Monthly Archives: March 2015

What Makes A Natural A Natural?

What's The Difference Between Cause and Effect?

Cause vs. Effect

When guys that are naturals easily pick up girls, what’s the driving force? What’s the main ingredient? If you were to reverse engineer the process, which would you think was the most important?

His clothes? His language? His use of humor? His money? The angle at which he approaches her? 

If this is all you were focused on, you’d be missing the big picture. And the main ingredient.

It helps to understand the idea of cause and effect. This is something we all know about, but often times we misunderstand which is which.

We see two things happening, one right after the other. And we naturally assume that which happened first is causing that which happened second. This is a common conclusion, and it’s often very wrong.

Sure, it helped us out back when we were cavemen, but not so much any more. Most things that happen in our modern world are way to complex to be put into simple, cause and effect relationships.

Now, consider the language a natural uses. Is it a cause or an effect? It’s an effect of his inner state. If his inner state is relaxed and confident, he’s going to choose certain words and phrases over certain other words and phrases. He won’t be afraid of telling her certain jokes, or making certain remarks.

Now consider his language and her natural feelings of attraction. If her feelings of attraction are an effect, what is the cause? Most people assume it’s his language. If they copy his language, they’ll get the same effect, right?

Not so fast.

What’s likely the cause of her feelings of attraction is a mixture of his internal state, AND his exterior behavior. How much of each? Most of it comes from his internal state. It’s really impossible to say how much, since these things are always in flux.

But it’s safe to say that the majority of the cause is his internal state.

Which means if you copy his external behavior EXACTLY, you’re still missing a huge piece of the puzzle. Which means you won’t create nearly as much attraction in as many girls as you’d like.

But with an internal state much like his, the external behavior (which is an effect of the internal state) would take care of itself.

So if you want to get the results of a natural, you’ve got to reproduce the internal state of a natural. Somebody who is confident. Somebody who feels comfortable in all social situations. Somebody who doesn’t put too much attachment to any particular outcome.

If you can do that, EVERYTHING in life will become easier. Not just talking to girls.

How To Master Both Sides Of Language

Become A Natural Persuader

Powers Of Persuasion

What’s the purpose of language?

Most people assume it’s just to convey information. Like handing somebody the sports page, or giving directions to a lost stranger.

However, many psychologists believe that the purpose of language is really persuasion.

We’ve got some idea in our heads, and we need to get that idea out of our heads, and into the heads of others.

We use language as a tool to do that. To the extent we can describe our ideas accurately and specifically enough, in a way that other people can understand, we can move those ideas out of our brains and into the brains of others.

But in reality, that’s only half the battle. What we REALLY want is for the other person to DO something.

Even if it’s something as simple as laughing at our corny jokes.

We’re really after BEHAVIOR, and our language is a tool to get that.

You call your buddy and you want to convince him to come over and play video games.

You walk up to that guy or girl and you want him or her to take an interest in you.

You talk to your boss and you want him to give you more money.

You talk to your spouse and you want him to do the dishes, or change the channel.

Whenever we do this, we are combining the STRUCTURE of our language, with the idea itself, or the content.

Now, if you’ve got some really good content (the idea you are trying to convey) you don’t need to worry about structure (how you actually say it).

If your neighborhood bar is selling beers for only five cents until midnight, you don’t need to do any persuading.

You text your buddies, saying “Beer’s only $.05 till midnight at X bar,” and that’s all you need.

This is when the message sells itself.

Other times, it’s not so easy. Just think if you could text your boss, “I need more money,” and that’d be that!

Whenever the idea, or the behavior you’re after isn’t going to happen just because of your idea, then you need to do some persuading.

But here’s the good news.

With even a normal, every day idea (“lets play video games,” “I’d like your phone number,” “I’d like a raise,”) put inside of some powerful STRUCTURE, it can become the most compelling idea there is.

Meaning whomever you deliver it to will eagerly do whatever you want.

Now, this DOES take practice, but once you build up this skill, you’ll have some ultra ninja verbal technology most people don’t even know exist.

Learn More:

Covert Hypnosis

Secrets Of Natural Seduction

Signs Are Everywhere

Respond To The Ever Present Signs

If you want to be a natural with the ladies, so you can more quickly find your dream girl, you’ve got to leave plenty of childhood ideas behind.

