the “conscious” and the “unconscious.”

Like they are two separate things. One in one part of your brain, and another in another part of your brain.

Your “conscious” wants to do something, but your “subconscious” is holding you back.

Or your “conscious” is the captain while the “subconscious” is the ship.

In reality, these are all metaphors. Metaphors, of course, are very simple explanations for much, much deeper phenomenon.

When they say “The Map is Not The Territory,” in this case, any metaphor is a map, and the reality is the territory.

I like reading books about history. Back in those days, those dudes had some messed up maps. Which meant they never really knew where they were going.

If you’re going off a bad map, or a map that doesn’t have an alligator swamp or a tiger valley, you might run into trouble.

Often times, in order to save brain power, we think the map IS the territory.

Unfortunately, the map, or the metaphor, in this case, is only a guess. An approximation.

If we were scientists, we’d come up with a model. Then we’d test the model against what we saw. Then if the model didn’t accurately predict what we saw, we’d have to change our model.

Once there was a guy on a ship. The sea was rough, so he grabbed onto the anchor. It saved his life. But then the ship came into calm waters, and dropped the anchor. The guy was still scared, so he held on. He figured it worked before, why not now?

Well, after the guy died, he realized his mistake.

Never hang onto something when it’s not working!

Of course, giving up a model, or a map, or a metaphor you’ve held dear for a long time can be tough.

But the bottom line is you HAVE to ask yourself this question:

“Am I getting what I want?”

If you are, then keep doing whatever you’ve been doing.

If not, then the answer is clear. Do something else!

Try another model. Try another metaphor. Try anything!

So long as you have a clear goal in mind, and you’re brave enough to measure ALL feedback along the way, and adjust accordingly, you will not fail.

Doesn’t matter WHAT model or metaphor you use. If it works, it works.

If you need to shake your brain up and look at things differently, so you can start getting better results, give some of these tools a try.

They’ve helped plenty others, and they can help you.

Learn More:

Mind Persuasion

Get In The Game

Make It Easy On The Thunderbolt

What happens when you forget a crucial ingredient in a complicated dish?

It comes out like crap, that’s what!

Once I was a kid and I wanted to make some popcorn. But I couldn’t find any cooking oil. So I grabbed a bottle of this stuff that sort of looked like cooking oil.

Only it was some syrup stuff. Needless to say, it didn’t come out so well.

Some of the greatest inventions were mistakes. Even myself, as I make many mistakes, find that sometimes the mistake is better than what I wanted.

Then I incorporate it into my routine, and find I’ve got all kinds of options I didn’t know about.

They say that post-it notes were invented by accident. And during the American space program, all kinds of things were invented as byproducts. Electronic gizmos, gadgets, many of which became consumer goods.

None of which were expected.

There’s this theory in economics call “spontaneous order.” Meaning if you have a bunch of people who have a common problem, the “hive mind” will somehow solve it. Usually in a way that nobody could have predicted.

The path to success is never a straight line. And most of the stuff you’ll achieve in life won’t be because that’s what you were after, that’s just what happened.

Consider finding a romantic partner. Most people would agree that having a positive relationship with the right person is a cornerstone of a good life.

How do we humans “enter” into that relationship?

Look at the language. We “fall” in love. Can you plan to fall? Can you schedule a fall? Nope. You’re just walking down the street and BAM!

In The Godfather (both the movie and the book) they referred to this as the thunderbolt. Strolling down the street happy as can be and BAM! The thunderbolt hits and you’re in love.

All success is like this. It happens when you least expect it. But it WON’T happen if you are waiting for it to come knocking on your door.

You’ve got to be out in the world. Head up, eyes and ears open. Engaged with your environment. Including all the people around.

For many, this is pretty scary. But fortune, as they say, favors the brave.

Not dudes who binge watch Netflix all day long on their day off!

The simplest most powerful thing you can do is GET OUTSIDE and engage yourself. Go to new places. Talk to new people. Try new things.

And be open to anything, and everything.

These tools will help:

Mind Persuasion

Are You Wasting Crucial Seconds?

Force Yourself To Action

I had a friend once with a swimming pool.

