Category Archives: Conversational Skills

Make Them Go Crazy For You

All Energy in One Place

Secrets Of Linguistic Congruence

One of the most compelling traits somebody can have is congruence.

This is something you’ve no doubt heard of. But it’s also one of those vague words that’s pretty hard to pin down.

For example, if you were at some seminar listening to some guru speak, and he was going on and on about the importance of “congruence,” everybody would be nodding their heads in agreement.

Only problem is that just like politicians, spitting out some vague, nice sounding words is great, until you need to know exactly what’s being said.

So, what EXACTLY does congruence mean?

Technically, from a purely mathematical standpoint, it means “parallel” or “mirror image.”

On a personal, internal level, it means having all “parts” of you on the same page, or pointing in the same direction.

For example, if part of you wanted to go out, while another part of you wanted to stay home, you could say you were “incongruent” in your plans.

Politicians that say things to get elected, but don’t really believe are “incongruent” in their delivery.

Often times we believe something on one level, but not another. Which means we’re projecting an “incongruent” message without knowing it.

We think we are speaking some truth, but others suspect something’s up.

One way this can present itself is when we’re talking to others, and “pretending” that they are making a good point, or that we understand what they are saying, when we’re really not.

If this happens to us, it’s not a very good feeling. It almost feels as if like somebody’s being just a bit condescending, or they think we’re silly on some level.

The truth is that unless you’re talking to your best friend from kindergarten, with whom you’ve buried bodies and shared a prison cell, you’re going to be incongruent on some level.

This is precisely where ultra charismatic and magnetic people get their energy from. They don’t really HAVE any extra energy.

They’re just taking ALL their energy, and focusing it on whomever they’re speaking with. They can suspend disbelief, they ditch any ideas they have on the subject.

They make the person they are speaking with feel absolutely comfortable sharing their deepest secrets.

Because this is NOT some kind of trick or manipulation. This is genuine, honest, congruent focus on the other person.

Which means they FEEL THIS on a deep level.

And when you can take THEIR ideas, and wrap them in these language patterns, and give them back to them, they will feel even better.

If you want, they’ll follow you to the ends of the Earth.

Learn More:

Covert Hypnosis

How To Fire Up Her Feelings 

Dial Up Her Attraction

How To Find Her Triggers

If you want to get a girl interested in you, she’s got to feel good feelings when she thinks about you.

Now, this seems pretty obvious, and pretty straightforward, but some guys tend to miss this.

Meaning they think that girls are like some robots. Incredibly complicated robots, but robots nonetheless. Meaning all you need to do is to say the right things, in the right order, and she’ll be yours forever.

Now, sure, there ARE some things that will get a girl to give you her phone number, date you, even sleep with you. But they don’t mean she’s feeling deep and irresistible feelings of attraction when she thinks about you.

Plenty of girls get married because the guy satisfies things on her consciously chosen list of items she needs to have in a mate. If you happen to have these things, and you show up at the right time, you may fit the suit, so to speak.

Sounds anti-romantic, but humans have been hooking up for a long, long time based on what we might call “business decisions.”

But if you want to be anything other than a Johnny Bravo lover, you’ve got to fire up her deep feelings of attraction.

And the actual triggers that will create these feelings are different in every single person, like it or not.

So, how do you find out what her individual triggers are?

Ask her!

No, not like that. Don’t just walk up and say, “What kinds of things do you need to feel before you fall head over heels in lust with a guy?” (But you my be surprised!)

But you CAN get her talking about things she’s interested in. It’s got to be normal, not like an interrogation. They have to come up naturally, not like they’re coming from a list in your head.

How do you do this?

You’ve got to have some basic conversational skills to begin with. And you’ve got to make the conversation focused on her more than you. Figure about 70/30.

Ask about her, ask for more information, then every once in a while share something similar about yourself. It’s got to be natural, it’s got to flow.

AND you have to have rapport with her. She’s got to feel comfortable talking to you.

And guess what?

No matter WHAT you do, you might not EVER be able to create rapport with her. All girls are different. You might not be her type. There could be a million reasons why she’s not feeling you right there and then.

So see the first few minutes of the conversation as more of a test. She’s testing you, and you’re testing her.

If she likes talking to you, you’ll know. She’ll give you long answers, will be animated and will look at you most of the time.

