Author Archives: mindpersuasion

How To Be More In The Moment

How To Be More In The Now

How To Appreciate Now

When I was a kid I went to a baseball game with my dad.

We went with a friend of his, who had some pretty good season tickets.

I didn’t know this guy much, don’t think I ever met him before the game, but he LOVED baseball.

Right before the game started, he seemed REALLY happy. He said, “There’s nowhere else on Earth I’d rather be the right here!”

For everybody we’ve all got out “best places” and “not so best places.”

And few of us are rarely in a position to say we wouldn’t want to be anywhere but right where we are.

Naturally, there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, we’ve all got different needs, desires, skills, abilities, backgrounds etc. We’re all only partially through our lives. And most of the time we’re doing things not because we really, really want to, but because of what we’ll get in exchange.

Few people are madly in love with their jobs, for example, but they stick around because they get paid. Sounds harsh, but most people who claim their in it for other reasons would leave in a hurry if their paycheck was cut in half!

This is the human condition. Do what you need to get what you want.

That’s why being able to shift into the “right here, right now” mindset is incredibly powerful.

If you’re talking to somebody that’s not 100% on board with what’s going on, you can feel it.

It’s like dragging your kids to the dentist or something.

When you’re hanging out with a group of very close friends, in an environment you all thoroughly enjoy, that’s when we really feel alive. That’s when that “right here, right now” feeling takes full control of our minds and spirits.

Most people think they need to find the right group of people, or the right situation for that feeling to appear.

In reality, it CAN happen the other way around. Meaning you CAN generate that “right here, right now” feeling in many more places than you can imagine.

Like when you’re talking to strangers, or people you don’t really well. Like when you’re talking to interesting people for the first time. Like when you’re presenting an idea to your boss or coworkers.

When they sense that “right here, right now” feeling from you, it will necessarily amplify whatever you’re talking 
about.

A lot.

The Talking Dog And The Pause

Not These Paws!

How To Build Up Interest

Here’s a cool “trick” you can use the next time you’re in a conversation.

It’s used to build “response potential,” which is that feeling other people get when you’re talking, and they focus more and more on what you’re saying.

This is great if you’re giving a presentation, or telling a story, and you want to make sure you keep people’s interest throughout the whole story.

(or if all your friends have ADD, lol)

Anyhow, it’s where you put the pauses when you speak. Most people put them where they’d put a period.

I was walking down the street (pause).

Then I saw this dog (pause).

The dog looked at me and said he was hungry (pause).

The “trick” is to take away the pauses from where the normally go, and put them in the middle of the sentence.

I was walking down the (pause) street and I saw this (pause) dog and he looked at me and (pause) said he was hungry.

When you get to the pauses, you can sort of look around at the people you’re talking to, if you’re talking to a group.

The reason this works is the human brain HATES unfinished business. All TV shows, waiters, writers, all use this to get effect. 

So even if your story is pretty lame (really? A talking dog?) if you put in the pauses, people almost be FORCED to pay attention.

Especially when you DON’T leave them any pauses (room in their brain to process what you’re saying) when you get to the “punch line.”

Most people, when they get to the “punch line” they stop and look around at everybody like they’re waiting for applause or something.

But if you not only put pauses where people don’t expect them, and DON’T put pauses where most people do, people will sense something VERY different about you.

They’ll wonder why, since even though you were talking about some ridiculous talking dog story (or whatever) there’s just SOMETHING about you that keeps you in their minds.

Now, imagine if you combined this with some stories that were interesting on their own!

Of course, this is just small piece of the charisma puzzle.

Body language, belief about yourself, how you look at people, how you use your gestures, all play a part.

But when they’re working together, YOU will be unforgettable.

How To Develop A Magnetic Gaze

Develop An Incredibly Seductive Gaze

Magical Eye Contact

What exactly is a magnetic gaze?

It’s one of those things you know when you see it. You know when you feel it. Sometimes even before you see it.

First of all, what’s the “magnetic” part? Clearly, this means it’s attractive. Something you want to move towards. Something that grabs your attention, in a good way, so you don’t want to think about anything else.

Second, the gaze part. A gaze is different than a stare. Different than a glance. Different than a look. Different than an intense focus.

