Category Archives: Approach Anxiety

The Biggest Killer Of Game

The Biggest Roadblock To Success

The Most Deadly Mind Trap

There’re a lot of things that can mess up your game with women. Many ways guys self sabotage themselves.

Looking at her boobs when you should be looking into her eyes. Not number closing when she’s most likely to comply. Waiting too long before you approach. Calling too many times between get-togethers. Texting too often, not often enough. This list can go on and on.

There is however, one “meta” self-sabotage that will absolutely destroy you. And this doesn’t only apply to game, it applies to life as well. It’s very insidious, as most guys who are guilty (which is a lot of guys) not only don’t realize they are guilty, but are rarely able to admit it if it’s pointed out.

What makes it even worse is that it’s sometimes true. But this doesn’t help.

What it is?

A simple idea. A simple thought that once you believe it, once you use it to justify your inability to get what you want, you’re done.

“It’s not my fault.”

Blaming people other than ourselves is one of the easiest things to do. Politicians have known this ever since democracy was invented. Once those smooth talkers found out that if all they did was tell people their problems weren’t their fault, they could win every single time.

And what makes it worse is sometimes it’s true. It really ISN’T your fault.

Say you approach a girl, and she turns you down. Not because your game was weak, but simply because you weren’t her type. Maybe you reminded her of her step-brother who molested her in third grade. Who knows.

This really ISN’T your fault. But guess what? Because something isn’t your fault DOES NOT MEAN it is somebody else’s fault. Often times it is NOBODY’S fault.

Many guys spend all times of time and energy blaming women, feminism, the current dating market, their background, and on and on.

Why?

Because once you accept that it’s somebody else’s fault, you don’t have to try anymore.

And believe it or not, as much as guys claim they’d do ANYTHING to get laid, they aren’t willing to do what it takes.

Given the option of approaching ten or twenty women a week, and NOT getting what they want, and approaching ZERO women but blaming somebody else, many guys would choose option two.

If you really ARE willing to do whatever it takes to find your dream girl, simply admit that most of the time, it’s nobody’s fault that she turned you down.

It’s not a rejection, it’s a mismatch. Her criteria and yours.

Now, this is very hard to see if you don’t HAVE any criteria, which is why getting some will make it easier.

That way, you’ll ditch the “please accept me” mindset, and take on the “are we right for each other mindset.”

Do this, and it will be a lot easier to find her.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

How To Become A Natural

Get Better Every Day

Get Better Every Day

One of the most powerful ways to rapidly improve your game, whatever that means to you, is daily journaling.

Now, this isn’t a quick fix, and won’t instantly give you massive amounts of confidence and number closing, but you will consistently improve your skills with this method.

It requires ten or fifteen minutes a day. First, you think of anything you did that particular day that had anything to do with women. Anything from any kind of potential eye contact to a kiss close.

The first thing you do is write down what happened. Be as objective as possible. Don’t write down any feelings or intentions or imaginary intentions of reasons for her behavior.

Write down what you did, and how she responded. Or what you didn’t do, and how she responded. This could be as simple as “I looked away when she made eye contact with me.”

Next is to write down what you wish you would have done. Like you wish you would have held eye contact longer, or you wish you would have said “hi,” or said something differently.

Next, you imagine the best case scenario of how she would have responded to what you wish you would have done. 

Finally, imagine that in your mind, with as much detail and emotions as possible. The thing you wish you would have done, and her best case response.

Play it through in your mind several times. See it from third person perspective (you watching you do it) and the first person perspective (you living through it).

The more you do this, the more you’ll program your brain it actually do the new behavior automatically and spontaneously. You won’t even have to think about it. You’ll just do it.

Granted, this will take some time. This is most definitely NOT a quick fix, or something you only need to do a few times.

This is like exercise. Nobody starts a jogging routine and only plans to do it for a couple of weeks until they get in shape, and then go back to the couch.

When people start an exercise program, they intend to keep at it for the rest of their lives.

Ideally, think of this exercise the same way. Start today, and do this every single day, for the rest of your life. 

This works especially well if you’re inside of a relationship. This works especially well in sales. In fact, this pretty much works in all areas of life!

If you started today, and picked one small behavior each and every day to “rewrite” and program into your brain, you would be a natural before long.

How To Set Boundaries That Are Respected

Set Love Boundaries

Assertive Communication

How do you know when you find the right woman?

She’ll be easy. No, not that! I mean you won’t have to “manage” her. Or put up with much nonsense.

Now, putting up with nonsense doesn’t mean she’s bad, it just means you’ve got a criteria mismatch.

