Category Archives: Conversational Skills

Secrets Of Magnetic Charisma

Instantly Boost Personal Magnetism

Instant Personal Magnetism

I used to know this guy that was super charismatic.

Just being around this guy made you feel a hundred times better. Like anything was possible. I was always trying to figure out what it was about him.

When he spoke, it was clear that he wasn’t just spitting out a bunch of half baked ideas. His sentences were clear, they had meaning, and he said each word like it was the only word in the world.

When he looked at you, it was like you were the only person around. Even if he was talking about where he bought his hat, the conversation, his words, and the person he was talking to was of utmost importance.

But one thing he said once REALLY put everything together.

We were walking through this department store, and we passed this glass case with three male, faceless models. The back of the class case was missing, and it looked like the display was only halfway set up.

I noticed that my friend was VERY similar in appearance to the models. I mentioned that, and he said, “Let me go in there, and take my picture.”

So he went in there, stood in between them, and put on his cheesiest grin, combined with a pose that was similar to the models. The people walking by thought it was the funniest thing.

When he came out, he looked and me and said,

“Man, I REALLY like being me!”

Love Yourself And All Will Follow

Love Yourself Completely

That’s when it hit me. That’s why he always spoke, walked and acted with such subtle yet powerful energy.

It wasn’t fake confidence, or any attempt to project an image. He just really, really liked himself, and he really, really liked whatever he was doing.

As you can probably already guess, this guy made a TON of money (in his part time) and ALWAYS and a line of girls begging to be with him.

Most of us walk the Earth with some kind of feeling of lack, or feeling as though we’re wounded or we need to be recognized for our super-hero victim status. Like we’ve been wronged and we are looking “out there” in the world to make it right.

The truth is that you’ve already got everything you need. All you’ve got to do is embrace, appreciate it, and share it with others.

Enjoy yourself. Enjoy the world. And let others know.

Learn how:

Frame Control

Do You Feel Anger When Thinking of Gorgeous Girls?

Don't Be A Butt Hurt Little Boy

Release Your Anger

Many guys get really angry with women pretty easily.

They think they “deserve” something, and when they don’t get it, they throw a hissy fit.

They imagine that since they’ve done some kind of “personal improvement” work they somehow “deserve” to get the good stuff.

This is a common misconception both in seduction, AND in economics.

I remember once, a long time ago, I went down to my local barber to get my usual summer buzz cut. Only he had shut down. So I had to go find another place. I came across this “Salon” and asked how much.

She told me an incredibly huge price, and I asked her why hers was so expensive, when my usual guy only charged $5.

She told me she’d studied hair cutting in Europe (like they have different hair there or something) and she’d been to all the exclusive hair cutting schools.

I didn’t say this, but I was thinking that I really didn’t care where she’d studied, I only wanted a buzz cut, and I was only willing to pay $5. Maybe $6, but that was about it.

Many people believe they “deserve” something simply because they put in some “work.”

Nobody Gets A Free Ride

Nobody Gets A Free Ride

Guys think that because they go to the gym, wear the right clothes and cologne, they SHOULD get laid. Like society has some kind of obligation to keep Mr. Happy happy.

Well, I hate to break the news to you, but nobody owes you squat.

The ONLY time you will EVER get ANYTHING from ANYBODY is when they want to give it to you, for their own reasons.

And this usually involves THEM getting something from YOU that they VALUE.

You only GET what you are willing to GIVE.

Not what you THINK you deserve.

This is a tough pill to swallow. Not only for guys, but for anybody who has spent any amount of time doing anything (like studying, building, investing, creating) only to find out that what they’ve got STILL isn’t valued very much by others.

But here’s the GOOD NEWS.

There’s a much EASIER way to give her what she wants, so you can get what you want.

Instead of spending all kinds of time, money and effort in the gym, or the department store, or the bling store, just walk up, and talk to her.

Find out what she likes. Find out what spins her propellers.

Talk to her in a way that will get her feeling those emotions. Listen to what she says, and frame your message in a way that she’ll enjoy hearing.

Ditch the entitlement mentality, and go straigh to the source.

Learn How

Frame Control

Embrace The Spotlight Of Seduction

She's Waiting For You

Why She Wants You To Approach Her

One of the most common fears when speaking to women you’re attracted to is how you’re “performing” in a social setting.

It’s common to feel as if all eyes are on you when walking up to a girl you’ve been flirting with from across the room.

Now, to be honest, a lot of guys ARE watching you, and some of them DO hope you fall on your face.

Why?

Because they are too terrified to approach themselves, so if they see you approach and succeed, it will make them feel worse. But if you approach and get blown out, it will actually make them feel better.

One thing humans are exceptionally good at is deceiving ourselves. Now, if you were brutally honest with yourself, the ONLY reason you don’t become an approach machine when you’re out where there’s plenty of single, attractive women is because of fear or anxiety.

This is something most guys will NEVER admit, even to themselves. We tell ourselves things like, “Well, I’m not in the mood,” or “she’s not my type,” or “I’m not in a place where I’m ready for a relationship,” or any self con job.

How do I know these are self deceptions?

Because if ANY of those women walked up to you, talked to you for five minutes, and then asked you to go home with her for wild, uninhibited sex, all of those “reasons” would vanish.

You wouldn’t tell her she’s not your type.

You wouldn’t tell her you’re not ready for a relationship.

You wouldn’t tell her you were just hanging out with the boys.

Make A Move!

Make A Move!

So when you walk over there and fall on your face, all those other guys who are too terrified to make a move will be able to feed their excuses.

“See, that’s why I NEVER approach girls, they LOVE shooting guys down!”

This, of course, is absolute nonsense.

I’m sure you’ve heard the crab theory. Where a bunch of crabs are in a bucket, and one crab starts to climb out, and all other crabs drag him back down.

It’s kind of like that.

What’s the answer?

Consider things from HER perspective. If you simply get up and walk over there, you’re sending her a strong signal.

That you aren’t scared like those other little boys. That you’re willing to take a risk, instead of waiting around for a girl to do all the work.

Just doing this will INCREASE your attraction.

A lot.

And when you carry yourself with a strong frame, one she’ll LOVE to melt into, you’ll be even better.

Learn More:

Frame Control

Are You Imprisoned By Social Fear?

Stop Acting Like A Caveman

Ditch The Caveman Thinking

One of our deepest fears is social exclusion.

Getting kicked out of the group feels horrible on a deep level.

In our past, we only had our local group. To get kicked out meant certain death.

But today, we have the luxury of choosing who we hang out with. We can choose who we work for, what clubs we join, etc.

But since our instincts are still living in the stone age, where they were developed, it doesn’t always feel this way.

It’s similar to trying to diet, when you’ve got a fridge filled with goodies. You can consciously try all you want to avoid putting another frozen burrito in the microwave, but when your caveman decides to eat, you’re going to eat.

You’ll tell yourself common lies like, “It’s just this once,” or, “Well, I REALLY get started tomorrow,” or, “Well, as long as I’ve got these burritos, I may as well eat them.”

The truth is our inner caveman is a highly skilled con artist that would make P.T. Barnum green with envy.

Whenever we’re in a group, it can feel incredibly difficult to speak up, or go against the flow, or hold fast to your ideas when people are looking at you as if you’ve gone nuts.

It can feel comfortable to sit around and wait for something to happen. Something safe, something that won’t rock the boat. Something that won’t require you to go out on a limb and risk social exposure.

Step Up And Lead!

Be What Everybody Is Waiting For

But if we’re being honest with ourselves, sitting around and waiting for something to happen isn’t the greatest strategy. Especially when everybody else has that same strategy.

But when you step up and go against the flow, and take a leadership position, something very interesting will happen.

When I was in junior high school I made an interesting discovery. Me and a buddy were sitting in a class, waiting for the bell to ring. We started talking like kids do, how everybody is an obedient sheep, etc.

We decided to “rebel” and stand up BEFORE the bell rang. But as soon as we did, so did everybody else.

The wonderful truth is that YOU can BECOME that “thing” that everybody is waiting to happen.

When you throw caution to the wind, stand up and assert your ideas, people will follow. Maybe not right away, but you’d be surprised how little effort it takes. They may be a bit timid at first, and give you a bit of resistance. Once you overcome that, what happens next is pretty amazing.

The truth is that most of us are terrified to lead. Terrified to make decisions. Terrified to make a mistake in front of everybody.

Which is why when YOU decide to be the leader, the rewards will be enormous.

Learn How:

Frame Control

How To Generate Meta Social Confidence

See The Big Picture

How To Get The Big Picture

Sometimes we feel pretty good about ourselves, other times we don’t.

While everybody’s different, we all have common areas where we’re most likely to feel “in the zone” or “in our element.”

For most of us, that’s whenever we’re doing something familiar, something that we’ve done well in the past.

If you’ve been playing the piano and doing recitals since you were in grade school, for example, playing a medium difficult piece in front of strangers is probably no big deal.

Other people would be terrified of sitting down at the piano in a hotel lobby and playing “chopsticks.”

Once I was watching this TV show with an old roommate of mine. It was this guy trying to break some record with the Rubik’s Cube.

My roommate told me he could NEVER perform like that in front of people, even if it was something he did very well.

He said all that attention and focus on him would make it impossible for him to perform.

This is also pretty common. Something you’re good at, but you’ve never really done it in front of others.

This can be anything from cooking to typing to balancing a broom on your nose. Most of us feel a lot more pressure, and a lot less confident, when we’re the center of social attention.

Direct Correlation?

Content Stays With Content

Even the guy in the example above who’s comfortable playing the piano in front of others might not feel so comfortable giving a speech or riding a unicycle while juggling in front of others, or even walking up to and talking to strangers.

There’s something about being at the center of social attention that makes most of us shake in our boots.

There are basically two ways of getting over this fear. One is content based, one is structurally based.

The content way is like the guy with the piano. Just practice whatever skill you want to practice, and get plenty of practice doing it in front of others.

You can do this with pretty much any skill. If you can find a way to practice that skill in front of others, you’ll do pretty good.

Except it generally won’t translate into other skills that need to be done in front of others.

Playing the piano in front of others won’t help you become a better speaker.

Unless you attack this from a structural level. 

Instead of simply focusing on any particular skill, just focus on feeling a general sense of confidence in any social group, especially unknown social groups.

This is the great thing about our brains. It’s very good at generalizing. Once you learn to tie on pair of shoes, you can tie all the shoes on Earth.

So when you learn to simply be confident in social situations, anything you choose to do socially (create relationships, make sales, juggle on a unicycle) will seem easy and familiar.

To learn how, check this out:

Frame Control

How To Be An Outlaw Seducer

Become An Outlaw

Are You Riding Training Wheels?

Most guys believe in a set of “rules” to follow when getting girls.

To be sure, there’s no shortage of procedures, methods, sequences of events, etc.

And for some guys, these work pretty good. They can keep you from blowing it, stepping on your toes, etc.

Like one “rule” that many guys follow is to NEVER say the “L” word until she does.

Now, this may not be such a good thing, especially if SHE’S following the same rule.

But it certainly IS a good thing to keep in mind when you’ve only been on a few dates. To be sure, if you guys have been together for a while, and you stare deeply into each others eyes, and you’re feeling it, and you KNOW that she’s feeling it, it’s not such a big deal.

Clearly, sticking TOO MUCH to the rules can get you blown out.

I remember watching some TV show about a high school basketball team. The coach had this really complicated, drawn out play, where the ball was supposed to be passed around a certain number of times.

Only the first player to get the ball drove right to the rim and scored a quick two.

The coach asked him what happened, and the player looked at him and said, “I know coach, but he gave me the lane, so I took it.”

The coach didn’t have a comeback. When your opponent is giving you an opening, you take it. No matter WHAT your “plan” or set of “rules” is.

Hit It While She's Hot!

Strike Whenever The Iron Is Hot

So, yea, follow your “rules,” whatever they are, as a basic guideline.

But think of them as “training wheels.” Wait three seconds before approaching. Don’t call within 48 hours. Don’t text more than once a day. Don’t text her back within three minutes. Always try kino before number closing.

Whatever.

But when she gives you the lane, you’d better take it!

How will you know?

This is perhaps the biggest secret of natural game. Natural “game” isn’t really that different from yours.

It’s just being SUPER attuned to how she is responding. All the micromovements, pupil dilations, slight changes in skin color and how much blood is or isn’t in her lips.

All of this hits in a big, unconscious wave, and gives them that “instinct” that tells them whether or not to push forward, or pull back.

This ability will get you MUCH more action than any memorized set of patterns, or any sequence of events.

And the real secret is that once you get out of your head, you’ll see these signals EVERY WHERE.

Meaning you’ll finally get inside that mythical “secret society” where all is revealed.

Learn How:

Frame Control

How To Become a Pure Adult

Time To Grow Up!

Are You Still A Child?

Most of us would love to be recognized for who we really are.

You aren’t going to like this, but that’s kind of a myth.

When we were children, we didn’t have to do anything. We just kind of expressed ourselves, however we knew how, and got instant feedback.

This lead us to develop a strategy, that was helpful as a child, but not so helpful as an adult.

As a child, in most situations, you just need to speak up, and somebody will come and give you what you need. If you’re a parent, then you know children are hard wired to be the best manipulators on Earth.

Before they learn to talk they learn that certain expressions and sounds will get certain results.

It’s hard to shed this strategy.

As an adult, it’s incredibly tempting to think that all we need to do is simply express ourselves, and get our needs met.

The trouble is that in the adult world, we’re dealing with other adults. Adults we AREN’T related to, and adults who really don’t have any reason to “give us” what we want or need.

In fact, when you consider that MOST adults still have remnants of this childhood strategy, it’s kind of silly to expect that it would work.

Because if you’re sitting there thinking all you need to do is express yourself and you’ll get what you want, everybody else is thinking the same thing, to a certain degree.

It's NOT Really All About YOU!

Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!

This is one of the reasons we ALL tend to blather on and on about oursevles in social conversations.

It’s that deep inner child screaming out, “Look at me! Notice me! I’m special!”

See, in order for others to fully recognize who we are, we’ve got to make it worth their while. Since most adults are still operating from a childhood mentality, they’re not going to suddenly ditch that mentality when we show up and demand the same thing that they’re demanding.

So, how do you make it worth their while?

How do we set it up so they’ll WANT to get to know us?

By becoming a leader. Not the kind where you get up on the table and rally the troops to march on the castle, but the kind of person who REALLY knows where he’s going.

By becoming a person who has shed all  neediness, and looks out into the world with eyes of expectation and curiosity.

Someone who looks out into the world and thinks, “Hmm, I wonder what opportunities I’ll find here…”

When you develop THAT personality, that energy, that aura, people will feel they are getting their needs met simply by being around you. 

And since they’ll feel, on a deep subconscious level, that you are NOT biologically connected, that good feeling of being around you will ALWAYS be conditional.

Making them the perfect support crew for WHATEVER you’re creating in life.

How do you GET that personality?

Right Here:

Frame Control

How To Become A Mesmerizing Leader

Become A King Of The World

Jack Up Your Social Status

Every morning I go for a walk, very early.

There’s a park a pass through, and it’s always filled with “dog people.”

These are also people that walk early with their dogs.

They meet up in the park and socialize in the wee morning hours. It’s funny how the dogs interact when they meet each other, especially if it’s the first time.

They approach carefully, sniff each other, walk around each other in careful circles.

There’s a common phrase called “The Pecking Order,” which refers to somebody’s place in their social group.

It comes from chickens. These scientists noticed that a group of chickens would always eat in the same order whenever they dumped a bunch food in their cage. Other animals would fight every single time, but these chickens would always eat in the same order. This is why they called it the “Pecking Order.”

Whenever they did introduce somebody into the mix, they would mix it up a bit, to find where that new member fit into the pecking order. But once they had it figured out, it was business as usual. Food would come, and they would eat in their own self-determined order.

I’m sure you’ve noticed that humans behave in EXACTLY the same way. This makes perfect sense since we are social creatures.

And as social creatures, we will ALWAYS organize ourselves into hierarchies.

Funny thing is we do this quickly, and pretty much subconsciously. Anytime you walk into a room, you add yourself to the mix. Everybody quickly senses where they stand, and it’s back to work.

Any time there’s a change in group structure, this happens, whether we like it or not.

Eat or Be Eaten

Eat Or Be Eaten

And if you’re NOT projecting strong confidence and social presence, you ARE going to get discounted. People will check you out, assume  you’re not a threat, and then see you as another faceless member of the group.

This is what they mean by “First Impressions.” They often happen quickly, subconsciously, and before anybody ever says a word.

If you are in any kind of business where you need to approach people, or if you’re ever in situations where you’d like to approach strangers and build good relationships, it’s crucial that you get a handle on this skill.

The harsh truth about being humans is that because we ARE social animals, no matter where you go, there will be followers, and there will be a leader.

Now if you are content to be a follower, that’s fine. Most people are. Most people are terrified to step up and claim the leadership position. It’s scary, and there’s a lot of pressure.

But there are also ENORMOUS benefits.

If you want some, check this out:

Frame Control

How To Create Irresistible Rapport

Create Instant Rapport

Their Idea Is Always Best

The easiest way to get somebody to do something is to get them thinking it was their idea.

This is an old idea, made famous by Dale Carnegies “How To Win Friends And Influence People.”

It’s also plays a large part in covert and conversational hypnosis, both in sales, therapy and relationships.

The basic structure is to use a variety of vague language, so the listener or reader will need to fill in the blanks on their own, using their own specific experiences and beliefs. 

Which means when they finally come to a conclusion, they will have done so based on thoughts and pictures in their own brain, rather than thoughts put there by you.

Naturally, this takes a lot of practice, as there are plenty of different language patterns, and virtually endless combinations. Similar to learning a martial art, there’s tons of single moves to learn, and tons of ways to use them in various combinations.

But there is one thing that will make it much smoother.

It leverages the same process, but on a much deeper level.

Whenever you intend to persuade somebody, you’ve got to have rapport. This is the most crucial, and often overlooked aspect. Since it seems so simple, most people feel they don’t need to really focus on it.

Which means they’re done before they start.

But with enough rapport, you don’t really need much else.

Do Best Friends For Life Need Language Patterns?

Who Do YOU Trust The Most?

Consider somebody, now, as you read this. Somebody you totally trust. Somebody you’ve known for a long, long time. Somebody you’d turn to if you needed to bury some bodies.

Now, consider them suggesting something to you. Would they need to do a lot of convincing? Probably not. Would they need to use all kinds of language patterns and influence techniques? Probably not.

Because you have such a HUGE amount of rapport with this person, they don’t really need to explain themselves.

Now, imagine if you could create this amount of rapport in people that you’d just met. Anything you wanted to talk to them about would be much easier, and much more natural, and much less dependent on “technology.”

How do you create such rapport?

By building a powerfully attractive frame. The strong dominant and charismatic frame that will get people WANTING to be in rapport with you. The kind of frame that when people look at you, they’ll think, “Wow, I wish I was hanging out with THAT person!”

How can you get this? Easy. From the inside out.

Learn How:

Frame Control

How To Become The Definition Of Charisma

The Supreme Judgment of Charisma

The Supremes Know What’s Up

“I don’t know what it is, but I know it when I see it.”

That’s what one member of the supreme court said many years ago when trying to define “pornography.”

Many things are like that. We’re hard pressed to define them, but we certainly know it when we see it.

Some of these are subjective, some of these are objective.

Taste in food is more on the subjective side.  You can’t really describe what “delicious” means to you, but you certainly know it when you taste it. And everybody has their own unique classifications of delicious.

Beauty leans more on the objective side. Most people would agree that certain paintings, landscapes, or yes, even people, are beautiful, while others are not.

Charisma and social magnetism are like that as well. It’s really hard to define what it is, without describing the feeling that comes from seeing somebody that is incredibly charismatic and magnetic.

Ultimate Enlightment

Tale From The Temple

I was once at this open house at a local Buddhist temple, and there were plenty of local folks there. They had it set up so you could just wander around, look at stuff, and ask questions.

We were all in this big room, kind of doing our own thing, and this “guy” came walking in. All of us stopped what we were doing, and turned to look at this “guy.”

He had a certain “energy” about him. He was tall, good looking, and had pretty good posture. His movements were slow and purposeful. There didn’t seem to be any fear or anxiety or worry. Like he knew where he was going and was very aware of his surroundings, including all the people that were covertly watching his every step.

Like he felt totally comfortable in his own skin, totally at home wherever he was. As if it was the most important place on Earth or event in time. Total focus, presence and congruence.

As he got closer, I noticed he was wearing a name tag. Turned out he was the mayor. A mayor of a town famous for it’s ultra rich people.

Now, did he have charisma because he was mayor, or was he mayor because of his charisma?

I suspect it was both. Certainly, being in a position of power and surrounded by people who recognize that power will certainly give you a confidence boost.

But you can’t get there unless you’ve got the confidence to begin with.

Many people assume that having such massive charisma and magnetism is like being born tall or super athletic. You’ve either got it or you don’t.

They’re wrong.

You CAN build in that confidence, that charisma. So YOU can be the one walking in the room and turning heads.

Learn How:

Frame Control