Category Archives: Fear

How To Make Your Frame Irresistibly Attractive

Get Them Feeling At Home Under Your Roof

Get People To Feel At Home In Your Presence

I watched an old episode of “Criminal Minds” last night on Netflix.

This one mastermind criminal was in an interrogation with one of the mastermind FBI agents.

Since they didn’t have any evidence, they had to get the guy to confess.

It was a great study in “frame wars,” at least how they’re imagined by Hollywood writers.

Each guy was basically having a separate conversation. The criminal was talking about how quickly his case was going to dissolve, and the FBI guy was talking about how horrible the crimes were.

Each guy would completely ignore what the other guy said, and continue on with his own conversation.

This illustrated a crucial element of Frame Control. Never “bite” on the content of your opponent.

The easiest way to maintain a frame is to simply “out frame.”

But in that TV show, each guy was trying to “out frame” in a different direction, since they had two completely opposite intentions.

A true “Frame Master” will not only out-frame, but out frame in to a frame that still respects and validates the frame of the other person. 

You just go bigger, but bigger in a way to include, not alienate, the other person.

People will be much more likely to voluntarily enter into your frame if they can keep their own.

Kind of like working at a desk that doesn’t belong to you, at a company where plenty of other people work.

Bosses have known for centuries that if they let workers “personalize” their workspace, they’ll be much more productive.

If you’ve got pictures of your friends, family, etc., you’ve effectively created your own frame within the larger frame of the company.

And so long as the company keeps paying you, and you have pretty good leeway with how you can decorate and “make home” your workspace, you’ll likely be a very loyal employee.

This is EXACTLY the best way to “out frame.”

The more people you learn how to do this with, and the more natural it becomes, the more people you’ll have that are literally BEGGING to enter into your frame.

This is one of the PRIMARY reasons some companies are FANTASTIC to work for, while others, not so much.

If you want to create a fantastic frame into which many people would love to come inside, check this out:

How To Eliminate Rejection From Girls

Back Off Man, I'm A Scientist!

Never Face Rejection Again

The human brain is a pretty amazing tool.

One that’s not even close to being understood yet. 

It’s very fast, which is great for survival. But it’s not so accurate. In a sense, it’s a lot like your web browser.

When you visit a familiar site, instead of loading up all the stuff fresh, it references your browser’s cache.

This makes it load much quicker than if you had to download everything every single time.

Web servers do this as well. If the page is static, they serve up a cached copy, as it’s much quicker.

This is how the brain operates in both familiar and unfamiliar surroundings.

A long, long time ago, maybe there were people that needed to stare at something for a long time, and let the information soak in long enough to figure out what was what.

But they all got eaten by dinosaurs. Which means the only people that are left are us goofs who don’t reference reality any more than your web browser downloads every  piece of data every time you visit the same web site.

Science has measured this. They know which areas of the brain are responsible for imaginary stuff, and which part is responsible for reality stuff.

Most of the time, it’s a mix of two.

Why is this important?

Well, consider this next time you’re out checking out the ladies. One of the reasons guys get so nervous is they see some super hot girl, and make all kinds of assumptions about her.

And because are much more attracted to women based on looks, this puts us at a disadvantage.

We walk over there, already having decided that she passes all of our criteria. Only she knows nothing about us.

So we feel like we’re walking over there with her having all the power. The power to accept us, or the power to reject us.

This, of course, causes all kinds of anxiety.

But when you remember that what you’re seeing is literally an illusion, it makes it easier.

Now, this is something you’ll have to consciously remember, and practice. There’s NO magic thought that you only need to think once that will get rid of your fears.

It’s something you need to train in. Just like a mental version of Karate Kid.

But this is a good way to practice.

When you see her, don’t let your caveman get away with assuming all kinds of crap. Go over there NOT to hopefully get accepted, but to find out if she IS as hot as you think she is.

All girls have flaws. Just like all guys have flaws.

See your first approach to get a better picture of her. Withhold judgment of her, until you talk to her.

If you approach with this mindset, you’ll never get rejected.

Because you’re not trying to get accepted.

You’re just getting more information.

Powerful Mind Tools:


mindpersuasion.com

Simplify And Automate Your Success

Give Your Brain A Break

Make It Easy On The Brain

We humans are hard wired to look for shortcuts.

Once we figure something out, we’d like to automate it, simplify it, or otherwise reduce the amount of brainpower that goes into it.