A gaze is relaxed, taking in everything. Open peripheral vision, taking in everything, but kind of looking at the center. Like if you’re standing up close to a HUGE but gorgeous painting. In order to see the whole thing, you’d need to stand back a few meters.

But if you’re only a couple feet away, you can gaze at the center, while taking in the outer edges with your peripheral vision.

When somebody looks at you with a magnetic gaze, they are projecting quite a few things at once.

One is they are only slightly looking at you. They are interested in you, but you’re clearly not the most important person in the world, otherwise it would be an intense stare.

Like a starving dog looking a bowl of puppy chow.

They’re also very, very relaxed. Which means they aren’t concerned in the least if you “gaze” back at them, or even stare.

They’re basically saying, “I enjoy looking at you. Whether or not you appreciate that isn’t really important, but it could be. Also, I’m not really concerned with what other people think of me standing here enjoying looking at you.”

This takes confidence. This takes inner control. This takes some practice.

Not practice DOING anything, but practice NOT doing certain things.

Like listening to those self doubts. Like worrying about what other people think about you. Like making your own self confidence and self worth dependent on their response to your appreciation of them.

How can you practice?

One way is to simple go out and “people watch.” Find somebody that you find interesting, for whatever reason. Then just relax your eyes, put them at the center of your gaze, and enjoy what you see.

At first, you may start to worry what will happen if they “catch you.” See how long you can dismiss that worry.

If they do, “catch you,” simply smile, and keep gazing. Then just slowly shift your eyes somewhere else.

Make a game out of it. See how long you can “hold it,” even after they see you. 

The magic comes when they see you gazing, you smile, and keep gazing, and they smile, and gaze right back.

Slow Movements Of Confidence

Slow Motion

Lead With Body Language

A lot of things can be reverse engineered.

For many human qualities, form follows function, and function follows form.

Meaning if you feel confident on the inside, you’ll act confident on the outside.

But if you’re not confident on the inside, you can “prime the pump” by pretending to be confident on the outside.

Fake it till you make it, as they say.

You can change your mood quickly, when sad or depressed, but standing up, rolling your shoulders around, puffing out your chest, and putting on a HUGE smile. You’ll feel pretty goofy at first, but it works.

Especially if you’re walking around other people. Once people start smiling back at you, you’ll turn any negative emotions around, driven by the positive feedback loop.

Sometimes, when you’re not sure what somebody means, you can take a good guess by simply copying their movement, facial expression, and body language. Like you see somebody doing some “weird” body language or facial gesture, you can “try it on” to see what kind of internal emotions it creates.

This why often times it’s good to say things that are true, or you’d like to be true, with your feet on the floor, and open body language.

You can try this yourself, and see the difference. Take something you’d like to happen, like a medium term goal.

Sit in a chair with your legs crossed, feet off the floor, head tilted, and arms crossed. They say your goal.

Now sit with your back straight, feet flat on the floor, palms open on your lap, facing up. Your face squarely ahead, eyes solid, looking in the mirror if you can. NOW say your goal.

It will feel completely different.

This is one of the ways you can tell that somebody’s ultra confident as soon as they walk in a room. They’re eyes aren’t darting around. Their head isn’t spinning at the smallest evidence of interest from others. They aren’t nervously tapping their feet or moving their hands around.

They’re just moving very slowly. Head slowly gazing about, eyes relaxed and open, taking in the whole scene. A slight smile on their face that shows they’re thinking, “Hmmm, I wonder what kind of cool people I’ll meet here?”

And when they see somebody they think is interesting, they don’t circle them wondering how to approach or anything like that. They just look at them and smile and let them know, allowing the other person time to gather themselves before they walk over.

While they do, people are all thinking the same thing:

“Who IS that?”

THAT, can be YOU:

The Easiest And Most Powerful Language

Open Up Their Fantasies

Expand Their Dreams

One of the most under-appreciated set of language patterns from NLP is the Meta Model.

On the one hand, there’s the Milton Model, which is the basis of all covert hypnosis. People LOVE the idea of being able to slip ideas into other people’s minds, either for sales or seduction, or just for fun.

