You Made A Move – Now What?
So you made a move, and now you’re talking to her. Great job! You’ve done what most guys are terrified to do. But now something else happens. Those uncomfortable silences.
She answers one of your questions, or you say something hoping she’ll respond, and now she’s just staring at you, waiting for you to say something.
This sucks. Really sucks. Really majorly sucks. But don’t worry, it’s easy to fix. There’s some great tricks you can learn that will keep a conversation going with anybody, especially that gorgeous girl you’re talking to.
It’s always better to ask questions that will take long sentences to answer, rather than short words. Nobody likes to feel like they are being interrogated. Avoid asking questions that can be answered with one or two words.
Instead, asks questions that take some thought, and longer responses. However, be careful that you don’t put her on the spot, or ask any questions that might make her feel defensive. For example, if you ask her what she does for a living, or what she’s studying in school, follow up with some questions like this:
- How Did You Get Into That?
- What Would You Like To Be Doing In A Couple Years?
- Have You Always Been Interested In That?
Always keep your ears peeled for anything that you’ve got in common. But avoid being overly vague. If she says she likes movies, don’t say you like movies too and think she’s going to be impressed.
On the other hand, if she’s having trouble choosing a major, and you are too, then say you are, and explain why. Or if she doesn’t really like her job and is looking for another one, chances are you are too.
Pay Attention To “Trance Words”
Trance words are any words or phrases she uses that she puts special emphasis on. What you’re looking for at this point are things she’s really interested in. Things that make her animated and excited. The ideal situation is to find a few things she really likes talking about that you genuinely like as well.
The truth about having conversations with strangers is that unless you really “click” right off the bat, most people are going to have a hard time. Everybody’s nervous, and hoping the other person is going to do all the talking.
That’s why it’s a good idea to do most of the heavy lifting, at least in the beginning.
Then later on, after you’ve had a few conversations, you can start to lay back a bit and let her do more of the talking. But at first, realize that you should at least be able to fill in the blanks when she comes up blank.
A fantastic way to do that is to tell stores. The good news is these can be about anything. Really, anything. Stupid boring stuff that happened on your way to work. Some old lady you saw picking her nose in the park, or your boss walking down the hall with a string of toilet paper on his shoe.
The real secret of telling interesting stories is HOW you tell them, not WHAT you talk about.
To start off with, you should have a few simple stories up your sleeve. If they cover a wide range of emotions, that’s even better. You don’t need to practice, since these actually happened to you, just have a few stories you can pull out when you need to.
When telling stories, be excited. Use a wide range of facial expressions. Don’t afraid to use gestures. Wanna know why people love little kids? Because they are so expressive. Not reserved. Not edgy or “cool” or filled with fake angst.
If you are the same way when telling stories, she’ll be into you.
Pay Attention To Story Structure
In any story, there should be a buildup, a moment of ultimate tension, the climax, and the release. This is true of epic Hollywood productions as much as a two minute story about how you lost your left shoe.
Understanding where these points are in your own stories will help.
A lot.
One thing that will definitely increase her interest in you is how you shift from story to story. If you start one story, finish it, and then go on to the next one, she’ll get pretty bored, pretty quickly.
On the other hand, if you switch from story A to story B, just as story A is about to get good, she’ll be really into you.
Why?
The human brain HATES unfinished business. So when you leave a bunch of “open loops” she won’t help getting more and more interested in you.
This does take some practice, but it’s easy to practice with some buddies or even by yourself when you’re out driving around.
(Or you could go down to your local mall and stand there alone in the food court practicing your story telling, and see how long it takes you to get arrested!)
You’ll also notice that this technique is used by some the best comedians in the world. When you think about it, the stuff they talk about is pretty common, everyday stuff. It’s how they structure that common, everyday stuff that makes them so entertaining.
How to Break Up The Stories
The best way to break up loops is to always have a couple that are “open” at any given time. Meaning start story A, then break off into story B. Then halfway through B, start off with C, then finish up A, and then start on D, and halfway through D, start on E, and then finish up B, etc.
If you do this while smiling and having fun, she’ll literally NEVER forget you, even if you’re talking about doing your laundry. She’ll most definitely be interested in you!
Whenever you’re going back and forth, it’s a great idea to get her talking about the things she likes, as mentioned before. It’s an even better idea to get her talking in terms of her ideal future. Her biggest dreams and goals.
Like if she’s studying biology in school, ask her if her plans played out perfectly, and she got the perfect job, what would her life look like in five years.
This way, she’ll be talking about her big dreams, while looking at you. That’s pretty good!
While the idea of “cocky and funny” can be used effectively, it’s easy to go too far. Just pay close attention to her mood, and avoid saying anything that will make her want to go and talk to somebody else.
Also, avoid asking any questions where any potential answer might make her feel uncomfortable. Remember, this is a first conversation, and she’s using this conversation to form a first impression of you. And since first impressions are hard to change, you want to start off on the right foot.
Don’t Be Afraid To Disagree
However, you don’t want to be TOO nice. This will also make her want to talk to somebody else. While you’re looking for things you have in common, you should also be looking for opportunities to disagree.
If all you say is “Hey, me too!” she’s going to think you’re pretty fake. But if you take the opportunity to disagree, and tell her why, she’ll know you’re for real.
Walk up, break the ice, and start talking. Ask some open ended questions. Look for positive answers that make her feel good, and ask for more information. Tell stories with lots of facial expressions and gestures. Break them up a bit to keep her on her toes. Don’t be afraid to mix it up a bit and disagree.
And remember the most important rule of all:
There’s PLENTY of girls out there. Relax, have fun, and see each and every girl as a simple opportunity to enjoy life and have some fun. Not a life or death situation.
If YOU enjoy the conversation, chances are so will she.
