Monthly Archives: March 2015

The Process Of Dating

The Never Ending Process Of Relationship Building

Flow Power

What’s the difference between a process and an outcome?

One way to describe them is that the process is a way to get an outcome. Or you may say that a process is made of many, many outcomes that lead to a greater outcome.

Or you may say that a process is a consistently evolving system based on tons of interdependent variables and feedback loops. An outcome is an event in time or a thing.

Take rain and the weather, for example. The weather is always changing, always in flux, and always feeding back into itself. The amount of variables are few, and are inorganic. Pressure, wind speed, heat, humidity, that’s about it. 

The outcome is the weather event. Rain, snow hail, whatever. Of course, each event, if you drill down into the time span is a process unto itself. The process of rain can cause all kinds of events, or outcomes. And in turn, they themselves are processes that create outcomes.

The weather is the process that creates an outcome of rain. Rain is a process that creates an outcome of wet soil. We soil is a process that leads to mature corn. Mature corn is a process than turns into popcorn. And and on. In reality, there’s not a hard limit between any process, and any outcome.

It all depends on your frame of reference.

One life long process that many guys treat as an outcome is male and female interactions.

Even within a relationship, a happy committed relationship, the process is ALWAYS changing. The needs, wants, desires, subjective beliefs and values of each person are ALWAYS changing.

Once you get past that lovey dovey super sex part, a real relationship takes a ton of work. Real work, not just check-the-boxes-off-a-list work.

That’s why so many relationships fail. Neither person is willing to put in any work after the lovey dovey sex magic ends, and the real give and take begins.

Of course, if all you care about is the lovey dovey super sex part, and you’re happy to be a serial monogamist your entire life, more power to you. Plenty of people are happy with that, men and women.

But if you want something more, you’ve got to understand that ALL aspects of human relationships RARELY leave the process stage.

Unless you’re at a funeral, and your throwing dirt on a dead dude in a box.

So next time your out in a social setting, and you see some girl you’d like to talk to, think of your potential interaction with her as one long process.

Instead of saying, “how can I GET some of that,” which implies you’re going after some static “thing,” think more in process terms.

“How can I create a sustained interaction with that person that will satisfy both of our wants and needs in a way that will make us both better off than we are now?”

Or if that sentence is too long, how about this one:

“I wonder if we can build something together.”

Try this, and see what happens.

The Myth Of Your Potential

Can You Reach The Top?

Was Maslow Mistaken?

What does it mean to be “self-actualized?”

This, of course, comes from Maslow. But how did he come up with the idea, and how did he arrive that now famous pyramid?

If you’ve read about NLP, then you know about “modeling.” It’s the best way to learn something.

It’s how all of us learned to walk, talk, etc. We basically copied those around us.

The original NLP guys basically took this process and modeled how really persuasive people talk and behave. Then they came up with a way to apply this modeling model.

Which is why some call NLP the “study of excellence.” Meaning you see somebody doing what you want, and you simply copy them until you get it right.

And this is precisely what Maslow did.

He chose a lot of high performing individuals of his day, and simply tried to figure out made them tick.

He categorized them based on their level of “performance,” and came up with his “hierarchy.”

At the top, of course, is “self actualization.”

So, what were the people doing whom he labeled as “self actualized?”

Were they meditating in caves? Sitting in the middle of the desert in the lotus position while the rain mysteriously fell around them?

Nope.

They were doing things. Making things. Writing things.

Now, here’s a mind bending question for you.

If you were to go back in time, find one of those “self actualized” people that Maslow found, and asked them these questions:

“Have you learned all you will ever learn? Are your skills as good as they are going to get? Can you now rest, since you’ve reached Nirvana?”

What do you think they would have said?

I’m going to guess that they would have said a big, fat, obvious NO to all those questions.

Whatever project they were working on, I’m sure they knew deep in their bones there was MORE to do. MORE to create.

Think about this statement:

“Reach Your Potential.”

Is that even possible? Once you get to a certain level, then what? Retire down to Florida and drink ice tea?

Nope. Once you get to a certain level, WHATEVER that is, you just reach higher.

The truth is you will ALWAYS be looking to improve yourself, as you should.

Unless, of course, you’re HAPPY where you are now. You DON’T want any more.

Those “self actualized” people were DOING THINGS.

They were creators. Builders. Artists. Scientists. 

What do YOU wan to do?

How To Practice Social Skills

Drill Baby Drill!

How To Consistently Increase Your Skills

Most people have a belief that they’ll be able to “step up to the plate” when the time comes.

When it comes to girls, this is a very convenient lie guys tell themselves. They see a girl across the room they’d like to get to know, but then they feel a bit of anxiety. Since they don’t want to admit to themselves (and most likely can’t) that they’d like to, but they can’t because they’re too afraid, their hamster starts spinning.

They figure out SOMETHING about her that disqualifies her. Then they tell themselves that since she’s not really his type, he won’t bother going over there. This is a very quick self-deception that happens in a couple seconds, before he even knows what’s going on.

The human brain is ultra quick, and ultra sneaky when it comes to protecting the ego.

The the guy says something like, “Well, of course, I’m nervous, but if I ever DO see a girl that’s my type, I’ll have NO PROBLEM walking over there. Until then, I’m a super ninja observer of society.”

Unless you’re dating several super models and you’re super happy with your relationships with females, you’re likely doing this all the time. This is common, and all people do it.

How can you avoid this? Or at least diminish the effect it has on your ability to talk to cute girls you MIGHT find interesting?

Practice.

As important as getting into a decent relationship is, and as dependent on social skills as that is, few people feel the need to “practice” social skills.

But think of something similar, like public speaking. People realize that if they become better and more comfortable at public speaking, they’ll make more money, and have more job opportunities. So they practice.

Just like anything you want to get better at, the more you practice, they better you’ll get.

Why should talking to girls, or people in general, be any different.

How do you practice?

Simply take whatever level you’re good at, and push the comfort zone a bit. Then practice like anything else. Choose 30 minutes, where you’ll do nothing but practice.

Just like you’d spend 30 minutes practicing scales on the piano, or down at the dojo or the gym. You don’t practice the piano or martial arts whenever you have the opportunity, do you? No, you make time to practice. And when you practice, you drill yourself.

Do the same with girls.

Pick something you’d like to get better at. Approaching, opening, flirting, whatever.

Then choose a certain amount of time, every single day, and practice doing that. Only that. Nothing more. Nothing less.

When that (whatever it is) becomes so easy it’s boring, start practicing something a little bit harder.

Einstein’s Secret Weapon

Leverage This Double Edged Sword

Revealed Mysteries Of Mathematics

According to Einstein, what’s the most powerful force in the world?

Compound interest.

There’s a story of a clever scientist who did a job for a foolish yet rich king.

The king asked him how much he wanted in payment, and the scientist proposed this:

Day one you place one grain of rice on a chessboard square. The next day you place two grains on the next chess board square. Then double the rice grains each day until the board is filled.

No problem, said the king, thinking the scientist was an idiot.

64 Days later, the scientist owned the entire kingdom.

Why? If you double each grain of rice, each day, after 64 days, you’d have more rice than exists in the world.

Of course, compound interest can work the other way as well.

If you’ve got credit cards, for example, it doesn’t take long to get into trouble.

Plenty of people get so far in the hole they can barely pay the minimum payment, which amounts to ONLY the interest.

Which means their balance never decreases.

I know these aren’t fun ideas to think about.

Imagine if you were buying a pair of pants, and they didn’t show you the actual price, they showed you the total price after putting in on your credit card and letting the interest going up for a few years!

Why don’t they do this?

Why don’t they teach us about interest rates in school? 

Maybe they don’t want us to know. Maybe they want us to be debt slaves our entire lives.

Here’s something else to consider.

Suppose you increased your skills by a certain percent each year.

This works the same way as numbers, rice grains and money.

Let’s say your level of skill (in any area) was X.

And let’s say you increased your skill by 50% each year.

After the first year, your skill would be 1.5X.

After the second year, your skill would be 2.25X. 

Three years: 3.4X

Four years: 5X

In just four years (I know that seems like a long time) your skills in ANY AREA would be FIVE TIMES what they are now.

Money making skills, relationship building skills, business starting skills.

Maybe THIS is why they don’t want us to learn about compound interest.

Just imagine if you focused on ONE skill for the next five years or so.

What would be able to do then? What would your life look like?

Where would you live? Who would you spend your time with?

What skills do YOU want to learn?

Get Started:

Prosperity Generator

How To Radiate Confidence and Attraction

Don't Make This Mistake

Ditch The Nice Guy Routine

One of the most attractive things in a person is congruence. If you want to do better with the ladies, all you’ve got to do is increase your congruence.

What is congruence? Basically it means being your true, honest self. Now, this doesn’t mean blurting out whatever comes to your mind. But it does mean not hiding your emotions, intentions and desires.

Many guys, when talking to girls, tend to hold back. They’re afraid of rejection, afraid of offending her and ruining their chances, or maybe even saying something silly.

So they pretend to be somebody they’re nice. Many guys go too far in the opposite direction. They’re so worried about offending her, that they become overly nice. This is the stereotypical “nice guy” that girls don’t like. In fact, they despise them.

Not because they are mean, or they’d rather date some biker who just escaped from prison. It’s because they don’t trust him. Maybe consciously he seems OK. But on a subconscious level, he’s sending some creepy vibe. Some vibe that says “I’d really like to have sex with you but I’m pretending really hard that I just want to be your friend.”

Sex is natural, normal and healthy. Sexual desire is natural, normal and healthy.

Yea, but what about that time you were checking a girl and she gave you a dirty look?

She gave you a dirty look not because you were checking her out, but because you were checking her out while feeling like you were doing something wrong. You judged yourself before she got a chance to. Since you yourself felt you were doing something wrong, so did she.

That’s why some guys can seemingly get away with murder. They talk raunchy, tell dirty jokes, and have no problem talking about sexual topics.

Since they accept these as normal things, so does she.

She’d LOVE IT if you talked to her like you talk to your buddies. Relaxed, confident, playfully teasing her, and generally  having a good tie.

So, back to that hard to define word, “congruence.”

Simply accept your desires. Don’t be afraid to look at girls, and let them know through your eye contact and self confidence that you like what you see.

Do this, and you’ll be miles ahead of all the other clowns out there.

Make Them Go Crazy For You

All Energy in One Place

Secrets Of Linguistic Congruence

One of the most compelling traits somebody can have is congruence.

This is something you’ve no doubt heard of. But it’s also one of those vague words that’s pretty hard to pin down.

For example, if you were at some seminar listening to some guru speak, and he was going on and on about the importance of “congruence,” everybody would be nodding their heads in agreement.

Only problem is that just like politicians, spitting out some vague, nice sounding words is great, until you need to know exactly what’s being said.

So, what EXACTLY does congruence mean?

Technically, from a purely mathematical standpoint, it means “parallel” or “mirror image.”

On a personal, internal level, it means having all “parts” of you on the same page, or pointing in the same direction.

For example, if part of you wanted to go out, while another part of you wanted to stay home, you could say you were “incongruent” in your plans.

Politicians that say things to get elected, but don’t really believe are “incongruent” in their delivery.

Often times we believe something on one level, but not another. Which means we’re projecting an “incongruent” message without knowing it.

We think we are speaking some truth, but others suspect something’s up.

One way this can present itself is when we’re talking to others, and “pretending” that they are making a good point, or that we understand what they are saying, when we’re really not.

If this happens to us, it’s not a very good feeling. It almost feels as if like somebody’s being just a bit condescending, or they think we’re silly on some level.

The truth is that unless you’re talking to your best friend from kindergarten, with whom you’ve buried bodies and shared a prison cell, you’re going to be incongruent on some level.

This is precisely where ultra charismatic and magnetic people get their energy from. They don’t really HAVE any extra energy.

They’re just taking ALL their energy, and focusing it on whomever they’re speaking with. They can suspend disbelief, they ditch any ideas they have on the subject.

They make the person they are speaking with feel absolutely comfortable sharing their deepest secrets.

Because this is NOT some kind of trick or manipulation. This is genuine, honest, congruent focus on the other person.

Which means they FEEL THIS on a deep level.

And when you can take THEIR ideas, and wrap them in these language patterns, and give them back to them, they will feel even better.

If you want, they’ll follow you to the ends of the Earth.

Learn More:

Covert Hypnosis

How To Fire Up Her Feelings 

Dial Up Her Attraction

How To Find Her Triggers

If you want to get a girl interested in you, she’s got to feel good feelings when she thinks about you.

Now, this seems pretty obvious, and pretty straightforward, but some guys tend to miss this.

Meaning they think that girls are like some robots. Incredibly complicated robots, but robots nonetheless. Meaning all you need to do is to say the right things, in the right order, and she’ll be yours forever.

Now, sure, there ARE some things that will get a girl to give you her phone number, date you, even sleep with you. But they don’t mean she’s feeling deep and irresistible feelings of attraction when she thinks about you.

Plenty of girls get married because the guy satisfies things on her consciously chosen list of items she needs to have in a mate. If you happen to have these things, and you show up at the right time, you may fit the suit, so to speak.

Sounds anti-romantic, but humans have been hooking up for a long, long time based on what we might call “business decisions.”

But if you want to be anything other than a Johnny Bravo lover, you’ve got to fire up her deep feelings of attraction.

And the actual triggers that will create these feelings are different in every single person, like it or not.

So, how do you find out what her individual triggers are?

Ask her!

No, not like that. Don’t just walk up and say, “What kinds of things do you need to feel before you fall head over heels in lust with a guy?” (But you my be surprised!)

But you CAN get her talking about things she’s interested in. It’s got to be normal, not like an interrogation. They have to come up naturally, not like they’re coming from a list in your head.

How do you do this?

You’ve got to have some basic conversational skills to begin with. And you’ve got to make the conversation focused on her more than you. Figure about 70/30.

Ask about her, ask for more information, then every once in a while share something similar about yourself. It’s got to be natural, it’s got to flow.

AND you have to have rapport with her. She’s got to feel comfortable talking to you.

And guess what?

No matter WHAT you do, you might not EVER be able to create rapport with her. All girls are different. You might not be her type. There could be a million reasons why she’s not feeling you right there and then.

So see the first few minutes of the conversation as more of a test. She’s testing you, and you’re testing her.

If she likes talking to you, you’ll know. She’ll give you long answers, will be animated and will look at you most of the time.

If she doesn’t like talking to you, you’ll also know. It will feel like pulling teeth, and her eyes will be wandering the room most of the time.

Once you figure out what’s what, keep going. With her, or with somebody else.

Dramatically Increase Your Charisma

How To Ride Into Their Minds

Ride The Fluidity Of Truth

Sometimes we get a powerful insight simply by looking at things from a different angle.

Ever since the dawn of “civilization,” (a word based on “civil” that means people that behave according to rational thinking and plans, rather than hunter-gatherer instincts,) justice has always been an ideal.

In pretty much all societies, the idea of having a trial to get to the truth is essential.

Since everybody has a different view on what happened, it’s important to get as many different viewpoints as possible.

Ideally, an impartial group of people, or an impartial judge, will consider all the evidence, which is usually testimony from all the people involved, and come to a rational decision that’s fair.

The whole existence of such a system, that shows up in pretty much all cultures, is an indication that ONE person’s viewpoint is flawed. We always look out to the world through our own lens of biases, fears, subjective beliefs, and desires.

This happens in every single conversation we have with others.

We think we’re making our point perfectly clear, but the other person just doesn’t “get it.”

Of course, they likely think we’re nuts and aren’t making any sense, and we’re the ones who don’t “get it.”

Most people simply assume that their point of view is the RIGHT point of view, and everybody else is wrong.

Just realizing that everybody has their own “version” of the truth is going to put you WAY ahead of everybody else, in terms of communication effectiveness.

And if you take the time to actually listen to and understand what other people are saying, something pretty amazing will happen.

They will suddenly see you in a new light.

You won’t be like everybody else who is only imposing truth. You won’t be simply waiting for a hole in the conversation so you can give even more evidence of your “correct-ness.”

You’ll actually be listening to them, and getting them to talk about what’s important to them. The unmet needs they have. The desires they have.

And when they’re seeing you through the lens of their desires, needs etc, (not somebody who is withstanding their truth, but somebody who is actively seeking it) you will suddenly have a huge amount of charisma and personal magnetism.

This is quite an interesting shift, one that few people will ever experience.

That’s why using these language patterns are so powerful. They’ll let you slowly and carefully open them up, so they’ll eagerly share their truth with you.

And never forget you.

Learn How:

Covert Hypnosis

How To Lead Her

How To Lead Her

The Goldilocks Strategy

Most guys know, at least instinctively, that in order to create attraction, real attraction, in a woman, you’ve got to lead her. But beyond that, it’s kind of fuzzy.

If you go too far, you come across as some insecure, knuckle dragging psycho who most girls normal girls don’t want anything to with.

Not far enough, and you come across as a pushover, like most guys today.

What does “lead her” even mean, any way? It could mean to physically lead her across the room. It could mean lead the conversation. But what happens when she tries to go her own way, as most normal people do? Sure, must guys think they’d like some super obedient girl who would eagerly follow all their orders.

But if you actually met a girl like this, you’d be turned off in a hurry. She would seem like she’s escaped from the nut house, just after receiving her daily injection of whatever drugs they give people in those places to keep them passive.

So no matter HOW you are going to lead her, she’s going to resist. She HAS to resist. The more she resists, the  more you can prove to her how strong you are.

How do you do this? One way to NOT do this is to get angry, either at her, yourself, or the world. It’s not HER job to follow you. It’s your job to lead her.

Another way to NOT do this is to collapse in a puddle of hurt feelings and close down.

Another way to NOT do this is to give up completely, and let her lead.

Believe it or not, girls don’t really like a guy much who NEVER leads, and ALWAYS defers to them. It may make them look good to their friends, and it make not create stress, but it won’t create any attraction.

So, how DO you lead? Well, you first need to go where you’re going. This means you’ve got to have an intention for the particular girl you’re talking to.

Now, this can get confusing. As I’m sure you’ve heard, you need to be “outcome independent” when talking to a girl.

This means you shouldn’t choose an outcome that REQUIRES her compliance, BEFORE you meet her.

But you still need an intention.

It’s kind of like goal setting. When you set goals, you need to make sure they are under your control. If you’re goal depends on other people doing things, you’re going to run into trouble.

But you STILL need to have a intention when talking to her.

It could be to find out if she’s interested in you. It could be to ASK for her number, not necessarily get it.

It could be to try kino three times within ten minutes, NOT to get a certain response from her.

So long as you’ve got an intention, that is based on YOUR actions, you’re doing pretty good.

Stick to them, and you’ll be doing better than most guys.

How To Open Up Their Treasure

Stay Away From Features and Benefits

No Memorized Sales Pitches

Once I had this sales job where we had to memorize this long, long pitch.

They wouldn’t even let us out in the field (it was an in-home sales job) unless we could successfully demonstrate the pitch to our boss.

I had other sales jobs with similar structures.  They give you a pitch, a phone and a list of numbers, and away you go.

From a big picture standpoint, this is a pretty efficient way sell stuff, especially if the salespeople are getting commissions as part of their salary.

I’ve worked in other sales jobs that were purely hourly wage, and people learned pretty quickly it didn’t matter if anybody signed up or bought anything. Then the ones that could, simply said the same, boring, pitch over and over without a care in the world, and collected a check every week.

Funny thing was, even THOSE folks still sold stuff.

Studies have shown that with even a halfway decent pitch, and a halfway decent product, about one or two percent of the population will buy something.

From a management perspective, it’s just about getting the numbers right. If you’ve got a hundred people making calls, you’ll get one sale for every minute (or however long it takes to make one call). If that’s enough to pay the rent, electricity, and minimum wage salary of all the phone-robots, then you make money.

Of course, on a personal level, this is not the best job. It’s pretty close to the worse job you could get. 

For every ONE sale,  you’re going to get 99 people that DON’T buy. And out of them, you’ll get five or ten people that get REALLY angry that you called them.

This is why people seem to cringe whenever they hear anything related to sales, or selling, or even persuasion.

Because for most people’s experience, BOTH sides of the coin absolutely SUCK.

However, you still need to persuade people. Doesn’t matter who you are, or what you want to do.

Even convincing your buddy to go to Bar X instead of Bar Y will take some influencing skills.

The good news is that influencing people doesn’t HAVE to be like that robotic hellish experience.

It can be fun, easy and the person you’re persuading will be GLAD you did so.

How?

When most of those phone robots sell anything, they spit out a bunch of “benefits” or try to hit a bunch of “triggers.”

But when you persuade on a one-to-one level, in a way where you WANT to see the other person better off (and you better off as well), you NEVER lead with what you want.

It’s always much, much easier to start out talking to people about what THEY want.

And since most people NEVER do this, you’ll seem like an open window inside a smoke filled phone room.

And once you get them going about what THEY want, they’ll be much, much more eager to help you get what you want.

And if what you want is to make them happier? Even better.

To learn how do to this, check this out:

Covert Hypnosis