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Unwrap Your Gifts

Release Dependency To Maximize Your Gifts

Release Dependency

​When I was a kid I loved Christmas. All those presents.

Christmas morning was like no other. About an hour getting present after present, and tearing the wrapping paper of just to see what was inside.

It was a combination of a couple of powerful persuasive effects. One is getting something for free. Everybody loves free stuff. Especially if it’s been specifically chosen for you. Sure, it’s great if you go down to the store and they’re giving away free beer. But they’re giving it to everybody!

When somebody spends time thinking, buying and wrapping a present just for YOU, it feels very special.

Combine that with the universal power of curiosity, and you’ve got a winning combo. That gift sitting under the tree for a couple days, you wondering what it is. And on top of THAT, you’ve got all the flashy colors of the wrapping paper.

On top of THAT, you’ve got a pile of these gifts, all for YOU!

So naturally, when it comes time to tear through them, it’s a hard feeling to match.

But then, a couple days later, something strange happens. Let down. Vacation starts winding down. Have to go back to school.

On that one hand, the idea of having ONE DAY out of the year is a good thing to look forward to.

But it’s also a horrible trap. It can trap us into thinking that the ONLY TIME when we can feel really good is if OTHER PEOPLE put in the effort. If EVERYBODY agrees on the same basic behavior on the same basic day.

AND we’re dependent on the economic health of the economy, and our parents. Two things completely out of our control.

Hopefully, as we grow older, we realize that more and more, it’s up to US to get the good stuff.

If we sit around waiting for somebody to simply GIVE it to us, we may be waiting a while.

But there’s also a kind of magic we can experience as an adult, that is impossible with the mind of a child.

And that is the feeling of CREATING something. Not just passively receiving something.

Coming up with an idea, focusing on that idea, combining that idea with our actions, and INTERactions with other people, and one day, POOF!

That idea has become real. Something now EXISTS that didn’t exist before.

Before, when we were kids, it existed before it was given to us. It was just moved from one place to another.

But when you’re an adult, you get to CREATE things that DIDN’T exist before.

Which is EXACTLY where EVERYTHING comes from.

People’s imaginations, people’s actions, and people’s interactions.

What will you create?

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Embrace Your Fears

Don't Run Away

Don’t Run Away

​Fear is an often misunderstood feeling, or emotion.

One the one hand, it’s useful for survival purposes, as it keeps us safe.

Way back in the old caveman days, either fighting or flighting was both part of the same strategy, to not get killed or eaten.

One compels to avoid, one compels us to engage. If we are going to avoid, we have a sudden burst of energy to run away. If we choose to engage, we have a burst of energy to overcome whatever obstacle is in front of us.

A great modern day metaphor is public speaking. Or more generally speaking while being at the center of public attention.

If you’re out with your buddies or something, and suddenly everybody’s staring at you for some reason, you may choose the “flight” option. You wouldn’t actually run away, but you’d remove yourself from the center of attention any way you could. Make a quick joke, find somebody else to shift the attention to, etc.

On the other hand, you could choose to engage. Not start throwing punches, but accept the situation, and use your sudden burst of energy to make the best of it. Make your voice louder and more confident. Feel the energy rush through you and consciously channel it to something powerful and magnetic.

Now, this is NOT the way most people think about “fear.” They think it’s to be avoided at ALL COSTS. They spend their whole lives purposely getting into situations just so they can AVOID anything fearful or anxiety causing.

But like all of our other instincts that helped us survive in the past, this is something we need to deal with today.

Take hunger, for example. In the past, we ate as much as we could whenever we could. But if we tried that now, we wouldn’t be able to fit out of our front doors. So most of us have to “manage” our hunger. We are careful when we shop. We avoid certain foods, knowing they are bad for us.

But we also know that certain foods are good for us. And that eating is one of life’s great pleasures. Sharing a special meal with a special someone is a wonderful experience that many of us repeat as often as we can.

Fear, or that sudden pulse of energy can be the same way. Managed the same way. Used the same way. Enjoyed the same way.

Accept it. Embrace it. Use it as the tool it was meant to be.

Just don’t avoid it.