Most people, when they get into relationships, have only the criteria that the other person likes them. Then they cross their fingers and hope for the best. Usually, this doesn’t work out so much.

I’m sure you know how important it is to set boundaries, right? How she responds to your boundaries will tell you if you’re really compatible or not.

Say one of your boundaries, for example, is not being late. If anybody shows up more than 20 minutes late, that’s something you simply do not want to put up with.

And say on your second date, she’s 30 minutes late. Now, most guys wouldn’t even say anything. But since you’re an advanced student of game, you know that it’s VERY IMPORTANT to set boundaries as early as possible.

So you may say something like, “I know this may sound strange, but I have a personal rule that I don’t wait for more than 20 minutes for any meeting.”

How she responds will tell you EVERYTHING.

If she acts like that’s a huge burden to deal with, that might be enough to cut this one lose.

On the other hand, if she’s NEVER more than 20 minutes late again, that means she might be a keeper.

Ideally, you want to know your boundaries. Then, you’ll need to express them calmly and rationally when they are crossed. And they WILL be crossed.

Then you’ll need to know how to respond based on how she responds.

Compatible couples who are truly into each other tend to respect each other’s boundaries without much fuss.

Those that don’t end up with lots of unexpressed anger or hurt feelings, which isn’t healthy for anybody.

Many people fall into the trap of “She should know what to do.” Maybe so, but thinking this will get you intro trouble.

Always assume it’s YOUR responsibility to set the boundaries, and make sure you respond when they are crossed. Never let anything slide.

After all, you don’t want to hook up with somebody who’s always disrespecting you, do you?

And you may have to be the one to carefully elicit her boundaries as well.

Why?

That will make you MUCH more attractive to her.

Since most guys never even come close to this level of “relationship game” you’ll be a shiny star in a sea of bumbling clowns.

How To Engineer The Ideal Relationship

Eyes Wide Open

Eyes Wide Open

Why do relationships tend to go south? Sure, most of us want an ideal relationship with the ideal person. And many people DO feel they’ve got something, in the beginning.

But then after the thrill is gone, and reality rears it’s ugly head, it’s pretty much over. Why does this happen, and more importantly, how can you keep it from happening?

Everybody loves free stuff, especially when it’s unexpected. Even more especially when it’s sexually and emotionally charged.

This is why those early days feels so good. You’re pushing her buttons, which is making her push your buttons, which makes you push her buttons, and on and on.

Since this happens unconsciously and automatically, it feels like you’ve finally discovered the alchemy of love.

Unfortunately, this “magic” is short lived. Because a large part of the feel-good-button-pushing is based on a feeling of “newness.” Once you start to expect the button-pushing, it starts to lose it’s self-generative effect.

Pretty soon you expect her to push your buttons, and she expects you to push hers. But since you’re both expecting the other person to “go first,” nobody does, and you start to wish things were the way they were before.

The way to keep this from happening is to plan for it to happen, and pre-frame against it.

How do you do that?

Establish what those buttons are, and have a deep, open, non-emotional conversation. Go into a relationship like you would a business partnership, at least in part.

Make a pact to not only understand what each buttons are, but to continue pushing them after the thrill is gone.

That way, you can recreate that thrill-feeling at will.

For example, imagine how cool it feels to get an unexpected massage from your girlfriend. But if you start expecting them, she’ll stop giving them.

But if you have a discussion about what you like, and what she likes, and some kind of consciously chosen exchange, she’ll keep giving you what you want, so long as you keep giving her what she wants.

Since you’re the man, you’ve got to go first. You’ve got to generate this “exchange.” You’ve got to lead her into this discussion.

There is one crucial thing that HAS TO happen in order for this to work.

You’ve got to go in, eyes open, and create this from the very beginning. Which means you’ve got to actually like her as a person, BEYOND any feelings of sexual or emotional satisfaction.

Which means you’ve got to have some solid, non-physical criteria before you even walk up to her for the first time.

If you don’t have this kind of criteria, get some.

Now, you don’t have to tell her any of this. Give her the gift of it “just happening.” Let her experience that feeling of romance.

Leave it up to you to engineer the perfect relationship with the perfect woman.

She’ll be glad you did.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

The Best Woman Problem To Have

The Ideal Balance

The Perfect Balance

There’s a fantastic problem to have with women, and unfortunately, few guys will have it.

There’s a saying I’m sure you’ve heard: “Be careful what you wish for. You might get it.”

It’s also been said that there are two great tragedies in life.

Getting what you want, and not getting what you want.

If you spend your whole life chasing something, and never getting it, it sucks. Nothing feels worse than an unfulfilled dream.

Now, most guys don’t have this, although they think they do. Meaning they really, really wish they could get a hot girl, but they never really do anything to get her. To them, this is their “dream.” But it’s not really a dream any more than playing the lotto is a solid financial plan.

When they say not getting your dream is a tragedy, it assumes you’ve taken SERIOUS action toward getting it. When it comes to women, this doesn’t mean going to the club every Friday night and wishing really hard.

Nor does it mean sleeping with club girl after club girl and getting angry they don’t suddenly morph into your dream wife the next morning.

This means really living your life to the fullest, becoming and ultra alpha leader of men, meeting several high quality women, doing everything in your power to seduce them, and STILL coming up empty handed.

This, indeed, is a tragedy.

But it’s also highly unlikely.

But what about getting your dream? Why is that a tragedy?

Because once you get your dream, the chase ends. The self development ends. That positive expectation of an unfulfilled goal ends. The imagination of a better future ends.

This is why Alexander wept after he had no more lands to conquer. This is why many astronauts who walked on the moon has serious personal problems when they came back to Earth.

This is why when you meet your dream woman (or what you think is your dream woman at the time) TOO EARLY in life, it CAN present problems. Not always. 

To be sure, there are couples who met in high school, and realize that their relationship is VERY IMPORTANT, so they take the time to work on it. To BECOME each other’s dream partner.

But for most guys, they don’t really meet their dream girl (nor do many women meet their dream guy) that early in life. Sure, they tell themselves that. But in reality it’s their dream person AT THE TIME.

As they move through life and increase in social skills, earning skills, intra-personal skills, they realize that maybe, JUST MAYBE, they sold themselves short and develop a wandering eye.

Herein between the two tragedies of life lies the BEST PROBLEM to have.

When do you stop searching, and start finding?

After all, the more you search, the more skills you’ll develop, and the higher criteria you’ll demand, AND the more attractive you’ll be.

But there comes a point, when you must choose.

This, of course, is a very personal decision, and will differ from person to person.

But this is a VERY NICE “women problem” to have.

Positive Thinking To Kill Approach Anxiety

Positive Mental Practice To Make It Easy

Right Mental Practice

One problem many guys have at many levels of game is approach anxiety. Or closing anxiety. Or even talking about difficult emotional issues anxiety. 

On the flip side, the more easily you can do the scary stuff (and if you can’t admit to yourself that self generated, irrational fear is your BIGGEST enemy to success with women, then there’s not much you can do with technique) the more success you’ll have.

So, how do you deal with general game-anxiety?

Well, one method is to simply blast through your fears until they are gone. But this takes a lot of uncomfortable action. This takes a lot of time. 

You could drink plenty of alcohol, but then you might wake up in a dumpster somewhere without your shoes.

One way works pretty well. It doesn’t require a million dollars worth of therapy, and it doesn’t require drugs or booze.

The reason guys feel afraid is our brains are hard wired to be more sensitive to potential danger than potential pleasure.

Which means if you simply let your brain go wherever it goes, you’re going to naturally drift to worse case scenario thinking.

The solution then is to simply FORCE yourself to think of positive things. Now, “positive thinking” gets a bad rap as being new-agey or metaphysical. But if your force yourself to think positive WHILE you are taking positive action, it’s a match made in heaven.

For example, you see a girl across the room. She smiles at you, looks away, and then looks back. This is a pretty clear signal she wants you to approach. Your rational brain is telling you it’s OK to approach.

But as soon as you start getting ready to, your caveman brain starts screaming bloody murder.

In spite of all those positive signals she’s given you, your now scared witless.

However, you can cut off your caveman brain by IMMEDIATELY thinking positive thoughts.

What positive thoughts? Rainbow riding unicorns? Cute pink puppy dogs?

No silly. Think of the last time you were getting laid!

(If you’ve never been laid, think of your last kiss, or even your favorite porno.)

Seriously.

Before you even begin your approach, start fully imagining the last time you got some. FORCE your brain to focus on that thought while you start to get up to approach. FORCE your brain to keep that imagine in mind while you walk over. Even when you start the conversation, try and hold that image in mind.

(Just don’t tell her, OK?)

Now, this is MUCH HARDER (lol) than it seems.

The brain is so hard wired to think of danger, whenever you’re doing something unfamiliar, it’s like your caveman thinks you’ll DIE if you don’t think negative.

After all, thinking negative has kept humans alive since even before we were humans!

So you’ll have to build up your “positive thinking” muscle.

