Category Archives: Anger

She Is Waiting For You

Fast Food Rush

One of the best feelings is forward momentum.

Another good feeling is being in control.

Not control-freak control, but a feeling of control over your life.

Of being at cause, instead of having to always respond.

When I was in high school I worked a lot of retail.

Mostly food.

It was fun, in that there were plenty of kids my own age.

And when there was a rush (lunchtime or dinner) it was pretty cool.

It was super busy, the time went by pretty quickly.

And it felt good to get through the rush.

One of the reasons it was so cool was it was temporary.

It would maybe last an hour or two.

The orders would come quick and relentlessly.

We’d be running around trying to keep up.

It was the kind of challenge that feels good.

The right combination of external pressure, internal focus, teamwork, and a genuine appreciation from management once we were done.

Underlying all of this was the sense it was out of our control.

Meaning once the crowd came, we were utterly dependent on forces outside of us.

“Reality” would demand a response from us, and we had to keep up.

Doing this once per shift for a couple hours is pretty cool.

But living your life like this is horrible.

Always feeling that you are “on call” to whatever is outside and more powerful than you.

And if you don’t perform “correctly” you’re going to get into trouble.

This is the kind of thing that makes one feel trapped and hopeless.

This is why people always figure out ways to carve out private time to work on private things.

It’s another reason why people practice partial arts.

Even if they NEVER intend to use them outside of the training room, it FEELS like they are building up the skills to fight back.

Even if it’s just a mental knowing of a certain level of skill, it makes one feel MUCH LESS like they are always an effect, rather than a cause.

Just knowing you have a certain level of skills will help you feel much more like a cause in more places.

And that feeling will inform your body language and non-verbal communication.

Which will invite a completely different response from others.

And if you ever DO need to use these defensive skills?

They’ll know what hit them.

Learn More:

Weaponized Hypnosis

They're Everywhere

What If Angels Were Watching You?

Once upon a time Jesus decided to come back to visit Earth.

So he strolls up to the Vatican and is standing in the courtyard, kind of looking around.

One of the Cardinals sees him, and runs to tell the Pope.

“Father!” he cries, rushing inside in a panic.

“Yes, my son, what is it?” The Pope asks.

“Jesus! He has returned!”

“What do you mean?” The puzzled pope asks.

“He’s outside! In the courtyard! What shall we do?” the cardinal desperately asks. The pope thinks about it, then looks up.

“Tell everybody to look busy!”

Yuckity yuck….

Everybody has the experience of sitting around when you’re supposed to be working.

And the boss shows up, and you suddenly pretend you were just finishing something, or were just about to do something REALLY important.

This is normal behavior, and it happens all the time.

But when it’s unhelpful is when we are tricking OURSELVES that we are busy.

Sometimes we do this to avoid doing unpleasant things.

Maybe you’d planned on doing your taxes, but suddenly your daughter needs help with her homework, and you’re than willing to help all day if that’s what she needs.

Sometimes we do things that we THINK is “progress,” but it’s really just busy work.

Perhaps you’ve been wanting to write a novel.

But instead of sitting down and actually writing, you’re doing “research.”

You may even tell people you’re a writer, but you are still in the “planning stages.”

Of course, planning is absolutely necessary.

But things like that are VERY EASY to stretch out.

Sometimes for YEARS.

Which means it’s very EASY to trick ourselves we are “on purpose,” that we’re living an extraordinary life.

But all too often, the things we do are really the same things we’ve always done.

We just somehow redefine them.

So instead of wasting time online, we’re doing “research.”

Or instead of dreaming about what it would be like to actually finish a degree, we’re “investigating online classes.”

Or instead of window shopping on Amazon, we’re “choosing the right equipment for our exercise plan.”

Redefining events is a very good skill.

Like all of our mental skills, we can use them to get ahead, for example reframing a “failure” as valuable experience that can help you do better next time.

Or we can use them to stay in our comfort zone, when we pretend we’re researching the best running shoes, but we’re really just browsing Amazon while watching TV.

How do you know the difference?

Figure out a way to keep score.

Objective score, that is observable from your behavior, not your thinking.

Imagine angels are watching you, and they can only see your behavior, not your thoughts.

And the more your behavior moves you forward, the more they’ll help you.

This metaphor can help you move forward, instead of just pretending.

Learn More:

Seven Disciplines

Don't Get Angry

How To Bounce Our Of Mental Ruts

I remember once when I was in college, I had a job interview.

I was in a hurry, and was worried about how it was going to go.

It was only a summer job, but a couple of my friends worked there, and told me what an awesome gig it was.

Professional, had to wear a tie, pay was pretty good.

But halfway there, I reached into my pocket, pulled out the directions, and realized I’d grabbed the wrong sheet of paper.

I was angry, frustrated, and scared all at once. Punched the windshield. Cracked it.

Drove home, grabbed the directions and drove back.

Luckily, I still got the job. However, if it hadn’t been my friends who had put in a good word for me, I likely wouldn’t have.

This is an example of how “out of control” emotions can sneak up on us. Or pop out at any time.

It doesn’t have to be anger. It can be shame. Guilt. Fear. Frustration.

ALL of these have the effect of making us feel “stuck.” Like we’re trapped within a very narrow band of behavior.

Not much choice.

On the other hand, when we’re relaxed, have a lot of options, feel safe and confident, we are the OPPOSITE of stuck.

We can FEEL the forward progress. We go to sleep every night thinking, “Dang, I did a lot of stuff today!”

Notice that this is different from, “wow, I RECEIVED a lot of stuff today.”

When you accomplish things based on your own ACTIONS, it feels a million times better than when somebody hands you something for free.

This, however, requires you GET OUT of those stuck states as SOON as you find yourself in them.

You’ll NEVER avoid them, that’s just of life.

You WILL forget the directions. You WILL make mistakes.

It’s how you RESPOND that makes all the difference.

The more quickly you can respond, and the more RESOURCEFULLY you can respond, the less those random events will slow you down.

On the other hand, if you don’t feel you have a lot of options, it can be super easy to feel victimized by almost anything.

You can see those “events” as PROOF that you are a victim, and you’re doomed.

Or you can see those “events” as simply obstacles to get around, and FEEL CONFIDENT after the fact. Maybe even learning a thing or two along the way.

This requires that you dig inside your emotions and find your own unique “emotional sore spots.”

While everybody’s is similar in structure, your own unique “sore spots” have their own unique recipe based on your own unique history.

But it’s easy to go back in time, and RE-DEFINTE how you labeled those early events.

So current events bother you a LOT less.

Learn How:

Emotional Freedom