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Making Sense of Life’s Variables

Get In The Game

Get In The Game

​In mathematics there’s an idea of a “local maximum.”

If you’ve got this crazy one dimensional curve that goes all over the place, a “local maximum” is the high point of the curve between to numbers. Since many math functions theoretically hold for ALL numbers, you’ve got first define the range (say between 8 and 12) and then find the maximum between those points.

The more variables you introduce, the more difficult it becomes. Even in two dimensions, the “local maximum” becomes hard to “see.”

Imagine a bunch of low hills over a huge area.  You might choose one or two square miles, and have to find the highest point. It’s kind of hard to do this by eye-balling, so you’d have to use some equipment, climb a bunch of different peaks and measure to find out.

Of course, mountains are just  metaphors for variables. If you’ve got an equation with TONS of variables, it’s really impossible to fit that to any three dimensional metaphor.

How many variables are there in human life? Billions. Trillions.

And they are not static. They are all interdependent.

You make eye contact with somebody on the street, and it affects their mood, which affects all the people THEY interact with, which in turn affects all THOSE people, and on and on.

Clearly, this is WAY to complicated to even APPROXIMATE with your conscious mind.

This is why expecting some kind of step by step method to ANY success that you can CONSCIOUSLY understand is kind of missing the point.

Imagine a basketball coach telling his players EXACTLY where to dribble the ball, exactly when to pass it (down to the second) and exactly WHEN to shoot.

It would be ridiculous because nobody would have ANY IDEA what to do until they interact with the other team.

Same in life. It is IMPOSSIBLE to tell anybody how to get anything, unless they get out and interact with life, and respond based on what they see, moment to moment.

If you try to do this consciously, you’ll be frozen.

But if you just relax, and TRUST you instinct, your subconscious, you’ll do a LOT better.

Of course, you need to have two things for this to work.

One is you need to have a clear idea of what you want.

Two is you need a strong solid belief that you can and will get it.

You don’t need to know how. You don’t need to know when.

You just need to know.

If you have these two things, and a willingness to take action, you’ll get what you want.

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December 05th, 2015

Start Cooking

Get Busy Cooking

​I used to work at this place where every Friday somebody would bring in something to eat.

It all started as a regular “donut Friday” as most offices have.

But in the spirit of competition, everybody was trying to outdo everybody else.

And since we had a pretty diverse office staff, there were some AMAZING dishes that people brought in.

One guy brought in this big pot of chili. (Yep, instead of Friday morning donuts, we had chili!)

He said his wife made it from a long series of experimenting.

She found this ONE secret ingredient (he wouldn’t tell us what it was) that when added, made the chili REALLY good.

Many recipes are like that. 99% regular stuff, but 1% that gives it it’s special “flavor.” Most of the time you can’t really put your finger why it tastes so good, but the chef certainly knows.

Humans are like that as well.

Think of an accomplishment you’d like to achieve in five or ten years.

Something REALLY huge. WAY out there.

Something that would take a lot of effort, dedication, persistence, and trial and error.

Something that would fundamentally change who you are along the way.

Now, right off the bat, most people are put off by something like this. They imagine the secret of life is waiting around to be given free stuff.

But those who consistently achieve greatness know that you’ve got to push yourself outside your comfort zone to get what you want.

Anyhow, think of that big, huge outcome like a “recipe” of your life.

A recipe that contains a lot of skills.

And food recipes, there are some common ones. Social skills. Self confidence. Intelligence. Creativity. The ability to take small risks consistently. The ability to NEVER give up no matter what happens.

But in YOUR own life, in your own unique way, there’s that one small skill that will make YOU somehow stand out.

Like a secret ingredient in something everybody loves, there’s that small skill or mind shift that will make EVERYTHING come together.

If you could imagine yourself five or ten years from now, looking back at everything it took to get you there, what is YOUR secret ingredient?

What is that ONE small thing that suddenly made everything shift into focus?

That ONE skill that when added to all your other skills, turned you from a regular human, who’s content to sit around and wait for free stuff, to a SUPER HUMAN, who is willing to get out there and GET STUFF.

Find Yours:

Are You An Innie or an Outie?

Invent Yourself

How To Reinvent Yourself

​When I was a kid I loved Halloween. We’d spend weeks coming up with the perfect costume.

Then later, in college, it was the same thing. Only instead of wanting to impress the adults, we wanted to impress each other.

It’s been a while since I dressed up, I think last time was at this kids party. So I wanted to “scare” them without really “scaring” them.

All three of these situations, I wanted to “impress” people by my outward appearance.

Many people have discovered that you pick up and move to a different city, or even country, it’s pretty easy to “reinvent” yourself. You’ll have a chance to start fresh.

Anybody that has gone through any substance abuse recovery program of any sort knows that it’s not a good idea to hang out with the old crowd. It’s easy to slip back into your old way of doing things.

In NLP they have this idea of “Meta Programs.” These semi-permanent filters in our brains that affect how we perceive the world and our place in it.

One of these is how we reference “success” or “failure.”

On one hand, there are people who ONLY reference their internal compass. If they’re doing the right thing, it doesn’t matter what everybody else says.

On the other hand, there are people who ONLY reference those outside of them. They can’t decide to save their lives, and NEED some kind of group or other person to tell them what to do.

Clearly, most people are a mix, and we tend to change our mix slightly based on who we’re around, or if we’re around anybody.

Now, it’s not the purpose of NLP to say which is “better” or “worse.” That’s a PURELY subjective judgment, and nobody’s opinion is any more “valid” than anybody else’s.

You can, however, say what is more RESOURCEFUL.

The idea being that the more options you’ve got, the more choices you’ll have, and the easier it will be for you to achieve whatever it is you want to achieve.

If you’ve ever been to anything like a real estate or Network Marketing seminar, it’s really heavy on the EXTERNAL motivation. You get all jacked up while you’re there, but when you’re back at home a week later, you don’t really feel any different.

This is what happens when you are dependent on forces outside of yourself for validation and motivation.

On the other hand, if you’ve got an internal guidance system, a very STRONG set of beliefs about yourself, and your own motivation, you’ll succeed no matter WHERE you are.

Learn More:

How To Ditch Your Monkey Brain

Monkey Brains

Because

​One of the most powerful words in persuasion is “because.”

They did this study once. They had a young woman try to cut in line in a copy machine. She first asked if she could cut in line. A large percentage of the time, people said “no.”

Then she tried to cut in line and gave a reason. She said “I need to cut in line because my car is in a tow away zone and I don’t have much time.” And guess what? Most people let her cut in line.

Then they tried something really good. She said, “I need to cut in line because I have some copies to make.”

And guess what? They still let her cut in line most of the time.

Because she used the magic word “because.”

It seems our brains are hard wired to see cause-effect relationships. And when something is presented to us in a cause-effect relationship, it’s VERY hard to disagree with.

They think it’s because long ago Mother Nature decided it was a lot quicker making these connections (cause-effect), even if they were sometimes incorrect, than have to figure things out every single time.

This also translates into “meaning.” If A causes B, then A also MEANS B in our monkey brains.

A tiger MEANS we’re about to get eaten.

Now, if you actually did a study where you wandered around the jungle, chances are that every time you saw a tiger, you wouldn’t get eaten.

But if you DON’T assume danger EVERY SINGLE TIME, all you need to do is get eaten once to NOT pass on those “figure it out every time” genes.

Consequently, we generally see two things happening together, and ASSUME it’s some kind of iron-clad, unbreakable law of the universe.

Like maybe once you applied for a bunch of jobs, and didn’t get hired. So you came to the conclusion that “getting a job is difficult.”

Or maybe you tried to talk to a pretty girl and she laughed, so you came to the conclusion that “every single pretty girl in the world will laugh at me.”

Or maybe when you were a kid watching cartoons you could hear your parents in the background arguing about money. So you came up with the idea that “money causes problems.”

Of course, NONE of these are true. Many people believe talking to pretty girls is fun and natural. Many people believe making money is easy and exciting. Many people believe that getting any job is as easy as ordering a pizza.

What do YOU want to believe?

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Eject That Pesky Monkey!

Kick Him Off

Free Your Mind

​A lot of times we use metaphors without really knowing what they mean.

Well, that’s not really true. We know what they mean, but we don’t know WHY they mean that.

Linguist Stephen Pinker has documented several cases where once a metaphor passes a generation or two, it’s original connection is lost. The metaphor, in the brain of the new users, is a direct representation of the meaning.

Take “kick the bucket” for example. Sure, we know it means to “die.” That’s what the term “bucket list” comes from. Things you do before you “kick the bucket.” Now, why in the world kicking a bucket means dying is anybody’s guess. Sure, plenty of people have their theories, but nobody really knows for sure.

Another one is “buy the farm,” which also means dying. Sure, plenty of people have ideas why this means dying, but they’re really just guesses that sound good.

One of my favorites is “raining cats and dogs.” Why in the world “cats and dogs?” I actually did some research to try and find out, and there is one “best guess” that sounds pretty cool.

Back in the old days of England, people were pretty dirty. They just threw their garbage out the window, onto the street. So when it rained really heavy, it would wash all the garbage down the street. Including the dead animals. So people would say it was “raining cats and dogs” because as they watched the water rush down the street, it was carrying dead animals along with the rest of the garbage.

Again, this is only a “best guess.” When it comes to the original of language, phrases, words, etc, it’s really hard to trace back the original location.

But some things are easy to understand. Some metaphors are pretty clear why they mean what they do.

Like having a “monkey on your back.” Some creature hanging on keeping you limited and inhibited. Screaming in your ear.

Some problem you can’t get rid of, because it keeps on hanging on.

It’s an appropriate metaphor because a “monkey” in and of itself is a good metaphor for a primitive human.

So saying you’ve got a “monkey on your back” is like saying you’re being constantly harangued by your primitive self.

That primitive self who wants to stay safe at all costs. Your enlightened, rational self has an idea. An idea that may help you fall in love, make a ton of cash, or get yourself into a much better career.

But that monkey on your back whispers negative voices in your ear. Makes you afraid. Makes you hesitate. Forces you to reconsider.

The good news is there IS a way to get that monkey off your back.

For good.

Learn How:

Do The Thing Get The Confidence

Confidence Comes Later

Fortune Favors The Brave

​I remember once in fourth grade, we had this contest.

Some firefighters were coming to talk to us about fire safety. We had to draw some kind of poster about fire safety, and the firefighters were going to choose a winner.

I came up with a goofy rhyme and made up some goofy pictures to go along with it.

I came in second place.

When they held my poster up, and were reading the back to see whose it was, my friend got excited before I did.

I guess I thought it was some kind of mistake or something.

Then when I heard my name, I finally believed it.

When I made the poster, I didn’t think I’d win. I didn’t even believe when I saw it. I had to see it AND hear it before I believed it.

I once had a friend from Missouri. The “Show Me” state.

I asked him why it was called the “Show Me” state.

He said people from there are like that. They won’t believe anything unless you “show them.”

(Apologies if you’re from Missouri!)

Most of us live our lives like that. We won’t believe anything unless we see proof. Unless we see it researched and proven and written about in official scientific journals.

When we hear something we don’t like, that makes us feel “uncomfortable,” we ask, “Is there any proof?”

Yet we live our whole lives with all kinds of false beliefs in our minds. Yet we NEVER ask for proof about those.

You know which beliefs I’m talking about.

The beliefs standing between where you are, and where you want to be.

If you’re waiting for PROOF that those beliefs are false, you’ll be waiting long time.

One movie I particularly liked is “Three Kings.” It’s about some soldiers in Iraq who conspired to steal a bunch of gold.

They were about to make some important move, and one of the younger soldiers was nervous. 

He said, “If I were more confident I’d be able to do this.”

The older soldier was played by George Clooney. He said it doesn’t work like that. 

He said, “First you do the thing, THEN you get the confidence.”

Beliefs are kind of the same way. You take action to get what you want, THEN you’ll believe you can get it.

The only person who needs to “prove it” is you.

The only person who CAN “prove it,” is you.

However, it doesn’t have to be scary.

You can reach inside your mind, and slowly change those beliefs.

So that taking action is MUCH easier. And once you DO, then you’ll believe you can do ANYTHING.

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How To Resonate

Lick Your Finger and Try Again

Lick Your Finger and Try Again

​When I was a kid we’d have a few formal dinners per year.

