At the very least, we’re a bit nervous before interrupting somebody and getting them to do what we want.
Even if it’s their job, like a waiter or waitress in a restaurant, or a teacher in a classroom, a lot of us are a bit timid when breaking somebody’s training of thought and asserting our wishes in there.
After all, they could say no.
Truth is that we’ve all been programmed to one degree or another to be a little “nervous” when asking for something. Since if “they” (whoever they are) say “no,” we’re pretty much done.
On a deep level, it feels like we are giving them complete control over our lives, just for a little bit.
They have, for a brief instant, the power of approval or disapproval. Approval feels fantastic, disapproval feels terrible, and it’s completely OUT of our hands.
All mammals are hard wired to absolutely HATE situations where they don’t have power and choice. All kinds of studies on rats and other simple creatures show this over and over.
Is there away out of this trap?
There most certainly is. Most of us just “pop the question” without any regards to the other persons wants and needs.
Now, if you already know the person, as a friend or partner or spouse, there’s not much risk.
But if you don’t know them, that anxiety can creep up.
However, when you first find out what THEY want, and then frame your request or suggestion in terms of what THEY want, rather than what you want, something pretty cool will happen.
They won’t see you as “imposing” on them. They’ll see you as “helping them.”
When they satisfy your request, whatever it is, instead of seeing it as “accommodating” you, they’ll see it as a win-win outcome where you’re BOTH getting your needs met.
More like an even trade, rather than one person giving somebody else something.
And when you can get people to feel that, you’re doing pretty good.
Pretty soon all that anxiety vanishes, and you start to REALLY feel your power.
Relationships, interactions, even basic communication all becomes a lot easier.
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