Once I was over hanging out, and he was trying to coax his 8 year old nephew to jump in.

The kid could wade in and swim, he was just scared to jump in straight from the side.

Finally my friend grew a little impatient, picked up his nephew, and sort of held him/dropped him into the pool.

After crying for a bit, the kid started jumping in over and over again on his own.

Once I was at the mall, going to a movie. I was getting ready to go up the escalator. In front of me was a mom with her kid, who was terrified of the escalator. She was trying to convince him it was safe, then saw me waiting. So she picked him up and carried him.

I noticed that right when she did that, the looked of terror on his face suddenly changed to happy relief.

Once I bought a new truck, much bigger than my old car. I was complaining to my friend that parking it was much different. He just said, “Don’t worry, it’s weird at first, but pretty soon you won’t even notice.”

There’s plenty of ways to ease into something you don’t want to ease into, but you KNOW you’ve got to ease into.

You can wait for somebody to push you, or wait for somebody to pick you up, or take your time until it gets comfortable.

The first two aren’t really good strategies, as they depend on other people. People that are always depending on others to get them going tend to wait.

Usually their whole lives.

On the other hand, self starters tend to ALWAYS get the good stuff.

But here’s the thing. Self starters aren’t the super human warriors we imagine they are.

Every single moment of their lives is them choosing to act, rather than wait around.

From the outside, they look the same as the rest of us.

Only they get all the breaks, meet all the right people, and seem to be much happier.

Are they lucky? Or do they just lean forward into uncertainty a little bit more than most?

That’s the real secret. Not being a super hero. Just having the mindset of always going forward, even in tiny, baby little steps.

Even if somebody is right there to push you in, waiting for them to do so may cost you a fortune.

Or a crucial few seconds while you watch some other goof go over and talk to the person of your dreams.

It’s up to you.

Are you going to take action? Or wait for somebody to FORCE you go take action?

Get Started:

Mind Persuasion

The Nine Cupholder Strategy

Party In The MiniVan

I used to know this guy who was ULTRA excited.

Not about anything in particular, just about life itself.

He had a job selling cars, and even though he didn’t know so much about cars, he could sell them. Really, really well.

Once he told me a story about a minivan he sold. The only thing he knew about it was that it had 9 cupholders.

He kept referring to this over and over and over again, with EXTREME excitement. “It’s got a great engine, it’s super safe, cause it’s got all these airbags and stuff, and did I mention it’s got NINE cupholders? Everywhere you go, PARTY in the minivan, people!”

Maybe this guy had some genetic defect or something, or he had a super reserve of adrenalin somewhere most of us don’t. He was also a chain-smoking heavy drinker, so maybe he was always trying to overcompensate his hyperness.

When people sell stuff, it’s common to think you’ve always got to be so over the top all the time.

After all, most people are taught in order to sell, you’ve got to push push push on “features and benefits.”

I read this book once on linguistics, by Stephen Pinker (I’m a HUGE fan, he’s got a few TED talks).

He said that all language is persuasive. Meaning whenever we talk, we have SOME kind of outcome in mind, even if it’s to cheer up our friend, or get them to meet us down at the pub for a couple.

Dale Carnegie taught decades ago that the easiest way to get somebody to do something is to simply get them thinking it was their idea.

He also said that everybody is always wondering, “What’s in it for me?”

So when you first are going to say ANYTHING, first ask yourself, “How is the OTHER person going to benefit by what I say?”

Compare this to the strategy most people use:

“Me, me, me, me, and oh, by the way, me.”

Even if you don’t really know the person, you can kind of guess what they want, based on who they are, and what they are doing.

Like if you’re talking to somebody cute in the grocery story, just take a few seconds to come up with a reasonable assumption about THEIR model of the world before you open your yap.

Everybody wants validation and to be recognized for who they are.

If you do this FIRST, before you talk about what YOU want, you’ll be pretty amazed.

Then again, maybe you won’t. Maybe this is something you ALREADY know.

This is the outer game that makes everything EASY.

If you want to boost your INNER game, to make it even easier, check these out:

Mind Persuasion