Category Archives: Approach Anxiety

Overcome All Frame Tests

Deep Self Confidence Is The Answer

Self Confidence Is The Key

There’s been a lot written about how to overcome “shit tests.”

These are tests that are designed to let her know, on a deep unconscious level, that you can’t be rattled. That you have an incredible strength of character and maximum levels of self confidence. If you’re doing well in the early parts of the conversation, and she throws out some of these tests, it’s actually a good thing.

She wants you to pass, because she’s interested so far. She wouldn’t throw them out unless she was. It’s also a function of her subconscious, much more than her conscious. It’s not like she chooses to do them like she’s sitting there playing a game of chess with you.

Without getting into the linguistic details, the easiest way to overcome them is to show her you aren’t bothered in the least. Say something funny about them, agree with them, playfully flip them around, and then just keep on talking about whatever you were talking about.

There are two very general, and very POWERFUL ways of overcoming these with ease. Or building up your ability to overcome them.

One is to simply get out there and get as many as you can. Whether or not you pass them isn’t the strategy. Just getting them is. Then later on, take some time and think of how you COULD have responded, that would show you weren’t rattled, and would allow you to keep the frame.

This will build up your memory of all kinds of different situations, so you start to overcome more naturally. This requires you fully understand, on a deep level, that there are PLENTY of girls out there, and so long as are focused on women in general, you’ll do fine. If you start to focus on one WOMAN, that’s when you run into trouble. Since every single conversation with every single WOMAN is different, it’s pointless to try and reverse engineer every potential obstacle before it comes up.

The second way to overcome these tests is to develop such solid, massive self confidence that they REALLY DON’T bother you at all.

When you think about it, the entire reason guys spend so much time trying to overcome them is that they really DO bother them.

Think about this from a sales objection standpoint. If you had a product, and you had to convince people to buy it, you would be worried about, and would take a lot of time practicing overcoming various objections.

But what if you had a product that was so high quality, and so popular you didn’t need to do ANY selling? All you had to do was to open the shop, and sit back and watch people line up?

What if your product was so popular you had to kick people out of your store who misbehaved? (No soup for you!)

That’s the kind of self confidence and depth of experience that will make ALL TESTS irrelevant.

How do you get such confidence? Start talking to girls. Start becoming social. Get a really deep appreciation and understanding that the world is filled with people.

So much so that if anybody, anywhere gives you any kind of test, that’s THEIR problem, not yours.

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Easy Day Game Approach Strategy

Approach Girls Anywhere Any Time

Easy Confidence Builder

Here’s an exercise you can do that will significantly boost your confidence, and when done correctly will pretty much guarantee you WON’T get shot down when you approach.

It’s not as easy as it sounds, so you may need a few tries before you get the hang of it.

It requires that you purposely keep your movements slow. The sign of a true confident person is slow and measured movements, not eyes or body parts darting around.

Anyhow, here’s what you do. It’s a good idea if you and your “target” are both stationary, and about 5 meters or more apart, but not more than 10 or 15. You need to read each others facial expressions.

Find somebody interesting, and look at them. Don’t stare, just look. When they notice you looking, hold eye contact. Don’t stare. Stay relaxed. Hold eye contact and within about three or four seconds, let a smile slowly build on your face. A relaxed, kind smile. Not a lecherous or predatory one. Just a relaxed smile to match your relaxed face that says, “I enjoy looking at you.”

If she smiles, looks away and then looks back, that’s about as clear a sign as you’ll EVER get that she’s interested, and she wants you to approach her.

Of course, how you approach, and what you say when you do will have an impact on what happens next. Nothing is guaranteed. But if you can be relaxed and confident when you approach, and say something simple like, “Hi, I noticed you from over there and I wanted to meet you. My name’s…” and then introduce yourself, you’ll be almost guaranteed to get a decent conversation.

(Just make sure you don’t have garlic breath or something!)

If you’re having trouble with approaches, this is a GREAT way to build up your confidence. Don’t worry about number closing or anything. Just exchange a few words, smile and say, “Well I enjoyed meeting you. I hope I see you around.” And then leave it at that.

It will only take you a few times doing this to realize she WANTS you to get her number. Then when you get to that stage, you’ll be collecting HIGH QUALITY numbers from girls who are genuinely interested in you. Not girls who give you their number just to get rid of you.

This will build your confidence, get you some decent numbers, and quickly take your day game to levels most guys never get to.

