Category Archives: Approach Anxiety

Stop Making Childish Excuses!

Get Out There And Get In The Mix!

Put On Your Big Boy Pants

It doesn’t take much effort find so called “game experts” bemoaning the state of male-female relationships these days.

If you dig beneath the surface, what many of these “gurus” are really teaching is a very complicated philosophical “proof” that is based on the oldest excuse in the book.

“It’s Not My Fault.”

Now, this is a very touchy subject. On the one hand, very few people had ideal childhoods. And it’s no secret that something as emotionally deep and powerful as male-female relationships is HIGHLY dependent on how well you were “raised” in this regard.

To be certain, those things that happened to you as a kid were absolutely NOT your fault.

But that’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about guys who claim they can’t get laid, or find the ideal woman, or find WHATEVER they want, because of a variation of an age old argument that will simply not die.

“The World Is Broken.”

If you were to develop some invisible time machine that had a universal translator so you could travel around and listen in on various people belly aching about pretty much ANY kind of “lack,” you’d hear the same argument.

“It was much better in the good old days.”

“This generation has gotten a raw deal.”

“There just aren’t any X out there. I’ve looked.”

X can be jobs, girls, plots of land to build a cabin, places to prospect for gold, rocks to throw at zebras, you name it.

Why is this argument so popular?

Because it’s incredibly easy.

It takes no risk. It takes little mental effort. It’s very common so you’ll always have good company (misery loves company, eh?)

AND it protects you from taking risks, failing, or doing ANYTHING uncomfortable.

But guess what?

When it comes to girls, WHATEVER you want, you can get.

So long as you are willing to do what it takes to get it.

The strategy is simple.

Choose your criteria. Looks, personality, belief, religion, family background, etc.

Then simply start sorting.

AND realize that your dream girl must be attracted to you as much as you’ll be attracted to her.

Many guys miss this obvious point.

They think any kind of “work” they do is not dependent on her subjective desires.

Your job is to NOT ONLY find a girl who meets your criteria, but to meet a girl that thinks YOU meet HER criteria.

This, unquestionably, is a LOT of work.

And it’s understandable if you don’t want to put in that much work.

Just don’t kid yourself.

Don’t say, “The market sucks.” Or “There aren’t any quality women.”

At least do yourself the courtesy of telling yourself the truth:

“I probably could find my dream girl, but I’m too scared, and I’m too lazy.”

But if you really DO want to find her, (and you should because the benefits are better than ANYTHING on planet Earth), then get busy.

This Will Help:

mindpersuasion.com

True Alpha Behavior

Alphas Aren't Really Mean and Scary

Not What Most Guys Think

Many guys get stuck when girls try and “test” them.

If you read any forum related to getting girls, guys will post something she did or said, and ask:

“Was this a test?”

It can be confusing. You can be jamming along, everything’s groovy, and then suddenly she says or does something that doesn’t make any sense, and kind of puts you on the defensive.

When this happens, and it does, will and continue to happen, it generally IS a test.

Why do girls do this?

Girls don’t like guys for the same reasons guys like girls. Guys are much more into looks and physical beauty. This doesn’t mean that it’s the ONLY thing, but it’s a pretty important one.

Girls, on the other hand, are much less concerned with looks, and more concerned with personality. This, of course doesn’t mean that looks are COMPLETELY irrelevant to girls, but they’re not nearly as important as guys think they are.

So when a guy is checking out a girl, he knows right away if he’s attracted. She’s pretty, she’s got nice features, she’s dressed to kill. In about two seconds, the male attraction is fired up.

But when girls feel attraction, it doesn’t happen right away. She needs to be a lot more sure of his personality.

Since this has been true since the dawn of time, girls are hard wired to “test” a guy to make sure he can handle unexpected things.

No girl wants to hook her wagon to a guy who’s going to collapse into a butt-hurt little boy at the first sign of trouble.

So, how do you respond?

Think of it from her perspective. A evolutionary, biological perspective.

The whole purpose of her tests is to make sure he can handle adversity without being affected.

Which means you don’t get angry, you don’t try and “flip the script” and show her who’s boss.

The less her tests bother you, the better.

This is the REAL dominant alpha that girls respond to.

Not the kind who can yell and scream and act all tough and stoic and all of that other BS.

The guy who’s happy and content with himself and sure of himself and his abilities no matter WHAT happens.

Imagine you’re a caveman, and you’ve got a cave wife and a couple of cave kids following you down some dirt path.

If you come up to an obstacle, how do you respond?

If you’re her ideal caveman, you’ll simply say, “Hmm. An obstacle. Let’s go around it.”

If you’re a butt-hurt little cave boy, you’ll say, “This is so unfair! I didn’t sign up for this!”

Which guy do you think most girls would like to follow?

Build up your belief in yourself. Accept whatever she says as an opportunity to demonstrate your value by shrugging them off.

No big deal.

This will get her attracted to you faster than anything else.

More Mind Tools:

mindpersuasion.com

How To Find Your Dream Girl

Get Girls To Fall In Love With You

Step By Step Love Building

Most guys realize something pretty incredible when they start getting success with the ladies.

And that is that it’s not really as heavenly as they imagined.

Sure, it’s still a wonderful feeling to be with somebody special. Somebody who really gets you and has your back when you need it.

But it’s much more of a “two way street” than some guys imagine.

This is because there is a difference between getting something as a gift, and getting something in exchange.

Remember being a little kid, and getting birthday presents? Or any other present?

It feels good to get something. Something good. Something unexpected. Simply because.

That’s great if you’re a kid. And some guys apply this philosophy to girls. They act like they “deserve” something just “because.”

Like a little kid pounding his fists on the dinner table because there’s no ice cream.

“But You Promised!”

The only reason a girl will “give you” anything is because she’s getting something equally valuable from you.

And as tough as this is to hear, if you aren’t getting what you want from girls, then you don’t have much to offer, at least from their perspective.

No pretty girl, who gets plenty of attention from guys, is going to look across the room at some guy, and just spontaneously decide to walk over and give him the goods.

Girls just aren’t wired that way.

They like being approached. They like being talked to in a special way. They like to feel special feelings. 

And if a guy can consistently make them feel those special feelings, she’ll be more than willing to give back.

Now, it’s absolutely crucial that NONE of this happens on a conscious level. It’s not like trading baseball cards with your buddies.

Your behavior has to trigger those feelings. And those feelings in her will trigger her behavior that then triggers those feelings in you.

To get, you’ve got to give. But not like most guys think they’re “giving.”

How will you know when you’re “giving” correctly? She’ll be responding correctly. Body language, pupil dilation, lip color, skin color, percent of the time she’s looking at you and not gazing around the room.

Now, this requires a lot of practice. A lot of times you’ll go over and talk to her, and nothing will happen.

But if you talk to enough girls, you’ll see that just being you will be enough to get certain girls into you.

Then you just keep focusing on those until you find one you like who likes you.

Now, like I mentioned before, once you get to this level, it’s pretty mechanical. You’ll start to lose that “magic feeling” when a girl looks at you a special way.

You may even feel like you’re wasting your time. After all, you’ll find that if you talk to ten girls a night, you’ll get at least a couple who are interested in you.

You’ve stopped looking for unexpected “presents” and you’ve entered the grown up world of relationship creation.

Which means you can literally design your perfect dream girl, in every way, and then simply go out and find her.

Get Started Now:

mindpersuasion.com

How To Meet Your Ideal Girlfriend

Get Her To Fall In Love With You

Step By Step To Love

How do you get a girl to like you?

Many guys struggle with this. If this is you, then you may not like you’re about to read.

To be sure, there’s plenty of courses and trainings and seminars that teach certain step by step behaviors and language patterns to get into her goods.

And to an extent, these work pretty well, especially if you’re only looking for short term flings.

But if you’re really into a girl, and you think she may be “The One,” then those “tricks” might backfire.

To make this easier to understand, we’ll use the metaphor of food, rather than seduction. It works the same way, as in it’s not a choice, and when it happens it happens. And when somebody gets REALLY hungry, especially for a certain food, there’s not much that will stop them from satisfying that hunger.

So let’s say you’ve got this potential customer. You’ve got to get them hungry, so they’ll buy what you’ve got.

But since you’ve only got certain ingredients, you can’t really cook ANYTHING. If you’re a bakery, for example, and all they want is deep fried pizza, there’s not much you can do.

Anyhow, there ARE a lot of “tricks” you can do to entice people’s hunger for bread. Offer discounts. Make sure your bread smells really good when people get close to your store. Put up a picture of the mayor in your shop.

And if you use enough of these tricks, you’ll get enough customers to come into your shop to buy bread.

One thing that WON’T work is if you explain to people consciously why they should eat bread.

Another that wouldn’t work is if you tell him how desperate you are for their business. Or how happy you’ll be if you buy their bread.

The ONLY thing that will work is if you get them hungry for bread.

Which means it’s got to be THEIR decision, based on THEIR unconscious desires. Try as you may, you simply CAN NOT use conscious ideas and logic to trigger somebody’s UNCONCIOUS desires.

That’s why plenty of adverts don’t make any conscious sense, but they work like gangbusters to sell products.

Here’s something else to consider. Supposing they do fall for your marketing tricks (authority, social proof, good smelling bread, testimonials from famous people etc.) guess what’s going to happen if they get your bread home and find out that your bread tastes like crap?

That’s right, they won’t buy any more of your bread.

Can you see how this works with females?

You can ask her or beg her or trick her to like you. 

But won’t unless the following happens:

She Must Be Attracted To You For Reasons She Can’t Explain Logically

How do you do this?

Well, I hate to say this, but you’ve got to be as attractive AND authentic as you can.

Meaning put aside the tricks or language manipulation. Build up your self confidence, social skills, frame control, and your belief in your ability to create and live a magnificent life.

Be yourself, but transform yourself into your very BEST self. For real. For life.

Then interact with as many girls as you can.

Essential Mind Tools:

mindpersuasion.com

Do You Depend On Imaginary Forces?

Stop Doing This

Take Responsibility

Most of us have common fears and desires.

We’d like more money than we’ve got, and we’d like our relationships to be a little bit better.

Most of us would like to lose a few pounds, and maybe move to a nicer place.

It’s also pretty common to think of these as “out of our control.”

I remember a long time ago I was watching a post game interview of a baseball player whose team had just been eliminated from the playoffs.

What struck me was the lack of responsibility in his language. The words and phrases he was using suggested there was some larger force that kept them from winning.

Now, most professional players don’t talk like this. When they give post game interviews after big losses, they say things like, “WE couldn’t get any hits,” or “WE had trouble getting on the board,” or “OUR defense just fell apart.”

One of the things you’ll learn if you study hypnosis is the things people are hiding underneath their speech. 

Even simple things, like meeting people, can be made to sound out of our control.

For example, when heading out socially, we say things like, “I hope I meet somebody tonight.”

But when you think about it, meeting somebody is TOTALLY under your control. You see somebody interesting, you walk up, you introduce yourself, and you exchange names.

Think about if you talked about eating like this.

“I hope I can find some food.”

Maybe if you live in a cave and you’re going out with your bow and arrow, but not if you live in a modern (or even semi-modern) world with fast food and convenience stores everywhere.

Why are some things easy, and some things hard?

Is meeting people (or getting a better job or making more money) really any different than buying some food?

You want something, and you’ve got to interact with others to get it.

The only real difference is the meaning we put on things.

It’s our perceptions that make them seem difficult, not the things themselves.

Once you change your inner filters and windows through which you interpret the world, it will seem a lot easier.

Learn How:

Belief

How To Get Lucky With Ladies

How To Get Lucky Baby

How To Engineer Luck

Most people think of luck as something that falls from the heavens. A gift from God. Or some leprechaun, or some unicorn that’s giving out skittles. Or whatever.

But luck is something that can be engineered. How? Keep reading.

First, figure out what you want. Most guys don’t really know. They just know they’d like some female companionship, but that’s about it. Which means they wander through life, unsure, and when they see a hottie, they are in “reactive” mode rather than “active” mode.

Which means they are mentally off balance. Taking risks when you’re off balance is difficult, to say the least.

True luck is when preparation meets opportunity. Just walking down the street you’re going to be presented with plenty of opportunities. But without any preparation, you’ll never get lucky.

How do you prepare?

First, choose the kind of girl or girls you are looking for. Age, height, body style, etc., as much as you can. This will narrow down the list.

Then come up with some positive personality and emotional traits that are good, and some that are bad.

Most guys never come close to doing this.

This makes it easier for a couple of reasons. One is that it will take a little pressure off. Right now, without any criteria, any hot girl is going to seem like your heavenly princess.

But with some personality based criteria, having good looks is only enough to get her foot in your door.

So when you approach her, you’re still in “investigating mode.” Meaning you need to find out more about her. You’ll be more confident, and less needy. Both will make you more attractive.

That’s one element of “preparation.”

The next is to simply practice talking to strangers whenever you can. Girls, guys, young people, old people. Whomever you see.

This will build the experience in your mind that “talking to strangers is normal, safe, and ordinary. Sometimes boring, and sometimes exciting.”

As an aside, this is one thing most people are surprised to find out when they start talking to strangers in social settings. Before they can do this, they imagine all kinds of uncomfortable and terrible things.

But when they start doing this, they find out that most people are pretty boring.

Which means it’s pretty safe.

Anyhow, once you’ve got some practice, and some criteria, you’ve got the preparation taken care of.

Then it’s just a matter of bringing your preparation to all the opportunities you find.

