Category Archives: Frame Control

The Persuasive Power of Silence

Keeping Quiet Is A Great Strategy For Powerful Influence

Bite Your Tongue!

There’s an old rule of negotiation.

Whoever speaks first, usually loses out.

Salespeople are taught this, as well as savvy customers.

If somebody makes you an offer, the best response is no response. Maybe a completely neutral “hmm…” while you pretend to wonder about it.

The “trick” is to make it look like you want the deal less than the other person. Once they start to get nervous, and their imagination runs away, it’s all over. You may start out completely even, but the simple strategy of staying silent is incredibly powerful.

This is true not only in sales, but in all “transactions.” When you get right down to it, every human interaction is based on some kind of transaction. Even if you invite your buddies over to watch TV or play video games, that’s going to take some effort on their part. Which means it’s your job to convince them the fun they’ll have is going to be worth the effort.

Everybody Is Working Some Kind of Angle!

Persuasion Is Everywhere

Now, most of us don’t go around negotiating deals with our friends like we’re buying used cars, but the same structure is there.

Whenever you find yourself saying something like, “C’mon! It will be fun!” you’re trying to persuade somebody.

You can try this with your friends, just to play around. Next time they “make an offer,” even if it’s simple like grabbing a beer or whatever, just repeat of the offer without any emotion.

“Hey, wanna go grab a beer down at the pub?”

“Grab a beer. Hmm…”

And see what they say. Chances are whatever they say next will be intended to INCREASE the subjective value of their proposition. Obviously, you don’t want to carry this too far, otherwise you’ll lose all your friends. And when doing this with friends, always be playful. But it’s a useful exercise just to see that this structure really IS everywhere.

Whenever two people are negotiation, whoever wants the deal the LEAST will have the most power.

Dating, job interviewing, sales, everything.

Now, if you’ve been unemployed for a year, and you haven’t been with anybody romantically for a long, long time, it can be tough to “hold out” as if you’ve got a Plan B, Plan C and Plan D.

The secret is to develop a rock solid belief that you’ll be OK, no matter what happens.

Even when there’s no evidence.

This is something very few people are able to do.

But when you do develop this mindset, a “switch” will happen. Instead of you chasing others down, people will be chasing you down. You’ll be the person that everybody is trying to convince.

You’ll be the one with all the power.

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Frame Control

The Mystery and Myth of Intention

Do You Set It And Forget It?

Everybody knows about “intention,” right?

It’s one of those things you need to do to get whatever you want.

Set an intention, as they say, and all your dreams will come true.

Some even treat this mysterious thing as some kind of magic gumball machine. You “think” of an “intention,” set it, and forget it.

Like all you need to do is put your intention “out there” and some kind of universal wish-fulfillment center will deliver it right into your hands.

As you can guess, when many people “set an intention” all they’re really doing is putting voice to a wish.

Here’s the thing. Setting an intention is hard wired into every human. It would be IMPOSSIBLE to take any action, even going to the toilet in the middle of the night, if you weren’t able to “set an intention.”

Before your body gets up and starts moving, it needs to know where it’s going, and what it wants. Which means the whole time your stumbling to the bathroom in the dark in the middle of the night, your brain is measuring your current “state” and comparing that to your “intention.”

How You Hold It Is Crucial

So saying that you need to “set an intention” to achieve anything is pretty self-evident. It’s like saying in order to breathe, you need to take air in and out of your lungs. No kidding.

What’s NOT so clear is specifically HOW to set an intention. And even more importantly, how to HOLD an intention.

You may have an intention that’s strong enough to get started, but you suddenly lose all willpower when you run into trouble.

Everybody and their sister has an intention to lose weight. Some even get started. But very few follow through.

Plenty of guys have intentions of going over there and talking to that pretty girl. But what happens when she has the intention of getting rid of you as quickly as possible?

Just like Newton’s Second Law of Mechanics, some intentions are met with an equal and opposite intention.

You may have an intention of knocking on some strangers door to sell them a vacuum cleaner, but they’ve got an even stronger intention of watching their favorite TV show. And they’ve got home field advantage.

Obviously, having an intention is not enough. If you want to get anywhere in life, you’ve got to set a clear intention. You’ve got to set a strong intention. And you’ve got to HOLD your intention no matter what.

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