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How To Keep Conversations Going With Girls

Just Go With The Flow

Practice Makes Perfect

What do you say to a girl after you’ve introduced yourself? That’s a question most guys think they need to answer BEFORE they walk over there. But that’s kind of putting the cart before the horse. It assumes that you want to talk to her after you introduce yourself. It assumes she wants to talk to YOU after you introduce yourself.

Believe it or not, neither of these are a given. So there’s really no point in trying to come up with a million and one conversational topics before you go over there.

However, if you need some rules to keep handy, here’s a few. The first thing you should do is simply pace the environment, and your activity.

If you made eye contact with her a couple times before you approach (which is a good idea), just mention that when you walk over.

“Hi, I noticed you from over there, and I was interested in meeting you. My name’s George.”

Then see how she responds. If she looks likes you’re intruding, or she’s shocked, or she looks scared, don’t worry. There’s plenty of girls. However if she smiles (which is pretty likely if you were trading EC before you walked over) just say something else about the environment.

This can be anything neutral that is absolutely true. It sure is bright in here. The music is pretty loud. The drinks here are delicious. (This is called an ice breaker, BTW, it’s only designed to make you and her feel more comfortable).

Then, see how she responds to that. If she smiling and looking at you with her face AND her body, keep going. If not, bail, and go somewhere else.

After that, just use your imagination.

Don’t know what to say?

Here’s the best way to think of things. Just start approaching girls. Start today. Then, later on, keep a journal of what happened. Just write down things you COULD have said or done that might have made things go better.

If you did this once a day, in a few weeks you’d have ZERO PROBLEMS coming up with what to say.

The problem with most guys is they treat talking to girls like it’s some kind of intellectual exercise.

It’s not. It’s just like sports. You’ve got to practice, fall on your face, gain some experience, and then learn from experience. That’s really the only way to get better.

If you are committed to doing this, you’ll soon have ZERO anxieties when it comes to talking to girls. You’ll not only have plenty of say, but you’ll have lots of experience talking to girls that turn out to be not so interesting.

Which means you can simply refine your criteria for your dream girl, and keep looking for her.

Destroy Approach Anxiety Once And For All

Always Leave On A High Note

Always Leave On A High Note

What’s the one question guys will invariably ask when they see their buddy talking to a cute girl?

They will always ask if he got the number. Or they’ll ask what the outcome of the conversation was.

And if they don’t get the number, everybody assumes that the guy failed.

This is natural, but it’s also pretty dangerous. Why? Imagine if your number one goal when talking to girls was to close her as high as you could. Number close, kino close, kiss close, whatever.

Even if you have a specific level you’re going for, like a number close, this is still pretty dangerous.

Why?

Because on a deep level, it creates the mindset that she has something you don’t. And you’re only successful if she gives it to you. We all know that this is a numbers game, right? Just like in sales. Call enough people, and you’ll make money. Talk to enough girls, and you’ll get some numbers.

The problem is the ones that DON’T give you their number. No matter how much self confidence and self esteem you have, not getting a number when that is your primary goal is going to hurt. Sometimes not so much, sometimes a lot.

Also consider this. The way our brains operate is that every time we go into a new situation, our brains automatically call up as many similar experiences as possible, to prepare us for what might happen.

Which means when you’re approaching a girl for the first time, you will automatically recall, subconsciously, all the other girls you’ve ever approached. And if every single one them is put into a “win-loss” category in your  mind, guess what feeling you’ll suddenly feel?

Stress. Anxiety. Worry. Even fear.

What’s a better alternative?

Just talk to girls WITHOUT having any “outcome” in mind. Don’t specifically ask for the number UNLESS she seems like you’re type and UNLESS you are pretty sure you’re going to get it.

Otherwise, don’t worry. Juts enjoy the conversation, and then split. It’s also a GREAT IDEA if you leave on a “high note.”

Most guys talk to girls until they get blown out. This creates a subconscious connection between getting blown out, and talking to girls. Which means every time you approach a girl, you’ll feel that fear of getting blown out.

On the other hand, if you ALWAYS leave on a high note, you’ll create a whole different automatic response.

If, from now on, you leave every conversation with a girl thinking, “Wow, that was fun, I could have done more!” Then talking to girls will soon start to be fun and exciting. Not stressful or anxious.

And guess what? It won’t be long before girls start dropping OBVIOUS hints that they want to give you their number.

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How To Avoid Criteria Mismatch

Make Sure You're A Match

Make Sure You’ve Got Enough In Common

If you want to sell something to somebody, you need to have rapport. If you want to persuade somebody of something, you need to have rapport.

Rapport is that deep feeling of connection. That feeling that makes you feel comfortable and fully trusting that person you’re talking to. And contrary to many traditional sales teachings, rapport is mostly unconscious, and not really dependent on the kinds of things you’re talking about.

It’s pretty easy as well. Matching body language, matching rate of speech, matching rep systems if you’re advanced enough. Then once you’ve established you’re in rapport (by checking and making sure you’re pretty much mirroring each other) then you want to start leading.

Meaning you move slightly, and make sure they follow you. Once you’ve established this, you can start getting down to business. 

How long does it take to get rapport? It all depends. If you’re a likeable person and you’re both pretty relaxed to begin with, then it won’t take long. But if you or they are in a bad mood, or maybe you’re in some kind of confrontational environment, then it may never happen.

However, there is a time when creating rapport too fast may not be such a great idea. And that is when you’re meeting somebody who is a potential romantic interest.

Unfortunately, many sales techniques have made their way into the dating world. Certainly, they are very similar.

But there’s an assumption in sales that shouldn’t be in dating. If you’re in sales, everybody is a potential candidate. So long as they’ve got the money, they are a potential customer.

But think about dating. If you are intending to create a relationship, everybody is most certainly NOT a candidate. After all, dating for the long term is about much more than physical attraction. Now, to begin with there absolutely MUST be some physical attraction, but that’s just start.

But you also need to have a lot of other things in common. And until you know what those things are, you should hold off on doing any kind of advanced selling topics.

For example, let’s say you see a girl who is absolutely gorgeous. So you fire up your hypnotic selling machine. Within an hour, she’s dripping with desire and thinks you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread.

And you keep your hypnotic selling machine turn on “max seduction” all the way through your first sexual encounter.

The next day, she’s head over heels in love with you, because you’ve been banging on her hot buttons all night long.

But you don’t really know ANYTHING about her!

What if she has the opposite political beliefs as you? What if you go to daily mass but she’s a witch? What if she’s a vegan and you eat raw steak three times a day? Sure, you can put up with a little bit of differences, but be careful!

The moral of the story? Qualify first, and seduce later.

How To Make An Impression On Her

You Don't Need to Be A Clown With Memorized Patterns

How To Be Confident And In The Moment

There’s a very small difference between somebody who’s really funny, and somebody who has a well practiced routine.

Like if you watch comedians a lot, they speak like they’re just jabbering away off the top of their heads. But if you meet them in person, you might get a different idea.

I had a friend once who took his kid see this famous TV comic perform at local fair. They watched him, and really enjoyed his routine. But then they went backstage to see him, and he was TOTALLY different. Withdrawn, closed off, smoking a cigarette, and not very pleasant to talk to.

Of course, not all comics are like this. In fact, the most famous ones can generally turn it on or off at a moment’s notice, but even then it’s not what it appears.

A lot of the great “improv” comics can spin a funny story based on pretty much anything. So it seems like they’re in the moment. But in reality, they have TONS of small, memorized bits based on pretty much every topic. Which means they only need to connect anything anybody says to ONE of these memorized bits, and then it’s off to the races.

To make their “game” even tighter, they are ALWAYS coming up with new material. Meaning they’ll see some woman with a red hat in line at the grocery store, then they’ll come up with a funny story associated with that particular woman, real or not, and file it away for further use.

Now, this sounds like a LOT of work, and it is! But remember, these are the guys that are world famous, and make millions of dollars a year.

Many, many people see game, as in talking to girls, they same way. They feel they need to have a whole collection of memorized patterns and topics, so they can always riff of whatever she says.

This is kind of true, but not really.

Meaning this is the way humans are hard wired to communicate anyway. Meaning if you make it a habit of talking to as many people as you can, just to talk to them, you’ll automatically be collecting a lot of stories based on a lot of different situations.

And your genius brain will AUTOMATICALLY start to bring those stories to mind whenever you’re talking to people. Which, of course, will create a self-fulfilling loop.

You talk to people, and they’ll remind of other people, and you’ll then use those old stories to mix in with that current situation. 

Your experience and anecdotes will grow. Your social comfort will grow. Your ability to be “in the moment” without fear or nervousness will grow.

All you’ve got to do is make a decision to simply start being more social with people. Then when you’re talking to that cute girl, about whatever, you’ll be the most interesting person she’s talked to in a long, long time.

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Practice Instead Of Study

Leverage Your Human Learning Power

Trial And Feedback

Many guys study pickup and seduction like they study other kinds of subjects in school.

Write stuff down, practice and home in front of a mirror. Pay thousands of dollars to attend seminars and role play in a safe environment where everybody behaves “correctly.”

But the thing about humans is that we are natural learners. Other animals have various specialities. Cheetahs can run fast. Zebras can blend together and look like one huge crazy animal.

Tigers have super sharp teeth and super sharp claws and can pretty much digest anything.

Monkeys can hang from tree branches with their tails.

Humans, however, can learn. We are THE MOST adaptable animal. We are born so UN-fully formed, that we live a large percentage of our lives in “learning mode.” And it really never shuts off.

Before even 5% of any population ever HEARD of school, or “traditional learning” people were inventing airplanes, telescopes, steam engines.

They didn’t go to seminars. They didn’t learn that from books.

They tried, and measure what happened afterwards. Then they tried again.

Now, this may take some conscious thought if you are trying to invent something like an airplane or a telescope.

But if it has ANYTHING to do with human interaction and communication, you don’t need to be taught. You don’t need any special methods or techniques or patterns.

You just need courage. The courage to practice, and get feedback. Now, some people will call this failure.

And sure, if the Earth is about to explode an hour from now, and you really need to get laid before everybody dies, then yea, not getting her number may be considered a failure.

But otherwise, it’s just one more piece of data in a LONG lifetime of endless learning.

The ONLY thing you really need to do to get better with women is practice. Forget about the outcome. Just enjoy  the process.

Start talking to anybody and everywhere, wherever you go. Be friendly. Be outgoing. Talk to old ladies. Talk to your waiter. Talk to the guy or the girl working at the coffee shop. Don’t game anybody or sell any MLMs or try and do anything sneaky.

Just talk to people and enjoy people. The more you do this, the easier it will get.

Pretty soon, talking to cute girls won’t be so difficult. Then you’ll make a startling realization. After talking to them for a couple of minutes, you’ll find you start to lose interest with a LOT of cute girls.

Simply because you’re not so desperate anymore, you start to notice their personalities. Some will match yours, but a lot won’t. That’s fine. That’s normal. That’s good. That’s healthy.

Then you’ll find the REAL FUN. Talking to girls not to impress them, or to game them, or to trick them into sleeping with you.

But to find the right one.

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How To Develop Natural, Automatic Game

Practice Makes Perfect

Practice Makes Perfect

If you think back to your best nights with people in general, or girls in particular, you will likely come to a startling (or maybe not so startling) conclusion.

None of those nights or days happened because you were running some ultra tight game, where you were viewing your conversations with others like some high level chess game. You weren’t planning your statements and words with a thought of what they’d say next, and what you might say after that, and ten or twenty minutes into the future.

Instead, you were likely very much in the moment. She said something, and you automatically said something back. You didn’t think about it, or choose your words, or even knew how you were going to finish a sentence when you started it.

You were in that mystical magical energy flow that is so rare but so awesome. You say something, she says something you say something, and it just flows back and forth.

Imagine if you tried to play tennis like some guys try and “spit game.” You had some set of moves memorized out, but they only worked if your opponent hit the ball a certain way.

You wouldn’t last long.

Sure, you should practice your backhand, your serve, your forehand, short game, back game (or whatever they call it). All individually, all seriously.

But when you’re playing a game, you just show up and play. Let your instincts do the work. Let your stamina do the work.

And guess what? The more you play, the better you’d get. The more you’d practice, the better you’d get.

But for some reason, guys don’t think of social skills like this. They seem to think you need to follow some set of rules or steps or something.

But in reality, it’s pretty simple. Just keep talking to people. The more people you talk to, the better you’ll get. The more people you talk to, the more experience you’ll get, which means you’ll have more stuff to talk about.

If you want to drill certain aspects of “game,” like you would in tennis, you can do that as well.

Just practice eye contact one day. Nothing else. Practice saying hello. Do nothing else until  you say hello to 100 girls. Then practice introducing yourself. Do nothing else. Keep this up until you introduce yourself to 100 girls.

Sure, it may take a while. But if you drill yourself like this, and at the same time, having relaxing, normal, conversations with people whenever and wherever you see them, you will develop some VERY powerful, VERY attractive, and VERY natural game.

The kind you don’t even need to think about. And that wonderful flow will happen again and again and again.

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The Danger Of Seduction Gurus

Which Is More Important, Teacher Or Student?

Trial And Error Might Be Better

There’s a common idea in the realm of meeting and dating girls of following some kind of guru. Now, gurus certainly have their time and place. Certainly, if you were learning something that only a few people in the world knew how to do, then you would do well to learn from an expert in the field.

But even then, there’s a danger. See, there’re people who are really good at doing things. Then there are people who are really good at teaching things. Then there are people who are really good at learning things.

Now, if you were to learn from some guru, and learn well, you’d have to have a guy that could do what you wanted to learn, teach what you wanted to learn AND, most importantly, YOU’D be somebody who was willing or able to LEARN what you wanted to learn.

All three of these are rarely present. Which is the most important?

Well, consider each one on it’s own. Take a guy who was a GREAT teacher, who couldn’t do what he was teaching, trying to teach to a roomful of goofs who refused to learn. Nope.

How about a guy who was GREAT at doing, but horrible at teaching, and also teaching to a room full of lazy goofs. Nope again.

Now how about a roomful (or even one guy) who REALLY wanted to learn, but his teacher was an idiot who not only couldn’t do what he was teaching, but couldn’t teach his way out of a paper bag.

Now, if he were teaching some kind of specialized thing like building a computer from scratch, there’s be trouble. But even then, a REALLY motivated student could forget the class, look stuff up online, or buy a bunch of books form Amazon, and probably do pretty well.

In fact, some of the smartest guys on Earth are self-taught, largely because nobody’s smart enough to teach them.

Now, take some like seduction, or dating, or pickup. These are largely based on general social skills, which are hard wired into EVERYBODY.

So not only do you NOT NEED a guru, having one will hold you back. In fact most people spend tons of money and time with gurus precisely BECAUSE they don’t really want to do what needs to be done.

Which is to simply get out there, and practice.

Practice talking to people. All people. Anywhere. Everywhere.

The more people you talk to, the easier it will be, and the more fun it will be.

So when you DO see a girl that’s interesting, you won’t suddenly need to summon super human levels of courage and ninja levels of approach techniques.

You’ll just walk over and talk to her.

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The Third Path To Finding Your Dream Girl

Three Paths To Your Success

The Natural Way Is Easiest

There are three basic choices if you want to go from where you are now, to where you want to be with regards to women and relationships.

Choice number one is what most guys do. Which is nothing. Sure, they spend a lot of time online in forums, mostly complaining about women. Sometimes they’ll give each other advice (safely from their keyboard) about what they should have done or shouldn’t have done.

While it can feel like you’re making progress if you learn about human relationships through reading various blogs on the Internet (ahem…), it will only get you so far. It may even impede your progress, as you think you may be “learning” but in reality, you’re just learning new excuses to keep you out of the game.

Choice number two is what a few guys do. They make a decision to do something about it. Maybe they figure enough is enough, or maybe they had their hearts broken so badly they decide that will never happen again. So they buy courses and attend seminars. They study language patterns and techniques. How to approach, what to say, what to wear. They use all kinds of sales terminology as if they are insurance salesmen going door to door.

And guess what? If they keep at it, they will be very successful. That’s pretty much guaranteed with all skills. If you take the time to learn, and take the time to practice, you WILL improve. This is an absolute certainty.

However, talking to and dating girls is pretty much part of our DNA. Sure, if you wanted to study and master something totally “unnatural,” something that humans AREN’T hard wired to do (like juggling or bowling or playing the piano or whatever), then studying and practicing skills is the way to go.

But in reality, talking to girls and meeting enough of them to find your dream girl is not really unnatural. It’s not something that was invented in recent human history.

The concept of humans mingling with other humans to make more humans has been around for millions and millions of years, since WAY before we were even humans.

Which brings us to choice number three.

Forget the internet posturing. Forget learning specialized skills and patterns and techniques. Just get out there and be social. Talk to people and find out something interesting about them.

Sure, for many people it’s pretty scary at first. But they ALL quickly realize the same thing. People LIKE talking to other people. So long as you’re not pushing MLM or don’t have horrible garlic breath, people will ENJOY IT when you start up a conversation.

If you make it a habit of talking to people wherever you go, just to enjoy it, some of those “people” will be cute girls. And guess what? Some of the cute girls will turn into your dream girl!

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