Category Archives: Dating

The Instant Killer Of Attraction

Blast Through Obstacles To Dating Success

Get In The Game

There’s a lot that can get in the way of getting what you want when it comes to girls. For most guys, that means a decent relationship with a decent girl that shares your values, goals and beliefs.

In order to get that, you’ve got to meet a lot of people. If you’re a normal guy, meeting a lot of people with this end in mind is pretty fun.

That’s if you can get past this common roadblock.

This one insidious obstacle that’s been going around A LOT these days. This is not something you can see, and it exists only inside your brain. 

But once you get stuck in this trap, it’s VERY hard to get out. The best way to avoid this brick wall is to run in the other direction when you start to suspect it’s presence.

What mysterious entity to I refer to?

Philosophy.

How’s that?

It usually goes like this. A guy sees a girl. He wants to go over, talk to her, get to know her, maybe exchange numbers so they can get together later. But it doesn’t happen that way.

He either doesn’t go over, but he goes over which such a lame attempt he falls on his face.

And instead of chalking it up to his lack of skills, he does one thing that humans have been doing since the dawn of time.

He avoids responsibility. 

This usually ends up with a bunch of dudes talking about the deep philosophical meaning behind the current state of the dating game.

Why?

Otherwise they’d have to admit they suck. Because it really sucks to openly admit that you suck. Not in a kidding, self-deprecating way, but in an honest, “Wow, I’m not nearly as great as I thought I was” way.

This is a HARD pill to swallow for ANY human.

It’s MUCH EASIER on the ego to blame the world. Now, if you’re throwing a rock at a moving target, like a zebra, for example, it actually does make sense to blame the zebra. This makes you angry, which gives you more energy to keep throwing rocks until you’ve got something to eat.

But since we live in a modern world, things are MUCH more complicated.

Which means any excuse we come up with (especially if all we’re doing is sitting there complaining) is going to be pretty vague.

And when you’ve got a bunch of whiny guys coming up with vague excuses for why they can’t get laid, what does it sound like?

Yep, philosophy. 

Philosophy makes people sound smart. Philosophy makes it sound like people have some deep insight into the world. Philosophy gives people the illusion they are superior to other knuckle-dragging mouth-breathers.

But two things philosophy WON’T get you is laid or paid.

Unless, of course, you’re selling circularly logical tomes on the deep philosophies of the world.

So whenever you hear yourself start talking about the “sexual market,” or “social pressure,” or any other ego protecting nonsense. Stop. Get up, and go talk to some girl. See what happens. If it doesn’t work out, go talk to somebody else.

And keep doing that until you’ve got somebody you like, that also likes you.

Be A Man With A Plan

Picture

Do You Know Where You’re Going?

Imagine if you were on a paddle board, out in the middle of the ocean. Imagine you had plenty of food, and water, and sunscreen. But being on a paddle board in the middle of the ocean was pretty limiting, and pretty boring.

You’d like to find a boat, and go somewhere better. You wouldn’t mind getting a job on the boat to earn your keep. Swabbing decks, cleaning windows, whatever. 

And you kept seeing boats going by. Some were big, some were small. Some were zig-zagging all over the place. Some were going so fast you couldn’t grab hold. 

Some even slowed down and almost stopped when they saw you. They literally begged you to come on board. Of course, you’d never do that. They might be pirates, or cannibals. After all, why the heck would a boat stop in the middle of the ocean to pick up some stray paddleboarder?

Think of your ideal boat. One going in a pretty straight direction. One that didn’t seem to be filled with pirates. One that was moving pretty decently, but no so fasts you couldn’t grab on. And one that kept going along the same route. Not one that stopped and asked where you’d like to go.

Of course, this is just a metaphor. You are the boat. The girls you are hoping to “pick up” are the paddleboarders.

They want a “boat” that knows where it’s going. But not so fast they can’t grab on. They don’t want a captain so unsure he keeps changing direction.

They want a strong boat, that won’t look like it will sink in a small storm. Hopefully you’re looking to pick up a paddleboarder who’s willing to earn their keep, not just some lazy paddleboarder looking to sun herself on a luxury liner.

How does this translate to your life? Before you even think of picking up girls you hope will turn into a serious relationship, you’d better have a plan for your life. Because she’s going to ask.

And you’d better have a plan that you are committed to, with or without her (or any other particular girl).

Most guys don’t. 

Even if your dreams seem a million miles away, at least have some. Plan your life, starting today, on a five or ten year plan. What would your ideal outcome be? 

That way, when she asks about your job, or major or even hobbies, you can put it in the right context.

If she see’s you as a “man with a plan” that’s one more leg up you’ll have on the competition.

Get Rid Of Approach Anxiety With Mind Tricks

Approaching Is In Your DNA

The DNA Pick Up Model

DNA is pretty cool.

The way it reproduces is an engineering miracle. You’ve got these long strands of stuff. On each half are certain elements that only hook up, or “pair bond” with other elements. 

When DNA reproduces itself, it unravels. It leaves the nucleus and goes out in to the cell. So in the cell, it’s only “half” a DNA. And each element on the half is looking for its counterpart, swimming around in the cellular soup.

Once all the individual pieces hook up with their other halves, a new DNA is formed, which ideally, is an exact copy of the previous DNA. (Unless they’re mutations and you turn into X-Men).

Think of this model when you’re out looking for the ladies. It’s how YOU were created, from the very first mixing of sperm and egg.

And just like the DNA splits in half and each element goes out looking for its counterpart, that’s kind of what the whole dating game is.

All these individual “elements” or people looking for their own individual counterpart.

Humans are hard wired from evolution to pair bond. Sure, there are exceptions, but for the most part, we do best when we’re hooked into compatible, male-female pairs.

Now, while it’s a bit more complicated finding your soul mate than a DNA nucleotide finding it’s opposite jigsaw puzzle piece, structurally speaking, it’s pretty much the same.

This is helpful because many guys fall into the trap of thinking women got it all, and us poor men are beggars.

We approach like they’ve got all the power. They can accept us and reject us. 

But that’s not the case. On a deep biological, psychological and evolutionary level, when a guy approaches a girl, they are both thinking the same thing, deep down inside:

“I hope this person is a match.”

Contrary to your fears, most girls AREN’T thinking, “Oh great, another idiot that I can publicly reject!”

That is, of course, if you wait for a couple of signals before approaching. Eye contact, a smile, you know what I mean.

When you approach with the “I wonder if we’re a match” mindset rather than, “I hope she accepts me” mindset, it makes approaching a lot easier.

Now, it won’t be automatic. It won’t happen simply because you are reading this. That would be like reading an essay on Kung Fu and expecting to magically transform into a black belt.

You DO need to practice, even though it’s a mindset.

HOW do you practice?

Just FORCE your brain to hold that question, “I wonder if we’re a match,” in mind while you approach, AND while you’re talking to her.

Imagine you’re going on an information-gathering mission, rather than approaching the queen of the universe and begging for scraps.

You can even practice without approaching. Just hold this thought in mind when you’re out flirting with girls.

It will help, a lot.

The Folly Of Chasing

Sometimes It's Better To Find Somebody Else

How Long Should You Pursue A Girl?

How do I get her to like me?

I get this question a lot. Most guys have got their eye on some girl, have had a bit of success, and then she pulls back. He, on the other hand, is still pining furiously for her, and will do anything (or so he says) to get her to “like him.”

Now, let’s think about what happens when a girl “likes” a guy. It’s pretty much a HUGE collection of unconscious processes that are a mix of ancient programming, childhood and cultural programming, as well as how and who she references within her social circle.

On a deep level, girls like guys who are leaders, who are self confident, genuinely kind, and have thick skin. The guy who can pretty much handle anything that comes up. Not the guy who shies away from a challenge. Not necessarily the guy who beats everybody up who challenges him, but the guy who KNOWS deep in his soul that any problem life gives him, he’ll deal with to his advantage, AND usually everybody else’s in one way or another.

On top of that, she’s going to be turned on by a guy who “reminds her” on a deep level of when she was a kid, and she was referencing some strong male adult role models, usually (hopefully!) her father, or older brothers.

On top of that, she’s going to be subconsciously referencing cultural icons, her peer group, who they like, and who they don’t like, etc.

If that’s not enough, she’s also going to have a conscious idea of who’d she’d like to end up with.

If she can find a guy that hits her triggers on all four of these levels, she’ll feel as though she’s found her prince charming, and she’ll literally follow him to the ends of the Earth.

You know in mathematics they can take this huge equation, and express one variable in terms of all the rest?

We can kind of do that here.

Instead of asking, “How can I get her to like me,” you can also ask, “How can I become her prince charming, and hit her levels of attraction on levels?”

Most guys foolishly believe there’s something they can say or do that will fit the bill.

Think of it this way. You’re having a dinner party. You spend hours cooking something. Your friends come over, and they don’t like the taste very much. They’re being polite, but you can tell they think it sucks.

So you call your cooking guru on the phone. You ask him or her, “What can I tell them that will make them like my cooking?”

After your cooking guru gets done laughing, she or he might tell you to tell them to come back next week, after you cook something different.

Here is the cold harsh truth about dating. If a girl doesn’t like you, there’s not much you can do. 

Of course, you should ALWAYS be improving yourself. Increasing your self confidence. Developing better and stronger beliefs. Developing your ability to create an awesome life for yourself.

But if one particular girl decides (on all four of those levels) that she doesn’t like you? 

It’s best to simply find somebody else.

Are You Throwing Good Money After Bad?

Don't Turn An Innocent Flirtation Into An Emotional Bankruptcy!

How To Not Go Broke

Here’s a trading tip that can be very helpful. This only works if you’ve got some solid reasons for buying, know when you’ll get out, due to profits. Or know when you’ll get out, due to losses.

For example, no matter how you select investments, many traders have an 25/5 rule.

Meaning if they’re up 25%, they get out, no matter what.

If they’re down 5%, they get out, no matter what.

These are the two most crucial rules. According to these guys, if you follow these rules, no matter what, you can’t go wrong.

Just think about it. If you lose on 2 out of three trades, you’re still doing pretty good. Down five, down five, up twenty five. Not bad, if you can keep it up.

What’s it mean to chase good money with bad? You spend some cash, and you’re down five percent. If you’re a pro, you get out, and look for another trade. If you’re an amateur, you tell yourself every lie you can think of to keep throwing more money at your bad investment. Most guys would rather go broke than admit they were wrong.

The further down it goes, the more money you spend. Bad money chasing good.

As you can likely guess, getting out of a trade is just a fundamental skill as figuring what to buy and when. If you don’t know how to get out, you’ll go broke. Simple as that.

Think about this next time you’re chasing a girl that doesn’t really want to be chased.

Many guys meet a girl, it goes well, then they blow it. Doesn’t matter how they blow it, but they blow it.

They start texting, she doesn’t text back. They call, she doesn’t call back.

Then they wonder, “What can I do to fix this?’

Here’s how you “fix this.” Find somebody else.

She’s being as clear as she can be. She’s not interested in you. Stop wasting your time. It’s like chasing a stock that’s crashing below it’s 200 day moving average.

If she’s still interested in you, you’ll know. They’ll be no question. If you’re wondering, it’s a safe bet that she’s not.

But here’s some indicators, just in case. You text, and she doesn’t text back, you’re out. If you call, and she doesn’t call back, you’re out. If you talk to her and she’s not participating with any noticeable amount of energy or enthusiasm, you’re out.

Not all girls are going to like you. In fact, very few girls are going to like you more than simple politeness.

Get over it. You’re job as a man is to find the girls that DO like you. Not take the few that give you eye contact and try and turn them into your dream lovers.

So get busy sorting. Talk to girls. Ask for their number. Give them a call or two. Or a text or two if you’re too nervous. This should tell you all you need to know.

Only chase the girls that are clearly interested in you, and you’ll never go broke.

Get In There And Get Some

Stop Waiting For A Perfect Opportunity

Stop Making Excuses

Most people have this belief, consciously or unconsciously, that their relationships with women is some kind of “skill” that once they “get” they don’t have to worry about “that part of their life” anymore.

Now, let’s think about this for a minute. Being able to deal with women, all women, is a skill that you need to learn only once. Like how to drive, how to bake a cake, how to dance, etc.

What happens when you get married? Does your wife never change? Does she not change her goals, beliefs, communication style, and what’s important to her?

What if you have a daughter? Will you know what to do, how to handle her own unique problems and difficulties, as they come up, since you’ve got your “women skills” all squared away?

Obviously not. Not even close. Even the most dedicated fathers and husbands NEVER feel like they are “on top of things.”

So if you’re looking for some quick magic system that will get the girl, so you can go back to whatever you were doing before, you’re going to be looking for a while. Like forever.

The truth is that all human relationships, even the best and deepest friendships, are always changing. Suppose you had a proposition for your best friend. Even this may take some time to think about how to present it to them so they’d go for it.

If you know any guy who’s been married, happily, for a long while, you know even then getting up the courage to present a situation to his wife can be anxiety ridden, and far from easy.

So, why do so many people treat meeting women like it’s something that can be learned from reading an eBook or attending some guru’s latest boot camp?

Because deep down most guys are terrified. They hope that maybe, just maybe, this guru has discovered some ancient secrets of Atlantis or has channeled some new technology from another dimension. 

But in reality, the best thing would be to simply accept that interacting with women is ALWAYS going to be one of the biggest and greatest mysteries on planet Earth.

(Don’t worry, women feel the same frustrations about men, despite what they say.)

Now, you could throw in the towel. Take your ball and go home. Convince yourself there’s some conspiracy against lazy men who are afraid to get their hands dirty.

But where’s the fun in that?

Dealing with women, interacting with them, talking to them, dating them (etc!) is one of the best parts of life.

It’s never going to be straightforward. It’s never going to seem easy.  It’s never going to feel like you’ve “got it handled.”

But so what? Get in the game. Fall on your face. Get back up and try again. 

Stop making excuses.

Get in there and get some!

Everybody Else Is Doing It Wrong

How You Can Easily Do It Right

How You Can Do It Right

Here’s the basic structure of any persuasion. But first, understand one thing. Some, all, or none of these parts are unconscious, and conscious. If you’re persuading something in a pure sales or negotiation session, they will  mostly be conscious. Everybody knows what’s going on.

If you’re creating attraction, most will be unconscious. In an attraction setting, most happen on their own, without either person really knowing what’s going on. That’s why the term “falling in love” is the way it is. We “fall” in love, we don’t “go in love” or “enter in love” or “step into love.” The use of the verb “fall” indicates it’s something that happens without us really knowing what’s going on. Like walking down the street, staring at your iPhone, and falling into a ditch. (Nice metaphor, eh?)

Why is that important? Because any time you use any kind of conscious technology to “force” an unconscious process, there’s all kinds of hidden dangers. Be warned.

Any now, here’s the process that underpins every effective persuasion. (At least ones that don’t come out of the barrel of a gun!)

Rapport

The first step is to create rapport. Get the other person feeling comfortable with you. Get them to let their guard down. Get them to open up and trust. Here’s a secret. If you can do this part well, you’re done. The rest will take care of itself.

Elicit Criteria

This is where you find what’s important to them. If their dreams come true, what would they look like. You’ll know you’ve got rapport when you’re asking them what’s important to them, and they simply won’t shut up. Congratulations!

Leverage Criteria

This is where you show them that what you’ve got is a perfect match for what they want. This when all those crazy language patterns come in. When you can use linguistic technology to show them that their criteria (usually pretty vague) can be found in your products, services, or romantic skills (also usually pretty vague). Here’s a big fat warning: If you can promise them you can satisfy them, and you really can’t, they won’t be happy until you’re dead or in jail. Be careful.

Close

This is you get them to sign the contract, give you their phone number, or go home with you. Here’s another secret. The more you do the previous steps, the easier this part is.

In fact, think of these four steps as a pyramid. The first is the very most important. The next is less important, and so on.

If you do the first really, really well, you don’t need the rest. If you do a pretty good job with the first two, you don’t need the rest, etc.

Here’s another secret. The first two are based only on your abilities to talk to others like a natural, self confident, human being. They have nothing to do with sales skills or seduction skills.

Guess which parts those sales and seduction courses focus on? That’s right. The last two. The two the won’t work for squat if you can’t do the first two.

Now you know why most people suck at sales, and suck at seduction.

They’re doing it wrong.

Do it, and you won’t have any problems. With money, or girls.

Do You Really Want To Chase That One Girl?

Is She Really Worth Your Time, Money and Effort?

Is It Really Worth It?

How do you get a girl to like you?

I get that question a lot. Especially by guys who’ve got this one special girl in mind. Sometimes the one that got away. Sometimes one they’ve never really had a conversation with. 

The truth is there IS no fool proof way to make “a girl” like you. Sure, there are ways you can increase the results you get with girls in general. But a particular girl? There’s really not much. This is despite the endless programs being sold about how to “get your ex back.” 

Now, if your life depended on it, (and often times it certainly feels like it does), then there certainly ARE some things you can try. Things that MAY improve your chances with your “ex.” However, there ARE a lot of factors.

How much the relationship is broken. How long you were together. Whether or not that last time was the very “last straw.” And also, crucially missing from many of these programs, the person you’re trying to “get back.”

Do they have a lot of other options? Are they currently dating somebody else? Do they think of you as the biggest mistake of their lives?

Then there’s the ONE question that most people simply don’t want to ask. That questions those economists (the dismal science) tell us we always need to ask.

At what cost?

Now, most guys will say, “At ANY cost!” Which doesn’t really mean much. Are they willing to give up their life’s savings? Are they willing to get fired from their jobs, become homeless for two years? Are they willing to be in the doghouse for the rest of their lives?

Most guys don’t want to think about this. They want a magic fix. They want to read an ebook and say some magic words over the phone that will fix everything.

Here’s the most important thing. When you think about the REAL costs involved, both short term AND long term, of not only “getting your ex back,” but “getting her to like me,” there’s ANOTHER question to ask.

Once you figure out the TRUE COSTS of getting that to happen, ask yourself this:

What ELSE could I get with those SAME costs?

In economics, they call these “opportunity costs.” Meaning those two years you spend making it up to your ex, you could be meeting and dating TEN WOMEN, all who could end up being BETTER than your ex.

Or you could be focused on your job, so that in those same two years you could be making TEN TIMES as much money, which would allow you a lifestyle that will let you meet HUNDREDS of women you’d never otherwise meet.

So if you’re wondering about that “one special girl,” or “getting your ex back,” ask yourself this:

After considering ALL the costs, and the opportunity costs, is it REALLY worth it?

Something to think about.

What Makes A Natural A Natural?

What's The Difference Between Cause and Effect?

Cause vs. Effect

When guys that are naturals easily pick up girls, what’s the driving force? What’s the main ingredient? If you were to reverse engineer the process, which would you think was the most important?

His clothes? His language? His use of humor? His money? The angle at which he approaches her? 

If this is all you were focused on, you’d be missing the big picture. And the main ingredient.

It helps to understand the idea of cause and effect. This is something we all know about, but often times we misunderstand which is which.

We see two things happening, one right after the other. And we naturally assume that which happened first is causing that which happened second. This is a common conclusion, and it’s often very wrong.

Sure, it helped us out back when we were cavemen, but not so much any more. Most things that happen in our modern world are way to complex to be put into simple, cause and effect relationships.

Now, consider the language a natural uses. Is it a cause or an effect? It’s an effect of his inner state. If his inner state is relaxed and confident, he’s going to choose certain words and phrases over certain other words and phrases. He won’t be afraid of telling her certain jokes, or making certain remarks.

Now consider his language and her natural feelings of attraction. If her feelings of attraction are an effect, what is the cause? Most people assume it’s his language. If they copy his language, they’ll get the same effect, right?

Not so fast.

What’s likely the cause of her feelings of attraction is a mixture of his internal state, AND his exterior behavior. How much of each? Most of it comes from his internal state. It’s really impossible to say how much, since these things are always in flux.

But it’s safe to say that the majority of the cause is his internal state.

Which means if you copy his external behavior EXACTLY, you’re still missing a huge piece of the puzzle. Which means you won’t create nearly as much attraction in as many girls as you’d like.

But with an internal state much like his, the external behavior (which is an effect of the internal state) would take care of itself.

So if you want to get the results of a natural, you’ve got to reproduce the internal state of a natural. Somebody who is confident. Somebody who feels comfortable in all social situations. Somebody who doesn’t put too much attachment to any particular outcome.

If you can do that, EVERYTHING in life will become easier. Not just talking to girls.

How To Master Both Sides Of Language

Become A Natural Persuader

Powers Of Persuasion

What’s the purpose of language?

Most people assume it’s just to convey information. Like handing somebody the sports page, or giving directions to a lost stranger.

However, many psychologists believe that the purpose of language is really persuasion.

We’ve got some idea in our heads, and we need to get that idea out of our heads, and into the heads of others.

We use language as a tool to do that. To the extent we can describe our ideas accurately and specifically enough, in a way that other people can understand, we can move those ideas out of our brains and into the brains of others.

But in reality, that’s only half the battle. What we REALLY want is for the other person to DO something.

Even if it’s something as simple as laughing at our corny jokes.

We’re really after BEHAVIOR, and our language is a tool to get that.

You call your buddy and you want to convince him to come over and play video games.

You walk up to that guy or girl and you want him or her to take an interest in you.

You talk to your boss and you want him to give you more money.

You talk to your spouse and you want him to do the dishes, or change the channel.

Whenever we do this, we are combining the STRUCTURE of our language, with the idea itself, or the content.

Now, if you’ve got some really good content (the idea you are trying to convey) you don’t need to worry about structure (how you actually say it).

If your neighborhood bar is selling beers for only five cents until midnight, you don’t need to do any persuading.

You text your buddies, saying “Beer’s only $.05 till midnight at X bar,” and that’s all you need.

This is when the message sells itself.

Other times, it’s not so easy. Just think if you could text your boss, “I need more money,” and that’d be that!

Whenever the idea, or the behavior you’re after isn’t going to happen just because of your idea, then you need to do some persuading.

But here’s the good news.

With even a normal, every day idea (“lets play video games,” “I’d like your phone number,” “I’d like a raise,”) put inside of some powerful STRUCTURE, it can become the most compelling idea there is.

Meaning whomever you deliver it to will eagerly do whatever you want.

Now, this DOES take practice, but once you build up this skill, you’ll have some ultra ninja verbal technology most people don’t even know exist.

Learn More:

Covert Hypnosis