Excuse Me, Miss?

A long, long time ago, humans developed a need for polite language.

Linguists tell us it was due to certain societies where higher class people had the right to kill lower class people if they felt their honor was questioned.

They tell us that polite language was developed to keep lower class people safe from death. It was developed so that the higher class folks would not feel threatened by the lower class language.

Fun With Grammar

In English, the second conditional is used. For example, it’s much more polite to say “Would you mind if I opened the window” rather than “Do you mind if I open the window?”

Why?

In the second case, when you say “Do you mind…” it’s a direct question. Meaning your putting the person on the spot. To them, it feels like you’re asserting your authority over them.

On the other hand, the first case, “Would you mind…” is in the second conditional. The second conditional combines “would” and a past tense verb. It’s used ONLY in when speaking hypothetically.

It’s as if you’re asking the person, “I’m NOT going to open the window, but supposing I did, would you mind?”

This makes it sound MUCH less like an authority grab.

In The Field

Why does this matter when talking to girls? One thing you want to be careful of is to NEVER put them on the spot, at least when you first start talking to them.

No matter where she is, who she’s got around her, she’s going to feel vulnerable talking to a guy she’s never met before.

Now, some people put them on the spot on purpose, just to quickly sort them out. These are the kind of guys who walk up to hundreds of girls per day and number close before they even exchange names.

Don’t Be Too Aggressive

But if you see some really cute girl who happens to be pretty shy, that approach will almost always scare her away.

Which is always a good idea to NEVER put her on the spot.

Meaning, you should NEVER say things like, “You’re really pretty,” or, “Do you have a boyfriend?” or anything that forces any questions or feelings of attraction up to the conscious level.

It’s ALWAYS a good idea to talk about non-threatening stuff CONSCIOUSLY, while using your covert language to talk about all the attraction stuff.

Which means she’ll think you’re talking about the bar, the band, her job, whatever, while you are carefully creating MASSIVE attraction on a deep, unconscious level.

Which means SHE will think it “just happened,” which to shy, attractive girls, is pretty magical stuff.