Just practice when you’re out “observing” girls. 

This will take time. Think of it as building up your “approach muscle.”

Here’s the BEST PART.

When you’re thinking positive (thinking about the last time you got some) while looking at her, you’ll generally be smiling and pretty happy.

She’ll think it’s because of HER, not your porno filled brain!

Now, you may need to fine tune your own experiences, how you express your “happiness,” but once you get it dialed in, you can kick approach anxiety to the curb, for good!

How To Vanish Painful Memories

Mental Magic

Mental Time Travel

There’s a lot of cool movies involving some kind of age regression.

Some adult goes back to his high school days, for example, but with an adult mind.

I’m sure you could think of PLENTY of things you could better if you had a chance to do them again.

Of course, if you KNEW you were going to go back in time, and had a week to prepare, that would be pretty cool.

You’d check a couple years ahead of your “target” time period, and refresh your memory on all the news, sports results, and yes, stock market results.

Of course, then you’d have to worry about the whole “butterfly effect” thing.

You might come back to the present only to find everything’s changed. (Like when this happened on The Simpsons, everything was the same except it rained doughnuts!)

This is also a pretty good plot device in any kind of Sci-Fi or fantasy based movie. Terminator, Star Trek, and many, many others.

This is likely a popular plot device because it’s such a common desire. We’d LOVE to go back and change the past!

If only to take advantage of that one opportunity that we didn’t, or NOT say or do that thing we did.

As we move through life, we really don’t have the benefits of hindsight. Everything looks so easy after we’ve been through it.

It’s always so easy to see where we went wrong, or what somebody else did wrong.

Or is it?

The thing about human memory is it is INCREDIBLY weak. Even things you are SURE happened one way, they maybe happened another way.

You’ve probably had discussions like this with your friends, where either you or them were absolutely CERTAIN about the way things went, only to find evidence of the contrary.

This is kind of a weird, and somewhat uncomfortable feeling.

You’re absolutely positive beyond doubt that there’s three slices of pizza left in the fridge, but there’s only one.

Like some ghost snuck into your place while you were sleeping and ate them all!

Even criminal prosecutors know our memories are pretty undependable. If they have an eye witness, and NOTHING else (no weapon, no evidence, etc.) there’s not much they can do.

A cop even told me once when they talk to witnesses of accidents, even within minute or two of the accident, there “testimony” is all over the place.

This is actually pretty good news.

Why?

Because of us have some pretty painful memories. But when you realize that not only are many of these not so accurate, but also that we can easily change them, we open up a whole new world.

You can go back in time (in your mind) and NEUTRALIZE all those bad memories, until they’re gone!

POOF!

Get started:

Emotional Freedom

When Should You Not Isolate?

Are You Meeting Girls Or Hunting Zebras?

How To Not Get Played

Many guys and gurus will tell you that you should always isolate your target. Meaning if you are in some club or other public place where girls and guys are all hanging out secretly hoping to meet each other, you’ll need to separate her from her friends.

Now, on a basic level, this sounds pretty predatory. This sounds like something lions will do when hunting zebras. They find a weak zebra that’s kind of separated from the pack, making it easier to hunt. If they zoom in on some big fat zebra surrounded by big, tough looking zebras, the tough looking zebras will kick the crap out of the lion.

However, when you’re out meeting girls, you’re hopefully trying to build a relationship, even if it’s short term, based on a mutual desire. So the “separate from the pack” idea is kind of off base.

Sure, it’s a lot easier to “pick up” a girl if she doesn’t have her girlfriends hanging out. Certainly, even if she IS interested in you, her girlfriends will be jealous and would rather her NOT meet anybody, if only to make themselves feel better.

And there certainly ARE many girls who enjoy being chased, without necessarily liking the guy who’s chasing them enough to allow themselves to “be caught.”

In a sense, separating her from her pack of friends makes it easier for both of you, and it can serve as a valuable test. Meaning if she’s flirting with you and sending you very positive signals, including kino, but she absolutely refuses to be separated from her friends, then she may indeed be running some game on you just to get the attention.

This is what makes “nightclub game” so difficult. Many girls go to places like that for attention, and purposely NOT to hook up some guy.

How can you tell the difference? One way is to simply number close her in front of her friends. Don’t try isolate.

Just tell her you think she’s cute, you think that she’s got a decent personality, and you’d like to get to know her better, but you don’t want to ruin “girls night out.” This will force her to show, through her actions, whether she’s really into you or just playing you for your attention.

It will also demonstrate your confidence, as most guys would be terrified to close in any way in front of all her friends, who are watching you (and secretly hoping you go down in flames, as it will make them feel better).