And you’ll get lucky.

Just like that.

Essential Mind Tools:


mindpersuasion.com

Are You Playing it TOO Safe?

Embrace Risk For Massive Success

The Magic Of Balanced Risk

Sometimes being able to unlearn something is more important than learning something.

Often times when we want something we think we can’t get, we imagine that we need to do something that we’re not doing, or learn something that we don’t know, or think something that we’re not thinking.

(huh?)

Sometimes though it’s what we STOP doing that will get us what we want, rather than what we START doing.

As we move from childhood to adulthood, this idea shows up a lot. We stop depending things “outside” of us, and start depending on our own, self-generated actions and decisions.

You stop depending on the training wheels, and start depending on your own sense of balance.

You stop expecting free money in the form of an allowance, and get a part time job.

You stop feeling the need to ask for permission (which also means if you mess up it’s not really your fault) and start trying things out on your own, just to see what will happen.

Now, it’s pretty clear that some people are better at this than others. Some people take to risk and trial and error based behaviors like a duck to water.

Others are terrified of leaving the safety of authority and conformity.

Neither one is “better” than the other, since “better” can only be determined by what you value.

If you’re content to take what you’re given, and happen to be in a situation where you’re given some pretty good stuff, then you’ve got it pretty good.

On the other hand, if you want a lot more than what other people decide to “give you” then you’ll need to take some risks.

A lot of people shy away from that word. They imagine taking a risk, failing, and ending up homeless, or shunned by society.

This can lead to overcompensation. Taking no risks at all. Only playing it safe.

But not all risks have to be huge. Not all risks entail putting your life’s savings on a one time stock tip.

Every time you talk to a stranger, you’re taking a small risk. They might like you, they might ignore you.

Every time you call about an ad for a job, you’re taking a small risk. They might hire you and think you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread, or they may laugh at you and hang up.

If you believe that any risk is dangerous, and even the smallest rejection will destroy your ego, it will.

But if you believe that all risks comes with rewards, either getting what you want, or getting you more information that will help you get what you want, they will.

To feel comfortable with risks, and see opportunities where others fear to tread, check this out:

Belief Change

How To Become A Super Confident Seducer

Always See The Big Picture

See The Big Picture

Most guys are conning themselves when they imagine getting with the perfect girl.

When we imagine getting a girl, we imagine it as something that’s given to us, or something that’s earned.

Make no mistake, everybody likes getting rewards or free gifts, especially when there’s a heavenly honey and some fun between the sheets involved.

But in reality, this mindset puts you at a HUGE disadvantage. And truth be told, most men NEVER leave this mindset. That’s why most men, even grown professional men making tons of cash and holding huge positions of importance, still look at their wife as some kind of authority figure.

Especially if they met when they were young, like in their twenties or earlier.

Why is this? Men take a lot longer to “grow up” than women. Even in ancient societies, boys had to be forced into ceremonies where they were transformed from boys into men. If they didn’t go through the ceremony, they’d stay boys their whole lives and be a danger to the tribe.

Why didn’t they do this for girls? Why no ceremonies for turning girls into women?

Because back then, it happened naturally. Having a baby does that to a girl. When you’ve got a little kid who is absolutely desperate for you to keep them alive, it’s kind of hard NOT to “grow up.”

Of course, this isn’t so true any more. But there’s still a lingering “gap” between the maturity level of boys and girls.

Just ask any school teacher.

And when you walk up to a girl in a club with that attitude that she’s got all the goods, and you “hope” that she decides to “give you” some, you’re not doing yourself any favors.

Ideally, you should have such a good life that girls are trying to convince YOU to let THEM in.

Now, this may seem impossible with so many people just barely able to pay the bills.

But the good news is that this comes from the INSIDE, not the money in your bank account.

On a deep psychological level, attraction is triggered by your BELIEF of your own life, and your own potential.

If you need her to be happy, you’re not worth too much to her.

But if you DON’T need her to be happy, she’ll be much more into you. 

Now, most guys are pretty good at pretending or faking this. But they quickly slip back into the beta-male role after a month or two of a relationship.

Which is why girls lose interest a lot in the first few weeks or months. You’ve lost that quality. Or she finds out that quality was fake.

How do you get that quality, on a real and lasting level?

Always see the big picture. If you don’t have huge dreams in your life, get some. It doesn’t matter if they seem a million miles away. Just BELIEVE they will come to you some day, and do things to make that happen. Even small things. Remember, you only need to convince yourself.