In physics, scientists have long been looking for a “Grand Unifying Theory.” One super equation that could explain all behaviors of all objects, large and small.

I had a friend who would always ask me to give him a one sentence summary of any book he saw me reading.

Once when I was in high school, me, a bunch of buddies,and a few parents were driving down to Mexico to watch some big road race. 

One of the adults asked me if I’d ever driven in Mexico before. I said no, and he told me the simple rules:

“Don’t hit anybody, and don’t let anybody hit you.”

Humans love simplicity. We don’t like to think if we don’t need to.

However, sometimes life is incredibly complicated. So complicated that you could spend a hundred lifetimes trying to understand it, and all you’ll do is uncover more questions.

Scientists can’t even predict the weather more than a couple of weeks ahead of time, and even then, they can only approximate.

The weather is a simple system with only a few variables.

Human interaction, on the other hand, is infinitely complex. Each of us has a HUGE collection of subjective wants, needs, desires, beliefs, shortcomings, and on and on.

And every time we interact with others, all these variables change a little bit.

If you tried to understand it all, you’d go mad. You’d never leave your house.

But all the good stuff you want in life will come from other people. Which means you’ve got to not only interact with them, but influence them in some way.

Get them to help you, get them to support you, get them on your team. There’s not much you can accomplish all on your lonesome.

The good news is that there’s a very simple, and very powerful way to simply ALL human interaction.

Sure, you could get a PhD in body language reading, learn to drill down in between their words to see what they REALLY mean, and plan every conversation like a championship chess match.

OR, you could simply build up a hugely strong frame, so all you need to do is show up, and people will decide to help you out for THEIR own reasons, before you even open your mouth.

Clearly, this switch won’t happen automatically or overnight. But with a little bit of consistent mental practice, it WILL happen.

Learn how:

Frame Control

Train Out Approach Anxiety With Mind Control

How To Evaporate Approach Anxiety

Total Control Of Your Feelings

Your brain is filled up with literally millions of memories.

What’s more, each and every memory can be seen in plenty of different ways. The older you get, the more you “understand” what your parents were trying to tell you as a kid.

This, of course, can be a double edged sword.

Since you can pretty much reference any memories with any flavor in an instant, you can use your own experience to validate any hair-brained idea that pops into your head.

If you think women are evil and will only hurt you, you’ll find plenty of personal memories to support that.

If you think women are all Angels of Heaven who were put here to bring sensual pleasure to God’s Earth, you’ll find THAT evidence in your past as well. 

It all depends on how willing you are to look for evidence CONTRARY to what you THINK is true.

Confirmation bias doesn’t ONLY color what we see in the world.

It colors which memories we decide to call up.

And here’s something else to wrap your mind around.

The collective color or energy of the memories you call up (usually within a few microseconds) will determine your state.

Your level of confidence, stress, verbal flexibility, motivation, and even your heart rate, breathing levels and perspiration (or lack thereof.).

All from the ten or twenty memories you pull up out of a memory bank of millions.

If you don’t like the way you “feel” in certain situations, it’s simply a matter of learning how to change your reference memories.

Just like building muscle memory, this takes time. If you want to naturally play the piano without thinking, you’re going to need to slowly go through each chord and play every note slowly and methodically, to build in that muscle-brain-sound memory.

Do that enough, and you can play anything by ear, instantly and perfectly.

Same goes with girls.

If you want to feel confident around girls, you’ve got to practice feeling confident. How do you do that?

First, decide what you’d like to feel.

Then, come up with a bunch of memories that MAKE you feel that way.

Then go into a situation where you’d LIKE to feel that way.

Then, just like practicing piano scales, FORCE yourself to slowly recall those memories, that make those feelings bubble up in your brain.

Now, this won’t be instantaneous, and it won’t be easy. Your thoughts are like a slippery eel on meth in vat of salad oil, so holding them won’t be easy.

And to be honest, most guys aren’t willing to do something like this. They’d rather pay for some imaginary quick fix instead of putting in some real work.

But consider what will happen if you DID put in the work.

Imagine six months or so from now, when you can walk up to anybody, anywhere, any time and feel TOTALLY comfortable, and TOTALLY on top of your game.

What will you do then?

Learn More:

mindpersuasion.com

How To Replace Anxiety With Confidence

Control The Thoughts In Your Mind

Choose Your Emotional Response

Ever wonder why some people are always ultra confident, and others are naturally shy?

It helps to understand the lighting quick process our brains go through when entering into unknown situations.

Our brains don’t like to do a lot of work. We have a combination of programming and learned references to help preserve brain power.

So when you walk into any situation, your brain does a couple of quick passes. The first is sort for any instinctive based triggers, like any authority figure or any social proof signals.

The second sweep is to compare the situation you’re about to enter with anything similar you’ve done in the past.

This happens in less than a second, and the result is your “feeling” about that particular situation. Fear, happiness, excitement, boredom, etc.

If there’s no clear authority or social structure, meaning there’s just a bunch of people doing their own thing, then you’ll quickly reference your own history. 

If there is something you’d like out of the situation (meeting new and interesting people, for example) and you’ve never done well in that type of situation, then the “feeling” that your brain will deliver to you may be anxiety or something else less than helpful.

But even if you’ve never confidently walked into a room and chatted up a bunch of strangers, you can still learn to generate automatic confidence instead of anxiety wherever you go.

Another thing your brain does really well is generalize. You learn to tie one pair to shoes, you can tie them all. You can learn to drive one car, you can drive lots of different vehicles.

This also works with confidence. It’s easy to generalize feelings of confidence in one situation, like talking to your friends, to other situations, like talking to strangers.

It’s just a matter of training your subconscious to NOT think of talking to “strangers” but rather talking to “people,” something you have tons of experience with.

Of course, retraining your brain won’t be instant, any more than learning any other skill can be learned on the spot. It takes practice, and some mental effort, but not much.

In just a few minutes day, doing some focused mental practice will have enormous benefits.

You’ll train your brain to not only walk into any situation and feel confident, but in control. Meaning other people will look to YOU for guidance.

To learn how, check this out:

Frame Control

Why Words Only Get You So Far

Explode Your Personal Magnetism

Deep Structure Of Charisma and Personal Magnetism

One mistake we tend to make is when we model other people.

Since humans have been around, we’ve learned much of what we can do by copying others.

When we were young, we copied our parents and those around us.

When we were in school, we learned by paying attention to social triggers.

I remember once in third grade, there was this brief but intense “yo-yo” fad.

At the end of second grade, nobody had a yo-yo. But by the first couple months of third grade, EVERYBODY had a yo-yo, and everybody was trying to outdo each other with all the different tricks.

Since this was WAAAAY before the internet, the only way we could learn new tricks was by watching and copying others. It’s not like that they had a book of yo-yo tricks in the local library.

With yo-yo tricks, what you see is what you get. You can either do the trick, or you can’t. You have feedback right then and there that tells you if you are doing it right or not. (My big trick was “around the world”).

It gets pretty complicated, pretty quickly, when the skills we are “copying” from others involve human interaction and communication.

In sales, they try to make this as simple as possible. I’ve had a couple of face to face, in-home sales jobs where they wouldn’t let you go out into the field unless you had a complete, 20 minute presentation fully memorized.

Funny thing was, that even though everybody was going out and spitting out the same memorized pitch, some people sold a lot, some people didn’t sell anything.

I’m sure you know that communication is only about 7% verbal. The rest of the 93%, all the body language, facial expressions, indications of confidence or lack of confidence, that accounts for the sales, and the non-sales.

So even if you take a perfectly written script, and memorize it line for line, it will only take you 7% of the way.

(This is one reason why really good actors get paid so much, they can “fake” most of that 93% where “bad” actors can’t).

How do you get that other 93%? 

It’s all about your inner game. The energy you carry with you, and subconsciously project everywhere you go.

Funny thing is, when somebody comes along that is REALLY solid in that 93%, the words won’t really matter much.

They just show up, and everybody knows.

The good news is that building up that “inner game” is pretty easy. You just need to know HOW to practice, and be willing to spend the 5-10 minutes a day that will get you there.

To learn how, check this out:

Frame Control

Secrets Of Massive Social Power

Are You Really The Captain Of Your Ship?

Leverage Your Instincts – Don’t Fight Them

I read this amazing book several years ago.

It was called “Chimpanzee Politics,” and it was about this group of chimps in this huge compound somewhere in Europe. These scientists studied them for a couple years, recording their every move and social interaction.

They behaved very, very much like humans, hence the title.

The leader, or the alpha male, got most of the sex, and most of the food.

And when you consider that chimps and humans split off from a common ancestor over two million years ago, meaning that we’ve had that same programming in us for AT LEAST that long, it’s pretty mind boggling.

How long have our conscious minds been around? Scientists figure that language is a key. And they figure that language, besides grunts and hand signals, popped up maybe 30,000 years ago.

Which means our deeper instincts, that get us to organize into these “tribal hierarchies” have been the driving force of our existence for the majority of the time.

Even today, underneath the very recent, and very thin layer of our conscious brains (the neo-cortex) is that incredibly powerful subconscious, our collection of vast instincts.

Who do you think wins when the subconscious battles the conscious?

Try making the conscious decision to hold your breath for five minutes and see what happens!

Or try going on a diet of nothing but boiled chicken breasts for a month and see what happens!

Whether we like it or not, our subconscious minds are VERY powerful, and usually in control.

I know it sounds cool to use metaphors like “our conscious minds are the captain of the ship, and our subconscious is the engine room,” but it really isn’t like that.

Otherwise dieting would be easy. Talking to strangers would be easy. Standing up in front of people and giving speeches would be easy.

Any time we try and do something and feel a flood of conflicting emotions, it’s because our feeble conscious minds are saying, “But I want to do this!” while our subconscious minds are saying, “Um…no.”

Sometimes we recognize this, sometimes we don’t.

Most of the time we don’t go along with our subconscious instincts. We fight them, wish they didn’t exist, or think we are somehow “self-sabotaging” ourselves.

The secret is to not overpower your subconscious, or even control your subconscious. That would be like trying to swim against the tide.

Our caveman brains have taken us far. Why not act in congruence with them? Why not choose goals that are congruent with our deep instincts? Why not get the tide on our side?

One way to do that is to leverage the powers of social authority.

This is one of those thing that’s incredibly powerful, that we don’t usually notice.

When you can claim your rightful place at the top of the social food chain, everything will fall into place.

Just like our distant cousins, the chimps, whoever’s at the top gets most of the stuff.

It’s GOT to be somebody.

Why not you?

Learn how:

Frame Control

The Exchange Model Of Seduction

Exchange Emotions Instead of Beg For Them

Get Your Mind Right!

There’s one problem that’s pretty common (among guys) when getting out and interacting with females. An overestimation of HER worth, and an underestimation of YOUR worth.

The thing to understand about ALL human interactions they are based on exchange.

Sure, when we’re kids and in a family, we just get what we need without really having to give anything back.

But once we grow up and put on our big boy pants, that crap needs to get tossed out the window.

Nobody’s going to give you anything just because you think you deserve it.

Especially girls, girls who have options (which is the kind of girls you SHOULD be going after, but that’s another argument completely.)

In order for any girl worth her salt to spend any time with you, she’s got to be getting something out of the deal.

She needs to benefit just much as you are benefiting.

Granted, this all happens on a subconscious level, but it’s still there.

If you don’t create those emotions and feelings in her that she wants from you, she’s not going to give you those emotions and feelings you want from her.

Luckily, this is pretty automatic. Both men and women are hard wired to reciprocate when we get out buttons pushed in the right way.

The only trouble comes when you assume she’s got more to offer you than you’ve got to offer her.

To make it worse,  if you walk to her with an emotional “trade deficit” AND an expectation that she SHOULD feel a certain way, it’s going to make it even harder.

Both of these problems go hand in hand. Which means once you get rid of one, you’ll usually get rid of the other.

How do you do this?

First, understand how attraction works. We usually need to feel attraction first, before we are willing to create attraction in others, even subconsciously.

No girl is going to be sweet and feminine and affectionate with you unless she ALREADY feels those feelings for you.

The next step is to stop overestimating her value, AND to stop underestimating your own value.

Don’t walk over there with a puffed up chest thinking your king Alpha of the Planet, but DO have an honest appreciation for your strong points.

Then just go over and talk to her.

See it as a discovery process. Show her what you’ve got, and see what she’s got.

If you’re both feeling it, good job. If not, it’s NOBODY’S fault. Nobody’s cheating anybody. Nobody is manipulating anybody. Nobody’s dissing anybody.

Think of it like setting up a booth at your local flea market. Do you get super pissed when people wander by without buying anything? Nope. You just hang until you see people that ARE interested in what you’ve got.

Luckily, for most guys, that only means finding ONE girl when it comes to romance.

So get out there and mingle until you find her.

This will help:

Frame Control

Embrace The Spotlight Of Seduction

She's Waiting For You

Why She Wants You To Approach Her

One of the most common fears when speaking to women you’re attracted to is how you’re “performing” in a social setting.

It’s common to feel as if all eyes are on you when walking up to a girl you’ve been flirting with from across the room.

Now, to be honest, a lot of guys ARE watching you, and some of them DO hope you fall on your face.

Why?

Because they are too terrified to approach themselves, so if they see you approach and succeed, it will make them feel worse. But if you approach and get blown out, it will actually make them feel better.

One thing humans are exceptionally good at is deceiving ourselves. Now, if you were brutally honest with yourself, the ONLY reason you don’t become an approach machine when you’re out where there’s plenty of single, attractive women is because of fear or anxiety.

This is something most guys will NEVER admit, even to themselves. We tell ourselves things like, “Well, I’m not in the mood,” or “she’s not my type,” or “I’m not in a place where I’m ready for a relationship,” or any self con job.

How do I know these are self deceptions?

Because if ANY of those women walked up to you, talked to you for five minutes, and then asked you to go home with her for wild, uninhibited sex, all of those “reasons” would vanish.

You wouldn’t tell her she’s not your type.

You wouldn’t tell her you’re not ready for a relationship.

You wouldn’t tell her you were just hanging out with the boys.

Make A Move!

Make A Move!

So when you walk over there and fall on your face, all those other guys who are too terrified to make a move will be able to feed their excuses.

“See, that’s why I NEVER approach girls, they LOVE shooting guys down!”

This, of course, is absolute nonsense.

I’m sure you’ve heard the crab theory. Where a bunch of crabs are in a bucket, and one crab starts to climb out, and all other crabs drag him back down.

It’s kind of like that.

What’s the answer?

Consider things from HER perspective. If you simply get up and walk over there, you’re sending her a strong signal.

That you aren’t scared like those other little boys. That you’re willing to take a risk, instead of waiting around for a girl to do all the work.

Just doing this will INCREASE your attraction.

A lot.

And when you carry yourself with a strong frame, one she’ll LOVE to melt into, you’ll be even better.

Learn More:

Frame Control

The Easy Way To Deal With Obstacles

Life Can Be Fun Or Frustrating - Your Choice!

Who Decides What They Mean?

There are a lot of very cliche sayings that have some powerfully deep truths.

Take the super corny one, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

Sounds like some t-shirt slogan you’d find in the $0.99 bucket, right?

But let’s dig a little deeper.

Say you’ve got some plans. Maybe big plans, maybe not so big.

If you’re like most people, you start out like gangbusters, and then run into trouble.

Maybe things didn’t go as smoothly as you thought. Maybe you ran into some unexpected obstacles.

Maybe when you told other people they looked at you like you were crazy or something.

There’s also a very powerful technique in covert hypnosis called “utilization.”

This means that you, as the hypnotist, have a strong intention. No matter what the client or customer says during the conversation, you simply weave it into your language, and use it. You don’t resist it. You don’t wish they didn’t say it. You have the attitude that everything that they do, you can use to get closer to your outcome.

Nothing we choose to do ever goes without a hitch, except super safe and super boring stuff that anybody can do. (Like watching familiar TV shows on our familiar houses while we eat familiar comfort food).

In order to get the REALLY good stuff, we’ve GOT to fall on our faces. Not just once or twice, but on a regular basis.
 

Enjoy The Game

The Good Stuff Will Always Take Time And Risks

This is probably the BIGGEST thing that keeps people from achieving their dreams. They somehow bought into the notion that it should be easy or simple or risk free.

So when they run into obstacles, they figured they’d been cheated or conned or the “world is against them.”

But what happens when you see everything that happens, good AND bad, as instructive events to help you get closer?

If you’ve ever been in sales, you’ve likely heard another super corny yet super true statement:

“Every no is one step closer to a yes.”

Now, here’s a weird question.

When you come across those “obstacles” that seem to hold you back, who decided they were obstacles?

Do they HAVE to be thought of as obstacles? If you think of them as learning experiences, are the thought police going to pop out of nowhere and write you a ticket?

Every experience, especially ones you’ve never experienced before, will give you more experience. (huh?)

And every time you come up against an unknown experience, you’ll automatically try and recall all your past similar experiences. The more of those you’ve got, the better you’ll do.

When most people come up against an obstacle, they usually complain. “Oh WHY does my life suck so much?”

What about you? What do you think? 

What happens when you think this instead:

“Hmm. Interesting. How can I use this?”

With the right frame of mind, this can be your “go to” mindset, making everything a LOT easier.

Learn How:

Frame Control