Will this always work? You won’t usually get a number this way, but the numbers you DO get will generally be pretty solid.

You’ve shown a lot of confidence. She’s given you her number in front of her friends, so chances are she’s not blowing you off.

Of course, to make it easy, you really have to NOT CARE if she gives you her number or not. Which means it’s a good idea it always be talking to cute girls, whenever you have a chance.

How To Build Relationships That Don’t Crash And Burn

Be Careful Who You Choose

Slow Down!

Once there was a kid who was studying the difference between theory and reality. So he asked his dad what the difference was. His dad told him they’d do an experiment.

First, they asked the Mom if she’d sleep with the mailman for ten million dollars. At first she was a bit put off, but then when she realized how close they were to being bankrupt, she said she’d probably do it.

Then they asked the kid’s older sister (a college student) the same question, only about the video game geek who lived next door. Again, she hesitated, but gave the same answer.

“You see,” said the dad. “That’s the difference between theory and reality. In theory, we’re a couple of millionaires, but in reality, we live with a couple of sluts!”

Yuck Yuck.

The difference between theory and reality when meeting girls (not sluts) for long term relationships is basically the same. In theory, it’s pretty easy. Choose the kind of girl you want, figure out a way to sort for those characteristics, and keep meeting girls until you find her.

In reality, it’s pretty tough. Especially when sex gets involved. Men are hard wired to hang on to any warm body that they are having regular sex with.

Even if you have rock solid criteria, once you start getting physical, it’s hard to stick to your criteria. Those emotional feelings that come with sex are so powerful it’s hard to resist.

It’s like your inner caveman is a master hypnotist who convinces you she’s the perfect girl you’ve been looking for all along.

Which is why I’d recommend NOT sleeping with any girl unless you are pretty certain she ALREADY passes a lot of your criteria.

Which means you’ve got to HAVE some criteria.

Now, what those are is up to you, but you should at least come up with some basics. College or no college, politics, religion, how she feels on certain issues.

Remember, any girl you get down with is going to feel good. But once those good feelings vanish, if the both of you don’t have a good reason to stick around, you won’t.

This is why relationships can crash and burn even when they started so hot and heavy.

So do yourself a favor. Take some time, before you go out again, to figure out what kind of characteristics you’d like in your “dream girl.”

Not only will this make it less likely to get burned, but it will also give you a lot more confidence.

Since you won’t be hoping to be accepted by every hottie you see. You’ll have the  mind of a sorter, instead of a beggar. Which will make you much more attractive.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

How To Get Flake Proof Numbers

Get Flake Proof Numbers

Always Be Testing

One very crucial skill to have when meeting girls for potential relationships is to test their attraction. Most guys blaze full speed ahead, not really knowing one way or the other.

This tends to get a lot of false positives. Meaning he’s over there chatting her up, she’s not really interested, and he doesn’t really notice. So he number closes, and she gives him the number just to get rid of him. Then he thinks he’s succeeded, but in reality he’s got a very low probability candidate. He calls her, she blows him off, and he gets angry and vents online about how all women are flakes and not to be trusted.

Sound familiar?

All this can be avoided with some simple testing. That way, you KNOW she’s interested in you before you ask for the number. Now, some people say that asking for her number is the ultimate test, but this will get you a lot of false numbers. It’s WAY too easy to simply give a guy a number and then later blow him off, or string him along. 

Now, most guys don’t get this, but when a girl strings a guy along, she’s really just not assertive enough to say no. She’s hoping he’ll get the hint, but he thinks he’s still got a chance. This, of course, leads to further misunderstandings.

Anyhow, how do you test?

Many ways. Kino is one way. You simply touch her on an appropriate place, like the shoulder of forearm, and see how she responds. If she recoils in horror, or freezes, she’s not into you. If she opens up slightly, or even touches you back within a minute or so, that’s a pretty clear sign.

Another way is to close off rapport slightly, by switching from matching body language to mismatching body language. If she follows you, she’s into you. If she doesn’t, she’s not.

Another way is to take her to another location, within the same establishment. Like if she’s in a bookstore, take her over to show her your favorite photography book. If you’re in a club, take her to a different place. If she follows without hesitation, she’s into you. If she mentions her friends or anything, she’s probably not.

Now, if she’s not clearly into you, what you do next is up to you. You can back off and try to build more attraction, if you think you’re close. Or you can simply excuse yourself and go talk to somebody else.

But if you practice this, you’ll definitely start getting a much higher quality of phone numbers.