You know a relationship (either with a friend or a lover) is in a good place when you can sit in silence without needing to say anything.

A long time ago, a buddy of mine and I went to Vegas, driving from LA.

We took two cars, he took his girlfriend, and she brought a friend.

Her friend rode with me, and it was kind of awkward.

Sometimes you click with people, and sometimes you don’t.

Having to sit with somebody you don’t click with for a four hour drive through the desert is not the ideal way to pass the time.

Being able to click with more people is certainly a benefit.

Job interviews, parties where you don’t know a lot of people, new coworkers, etc.

All of these situations will go a lot smoother if you click more easily with other people.

Luckily, this is pretty easy.

Most people get nervous, try talking about themselves, and HOPE that they have something in common with the other person.

But it’s much easier just to sit back and let the other person talk.

Of course, most people won’t do this on their own.

They need encouragement.

But once you get them going, it’s easy to find plenty in common.

You can think of it for looking for two specific things.

One is something they enjoy talking about.

Hobbies, their job (if they like it) any big plans they have for their future.

The second is things that you have in common.

Now, most people when they are looking for things in common, they look for “content” things.

Like the same music, the same movies, the same favorite restaurants, etc.

But if you go up one logical level, you’ll have a LOT more in common with a LOT more people.

Say they were a political science major, and they’re talking about how they made a huge mistake when giving a speech in class.

Even if you’ve never been to college, you can find a similar “structural event” in your past.

Any kind of goof you made in front of other people.

That way, even though you have different educational backgrounds, different interests, you’ll have created a connection based on similar experiences.

This requires that you are relaxed and confident enough to sit back and ask the right questions in the right order.

But once you get the hang of it, you can “click” with pretty much anybody.

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