It’s certainly the topic of many movies and interesting YouTube videos. Some super skilled hypnotist who walks up to people, spits out a bunch of wizardry, and then gets the person to accept plain paper for money, or speak Martian, or something else equally funny.

The idea of hypnosis in general is some person passively sitting there, while the other guy does all the talking. The guy doing the talking is so skilled they can weave wonderful stories and deeply layered metaphors to work wonders on the target’s brain.

For guys, just the idea of being able to do this when they are talking to girls is the greatest invention ever. One many guys are willing to spend TONS of time and effort learning.

And guess what? If you DO take the time to learn these patterns, practice them, perfect them, they ARE very, very powerful.

But they are not NEARLY as powerful as the often overlooked Meta Model.

Why?

Because used correctly, the Meta Model is based on bringing out the good stuff that’s ALREADY INSIDE other people.

Not only that, but it’s waaaaaaay easier to learn and use.

All you gotta remember is those questions from journalism. What, where, who, when, why, how, which. And maybe a word like “specifically,” or “exactly.”

Now for some reason, when most people learn the Meta Model, they kind of go overboard. They’re like little kids with a new toy, and want to use it anywhere and everywhere.

Which is pretty easy, because us humans tend to speak in VERY vague language. So here comes some goof who’s just learned the Meta Model, and they are asking all kinds of detailed questions to get more specific details from the person they are talking to.

Only problem is they come across like an interrogation. Nobody likes being put on the spot!

But it just takes a little thoughtfulness to use the Meta Model without making everybody angry.

Only use it when people are talking about things they WANT to talk about. Pay close attention to their body language, facial expressions, and voice tone. If they are keen on getting more specific about something, trust me, you’ll know.

How will you know? It will feel like they’ve been looking for YOU their whole life, and they literally CAN’T STOP talking about whatever they are talking about.

This is the TRUE POWER of charisma. Not using all kinds of language patterns to get YOUR IDEAS into their mind, it’s about getting their ideas out of their mind.

Learn More:

Charisma Generator

Secrets Of Magnetic Behavior

Give Them Some Sugar!

The Give and Get Model

There’s a metaphor about heaven and hell that I like.

As it goes, in both heaven and hell there’s both plenty of people, and plenty of food.

And in both heaven and hell, the food comes in these bowls.

In both places, the people have to eat with these really, really long spoons.

The ONLY difference is what goes on in the minds of the inhabitants.

Everything else is EXACTLY the same.

In hell, nobody trusts anybody, so everybody tries to get by solely on their own. But since the spoons are too long to use, everybody’s always starving, lonely, and miserable.

But in heaven, people work together. They trust each other. They are willing to take risks. They know that you can get whatever you want, so long as you help others get what THEY want FIRST.

So they first take their long spoon, scoop out some food in some other person’s bowl, and feed them. They don’t know if they’ll reciprocate. They don’t worry that the person might take advantage of them. They don’t worry that everybody might think their an idiot for being so gullible.

And guess what?

This selfless behavior INSPIRES others. That other person that got fed by a stranger CAN’T wait to return the favor. They look around for somebody in need, so they can help.

Pretty soon, everybody is eagerly helping others, sharing, creating relationships, making friends.

Everybody’s happy. Everybody’s full. Nobody’s left behind.

Meanwhile, back in hell, everybody’s still starving, angry, alone, and worried that somebody is going to come and steal their food (that they can’t eat anyway).

This is the secret of charisma and personal magnetism.

Forget about talking about yourself and your own desires. Forget about your own shortcomings (real or imagined). Forget about all the constant approval seeking.

Go first. See somebody who could use a friend. Go and talk to them. Ask them about what they want. Find out what’s special and unique about them.

Spend your time focusing on and helping others.

Be an inspiration.

Do this, and others will be EAGER to help you get what you want, whatever it is.

What’s more, since all of us humans are MUCH MORE similar than we are different, there’s a really good chance what YOU want shares a lot with what THEY want.

And that overlap is the source of all partnerships, friendships, and romances.

Get Started:

Charisma Generator

The Social Snowball Effect

Get Out Of Your Head

Get Out Of Your Head

One of the nicest things you can do for anybody is to simply pay attention to them.

Most of us have all kinds of thoughts, ideas, dreams, that NEVER leave our brains.

Maybe once in a while, we’ll spit out a quick piece of evidence. Maybe we’re afraid people will laugh at us, maybe we’re afraid somebody will tell us our ideas our foolish.

But the truth is, when we are bold enough to speak just a small bit of our true selves, it feels REALLY good when somebody not only listens without laughing, but is genuinely interested in what we’ve got to say.

In order to be the one doing the listening, you’ve got to be careful. Many of us have a subconscious desire to “be right” or “be in charge.” Social status is something that we all crave, and recent studies from Harvard have shown that wanting increased social status is something that underpins pretty much every conversation we have with somebody.

So it can be very, very difficult to put your own opinions, desires and beliefs aside and really listen.

This is one those times when you’ve got to be your higher self. To ignore those lower-self instincts, and live fully consciously.

Because when you do, it’s pretty amazing.

AND it’s incredibly easy. 

The simplest way to really listen is to simply PAY ATTENTION to the words and phrases they use, and HOW they use them.

Then, when describing what they’ve just described, instead of “paraphrasing” them, like some folks teach, use the EXACT same words, in the EXACT same way they did.

Now, this sounds like you’ll come across as fake and manipulative, and you will if you’re not being sincere.

But if you repeat their words and phrases while fully trying to imagine whatever they were imagining when they said it, the results are flabbergasting.

Not only will they light up like a Christmas tree, but they’ll NEVER forget you.

They’ll see you as somebody who really gets them. Somebody who really understands them.

Obviously, this can be easily misused, especially if you’re in sales.

But if you’re just having fun in a social setting, and talking about things they’d like to do in the future, it’s really cool.

A side benefit is that while you’re talking to this person, and they are clearly VERY interested in you, everybody else is going to notice.

And everybody else will notice everybody else noticing. It’s like a snowball effect.

If you do this with just a couple people, you’ll soon develop a subconscious reputation in their minds for being truly charismatic and magnetic.

All by getting out of your own way, and simply listening to others.

Look For Treasure In Others

Shine Your Light

Avoid The Lonely Trap

Many people don’t think they are assertive enough.

To be sure, speaking up on your own behalf, or those around you, is a good skill to have.

And just like learning any skill, especially a skill that is based on how you interact with others, you’re going to expand your comfort zone.

And for many, this means getting some unexpected blowback from others.

For example, many of your friends like you because of the way you are now. Then you come along and start speaking up more for your wants, needs, and desires, and suddenly you don’t seem like that nice, passive guy or gal they used to know.

I’ve heard from a few assertiveness trainers that often times, “assertiveness training” is synonymous with “loneliness training.”

It’s also a common idea that if you always need to be “right” you won’t win any friends. In fact, in Dale Carnegie’s famous book, being “right” all the time is the surest way to destroy friendships and alienate people.

This is a common and unexpected outcome when people learn and begin to play around with the “meta-model.”

The meta model is a set of language patterns that are designed to get more specific information whenever people are speaking in vague language.

For example, if I said, “I had chicken for dinner last night,” you could use the meta model to find out what kind of chicken, how did I eat it, who did I eat it with, how long did I take to eat it, how was it cooked, and on and on.

Now, you can imagine if I was just saying that conversationally, grilling me about my chicken dinner (see what I did there?) wouldn’t likely make me more interested in you. It would likely have the opposite effect.

However, the meta model (finding out more specific information by asking why, when, how, etc.) can be a FANTASTIC tool when getting the person talking about the thing they REALLY want to talk about.

For example, think of your biggest life’s dream, right now. This is not something you generally walk up and start talking about.

But if it comes up conversationally, and somebody seems genuinely interested in YOUR DREAM, and they start asking meta model questions, based on their interest, it will generally feel pretty good.

Of course, if their interest was totally fake, you’d think they were warming you up for some kind of MLM pitch.

But if it was genuine, and they really liked the fact that you had a dream, and wanted to find out more, chances are you’d feel pretty good talking to them.

As you can probably guess, YOU can be that person who’s extremely interesting to talk to. Simply get out of your own head, forget about proving how right you are, and simply look for the treasure in others.

Do this, and they’ll never forget you.

Learn More:

Charisma Generator

Make Them Love You

Give and Get

Secrets Of Automatic Charisma

According to Dale Carnegie, the original guru of social skills, everybody’s always listening to their favorite radio station.

WII-FM

Or, “What’s In It For Me?”

Now, this isn’t bad, or negative or a slam on human nature. If humans DIDN’T always concern themselves for what was important to us, we’d never get anything.

Even on a subconscious level, whenever we consider taking action, there’s part of us that’s hoping to improve ourselves.

Now, a lot of people have problems with this. But even when we’re doing charity work, selflessly serving others, we are STILL doing it for OUR own reasons, even if they are spiritual.

And even if those reasons are only known by us, even subconsciously, they are STILL our reasons.

However, humans are ALSO highly social creatures. We also know on a deep level that one of the BEST ways to get what we want is to participate in a group so that EVERYBODY’S interests kind of overlap.

It’s a lot more fun when everybody’s getting their needs met. When it’s win-win instead of win-lose.

Unfortunately, a lot of people are too afraid to participate like that. They’re so worried about getting the short end of the stick that they make sure they stick it others before they get stuck.

But if you’re brave, you can find plenty of people that have enough overlap. Otherwise society wouldn’t be possible.

The way most people go about doing this they talk about what’s important to them, but in a friendly and outgoing way.

It’s like they’re tossing their own interests out there, and hoping somebody will share them.

This works pretty well. In fact, you may say this kind of behavior is hard wired into us.

However, there is a better way.

And that is to simply START OFF by finding out what’s important to other people FIRST.

Keep asking them about their interests, their desires, their goals.

Get them fired up. If you do that, a funny thing will start to happen.

They’ll start to SEE YOU through the lens of their desires and interests.

Meaning before they even know anything about you, they’ll have a deep appreciation and attraction for you.

Which means if then start talking about what’s important to you, they’ll almost certainly help you get it.

This is what charisma and personal magnetism REALLY is.

It’s being interested enough in others so that NO MATTER what you start talking about next, THEY will be interested in you. Not only that, but they’ll be willing to help you get it, simply because how you make them feel on a deep level.

Powerful Presence And Pure Focus

There Is Only Now

Here and Now

One powerful ingredient for charisma is presence.

Being fully present in the moment, especially if you’re speaking with somebody.

Meaning you’re not thinking about what happened five minutes ago, or what you think might happen five minutes later.

But what’s happening right here, right now.

Now, if you only did this, you’d have something most people don’t.

Since most people’s brains are bouncing all over the place, several times a second, you’d have a congruence that few people ever experience, let alone have themselves.

If you were in sales, for example, and you could talk about your product and ONLY focus on the words coming out of your own mouth devoid of any worries of the past or worries of the future, you’d be pretty mesmerizing.

However, that’s just the start.

If you can do the above AND only talk about what’s important to the person you are speaking with, then they’ll literally do ANYTHING to keep you around.

Buy your product, agree with your ideas, follow you home,  ANYTHING.

(Of course, you should NEVER abuse such power!)

Not only do most people have thoughts bouncing all over the universe, but  they are also generally talking about THEIR own worries, fears, needs, wants, etc. AND they are usually gunning for some kind of approval or validation.

Which is why this double whammy, presence and focus, is SO powerful.

However, it can be hard to practice.

Here’s one way. Try this a few times a day if you can. Get somewhere quiet, and sit and close your eyes.

Then find a feeling you’re currently feeling. ANY feeling is fine.

Just feel the pure, now, feeling. Take off the label of the feeling. Feel it as pure NOW energy.

Feel it as strongly as you can, in the here and now. If you can, describe it in your mind, as if it were a real object. Shape, color, texture, size, etc.

Then simply APPRECIATE that feeling, EXACTLY as it is.

This only takes a couple minutes, and you can literally do it anywhere. At red lights, in the elevator, even while somebody else is talking.

Of course, there are plenty other components of charisma, but this simple exercise will take you a long, long way.

If you want to learn more, check this out: