Most of us assume that communication is to simply transfer information.

You’ve got some info in your brain, and you’ve got to get into the brains of others.

You come up with an idea, speak it out loud, see that other people understand it, and that’s that.

Right?

Maybe it’s not so simple.

The thing about something as complicated as human interaction and communication is it’s hard to tell sometimes between “means” and “ends.” The intention and the process by which we get that intention met. Or our outcome and our behavior.

Like it would seem that our intention is to convey information, and the process by which we do that is communication.

However, is that all there is?

Some psychologists, especially those focused on linguistics (like Steven Pinker, for example) believe that there’s a deeper purpose for simply “transmitting information.”

Your behavior is speaking, and the outcome is to get your idea inside their head.

But why do you want to do that?

According to Pinker, and others on the same page, the reason is ALWAYS to influence the other person in some way. That’s the ultimate goal.

We want them to do something (or not do something) or believe something (or not believe something).

In reality, the “transfer of information” is really a means to a deeper end.

What kinds of things do we normally want others to do?

They range from simple, subconscious actions to complicated conscious and extended behaviors.

Short term subconscious things like smile at us, give us their attention and companionship, validate us, and all kinds of other things.

Complex, long term and conscious things like buy our products, hire us, give us their phone numbers and start relationships with us.

Here’s something else to ponder.

Humans have been living in groups, and interacting with each other long, long before language was even invented.

So the structure of human interactions, relationship building, soliciting cooperation and going after common goals HAS to be based on something much, much deeper than language.

As complex as human grammar is, it’s really just icing on the cake.

What’s underneath?

It’s hard to measure, hard to describe. But you know when somebody’s got it, and when they don’t.

Somebody that’s got it can simply make a suggestion, and everybody’s on board. They usually drop whatever’s on their minds, and follow the leader.

Somebody that doesn’t have it can write the most eloquent words ever spoken, but when they speak them out loud, they fall flat. The words make sense, but for some reason, other people aren’t “feeling it.”

What’s that deeper quality?

More importantly, do YOU have it?

Get It:

Frame Control