So next time you talk to a cutie, or are about to, ask yourself something like this:

“Does the achievement of my life’s dreams depend on this girl? Can she help me achieve them? Or is she just looking for entertainment? Let me go and talk to her and find out if she qualifies.”

Then go and talk to her.

Essential Mind Tools:


mindpersuasion.com

How To Practice Seduction Confidence

Drills Are The Quickest Way To Improve Your Game

A Little Practice Yields Huge Results

Many people have tried, and failed with various NLP “procedures” when it comes to seduction.

What’s even more frustrating is when you go to a high priced seminar, try a bunch of goofy NLP stuff that works GREAT in the seminar room. Then a couple weeks later and you’re back to square one.

Many NLP trainers are borderline snake oil salesmen in their marketing. I get why they do that, but I’m not sure it’s so helpful.

For example, consider these two “buying” headlines:

Come To Our Seminar And Learn The Secrets Of Easy Seduction

vs.

Come To Our Seminar And Learn The Skills That Will Allow For Better Seduction After About Six Months Of Practice

One sounds great, the other one doesn’t. But one is much more accurate.

The reason that NLP “tricks” don’t work as advertised is that they need to be practiced.

Think of it from a purely biological, chemical and electrical perspective.

Our brains have neurons, which transmit electricity, and depending on where that electricity goes, certain emotions are felt. (I know, WAY over simplified).

When we see a girl, part of our brain generating intense pleasure at the potential possibility.

But another part of our brain generating fear at the potential negatives.

On a purely physical level, this is two circuits that are hard wired into our brains and are very THICK circuits. Imagine a very thick superconductor with no resistance.

Our eyes see the girl, and both parts of our brain (fear and pleasure) that are wired with the super conducting brain circuits light up.

When we do an NLP procedure, we are indeed laying down new circuits. But since these circuits are new, they are very thin and don’t conduct electricity nearly as well.

Like a one lane road vs. a super highway. Or a very thing copper wire vs. a superconductor.

When there’s no girl there, that “fresh” circuit works well.

But when we SEE a real girl, we default back to our original programming.

This is why doing an NLP procedure only once doesn’t do much.

Which is why you need to practice.

Just like practicing lay ups or scales or punches. The more you practice, the better you’ll do.

How do you practice?

One very powerful way is to simply go in the field, where there are MANY hot girls, and simply practice feeling confident around them. Purposely recall confident memories, just like in those seminars.

Once you naturally feel confident without much effort in the presence of girls (when your new wire is nice and thick), move on to the next step.

Sure, it’s a slow process. But keep in mind the ultimate goal.

To be able to walk up to any girl any where any time, and speak confidently, persuasively and seductively.

Isn’t that a goal worthy of some daily practice?

More Mind Tools:

mindpersuasion.com

Do You Like Driving On Dirt Roads Of The Brain?

Super Highways Of The Brain

Take The Easy Way To Happiness

If you were driving across a few hundred kilometers of land, which routes would you take?

Huge, wide, super highways, or small back roads?

Unless you had plenty of time to kill, and wanted to experience local culture, you’d take the highway.

Generally speaking, when we decide to do anything, we take the shortest route possible. This doesn’t have to involve physical movement.

The idea of “killing two birds with one stone” is embedded deep into our psychology for economic reasons. Every calorie we burn must be accounted for on a microbiological level, so our subconscious minds quickly calculate the least amount of energy needed to get what we want.

Sometimes, though, this doesn’t help us.

Just like real roads, our brains are a collection of superhighways and back roads. Whenever thoughts move around our brains, they take the easiest route.

Unfortunately, the routes that lead to fear are HUGE. This is so we stay safe, no matter where we are, and what we are doing.

Long time ago, our brains decided the most important rule, in all cases, was to not get injured.

This worked great in primitive cultures and environments, but not so much anymore.

Now we get tons of “false positives” when our brains think there’s something to be afraid of when there really isn’t.

This is why so many things that SHOULD be easy aren’t. We know what to do, but for some reason we think it’s hard, or we keep putting it off, or we imagine there’s somebody “out there” that is stopping us.

But here’s the deal. When we build up those back roads, in our brains, so that they are BIGGER than those factory programmed, fear-based super highways, taking action, ANY action will seem easy.

The false images of fear will be removed, and getting what we want will be as easy as baking a cake. (At least if you know how to bake a cake!)

How do you do that? How do you build up those positive, “good feeling” paths in the brain so they are the go-to path for your thoughts?

A combination of mental exercises and hypnosis.

These the basic elements of Belief Change.

When you change those back roads into super highways, you’ll truly believe, on a deep level, that getting whatever you want is easy.

Learn More:

Belief Change