Monthly Archives: February 2015

Your Biggest Obstacle To Love

It's All In Your Head

Hint: It’s All In Your Mind

Most everything you’ll read or be sold today regarding seduction and dating is partly a scam.

I don’t mean that sellers or bloggers are scamming readers or customers. It’s the people reading and buying that are scamming themselves.

The biggest block to guys getting the girls they want is fear. I know many guys will disagree, and say their not afraid. It’s just that the market is too bad. Or they don’t want to spend a lot of money. Or they don’t have the right job, or whatever.

But think about this, if you can. Imagine you’re at the grocery store, and you’d like an apple. You have an idea of the perfect apple. So you head over to the apple cart. You start picking up the apples, looking at them, feeling their softness or hardness. Finally after ten minutes or so (you’re REALLY picky when it comes to apples) you finally settle on the perfect one.

Now, when you were picking up any individual apple, what were your emotions like? Afraid, nervous, worried, impatient, bored?

Most likely not. You looked at this big pile of apples and were pretty certain you’d find ONE that would be perfect. It may take a few minutes, but you KNEW you’d find one. The entire time, you’d likely be thinking “Man, this is going to taste SO GOOD!”

Now, just for the sake of argument, imagine if you could talk to girls, all girls, with the same mindset. Zero fear, zero anxiety, zero worry, zero consideration to what other people were doing or whether or not they were watching you.

Would you have ANY trouble finding your dream girl, REGARDLESS of your status in life?

Nope.

But many guys are terrified to admit they are terrified. So they come up with all kinds of excuses. Some of them cover up their fears by approaching and closing TONS of women, creating numerous but shallow relationships that are based on nothing but drunken fun. (Not that there’s anything wrong with drunken fun!)

The structure is the same, inspecting apples vs. dating girls, but the time period is far, far longer.

What if you were as completely open and fearless with not only talking to girls, but dating them, and completely and confidently opening yourself up to them?

Not only that, but what if you had such rock solid criteria, you’d know RIGHT AWAY if they were your type or not. There’d be NO WAY they could fool you.

What would your life be like then?

Would you need a billion and one pick up lines? Would you need to strategically organize your bedroom for the most efficient, resistance free closing?

Most likely not.

Obviously, this is much more easier said than done. Even admitting that the biggest problem is emotional resistance is tough for most guys.

It’s hard to let go of being able to blame the world, blame society, blame women, whatever.

But once you realize all you need to do is get over your irrational fears, there’s a whole world of women out there just waiting to be loyal to a guy like you.

Is Life Really One Big Scam?

Anybody Got A Left Handed Bacon Stretcher?

How To Out-Con The Conners

I remember a long time ago, when I was in boy scouts, we had this crazy game we’d play.

It was only when we had these once a year “Jamborees” where hundreds of troops would get together and have all these competitions.

We’d all have our camps set up in this big huge circle around the competition area, which was at least a square mile.

The game was unspoken, but understood by all the different troops. Everybody would take their newest members, and send them out looking for something that didn’t exist.

My favorite was a “left handed bacon stretcher.”

The kids would go from troop to troop, and ask if they had one. The guy who answered the question would say, “No, we don’t, but I’m pretty sure that troop 634 has one.” And that troop would be the furthest away.

Now, the reason I thought this game was so fun was not in conning younger scouts. It was fun because me and my buddy would pretend to BE younger scouts going around asking for the craziest thing, and seeing how far we could push the envelope.

It was pretty fun, at least as kids, to pretend to be the “mark” while all the other guys, at least in our minds, were the “marks.”

Of course, this “game” doesn’t stop once we get older.

It seems that everybody is telling us half truths, and then happily sending us on our way, usually far, far away, so by the time we figure the jig is up, that other guy is long gone.

This partially stems from the fact that few people are comfortable saying, “I don’t know,” so they make up some half baked answer so they don’t feel stupid, and then send you away with only a partial answer.

Another reason this happens is many people are desperate to claim some kind of social status by giving you some convoluted answer, usually having nothing to do with your original question.

Politicians pull this crap all the time. Somebody asks them a question they either can’t answer, or don’t want to answer, so they simply spin it off into something else, which makes them look good, but ignores the original question.

What’s the answer?

Unfortunately, it’s ultimately up to you.

Which means few people will give you the straight dope. Few people will put their own social status aside to help you out.

Few people will tell you how it really is.

It’s up to YOU to take pretty much everything with a grain of salt, and kind of figure it out on your own, from experience.

Most people don’t like to hear this. Most people hate that it’s like this.

But the truth is that once you accept this for what it is, and why it is this way, life can be pretty fun.

Like like my buddy and I when we were kids, you can turn the whole “con” into your own game, where you can get the upper hand.

This will help:

Self Confidence Generator

Why Waiting May Be A Good Idea

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

Why Patience Is Always A Virtue

Attraction is a two way street. And it’s never static. What turns a woman on tonight might repulse her in a few weeks or months.

It’s a commonly held truth that those things you think are so cute in the beginning of a relationship will drive you nuts later on.

Since having a solid woman at your side through thick and thin is such a crucially important thing to most guys, it should take some time.

Think in terms of economics. Things that are the most valuable to us are the most costly. If it only costs you a few minutes time, it’s not going to be very valuable.

That girl that’s easy to f-close within a few hours of meeting her is simply not likely going to hold much long term value. Not that there’s anything wrong with short term flings. People enjoy them for many reasons.

Just understand short term flings are much different than long term, solid relationships built on mutual attraction and respect.

Unfortunately, many guys have bought the notion that any short term fling SHOULD somehow magically turn into a long term relationship.

This is natural. Before a guy has sex, he thinks of a girl a certain way. After he has sex (unless he’s super experienced or super jaded) he’s going to think of her a lot differently.

Our caveman brains think we’ll only be able to get laid with one or two women our entire lives. So as soon as a guy gets laid, his caveman brain starts telling him “She’s The One!”

Of course, most guys short term game is not really their true selves. It’s really just a show. So when the real him starts to show up, she gets turned off. That smooth operator she met the night before is now some needy beta who wants her to turn into wifey-poo.

Of course, short term flings can turn into long term relationships. Happens all the time. 

It just might not be the best strategy for finding that special someone to spend your life with.

That’s why criteria of a non-sexual, non-physical nature is essential. If you don’t have some, consider getting some.

Then once you’ve got some, consider screening her for non-sexual, non-physical criteria BEFORE you hit the sheets.

I know, this is not very popular advice. Obviously if you’re the “hit-it-and-quit-it” type, this won’t work.

But if you’re looking for something more, this may work for you.

Because while you’re filtering her based on non-sexual, non-physical criteria, something else is happening.

You’re building up a common experience. One of getting to know each other. One of spending time together based on the interaction between your brains. That is pretty rare these days.

It’s a lot of work, to be sure. And it will require a lot of “delayed gratification,” something most guys aren’t really capable of these days.

But if you ARE looking for something more permanent, this will help.

Are You Waiting For A Miracle?

Life Is A Journey, Not A Destination

Never Ending Journey

I remember once, a long time ago, I was hanging out in the physics lab at my uni.

All kinds of cool equipment.

The guy that was responsible for maintaining the equipment was “famous” for giving out wise advise. He’d been there a long time, had known a lot of professors, and had seen his share of students, both exceptionally brilliant and exceptionally average.

Anyhow, he gave me and my buddies a piece of advice I’ll never forget. One because it continues to be true, no matter how much experience I get and no matter much older I get.

Two because at the time it kind of shattered a “dream” that I had.

Being young and dumb, I thought that if I studied hard enough to get a degree, then I’d be on easy street.

I figured companies would want to hire me, then all I’d have to do is show up, work and get paid.

But what he said contradicted that “myth.”

He said life was like a poker game, and any degree, no matter how expensive or prestigious or highly regarded, was merely the “ante” into the poker game of life.

In case you’re not up on the poker lingo, an “ante” is the minimum first bet you need to play.

It’s not uncommon for poker games to start off with a dollar ante to end up with pots of several hundred, or several thousand dollars.

There I was, a young kid, thinking I’d get a degree, and I’d be on easy street.

But like I said, that’s been proven to be a myth, over and over again.

Now, this may seem like a horrible thing. Like life is one big con job where you are “tricked” into thinking that “all you have to do” is X, Y or Z, and you’ll just sit back and enjoy everything.

But the truth is, if life really WERE like that, it would be pretty boring.

It might seem like a relief if you suddenly came into a lot of money, but sitting around enjoying the good life would get REALLY monotonous after a while.

It may not seem like it, especially if you’re struggling, which a LOT of people are these days.

But it’s a well known and often proven fact that when people win the lottery, or otherwise come into a lot of money, it actually makes things a LOT worse.

So what’s the answer?

To realize that life is one long journey. A succession of smaller goals, that will all stack up into one magnificent creation. 

Not a “once and done” kind of thing.

A step by step, always learning, always growing, and always getting better kind of thing.

If you aren’t sure where to start, this will help:

Get In The Game

Are You Living In Past Generations?

Ready For Some Real Action?

A few generations ago, humans enjoyed a pretty nice sweet spot of history.

The industrial revolution was in full swing, wealth was increasing faster than it ever had since the dawn of time. New inventions were popping out every day making life easier and more affordable, and the population was starting to explode.

Back then, if you were a normal guy with a normal brain and a normal set of skills, you could get a decent job out of high school. So long as you showed up for work every day, and learned a bit as you went, you’d be in pretty good financial shape.

One income was enough to buy a house and a car, and your wife could stay home and watch the kids.

Meeting your wife (back then) was still tough. You still had to overcome approach anxiety, social scrutiny, the huge barrier of her parents. Not only that but the choices were pretty slim. (You certainly couldn’t hit the clubs every weekend and take home a new one nighter.)

Of course now, things are much, much different. Both in a bad way, AND in a much better way.

If you’re the kind of guy who thinks you just need to show up and get good jobs, loyal girls and affordable lifestyle, then life sucks right now. Really sucks.

But if you’re the guy willing to knuckle down and make his own way, there’s no better time in history than now.

Sure the economy is in the tank. Sure it’s hard to find a decent,  old fashioned girl.

But guess what?

Since most guys aren’t willing to do what it takes, that means those that ARE willing to will have a HUGE advantage.

Like I said, it’s not nearly as easy as it used to be. Back then, you just went with the flow and you were good.

Nowadays, you’ve got to be a nimble free agent able to shift in a moment’s notice. More than ever, you’ve got to OWN your life, rather than merely be a participant.

You’ve got to take responsibility for EVERYTHING that happens to you, whether it’s under your control or not.

If you get caught out in the rain, you can curse the gods all you want. But it’s still going to rain.

How you RESPOND to the rain makes all the difference.

Complaining about the state of affairs isn’t a very good strategy.

It’s easy, and everybody can do it.

And the laws of economics say that if everybody can do it, it ain’t worth much.

Are you willing to take responsibility?

Are you willing to OWN your life?

If you are, glory awaits.

Are You Afraid Of Non-Barking Invisible Dogs?

Only In Your Mind

Do Imaginary Fears Rule Your Life?

Once, way back in high school, I came up against fear, and the fear won.

Me and my buddy had been watching some vids, and drinking a few beers.

His parents were out of town, and there these houses being constructed nearby.

We’d decided we would go check them out. They were just frames at this point.

It was night, and very windy. We were walking through this skeleton neighborhood, when we saw this “shape” off in the distance.

In all likelihood, it was a pile of lumber that had a tarp tied down over it. But in the dead of night, with the wind howling, we imagined it was a huge mean guard dog. (Why it didn’t bark didn’t come up in our terrified high school minds).

Instead of going to check it out, we talked ourselves into going back to the safety of the couch and the TV.

We told each other stories why it wasn’t a good idea to be out anyway. Why it was better to stay safely in familiar territory, rather than explore the scary unknown.

We convinced ourselves that going back to finish watching whatever videos we’d rented (filled with predictable plot lines where the heroes safely beat the bad guys) was the logical choice. 

The good choice. The right choice.

But the reality was that we simply came up against an unknown. We turned that unknown into something horrible, in our mind, and refused to face it.

We decided it was better to embrace a known safety, made up by somebody else (the videos) than to face an unknown risk, made up by our own minds.

This is very, very common. We humans do it all the time. We convince ourselves we’re doing the right thing. The logical thing. 

But are we?

Nobody got rich by taking the safest path. Nobody built a business by avoiding risk. Nobody ever created a wonderfully fulfilling relationship by avoiding potential rejection.

Of course, we were just kids, out exploring. We weren’t looking for hidden treasure or secret love.

But you’d be surprised how often those things show up out of nowhere.

Love, money, employment, friends, relationships. None of these really show up exactly how we think they will.

Which means in order to really get the good stuff in life, we’ve always got to be open.

Hard to do when you turn tail and run at the first sign of trouble, like me and my buddy.

What about you?

Are you ready to embrace risk, uncertainty, and potential setbacks?

Or would you rather stay where it’s safe and predictable?

If you’re ready to move forward, this will help:

The Best Girl Problem To Have

When You Come To A Fork In The Road - Take It!

Should You Stay Or Should You Go?

Most guys would love to find a happy attractive girl to call their own. And be the happy attractive guy the girl calls her own.

Yet many guys run into all kinds of trouble when figuring out how to make that happen.

From a structural level, it’s pretty simple. First, figure out what you’re looking for. Looks, personality, family background, religion, politics, etc. Make a list of deal-makers and deal-breakers.

Once you’ve got a reasonable list, start sorting. 

How do you sort? 

Talk to any girl you see who might fit your criteria. Of course, one of your criteria MUST be that she be attracted to you, or else what’s the point?

Otherwise it’d be like trying to buy something that you simply can’t afford.

Now, if you did this, a couple of interesting things would happen.

You may start off realizing that your game absolutely sucks. Meaning that every single girl you talk to looks like she’s about to call the cops.

Now, at this point, two things would happen. You COULD decide women are all bitches, join your local MGTOW group and start building models or something.

OR you could decide to improve your game.

How?

This is the beauty of human behavior. You don’t really need to know how. All you need to know is what you did didn’t work. So all you’ve got to do is do something different.

Start with different openers, or ice breakers. Change your clothes. Wear a different cologne. Anything.

And pretty soon you’ll start to notice small improvements. More and more girls will be interested in you. And some will begin to meet your criteria.

This is when something else pretty cool happens. The more skills you develop, the tighter your criteria will be.

A guy who’s never even kissed a girl will have completely different criteria than a guy that talks to and dates a whole range of women.

As your experience, confidence, and skill set grows, as will your criteria.

And pretty soon you’ll come to a very NICE problem to have.

Should you KEEP improving yourself, or should you pick ONE girl and stick with her?

Only you can answer that. But it’s certainly a nice problem to have.

But you’ll NEVER run into this problem if you remove yourself from the game completely.

How long should you spend going through this process?

Well, think about the benefits. A partner for life who will have your back through thick and thin, and you hers.

Don’t rush the process. Take your time. 

Enjoy your life, enjoy your skills. And enjoy the game.

Why You Shouldn’t Talk Like A Gangster

Don't Look At The Finger, Look Where It's Pointing

Don’t Copy The Finger

There’s all kinds of funny alien type movies that play off a common riff.

They have some kind of advanced technology, but all they know about Earth people is from one or two TV shows they’ve watched.

One episode of Star Trek, for example, they found a whole planet of people that modeled themselves after old gangster movies.

This is pretty funny when it’s put into a goofy alien sci-fi movie, but we do it all the time.

Not walk around talking like gangsters, but we completely miss the structure, and focus on the content.

Now, most people don’t even know the difference between structure and content, let alone know how to separate the two.

Let’s say you wanted to start a business. So you figured you’d “reverse engineer” the most successful business you could find.

Great idea, right?

So you head down to the mall, and ask the guy in charge who has the most successful shop.

And up you go, to find out everything you can about her shop, so you can do the same.

So far so good?

You see she’s got a yellow colored sign in front, so you get a yellow colored sign.

You see she’s next to an ice cream shop, so you figure you’ve got to set up next to an ice cream shop.

You notice she’s got some guy in front dressed like a panda, so you do the same.

The trouble with “reverse engineering” things like this is that most of what we see on the outside, are a RESULT of what’s on the inside.

We see the EFFECT, and not the CAUSE.

That person’s belief about themselves. That person’s ability to understand people’s needs and come up with a solution. That person’s ability to keep trying, accepting feedback, and adjusting her shop until it matches perfectly with the customer’s needs.

Not the color of her sign.

Wanna know the REAL secret of life?

That it’s an INSIDE game first, and then it manifests in the outer world.

If you start outside and work your way, you’ll have some rough going.

One of the most important qualities you can have is self confidence.

Without that, you won’t be able to talk to people to find out what they want.

You won’t be able to keep trying and “failing” until you get closer and closer.

But with self confidence, ANYTHING is possible.

Just start trying things. Improve on what works.

Not only will you be successful, but people will start copying YOU.

Should You Go Your Own Way?

Do You Really Want To Give Up A Chance of Intimacy?

Be Careful Of Rash Decisions

Many men these days have voluntarily taken themselves out of the game.

And that’s a shame. Because getting together with a girl who’s into you as much as you are into her is a feeling matched by no other.

Unfortunately, it’s getting harder and harder to create that “special relationship.”

Or is it?

The human mind is incredibly complex and has all kinds of programmed thinking routines, most of them subconscious, to protect the ego.

One of those is the “sour grapes” mindset. You see something you want, but you can’t get it, so you convince yourself that you don’t want it.

This is easy to do, and it’s essential.  Since by very nature, (and economic law) humans are hard wired to have unlimited wants, yet we live in a world where things are scarce.

Which means we’ll necessarily want things that we can’t get. That is simply baked into the cake of life on Earth.

Now, throughout the long course of evolution, Mother Nature has made it easy on us.

Think of it this way. If we had to spend our lives chasing things that we wanted, but mostly couldn’t get, that would suck. Really suck.

In fact, there was probably a race of cavemen way back in the day that went after animals, couldn’t get them, and then moped around for days, or even weeks.

Since those guys never got laid, and didn’t get a chance to pass on those “we suck” genes, those dudes were eliminated from the gene pool.

So here we are, a couple hundred thousand years later, easily able to con ourselves.

“Did you get that girls number?”

“No, but she smokes, and she seems like a bitch.”

“Wow man, you really dodged a bullet!”

That way, we can make an easy recovery, and quickly set our sites on the next target.

Unless we give up completely.

It’s one thing to convince ourselves that any particular woman is undesirable (in order to protect our ego from the pain of rejection) but it’s something else completely to convince ourselves that ALL WOMEN are undesirable.

Now, aside from any economic arguments (divorce, child support, etc), you still can find some women that fit your criteria, so long you don’t give up.

To be sure, meeting girls shouldn’t be the number one priority in your life. But the idea of meeting women shouldn’t be off the table completely.

So long as you’ve got some solid criteria, as well as some decent sorting and qualifying skills, you won’t run into too much trouble.

After all, having options is much better than not having options.

And if you remove yourself from the dating pool completely, you are pretty much cutting off the option of meeting a nice lady to keep you happy for any span of time.

Just something to consider.

mindpersuasion.com

How To Enjoy Failure For More Success

Failure Is Fun!

Embrace Failure

Most of us hate to go backwards.

I remember I used to go hiking a lot, where we were carrying about 40 pounds of gear and food on our backs.  Sometimes we’d go “off trail” to get to a really good fishing spot, or to climb to the top of a peak.

And sometimes we’d get halfway there, only to realize we were on the wrong path. Which meant we had to backtrack a mile or so, and then start over.

Not a pleasant discovery when you’re carrying your home on your back!

When doing anything, it really, really sucks to find out you’ve been “doing it wrong,” and that you’ve got to “back up” and start over again.

Even if you go back to the beginning of a certain step (rather than the absolute beginning) it really sucks.

A common thing is to simply ignore the “mistakes” and keep forging forward.

Of course, from a purely objective standpoint, this only  makes it worse. But when you’re deep in the mix, it’s hard to see the forest for the trees.

This is why it’s CRUCIAL to accept that the “two steps forward, one step back” idea is essential.

Now, we all have it programmed into our brains by well meaning adults (parents, teachers, coaches, etc) that failure is to be avoided at all costs.

But without failure, there’s really no learning.

Before we learned HOW to learn (meaning before we had any idea of school or anything) we NATURALLY learned by trial and “error.” By taking two steps forward, and LITERALLY falling on our faces.

This is how EVERYBODY learns to walk.

And if was fun. 

Until we grow up and get that idea that “failure is bad” in our heads.

But the REAL CREATORS of society, those who build amazing machines, beautiful artwork, fantastic medical discoveries, they KNOW that failure is crucial.

They know that in order to double your success rate, all you’ve got to do is double your failure rate.

For example, many guys like to fancy themselves as “pick up artists,” able to sweet talk women into their beds.

They talk about how many “lays” they’ve got, or how many “number closes” they’ve got.

But the REAL question that REAL players ask, is, “How often have you been rejected?”

Now, this is not an easy thing to swallow. Most of us hold out to some imaginary magical system (wealth, girls, health, whatever) that will eliminate any failure, and give us instant success without much effort.

But the ONLY way to get better at ANYTHING is to fall on your face, pick yourself, and learn from what just happened.

If you’re only focused on the short term, this is pretty scary.

But if you’ve trained your brain to always look at the big picture, this is pretty easy. It can be just as fun as when you were a kid, learning to walk.