Author Archives: mindpersuasion

Secrets Of First Conversations With Girls

How To Avoid Those Pauses

Avoid The Uncomfortable Silences

There’s two pretty diverse schools of thought when it comes to talking to girls, especially the first time.

One is to simply be yourself. This is much more honest, organic, real and spontaneous. If it works, there’s nothing better than two people spontaneously exchanging that magical conversational energy flow.

On the other hand, it can be pretty terrifying. If you ever get to those uncomfortable silences, when nobody knows what to say, it’s a real rally-killer, as they say in baseball.

To combat this fear, many guys try memorized lines, and stories. Even the entire conversation is kind of like a stand up comedian doing his bit for the thousandth time in front of a laughing crowd.

Now, if you do this with girls, it can work and work well. Sure, the first few times you may stumble, but once you’ve got your rap down, it’s pretty repeatable. Walk up, spit out your ten minute set of patterns, and get her fired up to jump on your junk.

Of course, later on, she may wonder what the heck happened. That guy she met BEFORE having sex was super fluent and articulate, and now she’s wondering why you don’t talk with such energy, enthusiasm, or sentence structure.

If all you want is a string of one night stands, then Bob’s your uncle.

But if you want something more, more natural is more better. Less memorized and more spontaneous.

But then you may run into those uncomfortable silences.

What do you do then?

The easiest way is to simply practice talking to people, wherever you go. But instead of just talking about the weather or why the bus is late or why the local sports team sucks, see yourself as a treasure hunter.

Make it a point to try and find something interesting about everybody you talk to.

This will do three very helpful things.

The first is it will make talking to people a lot easier. Since you’ve got a specific intention in mind, you won’t worry about trying to keep the conversation going.

Two is it will give you a lot of experience with a lot of people, especially in feeling with those random pauses that WILL come up. And when you’re talking to some random dude or old lady in line at the supermarket, those random pauses won’t bother you so much.

Three is it will give you a lot of experience to draw from, especially when you find some interesting stories. You may think that woman in front of you in the supermarket is the most boring stay at home mom ever, based on her clothes and the items in her cart. But she might have been stuck on a cruise ship for three weeks without power, or gotten lost in a foreign country, or something else totally random AND amazing.

What do you do with these stories?

Whenever you’re talking to a cute girl, and you come up to one of those pauses, just whip out a story of one of your discovered treasures.

“Hey, that reminds me. I was talking this lady at the supermarket the other day, and she went on a cruise too, only her ship sunk and she was rescued by a Russian submarine!”

This will not only give you something interesting to talk about, you’ll come across as a cool guy who can talk to anybody, anywhere, any time.

Something that’s very attractive.

Are You Letting Your Subconscious Down?

Use More Tools

Hammers Nails Wishes and Choices

When all you have is a hammer, all you see are nails.

It’s funny how our brains work.

They are extremely flexible, but very, very limited.

There’s literally millions of bits of information hitting our senses every second, but if we were to consciously recognize all of them, we’d be a pool of blubbering nonsense.

So our subconscious minds have the task of sorting through all the noise and presenting us with what’s important. 

Now, some things that are essential to our survival will ALWAYS be important. Danger, money, our names. These will always get our attention.

The rest is fully programmable. However, most of us only haphazardly “program” our subconscious minds to present us with stuff to help us get what we want.

If we make a wish, for example, our subconscious won’t take it seriously, so it will only grab our attention when the magic whatever-fairy shows up to deliver out wish.

On the other hand, when we make a choice, our subconscious knows we’re serious, and will get busy presenting us with opportunities.

But here comes another problem. We may make a choice in the beginning, convincing our subconscious that we’re indeed serious.

But when we never take action on any of the opportunities presented to us, our subconscious will assume we didn’t mean “choice,” we really meant “wish.”

Only when we combine choice with action does our subconscious get REALLY fired up.

This is when that magic momentum starts, and every action seems to lead to many more opportunity, and pretty soon we notice we’re in a world of abundance with roads to prosperity at every turn.

All those things are out there, right now, as you read this.

All you’ve got to do is tune your mind to the right frequency, and you’ll see them.

Make a strong choice, and combine it with some follow through action, and you’ll be good as gold.

Now when most people read something like this, they get a bit nervous. They see the “take action” part and imagine they’re going to have to start doing things WAY outside their comfort zones.

Not a chance!

The secret is to simply take any action in the direction of the opportunity. This is all your subconscious needs to know you’re serious. Any small step in the right direction will do.

For example, let’s say you tell your subconscious you want ten grand. You make a choice, and your subconscious has your back.

Then you see a newspaper in a coffee shop. You pick it up, and glance in the business section. You have no idea why, just that your intuition lead you there.

Something simple like this is ALL you need to get the ball rolling.

Choice. Action.

To learn the entire process, check this out:

Prosperity Generator

How To Become Comfortable With Females

There's A Party Out There Waiting For You

Practice Makes Perfect

Remember when you were a kid?

Maybe, maybe not. If you’ve ever watched kids interact with each other, it’s pretty amazing.

Generally, the younger they are, the more fearless they are. They don’t stop and think about what they are going to say based on what they think might happen. They don’t hesitate in talking to somebody based on how they think they might respond.

They see all people as regular people. They haven’t learned to categorize anybody according to race or gender.

Then, as we grow up, we start to categorize people. We have to. The more we have to start becoming responsible for our lives, the less free stuff and support we get from our parents and other adults, we don’t really have the luxury to throw caution to the wind. We have to sort of pick and choose.

Now, this may not sound very politically correct, but if we didn’t do this, we’d be conned right and left. 

However, often times we make huge errors in judgment. Whenever we discriminate based on race or gender.

Now, before you think I’m going to go off on a PC-preachy tangent, hold your horses.

Consider how we perceive females, before and after we start to “judge” people.

When we are kids, they are kids, just like us, and we treat the like such.

But then we go through puberty, and they suddenly have amazing power. They can provide us with incredible pleasure, or horrible rejection. All in the way they look at us and talk to us.

If you’ve got any married guy friends that are pretty happy in their relationship, watch how THEY interact with women.

Usually, they’re much more laid back than single guys.

Why is that?

Because, for the most part, females have become normal females again.  Unless of course, they run across some incredibly hot super model who’s TRYING to create sexual energy everywhere she goes.

The secret to talking to women is to simply see them as people, instead of those amazing creatures with such amazing power.

How do you do that? Well, you could go out and get married, but that would kind of defeat the purpose!

The easiest way to see females as ordinary people, (which they are, BTW) is to simply talk to as many as you can WITHOUT having any kind of hope or expectation that anything will happen OTHER than a polite conversation.

The more you do this, the easier it will get.

Once you get to a certain level of comfort, that’s when the fun begins.

How To Rediscover Your Inner Genius

It's Still Inside You

Re-Discover Your Abilities

When you were very young, you knew the secret of success.

You knew how to put your mind on a target and then do whatever it took to get there.

For most of us, that built in strategy is “programmed out” of us as we grow older.

Nothing sinister, nothing intentional. It’s just the way things kind of happen.

Generally speaking, people that become super rich have less of that genius strategy programmed out. They retain enough to keep setting their sites on bigger and better goals as they go through life.

There comes a point in most people’s lives where our biggest dreams turn into things that we wish would happen on the one hand, but are too scared to try to get on the other hand.

We kid ourselves with all kinds of self delusions about why we can’t. We come up with all kinds of creative excuses that keep us “stuck.”

But the truth is that genius strategy still exists within you. Which means that if you start to consciously ask “as if” it will come out, it will.

Now, I’m not talking about any big huge behaviors. Not the standard “fake it until you make it” lip service gurus love to spit out.

I’m talking about making teeny tiny micro changes in your day to day behavior.

Simply because they will be congruent with your deeply programmed strategies, they will come out.

Just like being a little kid, and swinging your legs at the right frequency on the swing will get you some pretty big movements, so with your inner strategy.

You’ll slowly be building up a powerful self-sustaining cycle of success, where the energy you get out is much more than you put in.

This is the secret of all prosperity. People, nations, planets.

There comes a seemingly magical “tipping point” when the “system” is kind of humming along on its own, and just takes a wee bit of input juice for a MASSIVE output stream.

And because that strategy IS deep within you, even the smallest and easiest changes in your behavior that are congruent with this deep strategy will seem familiar, natural, and simple.

Because anytime you HAVE achieved any success, of any measure, you’ve proven that you HAVE that very strategy within you.

All it takes is to bring it up to the conscious level, see how it works, plug in what you want out of life, and then drop it back down into your subconscious.

And you’ll be on your way.

Get Started:

Prosperity Generator

Quickly Accelerate Your Social Confidence

From Zero To Social Hero

How To Build Social Momentum

Momentum is an incredible thing.

Once you get going, it’s a lot easier to keep going.

This is true for behavior as well as physical momentum, but for completely different reasons.

With physical momentum, you’re relying on Newton’s Second Law (bodies in motion tend to stay in motion). Once you get something going, all you need to do is put in enough energy in the system to overcome the natural resistance, like friction, and you’re good.

If you reduce friction, you can coast for quite a while.

Similarly, when you’re doing some kind of behavior, it’s much, much easier to keep going, than it is to get going.

Especially if you’re doing something that involves uncertainty.

But unlike pure physics, the longer you’re going, the easier it gets.

Why?

Because one of the biggest anxieties when interacting with others is you never know what’s going to happen. Usually, when you do something the first time, (like ride a motorcycle or use a pogo stick) it’s kind of shaky the first couple of times. But once you get used to it, you can pretty much do it without thinking.

But talking to people isn’t like that. Every single time is different.

So the more you talk to people, the easier it gets for a couple of reasons. One is you’re have more experience with a wide diversity of people. For this reason, it’s crucial to talk to as many different people as you can. 

If you’re trying to build up your confidence in talking to a girl of a specific type, talking to regular people will help. It will build in your deep understanding that no matter WHO you talk to, most people have a LOT in common. So when you do see that girl, you’ll see her more a human than an imaginary perfect angel. 

The second reason it will keep getting easier, is you’ll build up your experience of handling uncertainty.

Sure, it’s never going to be completely comfortable doing things where you don’t know what’s going to happen.

But the more you can prove to yourself that you can handle any conversation with anybody, no matter what happens, the fact that you DON’T know what’s going to happen will bother you less and less.

So if you want to get better at talking to gorgeous girls, talk to people. All people. Everywhere. Start slow and work your way up.

Anytime you see an opportunity, exchange a few words, and see what happens.

It will make MANY THINGS in life much, much easier.

Not just girls.

Generate Prosperity Momentum

Picture

Positive Feedback Loops

One of the coolest things to experience is a positive, self-sustaining loop.

These happen a lot, and unfortunately for some, we tend to remember and focus more on the “negative” self sustaining loops than the positive.

Since most people have some kind of experience with dieting and losing weight, that’s a good example of both.

A positive self sustaining loop would be when you start small, build up some momentum, and then find yourself six or so months later actually looking forward to exercising. You start needing less and less willpower to avoid those foods you know you should.

On the other hand, eating the wrong foods tends to make you feel lousy. And when we feel lousy, we tend to turn to quick “pick me ups” which tend to more of the wrong foods. And the cycle continues.

I’m sure you can identify cycles like this in all areas of life. They’re part of nature, and even inorganic systems like whirlpools and sinkholes.

In our own lives, one common difference is our time frame. When we’re in a “negative” self fulfilling loop, our minds tend to focus only a day or two ahead of time. When we feel like eating that “bad” food for example, we are intently focused on the present, without really focusing on the outcome a couple days later.

On the other hand, when we find ourselves in those wonderful “positive” self fulfilling loops, we tend to look at the long term. Because the long term looks GOOD. 

That affects our “now” decision making process, which helps us to make decisions in the “now” that are much better for our future.

It’s no secret that people that do well in business are VERY good at this. The ability to think about what they are doing NOW, and see how it will affect their lives years in the future.

Now, I know how incredibly hard it is when you’re smack dab in the middle of one of those “negative” self reinforcing loops. It can seem impossible to get out.

The trick is to start small. Very small. So small you won’t even notice. The secret of building a HUGE life of massive prosperity is not on gigantic thing you do.

It’s a gigantic COLLECTION of very small things you do. Things that will snowball into HUGE things out into your future.

All rich people have this in common. They all started small. (A surprisingly small number of rich people inherited their wealth). Then by slowly building that ever important momentum, they turned those small daily things into a life of HUGE success.

YOU can do the same. All humans can. We all have the capacity. And it only takes a small shift in thinking to kick it off.

If you start today, you’re future “you” will thank you.

Here’s How:

Prosperity Generator

Continuous Improvement

You're Not A Ninja Yet!

Keep Getting Better

Here’s a question for those of you who study martial arts. And even if you don’t it will still make sense.

Suppose you do the work required to earn your black belt. Are you done? Can you effectively defend yourself against pretty much anybody?

What about in tournaments? Obviously not. At the tournament level, getting a black belt is like your entry fee. There’s guys in tournaments who are way ahead of just a black belt. 

How about this, suppose you got a black belt, and were decent enough to win some local tournaments. Then you took a few years off. Could you jump right back in the ring and compete? Even if you stayed in shape, if you didn’t practice those specific skills, you wouldn’t do very well.

Most guys recognize this as obvious, with any sport. It takes a while to get to a certain level, and it takes a while to maintain that level.

But when it comes to dating, we suddenly think that we not only don’t need to practice, but all it takes is some kind of minimum understanding of game (no doubt read on blogs or forums) and we think we’re Jedi masters of seduction.

Now, I know that martial arts isn’t the best metaphor for meeting girls. After all, you’re not walking over there to spar. She wants you to succeed just as you do.

No girl wants to reject a guy who’s walking over to talk to her. She’d rather he be the man of her dreams. Or at least the man of the evening.

But the idea of always needing to practice, and always needing to improve yourself IS a good part of the fighting metaphor.

Most guys don’t get this. They assume if they can get laid, then it’s a matter of finding the right girl.

But consider this.

Once you can get laid on a fairly consistent basis, that’s kind of like a black belt. Sure, it’s a good accomplishment you should be proud of.

But it’s only the beginning. There’s ALWAYS a need to improve your fighting skills.

While you may not be fighting against her, you ARE fighting against every other guy she can potentially date.

And sure, if you’re talking to her in a bar surrounded by other goofs, she might see you as a hero.

But as soon as she starts comparing you to other guys, you may not seem like much.

Not fair? No, it’s not. But neither is life.

Everybody’s main objective on planet Earth is to get as much as they can while they’re here, for as little effort as possible. Nobody’s job is to give away stuff for free.

Mother Nature isn’t too concerned with evenly handing out the goodies. She’s not the kind grandma who makes sure all the kids get a piece of candy.

She’s a ruthless ringmaster who let’s us loose an says, “Go!”

And then steps back to watch the fun.

If you don’t step up your game to get the quality girl, and KEEP HER, somebody else will.

Like it or not, that’s the way it goes.

Now are you going to sit there and let all those other goofs get your dream girl?

Up And Down The Hills Of Life

Get To The Bottom and Go Back To The Top

Earn Your Pleasure

I used to love riding up and down hills on my bike.

As I did, I’d always play “Helter Skelter,” by the Beatles, in my mind.

Especially the first part, which goes:

“When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride
till I get to the bottom and I see you again…
Yea yea yea…”

I love going up, and I also loved going down. But I also love being up on top, especially if was a particularly good hill with a particularly good view.

Some of my friends would like riding on long, flat spaces. I thought that was pretty boring.

It was easy, as you didn’t have any hills. But you also didn’t get the views, nor the massive speeds you got riding back down.

The fastest I ever clocked was 53 mph, just coasting down this big long hills.

It’s hard to separate out best part, in my mind. All three (the climb, the view, and the ride back down) all have their unique pleasures.

There’s also these trips you can take in famous places, where they haul you and your bike up to the top of a mountain and then let you coast back down. Usually places like Hawaii or Costa Rica or other Island type resort spots with high hills.

I went on a canoe trip like that once. They drove us up river, and then let us ride the current back down for a few days. 

It didn’t take much work, so we just kind of relaxed and enjoyed the ride.

(and drank lots of alcohol!)

Now, that can be fun from time to time, but it’s also pretty boring. Since you didn’t really put in any effort, there’s not much enjoyment you can get out of it.

If you’ve got kids or know anybody that’s got kids, then you know it’s not such a great idea to simply give them whatever the want without the necessary feeling of “earning it,” especially as they get older.

This can create some pretty spoiled kids. (A lot of famous people like that these days…)

What about you? What kind of life do you envision?

A flat, stable ride that’s safe, easy and boring?

Somebody to do all the work, while you get the benefits?

Or the ability to do the work, enjoy the view, AND the ride down?

And then, as Paul screamed, “go back to the top of the slide”?

Your life, your choice.

If you want it safe, it’s easy, but limited.

If you want somebody to do all the work, it’s pretty boring.

But if you want to put in the effort, your life belongs to you. And you’ll get much, much more.

What do YOU want?

Make It Happen:

Prosperity Generator

The Process Of Dating

The Never Ending Process Of Relationship Building

Flow Power

What’s the difference between a process and an outcome?

One way to describe them is that the process is a way to get an outcome. Or you may say that a process is made of many, many outcomes that lead to a greater outcome.

Or you may say that a process is a consistently evolving system based on tons of interdependent variables and feedback loops. An outcome is an event in time or a thing.

Take rain and the weather, for example. The weather is always changing, always in flux, and always feeding back into itself. The amount of variables are few, and are inorganic. Pressure, wind speed, heat, humidity, that’s about it. 

The outcome is the weather event. Rain, snow hail, whatever. Of course, each event, if you drill down into the time span is a process unto itself. The process of rain can cause all kinds of events, or outcomes. And in turn, they themselves are processes that create outcomes.

The weather is the process that creates an outcome of rain. Rain is a process that creates an outcome of wet soil. We soil is a process that leads to mature corn. Mature corn is a process than turns into popcorn. And and on. In reality, there’s not a hard limit between any process, and any outcome.

It all depends on your frame of reference.

One life long process that many guys treat as an outcome is male and female interactions.

Even within a relationship, a happy committed relationship, the process is ALWAYS changing. The needs, wants, desires, subjective beliefs and values of each person are ALWAYS changing.

Once you get past that lovey dovey super sex part, a real relationship takes a ton of work. Real work, not just check-the-boxes-off-a-list work.

That’s why so many relationships fail. Neither person is willing to put in any work after the lovey dovey sex magic ends, and the real give and take begins.

Of course, if all you care about is the lovey dovey super sex part, and you’re happy to be a serial monogamist your entire life, more power to you. Plenty of people are happy with that, men and women.

But if you want something more, you’ve got to understand that ALL aspects of human relationships RARELY leave the process stage.

Unless you’re at a funeral, and your throwing dirt on a dead dude in a box.

So next time your out in a social setting, and you see some girl you’d like to talk to, think of your potential interaction with her as one long process.

Instead of saying, “how can I GET some of that,” which implies you’re going after some static “thing,” think more in process terms.

“How can I create a sustained interaction with that person that will satisfy both of our wants and needs in a way that will make us both better off than we are now?”

Or if that sentence is too long, how about this one:

“I wonder if we can build something together.”

Try this, and see what happens.

The Myth Of Your Potential

Can You Reach The Top?

Was Maslow Mistaken?

What does it mean to be “self-actualized?”

This, of course, comes from Maslow. But how did he come up with the idea, and how did he arrive that now famous pyramid?

If you’ve read about NLP, then you know about “modeling.” It’s the best way to learn something.

It’s how all of us learned to walk, talk, etc. We basically copied those around us.

The original NLP guys basically took this process and modeled how really persuasive people talk and behave. Then they came up with a way to apply this modeling model.

Which is why some call NLP the “study of excellence.” Meaning you see somebody doing what you want, and you simply copy them until you get it right.

And this is precisely what Maslow did.

He chose a lot of high performing individuals of his day, and simply tried to figure out made them tick.

He categorized them based on their level of “performance,” and came up with his “hierarchy.”

At the top, of course, is “self actualization.”

So, what were the people doing whom he labeled as “self actualized?”

Were they meditating in caves? Sitting in the middle of the desert in the lotus position while the rain mysteriously fell around them?

Nope.

They were doing things. Making things. Writing things.

Now, here’s a mind bending question for you.

If you were to go back in time, find one of those “self actualized” people that Maslow found, and asked them these questions:

“Have you learned all you will ever learn? Are your skills as good as they are going to get? Can you now rest, since you’ve reached Nirvana?”

What do you think they would have said?

I’m going to guess that they would have said a big, fat, obvious NO to all those questions.

Whatever project they were working on, I’m sure they knew deep in their bones there was MORE to do. MORE to create.

Think about this statement:

“Reach Your Potential.”

Is that even possible? Once you get to a certain level, then what? Retire down to Florida and drink ice tea?

Nope. Once you get to a certain level, WHATEVER that is, you just reach higher.

The truth is you will ALWAYS be looking to improve yourself, as you should.

Unless, of course, you’re HAPPY where you are now. You DON’T want any more.

Those “self actualized” people were DOING THINGS.

They were creators. Builders. Artists. Scientists. 

What do YOU wan to do?