If she doesn’t like talking to you, you’ll also know. It will feel like pulling teeth, and her eyes will be wandering the room most of the time.

Once you figure out what’s what, keep going. With her, or with somebody else.

Dramatically Increase Your Charisma

How To Ride Into Their Minds

Ride The Fluidity Of Truth

Sometimes we get a powerful insight simply by looking at things from a different angle.

Ever since the dawn of “civilization,” (a word based on “civil” that means people that behave according to rational thinking and plans, rather than hunter-gatherer instincts,) justice has always been an ideal.

In pretty much all societies, the idea of having a trial to get to the truth is essential.

Since everybody has a different view on what happened, it’s important to get as many different viewpoints as possible.

Ideally, an impartial group of people, or an impartial judge, will consider all the evidence, which is usually testimony from all the people involved, and come to a rational decision that’s fair.

The whole existence of such a system, that shows up in pretty much all cultures, is an indication that ONE person’s viewpoint is flawed. We always look out to the world through our own lens of biases, fears, subjective beliefs, and desires.

This happens in every single conversation we have with others.

We think we’re making our point perfectly clear, but the other person just doesn’t “get it.”

Of course, they likely think we’re nuts and aren’t making any sense, and we’re the ones who don’t “get it.”

Most people simply assume that their point of view is the RIGHT point of view, and everybody else is wrong.

Just realizing that everybody has their own “version” of the truth is going to put you WAY ahead of everybody else, in terms of communication effectiveness.

And if you take the time to actually listen to and understand what other people are saying, something pretty amazing will happen.

They will suddenly see you in a new light.

You won’t be like everybody else who is only imposing truth. You won’t be simply waiting for a hole in the conversation so you can give even more evidence of your “correct-ness.”

You’ll actually be listening to them, and getting them to talk about what’s important to them. The unmet needs they have. The desires they have.

And when they’re seeing you through the lens of their desires, needs etc, (not somebody who is withstanding their truth, but somebody who is actively seeking it) you will suddenly have a huge amount of charisma and personal magnetism.

This is quite an interesting shift, one that few people will ever experience.

That’s why using these language patterns are so powerful. They’ll let you slowly and carefully open them up, so they’ll eagerly share their truth with you.

And never forget you.

Learn How:

Covert Hypnosis

How To Lead Her

How To Lead Her

The Goldilocks Strategy

Most guys know, at least instinctively, that in order to create attraction, real attraction, in a woman, you’ve got to lead her. But beyond that, it’s kind of fuzzy.

If you go too far, you come across as some insecure, knuckle dragging psycho who most girls normal girls don’t want anything to with.

Not far enough, and you come across as a pushover, like most guys today.

What does “lead her” even mean, any way? It could mean to physically lead her across the room. It could mean lead the conversation. But what happens when she tries to go her own way, as most normal people do? Sure, must guys think they’d like some super obedient girl who would eagerly follow all their orders.

But if you actually met a girl like this, you’d be turned off in a hurry. She would seem like she’s escaped from the nut house, just after receiving her daily injection of whatever drugs they give people in those places to keep them passive.

So no matter HOW you are going to lead her, she’s going to resist. She HAS to resist. The more she resists, the  more you can prove to her how strong you are.

How do you do this? One way to NOT do this is to get angry, either at her, yourself, or the world. It’s not HER job to follow you. It’s your job to lead her.

Another way to NOT do this is to collapse in a puddle of hurt feelings and close down.

Another way to NOT do this is to give up completely, and let her lead.

Believe it or not, girls don’t really like a guy much who NEVER leads, and ALWAYS defers to them. It may make them look good to their friends, and it make not create stress, but it won’t create any attraction.

So, how DO you lead? Well, you first need to go where you’re going. This means you’ve got to have an intention for the particular girl you’re talking to.

Now, this can get confusing. As I’m sure you’ve heard, you need to be “outcome independent” when talking to a girl.

This means you shouldn’t choose an outcome that REQUIRES her compliance, BEFORE you meet her.

But you still need an intention.

It’s kind of like goal setting. When you set goals, you need to make sure they are under your control. If you’re goal depends on other people doing things, you’re going to run into trouble.

But you STILL need to have a intention when talking to her.

It could be to find out if she’s interested in you. It could be to ASK for her number, not necessarily get it.

It could be to try kino three times within ten minutes, NOT to get a certain response from her.

So long as you’ve got an intention, that is based on YOUR actions, you’re doing pretty good.

Stick to them, and you’ll be doing better than most guys.

How To Open Up Their Treasure

Stay Away From Features and Benefits

No Memorized Sales Pitches

Once I had this sales job where we had to memorize this long, long pitch.

They wouldn’t even let us out in the field (it was an in-home sales job) unless we could successfully demonstrate the pitch to our boss.

I had other sales jobs with similar structures.  They give you a pitch, a phone and a list of numbers, and away you go.

From a big picture standpoint, this is a pretty efficient way sell stuff, especially if the salespeople are getting commissions as part of their salary.

I’ve worked in other sales jobs that were purely hourly wage, and people learned pretty quickly it didn’t matter if anybody signed up or bought anything. Then the ones that could, simply said the same, boring, pitch over and over without a care in the world, and collected a check every week.

Funny thing was, even THOSE folks still sold stuff.

Studies have shown that with even a halfway decent pitch, and a halfway decent product, about one or two percent of the population will buy something.

From a management perspective, it’s just about getting the numbers right. If you’ve got a hundred people making calls, you’ll get one sale for every minute (or however long it takes to make one call). If that’s enough to pay the rent, electricity, and minimum wage salary of all the phone-robots, then you make money.

Of course, on a personal level, this is not the best job. It’s pretty close to the worse job you could get. 

For every ONE sale,  you’re going to get 99 people that DON’T buy. And out of them, you’ll get five or ten people that get REALLY angry that you called them.

This is why people seem to cringe whenever they hear anything related to sales, or selling, or even persuasion.

Because for most people’s experience, BOTH sides of the coin absolutely SUCK.

However, you still need to persuade people. Doesn’t matter who you are, or what you want to do.

Even convincing your buddy to go to Bar X instead of Bar Y will take some influencing skills.

The good news is that influencing people doesn’t HAVE to be like that robotic hellish experience.

It can be fun, easy and the person you’re persuading will be GLAD you did so.

How?

When most of those phone robots sell anything, they spit out a bunch of “benefits” or try to hit a bunch of “triggers.”

But when you persuade on a one-to-one level, in a way where you WANT to see the other person better off (and you better off as well), you NEVER lead with what you want.

It’s always much, much easier to start out talking to people about what THEY want.

And since most people NEVER do this, you’ll seem like an open window inside a smoke filled phone room.

And once you get them going about what THEY want, they’ll be much, much more eager to help you get what you want.

And if what you want is to make them happier? Even better.

To learn how do to this, check this out:

Covert Hypnosis

Find The Treasure All Around You

Treasure Is Everywhere

You’re So Money And You Don’t Even Know It

No matter what you want out of life, there is one thing that is absolutely required to get it.

If you don’t do this one thing, you have a very, vary strong chance of not getting anything close to what you want.

However, if you do this thing well, there’s really no limit to what you can get.

None at all.

Luckily,  this “thing” is something you already know how to do. So you don’t really need to learn anything. You don’t need to do anything out of the ordinary even.

You just need to do the same thing that people have been doing since before recorded history.

Maybe you can improve yourself in this area, but it’s not something new.

What’s the “thing”?

Interacting with others.

Yea, no big surprise, right?

Yet many people think they can get stuff without doing this. Many people imagine they can make their dreams come true all alone, or via some magical force that none know exist.

Sure, there are SOME people who can get SOME things without the help of others. But that’s usually people in movies who are stuck on islands.

And even then they can only get a few coconuts and maybe some fish.

But here’s the most crucial part.

When you interact with others, it’s always some kind of exchange.

Sure, when we’re little kids and live inside families, we just express our needs and they get fulfilled.

That’s the job of our parents. That’s the job they signed up for when they decided to have us.

But harsh as it may sound, out in the real world, where you interact with people you have NO blood relationship to, nobody owes you squat.

Which means nobody’s going to GIVE you anything.

Unless of course, YOU give THEM something in return.

Doesn’t have to be tangible. Doesn’t even have to be a big deal. A stranger gives you the time, and you give them a genuine smile and “thank you.” That’s an honest and mutually beneficial exchange. It makes both people better off. It makes both people happier.

No manipulation, no con jobs, no scams.

All interactions between adults are like this. Friends, lovers, co workers, bosses and subordinates.

How do you get better at this? So you can not only give more, but get more?

The secret is in understanding that people WANT a lot more than they’re saying. They want a lot more than they’re getting.

And you (yea, YOU), have a LOT more than you’ve giving. WAY more than you think.

By opening up yourself, and learning how to open up others, you can give more, and you can get more.

All the way from a simple smile for the time, to a huge pile of cash in exchange for your skills.

And it all starts with your communication.

Make It Better:

Covert Hypnosis

How To Hallucinate Your Friends

Language Patterns From Grammar School

Grammar Madness

One great way to get somebody to accept your ideas is to put them in imagination land.

Now, this doesn’t mean slipping them some peyote and taking them out to the desert for one of those vision quests.

Just get them thinking in terms of “what if…”

One of the biggest fears of making any suggestion is getting rejected. Since most of us are absolutely terrified of rejection on a very deep level, we’re a bit on the shy side when asking for things.

Even if it’s something simple like asking for somebody to pass the salt, most normal people need to muster up a tiny bit of courage when eating with important strangers (your girlfriend or boyfriend’s parents, your boss’s family, etc.)

That’s why it’s automatic in certain situations to put even suggestions like this into “imagination land.”

We don’t say, “pass the salt, please,” because that just sounds rude. We say much more “polite” things like, “Would you pass the salt?”

Without going too far down the grammar rabbit hole, the use of the word “would” indicates what’s called the “second conditional.”

The first conditional (if-then statements) are used when something is likely to happen. 

If it rains, I’ll get wet.

If I eat pizza, I’ll get sleepy.

But second conditionals use the word “would” or “could,” and are only used when something is ONLY in imagination land.

If I saw a UFO, I WOULD take a picture. (but it’s not going to happen, just pretending…)

If I grew to 3 meters tall, I COULD play for the NBA (but it’s not going to happen, just pretending…)

The reason we use “would” in polite sentences is so we don’t put anybody on the spot (nobody likes taking orders) AND there’s no fear of rejection, since we’re only talking hypothetically (imagine-land speak).

Luckily, when we shift our listeners and readers into imagine-land, the normal objections vanish. They get to imagine what it would be like to get something, without all the fears that go along with it.

For example, savvy salespeople know that the best way to get a customer salivating over any product is to simply imagine they already have it, in the future, and that they are enjoying it. Then the salesperson gets the client to describe that “perfect” scenario.

This, of course, increases their “buying temperature” significantly.

Guys who are good at picking up girls also do this (and girls can use this as well).

Just get your “target” to imagine (and describe) the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend, or the perfect relationship.

Then they’ll start to see YOU through that “imaginary” lens that is between you.

There are plenty of ways to do this, and plenty of opportunities.

What would you do if you could learn all these patterns, and get all those things that you wanted?

Find Out:

Covert Hypnosis

Reverse Polarity Language Power

Put Hidden Treasure In Their Brain

Let Them Discover Your Hidden Truth

Lately I’ve been watching “Marco Polo” on Netflix.

So far, it’s pretty good. It’s more about Kublai Khan and all the political intrigue than Polo,  who is really the observer proxy for the audience.

If you can get past the language assumptions (some Italian guy is speaking fluently to a Mongol King in China) it’s pretty interesting how he chooses his words carefully when speaking to the “Great Khan.”

Since there’s all kinds of inter-family backstabbing and jockeying for power, Kahn uses Polo as a kind of “spy” to watch some of his family members and report what he sees.

From the beginning, Kahn decides to keep Polo because he describes things pretty well.

But most of his descriptions seem to “hide” certain truths, as he’s worried what will happen if the Great Kahn realizes what people REALLY think about him.

This is how most people use language. A great thinker once described language as a “tool to hide what’s really on our mind.”

Few people understand that’s only HALF of it’s power.

Most of us are pretty natural at using language to hide certain truths.

Somebody works for a boss and did an absolute crappy job, for example. Another manager calls the boss for a reference, and the boss says something like, “Well, he always showed up on time. And he never really used any swear words.”

Now that “sort of” sounds good, but in reality it’s clear that the boss didn’t think so, since had nothing to say about his work performance.

We do this all the time. We hear an idea that’s total crap, and we say, “Hmm, that’s interesting.”

But the real power of language is when you stop covertly hiding truths, and start to covertly expressing truths.

Truths about yourself, your ideas, your business. Anything.

And it has the incredible effect of letting your listener or reader “discover” the meaning on their own.

What ideas would you to covertly slip into the minds of others?

Learn How:

Covert Hypnosis

Your Greatest Skill Of All

Your Unlimited Word Power

Essential Language Skills

If you were dropped in the middle of a city you’d never been to, what skills would you need?

I mean if you didn’t know anybody, only had enough money for a couple days worth of food, couldn’t call anybody for help.

Basically on your own.

If you could build up three or four “mind” skills, what would they be?

A bunch of successful entrepreneurs were asked this question. It kind of strips away any kind of idea of relying on your “connections.”

One skill was the ability to talk to strangers effectively. Meaning not to timidly walk up and ask somebody the time, but to interrupt a complete stranger on the street, and self confidently start a lengthy conversation.

Another skill was to be incredibly flexible in your thinking. For example, if you used to be a chef in your old city, and you’re only idea of scratching out a living in this new city was to cook, you may be in trouble.

On the other hand, if you could seize any opportunity that came your way, you’d be in better shape.

One more skill was language. Being able to speak persuasively. After all, you’d need to quickly turn strangers into supporters. Not to go and seize the castle or anything dramatic like that. But you’d at least need to get people on your side.

I suppose you could just sit there and ask people for money, but that may not be the best idea.

If you could convince people that it would be in their best interests to help you, you’d be better off.

If you could further convince people that THEY would be better off as well, then they’d WANT to help you.

And this is the secret gold mine of human communication.

Every single person alive today is a HUGE collection of unfulfilled needs. Nobody is ever satisfied for long. Our mind-body systems are simply not wired like that. We’re always on the move. Always searching to fulfill some need.

When you learn to talk to people in a way to elicit those unmet needs, and show them that by helping you, they’ll also benefit themselves, they’ll help you do anything, create anything and build anything.

Just stop and think for a moment how good it feels to be working with somebody else, and KNOWING that everybody is going to benefit, compared to working alone, or worse, working where you suspect somebody else is getting the better part of the deal.

This is what that corny “win-win” strategy REALLY means.

And right now, on Planet Earth, there are literally BILLIONS of opportunities just waiting for somebody like you.

Learn How:

Covert Hypnosis

How To Make Them Feel Lucky To Know You

Amplify Their Interest In You

How To Magnify Their Criteria

Many people are drawn into sales because of the massive potential.

Meaning that unlike most every other job, the better you do, the more you’ll make.

Instantly. No need for waiting for a promotion every year.

And you don’t need any education, or technical training, other than knowledge about the product.

Which is why plenty of people with barely a high school diploma are easily making six figures in all kinds of sales.

On the other hand, it can be incredibly nerve racking. Because on the other of the coin is rejection, and poverty. Since most sales folks are paid on commission, if you don’t sell anything, you don’t get paid anything.

If you’ve ever had any kind of sales job, you may be under the impression (as most people are) that selling requires some kind of magical, high-energy charisma that mesmerizes the clients. Some sales people do seem to have that “in your face” quality.

But in reality, that’s the WORST way to sell things.

Why?

Because it ignored the REASONS the other people want to buy stuff.

Most people are taught to memorize a list of “features and benefits” of their product, and overwhelm the clients with all the amazingly fantastic things about the product.

Hopefully, if they do this with enough energy and enthusiasm, enough customers will buy.

But doing this just makes rejection hurt a lot worse. If you put in a HUGE amount of energy into your presentation, and they say “no thanks,” it’s VERY hard not to take it personally.

Which is why it’s much, much EASIER, more respectful, and at lot less stressful to simply to find out what they want.

The thing about human desires is once we get past the “surface structure,” our desires are pretty vague.

Which means you can take pretty much any reason somebody is shopping, find out what their REAL desires are, and link them up to quite a few products and services.

So long as they really WILL fulfill their needs, they’ll see the products (and you) as the luckiest thing that ever happened to them.

Obviously, this works just as well if you’re not selling anything, but doing ANY kind of persuasion or influence.

The basic strategy is to simply elicit their criteria, magnify it and then “hook it” to whatever you’d like them to do, using some powerful language patterns.

The BEST part is they’ll do what YOU want for THEIR reasons.

Zero “in your face” enthusiasm required.

To learn more, check this out:

Covert Hypnosis