Nothing fancy, just Thanksgiving and X-mas. My mom would get out the fancy silverware and the plates, which I thought was a pain in the arse.

The fun part was rubbing our fingers across the rim of the wine goblets.

If you got it just right, you could make the glass sing.

From a physics standpoint, the frequency of the micro jumps of friction across the surface are the same as the resonance frequency of the glass.

It sucks when everybody else is making their glass hum, but you can’t.

It’s when you are out of sync with the natural resonance frequency of the system.

This plays out in many different areas of life, as you can imagine.

When you’re “resonating” you’re basically in sync without everybody around you.

Everybody laughs at your jokes, all the lights are green, right when you show up to the front of the supermarket with your basket full of a groceries a brand new line opens up.

Easy Peasy!

Other times, it sucks. It seems that nothing works. All the lights are red. All the lines are long. Everybody just rolls their eyes and shakes their heads when you try a joke.

What then?

Same thing with the wine glass. Stop, take a deep breath, lick your finger, and try again.

Or maybe try a different finger.

Or maybe try a different glass.

The bottom line is if nothing’s working, all that means is you’ve got to do something different.

After all, you are a human with a BILLION variables all going at once. Operating within a reality that’s got BILLIONS of BILLIONS of variables. You just have to keep tweaking things until they match up.

One thing that will ALWAYS help is to make sure you are not trying to fight your nature.

Meaning if you are doing something contrary to your purpose, you’ll know. Even when you’re successful, it feels like work. You keep checking the clock to see when it’s time to leave.

But when you’re ON purpose, when you KNOW you’re busily on the path to fulfilling your life’s mission, then it’s much easier to get everything to click.

You might even say that the whole point of the first half of your life is to FIND your purpose.

The point of the second half is to LIVE your purpose.

If you haven’t found it yet, don’t worry.

You will.

These will help:

Are You Stealing From Your Future?

Are You Stealing From Your Future?

Which One Of You Benefits?

​Some of the most helpful questions come from the field of economics.

Now, most people imagine that economics is some kind of advanced mathematical study.

And if you listen to the economists who work for the government, they sure try and make it seem like this.

I even read an article (written by an economist) who tried to get another article published in some of the mainstream economic journals, with no success. He’d written the article in very simple terms, so that anybody could understand it.

And it was rejected by all the publications.

Then he took the SAME article, the SAME ideas, and made them sound incredibly complicated and used a bunch of unneeded mathematical formulae. 

And it was ACCEPTED by the same publications.

To understand why, here’s a joke:

A hiring manager interviewed three people, a mathematician, an engineer, and an economist. He asked each one what “one plus one” was.

The mathematician looked at him like he was crazy and said, “two.”

The Engineer stroked his chin and said, “Hmm, well that depends on the constraints of the system and various other unknown variables.”

The economist smiled, looked at him and said, “Well, what do you WANT it to be equal to?”

The joke being, of course, that economists can use all kind of mumbo jumbo to make up a bunch of intelligent sounding bullcrap.

But back to the original questions.

Or the original idea. That REAL economics is always based on human action.

And human action is ALWAYS subjective, and ALWAYS involves choice.

And one of those questions is, “At what cost?”

Politicians HATE this question.

But as individuals intending on creating the best life we can, we MUST ask ourselves this question, if we want keep ourselves honest.

Sure, it’s fun to sit on the couch, watch TV, and eat ice cream. But at what cost?

What are you missing out on? What OTHER things could you be doing? How would THEY benefit you? Would they benefit you MORE (in the long or short run) than sitting on the couch?

And famous economic question is, “Who benefits?”

If there’s any funny stuff going on, a good way to find out what’s REALLY going on is to ask, “Who benefits?”

How can you apply this to yourself?

Imagine yourself today, or over the next week.

Imagine yourself a year from now. Five years from now. Ten years from now.

Imagine all of your selves, now and in the future.

Next time you are thinking of doing something (sitting on the couch or building your empire), ask yourself:

“Who benefits?”

The NOW you, or the FUTURE you?

Few people make an effort to plan their future with any conscious or rational thought.

But those that DO, generally have MUCH better lives.

Get Yours: