Monthly Archives: February 2015

Necessary Steps To Romantic Success

Face Your Fears

The Cave! Remember The Cave!

In many action type movies, you’ve got two powerful guys. A good guy, and a bad guy. Often times, the general story is the good guy and the bad guy are on a collision course, and the main climax is when they fight each other.

Remember in The Empire Strikes Back? Yoda told Luke he couldn’t be a true Jedi unless he faced Vader in the cave. Of course, Vader turned out to be his Father, which had all kinds of deep mysterious meanings in and off itself.

But the main reason so many action movies, (which are primarily marketed to guys) have this same structure is all guys must face their biggest fears before they move on to the second half of their lives.

The first half, the childhood half, is when they are dependent on others. The second half, the adult half, is when they become fully functioning adults.

This main battle of “good vs. evil” MUST happen in your life if you are to achieve true greatness. And when we’re talking about creating wonderful relationships with attractive women, that fear is pretty obvious.

Not just approach anxiety, but what you might call “expression anxiety.” You like her, and you’ve got to give her a chance to see if she likes you. Since girls’s attraction is much more dependent on personality, you’ve GOT to let her see the REAL YOU.

And for most guys, this is absolutely terrifying. If she sees and understands the real you, and rejects you, then NOTHING on Earth feels worse.

This is why guys spend all kinds of time on forums, seminars, reading books and other products. Following gurus around, going on boot camps.

It’s all designed to keep you from facing your fears.

But face your fears you must. Because on the other side is brilliance.

The good news is you don’t have to face your fears all at once. Since from the initial approach, to the time you make a commitment to your new partner, there’s going to be a LOT of stuff to work through.

Take your time. Take it slow. There’s no rush. Hopefully, you’re still building your life, no matter HOW old you are.

But you absolutely must accept that facing your fears is a necessary part of creating a positive relationship with a woman.

How do you do that?

Like I said, start small. Eye contact. Smile. A few words. Introduce yourself. Extend the conversation. Ask for contact number. Go on dates. Etc.

Just work on one level, until it’s easy, and keep moving up.

If you keep moving forward, and simply accept that everything that happens will make you stronger, you will not fail.

Forget gurus, forget men’s movements, forget finger pointing. Get going today, your future is waiting.

Are You Easily Swept Up?

Don't Be A Sheep!

Learn To Think For Yourself

I’ve been to a lot of seminars, for a lot of different subjects over the years.

And one thing I’ve noticed is that the “momentum” usually wears off after a while.

During the seminar, when you’re listening to the teacher talk, and imagining how much better your life is going to get, it feels pretty good. Especially when you meet all kinds of folks and stay up late in the lounge area talking about your big plans.

Then the seminar ends, you go back home, and it’s the same old routine.

I remember once I was waiting in this HUGE line to get this famous TV personalities autograph for his book. It was for an Xmas gift, and I was kind of shocked at how much of a following this guy had.

While I was waiting in line (for about 4 hours) I formed a “bond” with a few people standing around me.

We started talking about our personal lives, families etc. We made plans to get together in the future. Like we were old chums.

But as soon as we got our autographs, that “bond” vanished like a wisp of smoke.


It’s easy to feel all kinds of feelings “in the moment,” only to later wonder what the heck happened.

This very common, since humans are, on a deep level, “pack animals.” We pretty much soak up the energy around us, and let it override any “independent” thinking.

Most people don’t like to hear things like this, but how else do you explain how some of those crazy fads come and go and then are quickly forgotten?

Even 70 years after WWII, Germans are still wondering how in the heck they could have collectively gone so incredibly crazy.

It’s easy, natural and common to be “swept up” in “group thinking.”

It’s something else entirely to be able to create your own “energy” which has direction, and is under your control.

Energy that will propel you forward matter WHAT the circumstances are.

Energy that will keep you on track to YOUR goals and dreams, not the current “trend” of the crowd.

Now, this isn’t as easy as programming your destination into your GPS and just sitting back while it tells you where to go, but it is VERY similar.

Choose your destination. Program it into your brain, and you’ll see that “energy” fill every situation you find yourself in.

So you can do YOUR thing, not the crowds.

The Caveman Pick Up Angle

Look For A Partner, Not A Lover

Economic Partners

Taking a big picture look is a big help in a lot of situations.

Finding a suitable partner is no different. 

So if you’re wondering how to best go about finding a girlfriend, this may help give you another perspective.

One of the biggest problems facing mankind is that we are living in a modern world with a caveman brain.

We lived as hunter-gatherers for hundreds of thousands of years. Before we were even human, really. So the instincts that kept us safe, alive and thriving are still very powerful.

Consider hunger. Back then, food was scarce. So those that had genes that made them eat until they couldn’t move any chance they got tended to last longer.

Those that had genes that made them always worry about their figures didn’t.

Consequently, all humans today, when presented with cheap and plentiful food tend to get fat. It’s very HARD to simply not eat when the opportunity is right in front of  you.

All of our other instincts are the same way. They helped us then, but now, not so much.

One thing to understand is how male-female relationships were back then. They were much different than they are now. Much of what we expect now is really a very recent addition, and often times just not true.

Most people have been brainwashed into thinking that partnership between males and females should be about fantastic feelings and sex that never ends.

That’s partly true. 

That’s the attraction that brings us together in the first place. But it’s not what keeps us together.

What keeps us together?

If we look back in our common ancestry, we’ll see the difference.

A mutual cooperation in the creation of wealth.

Men and women were attracted because of physical reasons. They stayed together for economic reasons.

Meaning they were both on the same team. They were both pursuing the same goal. They wanted as much wealth as they could get, for the family.

And when the kids got old enough, that was their job too. To create as much wealth as they could to keep the family safe and secure.

This was true all the way up to the industrial revolution. Only after that did it start to be possible for one person to make enough money for the whole family.

That’s when all these crazy notions about lifelong romance and sappy love stories started to become popular.

If that’s ALL you’re looking for, you’ll certainly find it. But it won’t last long.

How can you apply this to modern dating?

Just ask yourself, next time you’re thinking about approaching a girl:

“Do I want her on my team, to help me create wealth for my future family?”

And she should be asking herself the same question about you, so you’d better be ready to answer. Not directly of course, but through your approach to relationships and life.

This can go a long ways it getting rid of that approach anxiety that’s based on false ideas about human relationships.

Something to think about next time you’re out looking for ladies.

Why I Screamed My Brains Out

Kill Fear With A Bang

How To Quickly Kill Fear

If you’ve ever done any public speaking, you know a common trick is to look at people’s foreheads, or the tops of their heads.

This avoids some of the anxiety that comes from staring into a bunch of eyes staring back.

Another trick is to visualize everybody really happy after your speech, to give you a bit more confidence when you start.

Yet another trick is to start off with a bang, some kind of joke, or controversial statement.

I remember once I was going through toastmasters, and I was giving a speech on fear. What it is, how it’s represented, what’s real what’s not etc.

I started off by screaming at the top of my lungs for about five seconds.

I didn’t say that I was going to that. I just walked up, glanced down at my 3×5 cards as if I were about to start regular speech, and then let ‘er rip.

The funny part was that this was in a bookstore, where they have those coffee shops and a big area where people can sit. Some people thought it was pretty funny, some people got pretty angry.

But it certainly DESTROYED any nerves I had before speaking.

Now, I’m not recommending that you scream at the top of your lungs before starting anything that may cause some anxiety.

But what this DOES illustrate is that there are many mental “tricks” you can do that will help you overcome any fear.

Now, some of these are short term tricks, and some are long term strategies.

One of the BEST ways to obliterate fear is to create some very POWERFUL dreams that you are moving toward.

They don’t need to be concrete, or specific. Just something you know you’re moving toward. It’s also a good idea to choose one big thing in each area of life.

That way, no matter WHAT you are doing,  it will be easy to see it in the larger context.

Giving a speech can be pretty scary. But giving a speech KNOWING that it’s part of a skill building process that will get you a TON of money in the future will make it a lot less scary.

Especially when you’re ONLY focused on some “small” aspect of speaking, like using less “uh’s” or looking at the audience a larger percentage of the time.

Whenever you can see anything as a small step in a larger process, you’ll see it for what it is.

Not a “do or die” situation that’s going to make or break your existence.

Simply one small step on your road to inevitable success.

To learn how to do this on a deep level, check this out:

The Statistics Of Seduction

Get Your Numbers Up!

How To Minimize Anxiety

If you want more success with women, then you’ve got to fail more often.

This is true of anything.

Now, most people don’t like to hear this. Especially when it comes to feeling confident talking to girls and not worrying too much about what happens.

Rejection sucks. Getting rejected in a social setting sucks even worse. 

But consider this, everything you learned how to do, you either learned from trial and error, or modeling.

Now, I’m not talking about some dates in history that you memorized for a history test. I’m talking about skills. Walking, talking, driving, any kind of sports or music.

Generally speaking, any learning involved modeling, which just means copying somebody else, and trial and error.

Think about a little kid who learns to walk. He or she sees all the other adults around, standing and walking on two legs. Much more efficient than four legs, right?

So they give it a try, and fall flat on their face. And laugh. And try again. And fail. And laugh. And continue until they succeed.

Being able to walk up and confidently talk to girls, and walk away JUST as confident regardless of what happens is also a skill.

And just like any other skill, it requires practice. Lots of practice.

But whenever most guys walk up to a girl, they tell themselves that THIS girl is going to be the one for them. If they succeed, they’ll be the happiest guy on Earth.

If they fail, they’ll be miserable for the rest of their lives.

Hard to practice under the sitatuions.

But practice you must, says Master Yoda.

How can you practice? One way is to simply keep some stats. Just of yourself. Not to show off to your boys or post online or try to prove your alpha-ness. Just to keep the idea of practice firmly in your mind whenever you see a cutie.

Just write down the number of girls you made eye contact with, smiled at, talked to, exchanged names with, etc.

Keep it in Excel or another form. It’s really BEST if you don’t share this with anybody.

Once you get started, you’ll see girls in a different light. It will seem much LESS like a do or die situation, and much more like practice.

Becuase you’ll have proof that every single girl is a stat. (Within YOUR experience).

Imagine if a baseball team played every single game like it was the last game of the world series.

They’d be a basketcase! In truth, if a team is a few games over 500, they’re doing pretty good. Since they play 162 (I think…) games a year, they KNOW they are bound to lose some.

Since baseball is the most statistically driven sport on Earth, they all know this.

So will you when you start keeping stats.

This will jack up your confidence, and make you much more attractive.

And pretty soon, those cute girls will be trying to get YOU into a relationship.

Had Enough TV Yet?

Start Your Journey

Answer Your Calling

One common theme among many movies is the “reluctant hero” idea.

Some normal guy or girl is hanging out, and suddenly something happens.

They don’t have a choice to “step up” and do something magnificent.

And often, they have a choice between using their new “power” for good or for evil.

Since these are movies, or stories with a “meaning,” the hero usually chooses the path of righteousness instead of evil.

But in real life, that is all from certain.

When I was a kid, I’d used to complain to my parents.

“I didn’t ask to be born!”

This is one of the reasons we identify with all the movie and story heroes that are “called” rather than people who consciously decide to become heroes.

None of us asked to be here. (At least not in this plane of existence.)

But here we are.

The BIG question is, what are you going to do about it?

Many folks (who have decided to use their powers for selfish purposes) would rather you NOT discover who you really are.

They would MUCH rather that part of you stays hidden, and you live a life of “quiet desperation.”

Unfortunately, most people are happy to comply.

Sure, they complain that life sucks. That they are always broke. That they never catch any breaks.

Then they proceed to tear open another bag of Cheetos and see what those crazy Kardashians will do next.

The bottom line is that because you are reading this now, there’s something inside of you that knows something’s fishy.

That there’s something more to TV, fast food, and the ever popular finger-pointing blame game.

Once again, what are you going to do about it?

It’s scary to leave your safe comfort zone behind.

But outside of your comfort zone is where all the good stuff is.

The REALLY good stuff, that most people only see on TV.

Will you go after it?

It’s not easy, it’s far from guaranteed, and it ain’t quick.

But you didn’t show up here to live the easy life. The safe life. The TV life.

You showed up here to achieve something MAGNIFICENT.

What are you waiting for?

Seduction: Manipulation Vs. Persuasion

Don't Be This Guy

Beware Of Mind Tricks

The structure of persuasion is pretty simple. Honest persuasion, that is.

In fact, the structure of dishonest manipulation is pretty simple as well.

Everybody has “triggers” things that we respond to unconsciously. Without really thinking.

For example, “social proof” is a trigger that humans are hard wired to notice. If a crowd is going one way, we’ll generally go with the crowd.

Scarcity is another thing. If something is running out, it will seem more valuable, even if we don’t really know what it is.

Another one is commitment and consistency. We tend to do what we’ve done in the past.

All of these are designed to save energy on brain power. Our brains use a lot of energy. And energy is pretty scarce, at least it was when our minds were being built here on Earth.

So if you can set up anything, sales, seduction, whatever, based on these instinctive triggers, people will generally go along with you.

Until they suddenly find out that what you’ve got isn’t really what you’ve promised.

The problem with this instinctive triggers is that they can make ANYTHING seem really special and valuable. But once the effect of the triggers wear off, they’ll see that “thing” (which is usually YOU, btw), for what it REALLY is. Which is usually not nearly as great as they thought it was.

That’s why using these in seduction is not really a good idea, unless you are some kind of “pump-n-dump” or “hit-it-and-quit-it” type of guy.

So if that’s manipulation, what’s persuasion?

Kind of the same. Only you find out what their (whoever THEY are) SPECIFIC triggers are based on the situation.

If you’re selling a car, for example, you find out what specific things get their juices flowing when they think about their idea car.

If you’re talking about a health club membership, you talk about their ideal health goals and how they’d like to achieve them.

Then it’s just a matter of taking their specific triggers, and matching them up with your product, if you can.

Now, if you FIRST find out what their specific triggers are, THEN see that they match your product pretty closely, THEN use their unconscious, pre-programmed triggers, they’ll literally fall in love with you and your product.

If you can do this consistently in sales, you can make a TON of money.

How does it apply to seduction and dating? 

Same basic structure.

Just get them talking in terms of what they’re looking for in a relationship. Of course, you can’t do this overtly, it’s got to be covert.

But however you do so, when you get them talking in terms of love, commitment, a future together, a family, whatever, you’re doing pretty good.

And if you see there’s a match, even better. Once you do, then you can start using the unconscious triggers, and you’ll be home free.

Just DON’T use these to build up emotions for short term fun, especially if SHE’S looking for long term stuff.

That’s pretty evil, and it WILL come back to haunt you.

But so long as you’re open, honest and on the up and up, this works pretty well.

Why You Shouldn’t Follow ALL The Rules

You Know Which Ones to Break, Right?

Some Were Made To Be Broken

When I was a kid, me and my friends loved to “sneak” into the movies.

This was a long time ago, when they had color coded ticket stubs, AND guys standing at the door to each theater to check your ticket.

We’d save our stubs, and after a while we would have all the colors, so we could “re-use” them to see a couple movies in one afternoon.

I don’t know about you, but many of my fond memories from my youth revolve around trying to “break” or “bend” the rules.

Being about to sneak around authority without getting caught is always pretty fun.

Especially when the “authority” is some kind of puffed up guy trying desperately to get people to believe in his “authority.”

Of course, we did go too far a few times. Once my buddies and I were into collecting bicycle air caps.

Those things that screw on the top of the air stem on your bicycle tire.

Once we saw this really cool motorcycle, with these really cool chrome caps on the air stems.

I reached down to “feel it,” being a kid I wanted to “touch” everything I wasn’t supposed to.

Then this big scary biker dude (at least from a kids standpoint) came out and accused me of trying to let the air of his tires.

I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I DO remember that I ran away quickly after that.

The truth is that some rules ARE meant to be broken, and some rules ARE meant to be obeyed.

One powerful skill as an adult is to know the ones that don’t really matter, and have the courage to step over the line to see what happens.

Now, I’m sure you’ve got an idea of what “rules” are REALLY ones you simply can’t break.

On the other hand, there are other “rules” that people “make up” not because they are important, but because they make the person saying the rules FEEL important.

I don’t have to tell you this, because you already you know it’s NOT your job to make others feel important.

It is your job, however, to figure out what you want, and get it.

No matter how big, how matter far out there.

Your dreams belong to you, and nobody else.

If somebody tells you that SHOULD behave in a certain way, and that would keep you from achieving your dreams, while only make THEM feel important, well, screw that!

Your job is to break as many as THOSE rules as you need to, in order to make your dreams come true.

It’s not easy. But somebody’s gotta do it.

Why not you?

Always Be Ready To Bounce

Keep One Of These In Sight At All Times

Always Have An Exit Strategy

What thing that can get anybody into a heap of trouble is having unrealistic expectations.

It works like this. You think you’re going to get something good. Doesn’t matter what. But if something happens and you DON’T get it, you’re going to feel cheated.

Now, if you think you might have one more slice of pizza leftover from last night, but really don’t, that’s not so bad.

The trouble comes when you think you are going to get something from somebody else.

Most people set themselves up for HUGE pains when they think they are getting something they deserve, and it doesn’t show up.

Even if somebody tells you they are giving you something for free, and then they change their mind, you’re going to feel cheated.

There’s no rhyme or reason to this, it’s just human nature.

And when there’s sex or romance of affection involved, it REALLY hurts.

Guy walks up to a girl, and he does everything right. She’s even into him for a while, friendly, flirty, touchy-feely, etc.

Then he number closes her, and gets shut down.

In this situation, it is REALLY easy to feel burned. Like she played you for a chump. Like she’s off with her buddies laughing all the free booze she mooched off you.

And yes, this DOES happen. Quite a bit.

But guess what?

Getting angry will ONLY make it worse.

Getting angry or hurt because of what a girl DIDN’T give you will make you much LESS attractive, not the other way around.

This why any idea of “deserving” should be absolutely ABSENT from your mind whenever you’re interacting with the ladies.

No girl wants to end up with a guy that she’ll feel any sort of obligation to.

No guy wants that either.

Humans are hard wired to cherish our freedom. Our freedom of thought.

Whenever you try to put her in a box where she SHOULD behave in a certain way, you’re basically trying to get her to be your willing mind slave.

Nobody likes doing things because they HAVE to. We only want to do things because we CHOOSE to.

So next time you’re out and about, think of how you could behave and interact with her so she’ll CHOOSE you, rather than feel obligated by any imaginary social pressure.

How do you do this?

Luckily, all humans are hard wired to want what we think we can’t have.

This is why being confident AND slightly aloof is so powerful.

Talk to her, enjoy her, but also radiate a slight vibe that says, “I like you, I enjoy you, but if you suddenly vanished from site, I’d recover pretty quickly.”

If she ever THINKS she has you, you’re done.

And any sign of neediness or expectation of what she SHOULD do is about a clear a sign as you can send that she does indeed have you.

Avoid this at all costs.

Friendly, confident, playful, and ready to bounce at any moment.

Have You Started Your Hero’s Journey?

Are You Thinking Like A Robot?

Think For Yourself

Long time ago I had this job as a telemarketer.

It only lasted about a week, because I absolutely hated it, but the training was pretty insightful.

Not in learning any kind of useful skills, but the mindset of the guy who put together the whole thing.

This was during the early 2000’s when real estate was booming. The job was to sell this marketing package to real estate agents.

But the way the trainer (and founder) described these people was pretty horrible.

His opinion was that people have no real control of their thinking, and if you only push a few buttons, it’s easy to get them to do whatever you want.

That guy had an incredibly low opinion of his customers.

Before every shift, he’d get everybody in this one room to “pump us up” and build up some story that we were giving these poor customers some life or death information.

If you’ve seen the movie “The Wolf of Wall Street,” it was very similar to that.

The truth is that there are a LOT of people like that.

People who have low regard for their customers, and who see all of us as easy marks, just desperate to buy the next “thing.”

Unfortunately, the only reason they think that is because it works.

Most of us are TERRIFIED of thinking for ourselves. We would much rather be told what to do, even if it’s some kind of con, than try and figure it out on our own.

But if you’re honest with yourself, you know that is the biggest con of all.

That inside you is a literal HERO just waiting to come up.

But if you continue to expect others to tell you what to do, step by step, that HERO is going to stay hidden.

And when I say “hero” I’m not talking dressing up and fighting crime, or flying around with a cape.

I’m talking about REAL LIFE heroes. The kind build things, invent things, create things that other people desperately need.

The kind that aren’t afraid to express themselves without concern social pressure or “what others will think.”

The kind of folks that society NEEDS to keep functioning.

One of the main goals of the hero is to FIND the journey.

Not to be told what to do, or how to do it, or how to stay safe.

Your purpose in life is to not only unleash your inner hero, but to be the one who defines their journey.

Where you are going, and how you will get there.

Are you ready?

This will help:

Self Confidence Generator