Author Archives: mindpersuasion

Are You Frozen In Time?

Break The Ice

Break The Ice

Everything changes.

However, us humans tend to think many things are fixed.

Like if somebody asked you if you could juggle, you’d likely say no, you can’t.

But this isn’t entirely true. If somebody offered you 100K to learn to juggle, you probably would. I know I would!

So a more “correct” statement might be, “I can’t juggle now.”

This is a small but effective tactic that is used in NLP to help people get over self imposed limitations.

A guy goes to see a dating coach for example, and says “I can’t talk to girls.”

And the coach says, “You mean you can’t talk to girls yet.”

Once he agrees to this, suddenly his “inability” is no longer set in stone, it’s only a temporary thing.

And once we accept that something is temporary, we start to imagine a time when it’s not true.

One of Abraham Lincoln’s favorite sayings was, “This too shall pass.” While he was talking about countries, governments, wars, etc., this is true about everything.

Sure, some things take a long, long time to change. Like the Grand Canyon, or the continents slowly drifting around due to plate tectonics.

But they change. Even the universe itself is changing, on a very large scale.

This is one reason why some recommend not using the “be” verb when speaking, especially about personal abilities.

Saying “I feel sad,” is, on a deep level, a lot less limiting than “I am sad.”

Even better, saying “I feel sad now,” implies that later you’ll feel something different.

Some folks even use this in sales.

“Can you see how wonderful this product will be when you get it home?

“No. I can’t.”

“Not yet, huh? Well, lemme show you this cool part…”

This is one reason why some therapists and salespeople are so ultra powerful, while others are kind of so so.

The ultra powerful ones simply assume some positive things about the person they’re talking to.

They assume their problems and limitations are temporary, and it naturally comes out in their language.

Simply discussing them like this, without coming up with specific solutions, is often times enough.

Once you accept that all your limitations are temporary, it’s much, much easier to shrug them off.

Then it’s just a matter of doing what it takes to get rid of them.

No matter what kinds of issues you’ve got, no matter what kinds of things you think you can’t do, they are temporary.

If you want to get rid of them once and for all, so you can live the life you REALLY deserve, check this out:

How To Set Boundaries That Are Respected

Set Love Boundaries

Assertive Communication

How do you know when you find the right woman?

She’ll be easy. No, not that! I mean you won’t have to “manage” her. Or put up with much nonsense.

Now, putting up with nonsense doesn’t mean she’s bad, it just means you’ve got a criteria mismatch.

Most people, when they get into relationships, have only the criteria that the other person likes them. Then they cross their fingers and hope for the best. Usually, this doesn’t work out so much.

I’m sure you know how important it is to set boundaries, right? How she responds to your boundaries will tell you if you’re really compatible or not.

Say one of your boundaries, for example, is not being late. If anybody shows up more than 20 minutes late, that’s something you simply do not want to put up with.

And say on your second date, she’s 30 minutes late. Now, most guys wouldn’t even say anything. But since you’re an advanced student of game, you know that it’s VERY IMPORTANT to set boundaries as early as possible.

So you may say something like, “I know this may sound strange, but I have a personal rule that I don’t wait for more than 20 minutes for any meeting.”

How she responds will tell you EVERYTHING.

If she acts like that’s a huge burden to deal with, that might be enough to cut this one lose.

On the other hand, if she’s NEVER more than 20 minutes late again, that means she might be a keeper.

Ideally, you want to know your boundaries. Then, you’ll need to express them calmly and rationally when they are crossed. And they WILL be crossed.

Then you’ll need to know how to respond based on how she responds.

Compatible couples who are truly into each other tend to respect each other’s boundaries without much fuss.

Those that don’t end up with lots of unexpressed anger or hurt feelings, which isn’t healthy for anybody.

Many people fall into the trap of “She should know what to do.” Maybe so, but thinking this will get you intro trouble.

Always assume it’s YOUR responsibility to set the boundaries, and make sure you respond when they are crossed. Never let anything slide.

After all, you don’t want to hook up with somebody who’s always disrespecting you, do you?

And you may have to be the one to carefully elicit her boundaries as well.

Why?

That will make you MUCH more attractive to her.

Since most guys never even come close to this level of “relationship game” you’ll be a shiny star in a sea of bumbling clowns.

How To Engineer The Ideal Relationship

Eyes Wide Open

Eyes Wide Open

Why do relationships tend to go south? Sure, most of us want an ideal relationship with the ideal person. And many people DO feel they’ve got something, in the beginning.

But then after the thrill is gone, and reality rears it’s ugly head, it’s pretty much over. Why does this happen, and more importantly, how can you keep it from happening?

Everybody loves free stuff, especially when it’s unexpected. Even more especially when it’s sexually and emotionally charged.

This is why those early days feels so good. You’re pushing her buttons, which is making her push your buttons, which makes you push her buttons, and on and on.

Since this happens unconsciously and automatically, it feels like you’ve finally discovered the alchemy of love.

Unfortunately, this “magic” is short lived. Because a large part of the feel-good-button-pushing is based on a feeling of “newness.” Once you start to expect the button-pushing, it starts to lose it’s self-generative effect.

Pretty soon you expect her to push your buttons, and she expects you to push hers. But since you’re both expecting the other person to “go first,” nobody does, and you start to wish things were the way they were before.

The way to keep this from happening is to plan for it to happen, and pre-frame against it.

How do you do that?

Establish what those buttons are, and have a deep, open, non-emotional conversation. Go into a relationship like you would a business partnership, at least in part.

Make a pact to not only understand what each buttons are, but to continue pushing them after the thrill is gone.

That way, you can recreate that thrill-feeling at will.

For example, imagine how cool it feels to get an unexpected massage from your girlfriend. But if you start expecting them, she’ll stop giving them.

But if you have a discussion about what you like, and what she likes, and some kind of consciously chosen exchange, she’ll keep giving you what you want, so long as you keep giving her what she wants.

Since you’re the man, you’ve got to go first. You’ve got to generate this “exchange.” You’ve got to lead her into this discussion.

There is one crucial thing that HAS TO happen in order for this to work.

You’ve got to go in, eyes open, and create this from the very beginning. Which means you’ve got to actually like her as a person, BEYOND any feelings of sexual or emotional satisfaction.

Which means you’ve got to have some solid, non-physical criteria before you even walk up to her for the first time.

If you don’t have this kind of criteria, get some.

Now, you don’t have to tell her any of this. Give her the gift of it “just happening.” Let her experience that feeling of romance.

Leave it up to you to engineer the perfect relationship with the perfect woman.

She’ll be glad you did.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

Do You Keep Getting Stuck?

Stay Outta Trouble!

Know Where Your Soft Spots Are

A while back me and a couple buddies went on a backpacking trip across Scotland.

Saw some cool castles, visited some nice distilleries, and learned a lot of history.

There was this one field where a famous battle took place.

Up until that point, the only Scottish battle scenes I knew about were from Braveheart.

A whole slew of dudes running at each other screaming their lungs out. Perfect for Hollywood, but not so accurate.

In reality, the bad guys were approaching slowly across this huge marshy field. The good guys (The Scots) were slowly retreating.

Why so slow? 

It was a magnificent trick by the Scots. See, they KNEW where the solid ground was, and where the super soft ground was. But the bad guys didn’t.

The Scots led them to that field, and drew them in. Then one by one, they got stuck. This allowed one or two Scots to get close enough, kill the guy with a couple arrows, and then retreat back.

Took a while, but the bad guys didn’t stand a chance, even though they were much stronger in numbers.

A very similar battle took place in ancient Greece. A small group of ships were retreating from a large larger navy. Only the retreating ships were in familiar waters. They KNEW where all the sand bars were, but the bad guys didn’t. Again, one by one, the bad guys got stuck, a one ship got close enough to shoot some flaming arrows, and it was all over.

Most of us have plenty of those hidden spots. We could be walking along and then suddenly we feel stuck. Stuck but an unexpected and powerful surge of unwanted emotions that keeps us frozen. We suddenly feel put on the spot, or suddenly feel like we’re in danger, or suddenly feel like we’re being left out or ignored.

A good way to deal with these would be to take some to figure out where they come from. Look at the structure of the situations that keep eliciting them.

Then like the Greeks or the Scots, you’d know where they were, and you’d know how to avoid them.

Or you could go one step further.

You could eliminate them altogether.

Then it really WOULD be like a movie. Only you wouldn’t be running and screaming into battle (with your face painted blue), you’d just be running and laughing through life.

Like a bunch of little kids let loose on the playground.

Open waters, clear sailing, and no obstacles in sight.

Get Started:

Emotional Freedom

The Best Woman Problem To Have

The Ideal Balance

The Perfect Balance

There’s a fantastic problem to have with women, and unfortunately, few guys will have it.

There’s a saying I’m sure you’ve heard: “Be careful what you wish for. You might get it.”

It’s also been said that there are two great tragedies in life.

Getting what you want, and not getting what you want.

If you spend your whole life chasing something, and never getting it, it sucks. Nothing feels worse than an unfulfilled dream.

Now, most guys don’t have this, although they think they do. Meaning they really, really wish they could get a hot girl, but they never really do anything to get her. To them, this is their “dream.” But it’s not really a dream any more than playing the lotto is a solid financial plan.

When they say not getting your dream is a tragedy, it assumes you’ve taken SERIOUS action toward getting it. When it comes to women, this doesn’t mean going to the club every Friday night and wishing really hard.

Nor does it mean sleeping with club girl after club girl and getting angry they don’t suddenly morph into your dream wife the next morning.

This means really living your life to the fullest, becoming and ultra alpha leader of men, meeting several high quality women, doing everything in your power to seduce them, and STILL coming up empty handed.

This, indeed, is a tragedy.

But it’s also highly unlikely.

But what about getting your dream? Why is that a tragedy?

Because once you get your dream, the chase ends. The self development ends. That positive expectation of an unfulfilled goal ends. The imagination of a better future ends.

This is why Alexander wept after he had no more lands to conquer. This is why many astronauts who walked on the moon has serious personal problems when they came back to Earth.

This is why when you meet your dream woman (or what you think is your dream woman at the time) TOO EARLY in life, it CAN present problems. Not always. 

To be sure, there are couples who met in high school, and realize that their relationship is VERY IMPORTANT, so they take the time to work on it. To BECOME each other’s dream partner.

But for most guys, they don’t really meet their dream girl (nor do many women meet their dream guy) that early in life. Sure, they tell themselves that. But in reality it’s their dream person AT THE TIME.

As they move through life and increase in social skills, earning skills, intra-personal skills, they realize that maybe, JUST MAYBE, they sold themselves short and develop a wandering eye.

Herein between the two tragedies of life lies the BEST PROBLEM to have.

When do you stop searching, and start finding?

After all, the more you search, the more skills you’ll develop, and the higher criteria you’ll demand, AND the more attractive you’ll be.

But there comes a point, when you must choose.

This, of course, is a very personal decision, and will differ from person to person.

But this is a VERY NICE “women problem” to have.

Blast Away Emotional Storms

Rediscover Your Beliefs

Re-Discover Your Beliefs

The idea of a “perfect storm” is pretty common.

It was first made popular by a book and movie of the same name.

A group of fishermen went out in the Atlantic, and two storms coincided, becoming impossible to escape from.

A “once in a lifetime event.”

Since then, every time there’s a confluence of “bad” events, it’s called a perfect storm.

On an individual level, it can certainly feel like everybody’s conspiring against you sometimes.

Nothing goes your way. All the lights are red. Everybody you talk to says “no,” before you even finish.

Makes you wonder why you even got out of bed!

Other days, the opposite can happen. Everybody thinks you’re a genius. Everybody’s checking you out wherever you go. All the lights are green.

The thing that our human experience and weather have in common is something called “feedback loops.”

Windy weather changes the conditions, which feed back into the system, and affect the weather. Every once in a while this turns into a hurricane or a tornado.

In the human experience, it kind of works the same way, only about a kajillion times more complicated.

Somebody shuts you down, this puts you in a bad mood, which makes the next person less likely to listen to you, etc. etc.

Naturally, this works both ways.

You smile at somebody, they smile back. Suddenly you’re on top of the world. Your energy changes. The way you behave changes. This, of course, changes how people perceive you, which changes how THEY behave towards you, making you feel even BETTER.

When you’re smack dab in the middle of a “negative feedback loop” it can seem like you’re stuck in a tornado.

After all, tornadoes don’t suddenly morph into happy sunshine without ripping out a few trailer parks first.

However, there’s something that humans have that make it MUCH EASIER to turn on a dime. 

See, weather does what weather does. It HAS to follow the laws of physics. If a tornado doesn’t like being a tornado, he or she suddenly can’t change the laws of science to turn into a puffy white cloud of happiness.

On the other hand, humans DO have that power.

Since what happens to us is largely based on how we PERCEIVE events, rather than the events themselves.

Especially when it comes to trying to “guess” other people’s intentions based on some really vague behavior.

When somebody looks at us funny when we ask for something, it could be they hate our guts, or it could be they’ve got some really bad gas, or are madly in love with us.

Not only can we change the meaning of events as they happen, but we can the meaning of ALL the events in our lives.

Going way back to when we were kids, when all of our limiting beliefs and “limitations” were “discovered.”

This can make for some VERY INTERESTING opportunities!

Get Started:

Emotional Freedom

Positive Thinking To Kill Approach Anxiety

Positive Mental Practice To Make It Easy

Right Mental Practice

One problem many guys have at many levels of game is approach anxiety. Or closing anxiety. Or even talking about difficult emotional issues anxiety. 

On the flip side, the more easily you can do the scary stuff (and if you can’t admit to yourself that self generated, irrational fear is your BIGGEST enemy to success with women, then there’s not much you can do with technique) the more success you’ll have.

So, how do you deal with general game-anxiety?

Well, one method is to simply blast through your fears until they are gone. But this takes a lot of uncomfortable action. This takes a lot of time. 

You could drink plenty of alcohol, but then you might wake up in a dumpster somewhere without your shoes.

One way works pretty well. It doesn’t require a million dollars worth of therapy, and it doesn’t require drugs or booze.

The reason guys feel afraid is our brains are hard wired to be more sensitive to potential danger than potential pleasure.

Which means if you simply let your brain go wherever it goes, you’re going to naturally drift to worse case scenario thinking.

The solution then is to simply FORCE yourself to think of positive things. Now, “positive thinking” gets a bad rap as being new-agey or metaphysical. But if your force yourself to think positive WHILE you are taking positive action, it’s a match made in heaven.

For example, you see a girl across the room. She smiles at you, looks away, and then looks back. This is a pretty clear signal she wants you to approach. Your rational brain is telling you it’s OK to approach.

But as soon as you start getting ready to, your caveman brain starts screaming bloody murder.

In spite of all those positive signals she’s given you, your now scared witless.

However, you can cut off your caveman brain by IMMEDIATELY thinking positive thoughts.

What positive thoughts? Rainbow riding unicorns? Cute pink puppy dogs?

No silly. Think of the last time you were getting laid!

(If you’ve never been laid, think of your last kiss, or even your favorite porno.)

Seriously.

Before you even begin your approach, start fully imagining the last time you got some. FORCE your brain to focus on that thought while you start to get up to approach. FORCE your brain to keep that imagine in mind while you walk over. Even when you start the conversation, try and hold that image in mind.

(Just don’t tell her, OK?)

Now, this is MUCH HARDER (lol) than it seems.

The brain is so hard wired to think of danger, whenever you’re doing something unfamiliar, it’s like your caveman thinks you’ll DIE if you don’t think negative.

After all, thinking negative has kept humans alive since even before we were humans!

So you’ll have to build up your “positive thinking” muscle.

Just practice when you’re out “observing” girls. 

This will take time. Think of it as building up your “approach muscle.”

Here’s the BEST PART.

When you’re thinking positive (thinking about the last time you got some) while looking at her, you’ll generally be smiling and pretty happy.

She’ll think it’s because of HER, not your porno filled brain!

Now, you may need to fine tune your own experiences, how you express your “happiness,” but once you get it dialed in, you can kick approach anxiety to the curb, for good!

How To Vanish Painful Memories

Mental Magic

Mental Time Travel

There’s a lot of cool movies involving some kind of age regression.

Some adult goes back to his high school days, for example, but with an adult mind.

I’m sure you could think of PLENTY of things you could better if you had a chance to do them again.

Of course, if you KNEW you were going to go back in time, and had a week to prepare, that would be pretty cool.

You’d check a couple years ahead of your “target” time period, and refresh your memory on all the news, sports results, and yes, stock market results.

Of course, then you’d have to worry about the whole “butterfly effect” thing.

You might come back to the present only to find everything’s changed. (Like when this happened on The Simpsons, everything was the same except it rained doughnuts!)

This is also a pretty good plot device in any kind of Sci-Fi or fantasy based movie. Terminator, Star Trek, and many, many others.

This is likely a popular plot device because it’s such a common desire. We’d LOVE to go back and change the past!

If only to take advantage of that one opportunity that we didn’t, or NOT say or do that thing we did.

As we move through life, we really don’t have the benefits of hindsight. Everything looks so easy after we’ve been through it.

It’s always so easy to see where we went wrong, or what somebody else did wrong.

Or is it?

The thing about human memory is it is INCREDIBLY weak. Even things you are SURE happened one way, they maybe happened another way.

You’ve probably had discussions like this with your friends, where either you or them were absolutely CERTAIN about the way things went, only to find evidence of the contrary.

This is kind of a weird, and somewhat uncomfortable feeling.

You’re absolutely positive beyond doubt that there’s three slices of pizza left in the fridge, but there’s only one.

Like some ghost snuck into your place while you were sleeping and ate them all!

Even criminal prosecutors know our memories are pretty undependable. If they have an eye witness, and NOTHING else (no weapon, no evidence, etc.) there’s not much they can do.

A cop even told me once when they talk to witnesses of accidents, even within minute or two of the accident, there “testimony” is all over the place.

This is actually pretty good news.

Why?

Because of us have some pretty painful memories. But when you realize that not only are many of these not so accurate, but also that we can easily change them, we open up a whole new world.

You can go back in time (in your mind) and NEUTRALIZE all those bad memories, until they’re gone!

POOF!

Get started:

Emotional Freedom

When Should You Not Isolate?

Are You Meeting Girls Or Hunting Zebras?

How To Not Get Played

Many guys and gurus will tell you that you should always isolate your target. Meaning if you are in some club or other public place where girls and guys are all hanging out secretly hoping to meet each other, you’ll need to separate her from her friends.

Now, on a basic level, this sounds pretty predatory. This sounds like something lions will do when hunting zebras. They find a weak zebra that’s kind of separated from the pack, making it easier to hunt. If they zoom in on some big fat zebra surrounded by big, tough looking zebras, the tough looking zebras will kick the crap out of the lion.

However, when you’re out meeting girls, you’re hopefully trying to build a relationship, even if it’s short term, based on a mutual desire. So the “separate from the pack” idea is kind of off base.

Sure, it’s a lot easier to “pick up” a girl if she doesn’t have her girlfriends hanging out. Certainly, even if she IS interested in you, her girlfriends will be jealous and would rather her NOT meet anybody, if only to make themselves feel better.

And there certainly ARE many girls who enjoy being chased, without necessarily liking the guy who’s chasing them enough to allow themselves to “be caught.”

In a sense, separating her from her pack of friends makes it easier for both of you, and it can serve as a valuable test. Meaning if she’s flirting with you and sending you very positive signals, including kino, but she absolutely refuses to be separated from her friends, then she may indeed be running some game on you just to get the attention.

This is what makes “nightclub game” so difficult. Many girls go to places like that for attention, and purposely NOT to hook up some guy.

How can you tell the difference? One way is to simply number close her in front of her friends. Don’t try isolate.

Just tell her you think she’s cute, you think that she’s got a decent personality, and you’d like to get to know her better, but you don’t want to ruin “girls night out.” This will force her to show, through her actions, whether she’s really into you or just playing you for your attention.

It will also demonstrate your confidence, as most guys would be terrified to close in any way in front of all her friends, who are watching you (and secretly hoping you go down in flames, as it will make them feel better).

Will this always work? You won’t usually get a number this way, but the numbers you DO get will generally be pretty solid.

You’ve shown a lot of confidence. She’s given you her number in front of her friends, so chances are she’s not blowing you off.

Of course, to make it easy, you really have to NOT CARE if she gives you her number or not. Which means it’s a good idea it always be talking to cute girls, whenever you have a chance.

How To Erase Emotional Sore Spots

Heal Your Past

Mental Time Travel

Some people have injuries that never really heal.

I had a bad case of achilles tendonitis a couple decades ago. So bad that I had to get a cortisone injection right into the tendon.

Really, really painful. But a couple hours later, the pain pretty much went away.

There I was, thinking I was cured, and a older friend of mine casually mentioned, “You know that’s not ever going to go away, right?”

I had no idea what he meant, but now I do. Every time you get tendonitis, and it heals, the tendons can sometimes calcify, meaning they turn from tendon to bone. This is to strengthen the tendon, but it also makes it a bit less flexible, which can lead to later injury.

Now, much later, I need to spend a lot more time stretching than I used to.

That’s the trouble with these types of injuries. They are kind of a one way street. Other injuries, broken bones, etc, can heal pretty well. So there’s almost no trace later on. (I’ve had that happen to me as well).

Of course, if I could go back in time, and stretch out a lot more before working out, I would. Back when I was a young dumb high school kid. I thought I was indestructible. I even ran a marathon in high school, and spent maybe ten minutes stretching out before.

Many of us also have emotional injuries. And like physical injures, we just assume that’s part of life. We’ve got these hidden “blind spots” that we don’t really understand.

Somebody hits one by accident (or on purpose of they’re really evil) and it hurts like hell.

Luckily, these CAN be fixed. 

In fact, there’s a way you can go back in time, and rewrite your history so the original cause is erased.

Kind of like if I went back in time and spent a LOT more time stretching. I wouldn’t need to worry about popping my achilles today!

The truth is the way we interpreted those events before. Luckily, our memories are squishy enough so that we can rewrite the way we perceived things.

And once you start doing that,  you’ll see they’re all based on the same “core” set of fears of blind spots.

Get rid of the initial cause, and everything becomes easier.

All the things you do that cause anxiety, sadness, depression, worry, etc., can be obliterated.

Blasted away for good.

Leaving you free to do and get whatever you want.

And NOBODY will be able to “push your buttons” again.

Get Started:

Emotional Freedom