One thing that many guys complain about, when they’ve finished a date but haven’t been able to “close” effectively, is that they didn’t get any “green lights.”

Meaning they didn’t see any obvious signals that told them it was OK to lean in for the kiss or whatever.

Ideally, you need to get to the level where you can interpret signals that are kind of fuzzy. You’ll never get a girl looking straight at you and say, “Ok, you can kiss me now!” Unless you’re in some kind of goofy romance movie.

In reality, most of the signals will be fuzzy, and unclear. It’s your job, as a man, to notice those signals, and act on them. And to dial it back a little bit if you go too far.

Many guys don’t like hearing this. Many guys like to be told exactly what to do, exactly what signs to look for when it’s “safe” to kiss her, etc.

But if you wait for a sure thing, it’s never going to come.

Think of it like the stock market. There’s no sure thing. There’s no perfect set up. Any stock you buy can tank right away. Any stock you don’t buy can to straight to the moon. It’s your job as an investor to take a risk and pay close attention to the stock’s behavior after you buy it, and act accordingly.

Or think of it like a boxing match. Every single thing you do is based on what your opponent does. If what you’re doing isn’t working, you’ve got to change things up.

Imagine asking your boxing coach which specific moves to use, before the match even started. He’d look at you like you were nuts. You just get in there, throw a few punches, and see what happens.

How does this apply to dating, or pretty much the whole spectrum of male-female involvement?

The exact same way. There are ZERO guarantees. There’s no surefire, step by step method. There’s only those signals that girls are ALWAYS giving off. Then there’s your ability to interpret them, and then take a risk.

Then, just like the stock market, once you take a risk, you simply need to pay careful attention to how she responds, and act accordingly.

Are you getting more positive signals? Great, keep moving forward. Is she turning cold on you? Step back a bit and try something different.

Is there any way to predict how she’ll respond to you? None whatsoever. It’s all based on you, her, and the energy between you. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. 

So long as you keep playing the game, it’s all good.

Are You Frustrated By Your Jigsaw Puzzle?

Understand The Deep Structure

How To Practice Deep Structure

Sometimes you can tell a lot more about what’s unsaid, than what IS said.

Or HOW it is said.

It’s been said that it’s not the notes that make the music, but the spaces in between.

Language is the same way.

Long ago, Chomsky discovered the difference between “surface structure” and “deep structure.”

Now, this was kind of misinterpreted, and applied in places where it didn’t really belong. They even changed the names to “d-structure” and “s-structure” to avoid confusion.

But it doesn’t take away from the idea that there’s the words we say on top, and the meaning we are trying to represent with those words.

Even if you’ve got some brilliant ideas, you’ve got to get them out of your head, through that very small “language filter” and into the heads of others so they not only understand your ideas, but see the value in them.

If you’ve ever thought of something brilliant to say, only to spit out a bunch of jumbled word salad, then you know this isn’t easy.

If you told your friends you were studying “language” they would assume you were studying for a trip to a foreign country, or some class.

If you told them you were studying English, they’d think you were nuts.

Which is why when you DO make it a point to “practice” how you use your words, you’ll have a HUGE advantage over everybody else.

The trick is to first get them talking about what they want, the things they like. Then take your message, WHATEVER it is, and phrase in a way that’s a perfect fit for their brain.

If you’ve ever been in sales, you know it’s a numbers game. Or at least that’s what they tell us. Sure, if you spit out the same memorized pitch to every potential customer, you DO have to rely on numbers.

Kind of like having ONE jigsaw puzzle piece and trying to find a “natural fit.”

But if you take the time to not only elicit what’s important to your customers (or friends or potential lovers) AND structure your communication so they’ll hear it based on what’s important to THEM, then you’ll be in pretty good shape.

Meaning you can take your jigsaw puzzle piece and change it however you want, so it will fit wherever you want.

To learn how to do this, check this out:

Conversational Hypnosis

How To Be Your Own Dating Coach

Drill Yourself To Seduction Genius

Turn Weaknesses Into Strengths

Most guys do very well when they have a “dating coach.”

But the reason isn’t why most people think. Dating coaches don’t know anything more than your random Internet Keyboard jockey. 

But what they DO do (if they are worth their fees) is keep you honest.

When you think about it, most coaches are like this. Even sports coaches. Some of the greatest coaches of all time were lousy players. They aren’t great coaches because of their playing skills. They are great coaches because they have an objective view of their players. Their strengths, their weaknesses. And most crucially, specific exercises to turn their weaknesses into strengths.

So if you were to hire an expensive dating coach, this is what they’d do. They’d ask you about your strengths and weaknesses. The part of dating that is easy, and the part that is hard. Then they’d simply give you homework assignments, to keep practicing the hard stuff, until it becomes easy.

Then you’d just keep getting better and better. Then they’d help you elicit the criteria that is most important to you in finding your ideal dream girl. Then they’d help you come up with strategies and techniques to “test her” for those criteria without spending a lot of time and money. Usually on the first couple of dates.

How much would a coach like this cost? Probably a few thousand dollars. How long would it take? Maybe a few months.

And for a lot of guys, this would be money well spent. Think about it, if you could spend five grand, and be pretty much guaranteed that within six months you’d be in a relationship with your dream girl, wouldn’t it be worth it?

What’s that? Don’t have five grand laying around. No problem!

Why?

Because you can be your own coach.

You’ve just got to create some “space” to be a coach, and then use the rest of the time to be a “player.”

How do you do that?

First, you’ve got to identify your strengths and weaknesses. Then, as a coach, you’ve got to give yourself assignments. Do this at night. Daily journaling is a great way to do this.

Simply write down anything you did to further your skills. Then write down something you could do the very next day that would further them even more. Do this while being completely objective.

Then simply take that as your next day’s assignment. Some days you’ll do fine. Some days you won’t. Big deal.

But you’ll continue to make forward progress.

This does require you be honest with yourself. And this does require you actually DO your daily assignments.

But if you do, amazing things will happen.

Are you willing?

How To Be Your Own Eye In The Sky

Spy On Your Future

Peer Into Your Own Future

What’s the difference between fate and free will?

Whatever your thoughts are, here’s a mind experiment to make it more confusing.

Let’s say you’re jamming along down the freeway. 

At the same time, there’s some guy way up in a spy plane looking at all the freeways. He notices a wreck about ten miles ahead of where you’re currently driving.

So he KNOWS that in about three to five minutes, you are going to slow, and then you are going to stop.

But you have no idea.

Now, there’s a lot of ways to explain this, in terms of free will or fate.

One way might be that the person who has the most information is in the best position to exercise his or her “free will,” while people with less information are locked into “fate.”

Most people go through life and readily give up their choices, or their free will, to fate. It’s easy that way. If you rely on fate to give you good things or bad things, you’ll never feel like a failure.

Sure, you won’t usually get very much, but you won’t feel as if you’ve tried and gotten rejected.

I’m sure you can understand the attraction of this position. Getting rejected sucks. A lot.

But if you plan your life around what you DON’T want to have happen, rather than what you do, you ARE leaving it up to the gods.

But what if you were to look at your life like the guy in the spy plane?

What if you got a really, really big picture of where you were going?

Instead of each situation being a life or death, fail or succeed, win or lose, you’d see it as one step along the MASSIVE journey that is your life.

If you practiced looking at your life in this way, it would be easier to “shift” between “big picture” thinking and “in the moment” thinking.

What if the guy in that spy plane told the guy in the car about the wreck, as soon as it happened?

He’d know about it before everybody else, and would know EXACTLY which roads to take to avoid the accident, and get to wherever he was going. Safe and on time.

What if you learned how to do this? Looking at the big picture, and at the same time, looking out through your own eyes inside each and every situation?

This is what you’ll learn in the Self-Confidence course.

A way to choose several VISIONS for your life, so you can easily place any situation where it belongs, giving you an inside angle.

Who Controls Your Life’s Meaning?

Are You Relying On Pre-Defined Meanings?

How To Define Your Own

If somebody gives you an egg, what does it mean?

Naturally, it depends on the context. If you’re making a cake, it means you’re one step closer to eating something sweet.

If you’re in the middle of an egg fight, it’s time to throw it at the enemy.

If you’re a high school hooligan, and you’re in the middle of vandalizing a “friend’s” house, it means something completely different.

What if somebody hands you a iron bar? Does it mean you can finally escape from prison, or they’re helping you change a tire?

What if somebody hands you a stack of money? Does it mean you’re on easy street, or now you’re in debt to the devil?

Very little of what happens to us has any meaning that is absolutely set in stone.

There is a LOT more flexibility than most of us realize.

Of course, if trying to “buck the trend” makes your brain hurt, and you’d rather be told what things mean, so you can get back to your bag of Cheetos and TV shows, then this won’t make much sense.

But I suspect you’re not the Cheetos eating, TV watching couch blob like most people these days.

You suspect there’s much more to life than simply taking what “they” give you.

You want more. Maybe a little, maybe a lot.

And you know there IS more.

There’s plenty of sappy statements that describe the ability to look out into the world and make it mean what you want it to.

But there are scarce few who actually make it a habit of doing that.

Most people are desperate for somebody to “tell them what it means.”

Other people dare to wonder, “Hmm, I wonder what meanings I’ll discover today.”

What about you?

Are you ready to realize that the meaning of every single situation really IS up for grabs?

Unless you’re taking a math of physics test, you can “play around” with meanings all you want.

In fact, society is ruled by those who control not events, but the meaning of events.

And you can do the same.

Maybe not rule the world, but you can certainly rule YOUR world.

Just figure out what you want in life, and see how easily you can mold situations to fall in line.

And instead of seeing the world with scary situations that may end badly (as most people do), you’ll see situations as stepping stones to your inevitable success.

How To Become The Ultimate Alpha

Are You Trying To Salivate?

Are You Trying To Be A Wolf?

Girls will always go for the alpha.

But what does that really mean? If you’re a wolf, it means the biggest most fiercest dude in the pack. The one who can physically dominate all the rest.

And for most other animals, this is true as well. Basically it means the one dude who can control the situation. In the animal kingdom, this means by sheer brute force, nothing else.

What about humans? Most guys mistakenly assume guys are the same. The biggest, toughest, most physically fit. To be sure, if you go by Hollywood movies (which are written by NON-alphas) this holds true.

But what about real life?

Remember, the measure of an alpha is the guy who can hold control the best. 

So who controls people the best? And in the most situations?

To be sure, in many situations, the biggest, loudest, most obnoxious guy. But put this guy in a boardroom, and he’ll most likely be WAY over his head. Maybe on a desert island he’ll do OK. But not in real life.

For one thing, this is situationally dependent. And since we’re talking about being an alpha to attract the females, we need to think about how she’s interpreting this alphaness.

Does she want alpha who’s ONLY alpha in that particular situation? Or is she going to be attracted to a guy who is likely to be alpha in MOST situations he finds himself in?

Remember, the more situations she imagines he’ll be alpha in, the better.

The boardroom, the bedroom, the locker room, AND the desert island situation.

How can you demonstrate ALL that?

Easy. Show her that no matter what happens, you can not only handle it, but come out on top. This means you’ve always got to feel confident in your ability to get your needs met no matter HOW the situation turns out.

Which means you’ve FIRST got to determine what your needs are. Most guys don’t even get this far. They just hope they’ll get something good, and not get something bad.

So if you first determine your basic outcome for the particular situation, then you’ll be already ahead.

Then you simply figure out how to “work the room” to get your outcome.

If you’re going into a boardroom situation, then you’ve got to have an ideal outcome in mind for the meeting. If you’re hanging with your boys, you’ve got to have an ideal outcome in mind for the evening.

If you’re going on a date, you’ve got to have an ideal outcome for the evening as well.

If you can not only come up with an ideal outcome for each and every situation, and make that outcome come true, no matter what happens, (and crucially to convince everybody else it’s the best outcome) THEN she’ll see you as the ultimate alpha. 

And she’ll never want to leave you.

Navigate The Maze Of Life

Trial and Error Is The Only Way Through

The Magic Of Trial And Error

Imagine you were at the beginning of a big maze. One that was about 50 meters on either side. Made up of bales of hay or something. And with you, you had a can of spray paint, so you could mark your path.

You also had a backpack with some food, water, and other necessities. Basically, you had plenty of time to get to the other end of the maze. You were the only one there. No monsters, no other people trying to mess with you.

And imagine, on the other end of the maze was a fantastic prize. Something you could carry with you, back to the starting point. And once you figured out how to get to the end point, every time you brought the prize back to the starting point, another prize would magically appear.

Now, the first time through would probably be pretty sketchy. You’d make a lot of wrong turns. You’d run into a lot of dead ends. But if you were smart, and you used your can of spray paint wisely, after once or twice through the maze it would be pretty easy.

Pretty soon, going from start to finish would only take a few minutes. And since each time through would get you a new prize, you’d start piling up the goods.

Now, think about the very first time through. Would you be nervous? Of course. Would this keep you from starting? Of course not.

This is precisely how life is. We are going somewhere good, but we aren’t sure how to get there. Sometimes we take wrong turns, some times we  have to back track. But so long as we keep the end in mind, and remember what we did right, and what we did wrong, we simply can not fail.

Yet many guys are stuck. They are stuck on one side of the room, where literally right on the other side are gorgeous girls just waiting to be approached.

Will you say the right thing the first time? Most likely not. But just like the  maze, all you need to do is keep trying, and remembering what works and what doesn’t, and you’ll get better each time.

And each time you get a prize, they just keep getting better. Sure, you might start small. A smile and some nice eye contact. A nice conversation. A phone number. A couple of decent dates. So long as you keep trying, and keep remembering what works and what doesn’t, you HAVE to keep getting better and better.

Unfortunately, many guys are terrified to try. They imagine getting stuck is going to be much worse than it really is. They imagine horrible monsters hiding behind every corner of the maze, when they’re really none.

This is true of not only girls, but everything else worth getting in life as well. Fantastic careers, prosperity, health, wealth, anything. And you’ve already got everything you need to get started.

So get started!

The Cutting Edge of Forward Momentum

The Magic of Forward Momentum

Generate Long Range Vision

They have this thing in economics called “disruptive technology.”

Everything’s going swell in one particular industry, and then somebody invents something new.

And it pretty much shakes everything up.

For example, when Henry Ford came along, the horse and buggy industry took it pretty hard.

When the Internet came along, print newspapers started going belly up. When Kindle came along, traditional publishers started going out of business.

The bottom line is that technology, which really means creative people at the forefront of society, is always marching forward.

While it’s pretty scary to get caught unaware, it’s pretty thrilling (and EXTREMELY profitable) to be on the cutting edge.

Even if you’re just a consumer, having all these things invented that make life easier is pretty cool.

Ever since I switched to Kindle, for example, I can bring my entire library with me everywhere I go. That is something I couldn’t have even imagined only a few years ago.

Before, if I brought a book to a coffees shop, and the book sucked, there wasn’t much I could do.

Both society wide an on an individual level, life is a constant forward motion of learning and discovery.

Or at least it can be. It SHOULD be, but many of us are afraid.

Many of us are afraid of change, afraid of learning new things, and afraid of the unknown.

To be sure, that feeling of “not knowing what to do” isn’t the best in the world.

But on the flip side, knowing perfectly well what’s going to happen, and being completely prepared, is pretty boring.

It’s like sitting on your couch eating familiar food and watching the same movie for the fiftieth time.

Sure, that might be a great plan if there’s a blizzard outside, but it’s not exactly the best strategy for a fulfilled life.

On the other hand, charging forward all the time without thinking can be pretty dangerous.

Naturally, having a balance is best. Being in that “sweet spot” of accepting the unknown while carrying within you that natural attitude of learning, discovering, and accepting all feedback that comes your way.

Being able to look out into a situation, and not know what’s going to happen, but still feel confident enough to make a move anyway is a pretty good skill to have.

Especially in our rapidly changing society and economy.

One thing that can help considerably is by having several long term “visions” for your life.

Meaning no matter what situation you find yourself in, you know how you can leverage it to your benefit.

Fully participating, and fully appreciating every interaction.

That’s what having strong self confidence is REALLY all about.

To fire up your own self confidence, so you can fully appreciate everything life has to offer, check this out: