Author Archives: mindpersuasion

How To Start Conversations With Girls

Why Make Things Difficult

Easy Openers To Maximize Your Chances

Most guys don’t know what to say when they talk to a girl. To be sure, walking up is one thing. But once you’ve stopped your approach, and she’s waiting for you to say something, it can get pretty nerve wracking.

There are a few ways to help. One way is to have a few opening questions. Not memorized patterns mind you, but just a few easy things to say, so you don’t have to come up with something on the spot.

To be sure, when you’re in the moment, you can easily riff off each other. She’ll say something that reminds you of something, which you’ll say, then that gets her thinking of something.

When both people feel relaxed and open enough to share whatever pops in their head, AND there’s plenty of stuff popping in each other’s heads, that’s a pretty good feeling. 

That’s when you’re creating that seemingly magical back and forth energy flow that can take on a life of its own. That’s when the minutes turn into hours, and before long you wonder where all the time has gone.

But getting to that point isn’t always easy, nor is it automatic. It can only happen between two people that have enough in common, and enough natural rapport.

One way to test the waters, when you first start the conversation, is to simply know a few easy things to say.

The best thing is to simply pace the situation. This means to say things that are absolutely true. Things that she’ll naturally agree with. When you do so, mix in a little about yourself, your opinions, your feelings.

This is to let her know that you’re not going to put her on the spot and make her do all the talking.

Something like this is pretty good:

“Hi, I saw you across the room and I thought you seemed interesting, so I decided to come over and introduce myself and maybe find out more about you. My name’s George.”

You’re not putting her on the spot, you just said what happened, so you’re not saying anything crazy. You’ve said something about your intentions, AND you’ve said your name. And because you said “maybe” there’s not any kind of pressure.

Then you simply see how she responds. If she looks like she’s under attack, she’s not feeling it. If she clearly closes off her body language, she’s not feeling it. If she looks around desperately for her friends or a cop, she’s not feeling it.

But if she looks at you, faces you, and gives you her name, then it’s on.

Just keep it easy. Talk about easy stuff. Explain what you’re doing there. Avoid direct questions.

If you say something, and she naturally reciprocates, that’s a GOOD sign. If you’re talking and she’s listening politely, but not really adding much to the conversation, that’s not exactly bad, but it’s not that great, either.

What you’re looking for are girls that are comfortable enough around you, and self confident enough around you, to actively participate in the conversation.

You find someone like this, you’re doing pretty good.

How To Hallucinate Your Friends

Language Patterns From Grammar School

Grammar Madness

One great way to get somebody to accept your ideas is to put them in imagination land.

Now, this doesn’t mean slipping them some peyote and taking them out to the desert for one of those vision quests.

Just get them thinking in terms of “what if…”

One of the biggest fears of making any suggestion is getting rejected. Since most of us are absolutely terrified of rejection on a very deep level, we’re a bit on the shy side when asking for things.

Even if it’s something simple like asking for somebody to pass the salt, most normal people need to muster up a tiny bit of courage when eating with important strangers (your girlfriend or boyfriend’s parents, your boss’s family, etc.)

That’s why it’s automatic in certain situations to put even suggestions like this into “imagination land.”

We don’t say, “pass the salt, please,” because that just sounds rude. We say much more “polite” things like, “Would you pass the salt?”

Without going too far down the grammar rabbit hole, the use of the word “would” indicates what’s called the “second conditional.”

The first conditional (if-then statements) are used when something is likely to happen. 

If it rains, I’ll get wet.

If I eat pizza, I’ll get sleepy.

But second conditionals use the word “would” or “could,” and are only used when something is ONLY in imagination land.

If I saw a UFO, I WOULD take a picture. (but it’s not going to happen, just pretending…)

If I grew to 3 meters tall, I COULD play for the NBA (but it’s not going to happen, just pretending…)

The reason we use “would” in polite sentences is so we don’t put anybody on the spot (nobody likes taking orders) AND there’s no fear of rejection, since we’re only talking hypothetically (imagine-land speak).

Luckily, when we shift our listeners and readers into imagine-land, the normal objections vanish. They get to imagine what it would be like to get something, without all the fears that go along with it.

For example, savvy salespeople know that the best way to get a customer salivating over any product is to simply imagine they already have it, in the future, and that they are enjoying it. Then the salesperson gets the client to describe that “perfect” scenario.

This, of course, increases their “buying temperature” significantly.

Guys who are good at picking up girls also do this (and girls can use this as well).

Just get your “target” to imagine (and describe) the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend, or the perfect relationship.

Then they’ll start to see YOU through that “imaginary” lens that is between you.

There are plenty of ways to do this, and plenty of opportunities.

What would you do if you could learn all these patterns, and get all those things that you wanted?

Find Out:

Covert Hypnosis

The Instant Killer Of Attraction

Blast Through Obstacles To Dating Success

Get In The Game

There’s a lot that can get in the way of getting what you want when it comes to girls. For most guys, that means a decent relationship with a decent girl that shares your values, goals and beliefs.

In order to get that, you’ve got to meet a lot of people. If you’re a normal guy, meeting a lot of people with this end in mind is pretty fun.

That’s if you can get past this common roadblock.

This one insidious obstacle that’s been going around A LOT these days. This is not something you can see, and it exists only inside your brain. 

But once you get stuck in this trap, it’s VERY hard to get out. The best way to avoid this brick wall is to run in the other direction when you start to suspect it’s presence.

What mysterious entity to I refer to?

Philosophy.

How’s that?

It usually goes like this. A guy sees a girl. He wants to go over, talk to her, get to know her, maybe exchange numbers so they can get together later. But it doesn’t happen that way.

He either doesn’t go over, but he goes over which such a lame attempt he falls on his face.

And instead of chalking it up to his lack of skills, he does one thing that humans have been doing since the dawn of time.

He avoids responsibility. 

This usually ends up with a bunch of dudes talking about the deep philosophical meaning behind the current state of the dating game.

Why?

Otherwise they’d have to admit they suck. Because it really sucks to openly admit that you suck. Not in a kidding, self-deprecating way, but in an honest, “Wow, I’m not nearly as great as I thought I was” way.

This is a HARD pill to swallow for ANY human.

It’s MUCH EASIER on the ego to blame the world. Now, if you’re throwing a rock at a moving target, like a zebra, for example, it actually does make sense to blame the zebra. This makes you angry, which gives you more energy to keep throwing rocks until you’ve got something to eat.

But since we live in a modern world, things are MUCH more complicated.

Which means any excuse we come up with (especially if all we’re doing is sitting there complaining) is going to be pretty vague.

And when you’ve got a bunch of whiny guys coming up with vague excuses for why they can’t get laid, what does it sound like?

Yep, philosophy. 

Philosophy makes people sound smart. Philosophy makes it sound like people have some deep insight into the world. Philosophy gives people the illusion they are superior to other knuckle-dragging mouth-breathers.

But two things philosophy WON’T get you is laid or paid.

Unless, of course, you’re selling circularly logical tomes on the deep philosophies of the world.

So whenever you hear yourself start talking about the “sexual market,” or “social pressure,” or any other ego protecting nonsense. Stop. Get up, and go talk to some girl. See what happens. If it doesn’t work out, go talk to somebody else.

And keep doing that until you’ve got somebody you like, that also likes you.

Reverse Polarity Language Power

Put Hidden Treasure In Their Brain

Let Them Discover Your Hidden Truth

Lately I’ve been watching “Marco Polo” on Netflix.

So far, it’s pretty good. It’s more about Kublai Khan and all the political intrigue than Polo,  who is really the observer proxy for the audience.

If you can get past the language assumptions (some Italian guy is speaking fluently to a Mongol King in China) it’s pretty interesting how he chooses his words carefully when speaking to the “Great Khan.”

Since there’s all kinds of inter-family backstabbing and jockeying for power, Kahn uses Polo as a kind of “spy” to watch some of his family members and report what he sees.

From the beginning, Kahn decides to keep Polo because he describes things pretty well.

But most of his descriptions seem to “hide” certain truths, as he’s worried what will happen if the Great Kahn realizes what people REALLY think about him.

This is how most people use language. A great thinker once described language as a “tool to hide what’s really on our mind.”

Few people understand that’s only HALF of it’s power.

Most of us are pretty natural at using language to hide certain truths.

Somebody works for a boss and did an absolute crappy job, for example. Another manager calls the boss for a reference, and the boss says something like, “Well, he always showed up on time. And he never really used any swear words.”

Now that “sort of” sounds good, but in reality it’s clear that the boss didn’t think so, since had nothing to say about his work performance.

We do this all the time. We hear an idea that’s total crap, and we say, “Hmm, that’s interesting.”

But the real power of language is when you stop covertly hiding truths, and start to covertly expressing truths.

Truths about yourself, your ideas, your business. Anything.

And it has the incredible effect of letting your listener or reader “discover” the meaning on their own.

What ideas would you to covertly slip into the minds of others?

Learn How:

Covert Hypnosis

Be A Man With A Plan

Picture

Do You Know Where You’re Going?

Imagine if you were on a paddle board, out in the middle of the ocean. Imagine you had plenty of food, and water, and sunscreen. But being on a paddle board in the middle of the ocean was pretty limiting, and pretty boring.

You’d like to find a boat, and go somewhere better. You wouldn’t mind getting a job on the boat to earn your keep. Swabbing decks, cleaning windows, whatever. 

And you kept seeing boats going by. Some were big, some were small. Some were zig-zagging all over the place. Some were going so fast you couldn’t grab hold. 

Some even slowed down and almost stopped when they saw you. They literally begged you to come on board. Of course, you’d never do that. They might be pirates, or cannibals. After all, why the heck would a boat stop in the middle of the ocean to pick up some stray paddleboarder?

Think of your ideal boat. One going in a pretty straight direction. One that didn’t seem to be filled with pirates. One that was moving pretty decently, but no so fasts you couldn’t grab on. And one that kept going along the same route. Not one that stopped and asked where you’d like to go.

Of course, this is just a metaphor. You are the boat. The girls you are hoping to “pick up” are the paddleboarders.

They want a “boat” that knows where it’s going. But not so fast they can’t grab on. They don’t want a captain so unsure he keeps changing direction.

They want a strong boat, that won’t look like it will sink in a small storm. Hopefully you’re looking to pick up a paddleboarder who’s willing to earn their keep, not just some lazy paddleboarder looking to sun herself on a luxury liner.

How does this translate to your life? Before you even think of picking up girls you hope will turn into a serious relationship, you’d better have a plan for your life. Because she’s going to ask.

And you’d better have a plan that you are committed to, with or without her (or any other particular girl).

Most guys don’t. 

Even if your dreams seem a million miles away, at least have some. Plan your life, starting today, on a five or ten year plan. What would your ideal outcome be? 

That way, when she asks about your job, or major or even hobbies, you can put it in the right context.

If she see’s you as a “man with a plan” that’s one more leg up you’ll have on the competition.

Your Greatest Skill Of All

Your Unlimited Word Power

Essential Language Skills

If you were dropped in the middle of a city you’d never been to, what skills would you need?

I mean if you didn’t know anybody, only had enough money for a couple days worth of food, couldn’t call anybody for help.

Basically on your own.

If you could build up three or four “mind” skills, what would they be?

A bunch of successful entrepreneurs were asked this question. It kind of strips away any kind of idea of relying on your “connections.”

One skill was the ability to talk to strangers effectively. Meaning not to timidly walk up and ask somebody the time, but to interrupt a complete stranger on the street, and self confidently start a lengthy conversation.

Another skill was to be incredibly flexible in your thinking. For example, if you used to be a chef in your old city, and you’re only idea of scratching out a living in this new city was to cook, you may be in trouble.

On the other hand, if you could seize any opportunity that came your way, you’d be in better shape.

One more skill was language. Being able to speak persuasively. After all, you’d need to quickly turn strangers into supporters. Not to go and seize the castle or anything dramatic like that. But you’d at least need to get people on your side.

I suppose you could just sit there and ask people for money, but that may not be the best idea.

If you could convince people that it would be in their best interests to help you, you’d be better off.

If you could further convince people that THEY would be better off as well, then they’d WANT to help you.

And this is the secret gold mine of human communication.

Every single person alive today is a HUGE collection of unfulfilled needs. Nobody is ever satisfied for long. Our mind-body systems are simply not wired like that. We’re always on the move. Always searching to fulfill some need.

When you learn to talk to people in a way to elicit those unmet needs, and show them that by helping you, they’ll also benefit themselves, they’ll help you do anything, create anything and build anything.

Just stop and think for a moment how good it feels to be working with somebody else, and KNOWING that everybody is going to benefit, compared to working alone, or worse, working where you suspect somebody else is getting the better part of the deal.

This is what that corny “win-win” strategy REALLY means.

And right now, on Planet Earth, there are literally BILLIONS of opportunities just waiting for somebody like you.

Learn How:

Covert Hypnosis

Get Rid Of Approach Anxiety With Mind Tricks

Approaching Is In Your DNA

The DNA Pick Up Model

DNA is pretty cool.

The way it reproduces is an engineering miracle. You’ve got these long strands of stuff. On each half are certain elements that only hook up, or “pair bond” with other elements. 

When DNA reproduces itself, it unravels. It leaves the nucleus and goes out in to the cell. So in the cell, it’s only “half” a DNA. And each element on the half is looking for its counterpart, swimming around in the cellular soup.

Once all the individual pieces hook up with their other halves, a new DNA is formed, which ideally, is an exact copy of the previous DNA. (Unless they’re mutations and you turn into X-Men).

Think of this model when you’re out looking for the ladies. It’s how YOU were created, from the very first mixing of sperm and egg.

And just like the DNA splits in half and each element goes out looking for its counterpart, that’s kind of what the whole dating game is.

All these individual “elements” or people looking for their own individual counterpart.

Humans are hard wired from evolution to pair bond. Sure, there are exceptions, but for the most part, we do best when we’re hooked into compatible, male-female pairs.

Now, while it’s a bit more complicated finding your soul mate than a DNA nucleotide finding it’s opposite jigsaw puzzle piece, structurally speaking, it’s pretty much the same.

This is helpful because many guys fall into the trap of thinking women got it all, and us poor men are beggars.

We approach like they’ve got all the power. They can accept us and reject us. 

But that’s not the case. On a deep biological, psychological and evolutionary level, when a guy approaches a girl, they are both thinking the same thing, deep down inside:

“I hope this person is a match.”

Contrary to your fears, most girls AREN’T thinking, “Oh great, another idiot that I can publicly reject!”

That is, of course, if you wait for a couple of signals before approaching. Eye contact, a smile, you know what I mean.

When you approach with the “I wonder if we’re a match” mindset rather than, “I hope she accepts me” mindset, it makes approaching a lot easier.

Now, it won’t be automatic. It won’t happen simply because you are reading this. That would be like reading an essay on Kung Fu and expecting to magically transform into a black belt.

You DO need to practice, even though it’s a mindset.

HOW do you practice?

Just FORCE your brain to hold that question, “I wonder if we’re a match,” in mind while you approach, AND while you’re talking to her.

Imagine you’re going on an information-gathering mission, rather than approaching the queen of the universe and begging for scraps.

You can even practice without approaching. Just hold this thought in mind when you’re out flirting with girls.

It will help, a lot.

How To Make Them Feel Lucky To Know You

Amplify Their Interest In You

How To Magnify Their Criteria

Many people are drawn into sales because of the massive potential.

Meaning that unlike most every other job, the better you do, the more you’ll make.

Instantly. No need for waiting for a promotion every year.

And you don’t need any education, or technical training, other than knowledge about the product.

Which is why plenty of people with barely a high school diploma are easily making six figures in all kinds of sales.

On the other hand, it can be incredibly nerve racking. Because on the other of the coin is rejection, and poverty. Since most sales folks are paid on commission, if you don’t sell anything, you don’t get paid anything.

If you’ve ever had any kind of sales job, you may be under the impression (as most people are) that selling requires some kind of magical, high-energy charisma that mesmerizes the clients. Some sales people do seem to have that “in your face” quality.

But in reality, that’s the WORST way to sell things.

Why?

Because it ignored the REASONS the other people want to buy stuff.

Most people are taught to memorize a list of “features and benefits” of their product, and overwhelm the clients with all the amazingly fantastic things about the product.

Hopefully, if they do this with enough energy and enthusiasm, enough customers will buy.

But doing this just makes rejection hurt a lot worse. If you put in a HUGE amount of energy into your presentation, and they say “no thanks,” it’s VERY hard not to take it personally.

Which is why it’s much, much EASIER, more respectful, and at lot less stressful to simply to find out what they want.

The thing about human desires is once we get past the “surface structure,” our desires are pretty vague.

Which means you can take pretty much any reason somebody is shopping, find out what their REAL desires are, and link them up to quite a few products and services.

So long as they really WILL fulfill their needs, they’ll see the products (and you) as the luckiest thing that ever happened to them.

Obviously, this works just as well if you’re not selling anything, but doing ANY kind of persuasion or influence.

The basic strategy is to simply elicit their criteria, magnify it and then “hook it” to whatever you’d like them to do, using some powerful language patterns.

The BEST part is they’ll do what YOU want for THEIR reasons.

Zero “in your face” enthusiasm required.

To learn more, check this out:

Covert Hypnosis

The Folly Of Chasing

Sometimes It's Better To Find Somebody Else

How Long Should You Pursue A Girl?

How do I get her to like me?

I get this question a lot. Most guys have got their eye on some girl, have had a bit of success, and then she pulls back. He, on the other hand, is still pining furiously for her, and will do anything (or so he says) to get her to “like him.”

Now, let’s think about what happens when a girl “likes” a guy. It’s pretty much a HUGE collection of unconscious processes that are a mix of ancient programming, childhood and cultural programming, as well as how and who she references within her social circle.

On a deep level, girls like guys who are leaders, who are self confident, genuinely kind, and have thick skin. The guy who can pretty much handle anything that comes up. Not the guy who shies away from a challenge. Not necessarily the guy who beats everybody up who challenges him, but the guy who KNOWS deep in his soul that any problem life gives him, he’ll deal with to his advantage, AND usually everybody else’s in one way or another.

On top of that, she’s going to be turned on by a guy who “reminds her” on a deep level of when she was a kid, and she was referencing some strong male adult role models, usually (hopefully!) her father, or older brothers.

On top of that, she’s going to be subconsciously referencing cultural icons, her peer group, who they like, and who they don’t like, etc.

If that’s not enough, she’s also going to have a conscious idea of who’d she’d like to end up with.

If she can find a guy that hits her triggers on all four of these levels, she’ll feel as though she’s found her prince charming, and she’ll literally follow him to the ends of the Earth.

You know in mathematics they can take this huge equation, and express one variable in terms of all the rest?

We can kind of do that here.

Instead of asking, “How can I get her to like me,” you can also ask, “How can I become her prince charming, and hit her levels of attraction on levels?”

Most guys foolishly believe there’s something they can say or do that will fit the bill.

Think of it this way. You’re having a dinner party. You spend hours cooking something. Your friends come over, and they don’t like the taste very much. They’re being polite, but you can tell they think it sucks.

So you call your cooking guru on the phone. You ask him or her, “What can I tell them that will make them like my cooking?”

After your cooking guru gets done laughing, she or he might tell you to tell them to come back next week, after you cook something different.

Here is the cold harsh truth about dating. If a girl doesn’t like you, there’s not much you can do. 

Of course, you should ALWAYS be improving yourself. Increasing your self confidence. Developing better and stronger beliefs. Developing your ability to create an awesome life for yourself.

But if one particular girl decides (on all four of those levels) that she doesn’t like you? 

It’s best to simply find somebody else.

Killer X-Ray Language Vision

See What They're Thinking

See Straight Into Their Brains

A few years ago there was this famous case with some guy who’s wife disappeared.

He was a pretty good looking guy, and his wife was pretty attractive.

They were both upstanding members of their neighborhood, and everybody jumped on board to support him.

He even gave a few news conferences, asking for help.

If you’ve seen the movie, “Gone Girl,” or read the book, it was kind of like that.

Only in real life, he killed his wife. And then he became famous for seeming so innocent and “victim-like” when he was really a stone cold killer.

What gave him away?

When the cops were talking to him, he slipped up. One little mistake in his language.

See, if you’re a guy who’s wife really disappeared, you’d like hold out hope she was still alive.

That’s what humans tend to do.

Not this guy. He knew she was gone, because he was the one who ended her.

He was describing her, her activities, and he slipped up and used the past tense, instead of the present tense.

Within the tens of thousands of words he spoke on TV, and to the cops in private, that one little mistake gave him away.

After that, when the cops KNEW he did it, it was just a matter of time before he cracked.

This is the power of language.

Most people see conversational hypnosis as a means to covertly put your ideas into the heads of others.

To be sure, that’s a very good way to use these patterns. Especially if you’ve got some really good ideas you KNOW your listener will appreciate.

But it’s also a great way to pay attention to the language of others, so you can see what’s REALLY on their minds, with X-ray vision.

Now, I’m not saying you should go out and start interrogating people. 

But consider how useful this would be if you were talking to a loved one, and they were saying one thing, but thinking something else.

Maybe they were afraid to ask for something, or too shy to say “no” to something.

These patterns would help you understand what was REALLY their minds, so you could help them express themselves in the way they REALLY wanted to.

I’m sure you can imagine how you could strengthen your relationships.

That’s what happens when you start learning these patterns, and more importantly, start doing the “drills” to learn them.

You’ll soon start to see whole new world, just beneath the surface structure words people are using.

To get started, check this out:

Covert Hypnosis