Category Archives: Approach Anxiety

Navigate The Maze Of Life

Trial and Error Is The Only Way Through

The Magic Of Trial And Error

Imagine you were at the beginning of a big maze. One that was about 50 meters on either side. Made up of bales of hay or something. And with you, you had a can of spray paint, so you could mark your path.

You also had a backpack with some food, water, and other necessities. Basically, you had plenty of time to get to the other end of the maze. You were the only one there. No monsters, no other people trying to mess with you.

And imagine, on the other end of the maze was a fantastic prize. Something you could carry with you, back to the starting point. And once you figured out how to get to the end point, every time you brought the prize back to the starting point, another prize would magically appear.

Now, the first time through would probably be pretty sketchy. You’d make a lot of wrong turns. You’d run into a lot of dead ends. But if you were smart, and you used your can of spray paint wisely, after once or twice through the maze it would be pretty easy.

Pretty soon, going from start to finish would only take a few minutes. And since each time through would get you a new prize, you’d start piling up the goods.

Now, think about the very first time through. Would you be nervous? Of course. Would this keep you from starting? Of course not.

This is precisely how life is. We are going somewhere good, but we aren’t sure how to get there. Sometimes we take wrong turns, some times we  have to back track. But so long as we keep the end in mind, and remember what we did right, and what we did wrong, we simply can not fail.

Yet many guys are stuck. They are stuck on one side of the room, where literally right on the other side are gorgeous girls just waiting to be approached.

Will you say the right thing the first time? Most likely not. But just like the  maze, all you need to do is keep trying, and remembering what works and what doesn’t, and you’ll get better each time.

And each time you get a prize, they just keep getting better. Sure, you might start small. A smile and some nice eye contact. A nice conversation. A phone number. A couple of decent dates. So long as you keep trying, and keep remembering what works and what doesn’t, you HAVE to keep getting better and better.

Unfortunately, many guys are terrified to try. They imagine getting stuck is going to be much worse than it really is. They imagine horrible monsters hiding behind every corner of the maze, when they’re really none.

This is true of not only girls, but everything else worth getting in life as well. Fantastic careers, prosperity, health, wealth, anything. And you’ve already got everything you need to get started.

So get started!

Is Game Getting In The Way?

Simpler May Be Better

Sometimes Less Is More

There’s a belief that without any kind of structured “game” then guys would be helpless.

Meaning that unless there were guys teaching other guys how to talk to girls, date girls and hopefully get laid with girls, then it would otherwise never happen.

Now, there’s a few things wrong with this theory. To be sure, it does indeed help to know a little bit of what to say. And it helps A LOT to have a group of guys who have been there to share your experiences with, so you can do better next time.

But often times, when guys talk about “game” they are talking way beyond the basics of mutual male support.

Firstly, lets consider guys a hundred years ago. Obviously, they got laid, as there are many more people here than now than there were then. And they generally stayed in long lasting relationships, as the divorce rates back then were much lower than they are now.

And many guys will point to this as the very reason we need game. Girls are so low quality these days, they’ll say, that guys need some kind of super ninja tactics.

But that may be making the problem worse.

Now, let’s define the problem as not being able to meet quality girls for quality relationships.

How does game help this? Generally speaking, any kind game is only a short term strategy. It’s very, very hard to employ any kind of social technology over the long term.

Even politicians know this. That’s why they are always super vague when they speak. They know that if they are specific on any particular issue, they’ll likely contradict themselves later on.

So if you’re using any kind of technology to get girls interested in you, it’s definitely going to work in the short term.

But short term flings are made from much different ingredients than long term relationships.

Short term flings are based on short term interests. They necessarily overlook elements of compatibility and mutually shared experiences.

On the other hand, long term relationships are based on mutual physical interest, but only as an opening ingredient.

For any person to commit to another person, think of what’s involved. A lot of time, money, energy, and most importantly, opportunity cost.

For every hour you’re expecting that other person to spend with you, they CAN’T spend it doing anything else.

So you’re basically asking them to decide that the time they spend with you is the very BEST choice they can make.

Now, think about this. For anybody to spend time with somebody, at expense of all else, they’d better be getting their needs met. They better be with somebody that shares a lot of their interests. They better be with somebody that is got the same basic world views and life plans.

Otherwise, you’re asking for somebody without any world views, without any life plans, and without any idea of what they want. Somebody that will voluntarily chuck everything just to be with you.

Sure, game works in the short term. But it may be keeping you from finding that special lady that will only show her true self to you over a natural course of time. Without the social manipulation of any kind of game.

Something to consider.

Are You Willing To Pay The Costs?

Everything Comes With Costs - Are You Willing to Pay Them?

Everything Has A Price

Here’s a surefire way to get a girlfriend, if that’s what you want.

Now before we get started, many people claim they want something, when they really don’t. Or what they say they want is not really what they want. For example, most anybody on the street would say that want a million dollars. But that’s not the whole truth.

The whole truth is that they want a million dollars without taking any risks, putting themselves in any uncomfortable situations, or doing anything that might make them look foolish.

Ask a bunch of people if they were willing to spend three hours a day on side projects. Taking away from their TV time and socializing time. Doing things that would bring them disdain from friends and family, for three years and THEN get a million dollars. Ask this and most of them would laugh and walk away.

Same with guys that claim they want a girlfriend. Sure if their dream girl showed up on their doorstep one night, and asked if she could come in, they’d welcome her with open arms.

Of course, that only happens in fantasy lands. If you asked the question another way, you’d get a different answer.

Like this:

Would you be willing to talk to ten girls day, and ask for their phone number at the end of the conversation?

Would be willing to date at least one or two of THOSE girls a week, and disqualify those that don’t meet your criteria?

Would you be willing to ALWAYS be juggling two or three girls that you’ve dated more than once, yet aren’t in a committed relationship with yet?

Would you be willing to do this for ONE YEAR before you found that one special lady?

Most guys would run for the hills if that’s what they thought was required.

In fact, a lot of guys that have voluntarily removed themselves from the dating pool claim it’s because there are no quality women, or the game is stacked against men, or whatever.

But in reality, going through the above is a lot of work. Work most guys are simply not willing to put in.

They’d rather live in an imaginary “good old days” when girls just feel from the sky onto your arm.

But the cold harsh truth of economics will always prevail. Specifically the element of cost.

You can get whatever you want, so long as you are willing to pay the cost.

Most guys aren’t willing to pay the cost.

Are you?

If you are, then you can have any girl you want.

It’s not easy. But it is worth it.

Necessary Steps To Romantic Success

Face Your Fears

The Cave! Remember The Cave!

In many action type movies, you’ve got two powerful guys. A good guy, and a bad guy. Often times, the general story is the good guy and the bad guy are on a collision course, and the main climax is when they fight each other.

Remember in The Empire Strikes Back? Yoda told Luke he couldn’t be a true Jedi unless he faced Vader in the cave. Of course, Vader turned out to be his Father, which had all kinds of deep mysterious meanings in and off itself.

But the main reason so many action movies, (which are primarily marketed to guys) have this same structure is all guys must face their biggest fears before they move on to the second half of their lives.

The first half, the childhood half, is when they are dependent on others. The second half, the adult half, is when they become fully functioning adults.

This main battle of “good vs. evil” MUST happen in your life if you are to achieve true greatness. And when we’re talking about creating wonderful relationships with attractive women, that fear is pretty obvious.

Not just approach anxiety, but what you might call “expression anxiety.” You like her, and you’ve got to give her a chance to see if she likes you. Since girls’s attraction is much more dependent on personality, you’ve GOT to let her see the REAL YOU.

And for most guys, this is absolutely terrifying. If she sees and understands the real you, and rejects you, then NOTHING on Earth feels worse.

This is why guys spend all kinds of time on forums, seminars, reading books and other products. Following gurus around, going on boot camps.

It’s all designed to keep you from facing your fears.

But face your fears you must. Because on the other side is brilliance.

The good news is you don’t have to face your fears all at once. Since from the initial approach, to the time you make a commitment to your new partner, there’s going to be a LOT of stuff to work through.

Take your time. Take it slow. There’s no rush. Hopefully, you’re still building your life, no matter HOW old you are.

But you absolutely must accept that facing your fears is a necessary part of creating a positive relationship with a woman.

How do you do that?

Like I said, start small. Eye contact. Smile. A few words. Introduce yourself. Extend the conversation. Ask for contact number. Go on dates. Etc.

Just work on one level, until it’s easy, and keep moving up.

If you keep moving forward, and simply accept that everything that happens will make you stronger, you will not fail.

Forget gurus, forget men’s movements, forget finger pointing. Get going today, your future is waiting.

The Caveman Pick Up Angle

Look For A Partner, Not A Lover

Economic Partners

Taking a big picture look is a big help in a lot of situations.

Finding a suitable partner is no different. 

So if you’re wondering how to best go about finding a girlfriend, this may help give you another perspective.

One of the biggest problems facing mankind is that we are living in a modern world with a caveman brain.

We lived as hunter-gatherers for hundreds of thousands of years. Before we were even human, really. So the instincts that kept us safe, alive and thriving are still very powerful.

Consider hunger. Back then, food was scarce. So those that had genes that made them eat until they couldn’t move any chance they got tended to last longer.

Those that had genes that made them always worry about their figures didn’t.

Consequently, all humans today, when presented with cheap and plentiful food tend to get fat. It’s very HARD to simply not eat when the opportunity is right in front of  you.

All of our other instincts are the same way. They helped us then, but now, not so much.

One thing to understand is how male-female relationships were back then. They were much different than they are now. Much of what we expect now is really a very recent addition, and often times just not true.

Most people have been brainwashed into thinking that partnership between males and females should be about fantastic feelings and sex that never ends.

That’s partly true. 

That’s the attraction that brings us together in the first place. But it’s not what keeps us together.

What keeps us together?

If we look back in our common ancestry, we’ll see the difference.

A mutual cooperation in the creation of wealth.

Men and women were attracted because of physical reasons. They stayed together for economic reasons.

Meaning they were both on the same team. They were both pursuing the same goal. They wanted as much wealth as they could get, for the family.

And when the kids got old enough, that was their job too. To create as much wealth as they could to keep the family safe and secure.

This was true all the way up to the industrial revolution. Only after that did it start to be possible for one person to make enough money for the whole family.

That’s when all these crazy notions about lifelong romance and sappy love stories started to become popular.

If that’s ALL you’re looking for, you’ll certainly find it. But it won’t last long.

How can you apply this to modern dating?

Just ask yourself, next time you’re thinking about approaching a girl:

“Do I want her on my team, to help me create wealth for my future family?”

And she should be asking herself the same question about you, so you’d better be ready to answer. Not directly of course, but through your approach to relationships and life.

This can go a long ways it getting rid of that approach anxiety that’s based on false ideas about human relationships.

Something to think about next time you’re out looking for ladies.

The Statistics Of Seduction

Get Your Numbers Up!

How To Minimize Anxiety

If you want more success with women, then you’ve got to fail more often.

This is true of anything.

Now, most people don’t like to hear this. Especially when it comes to feeling confident talking to girls and not worrying too much about what happens.

Rejection sucks. Getting rejected in a social setting sucks even worse. 

But consider this, everything you learned how to do, you either learned from trial and error, or modeling.

Now, I’m not talking about some dates in history that you memorized for a history test. I’m talking about skills. Walking, talking, driving, any kind of sports or music.

Generally speaking, any learning involved modeling, which just means copying somebody else, and trial and error.

Think about a little kid who learns to walk. He or she sees all the other adults around, standing and walking on two legs. Much more efficient than four legs, right?

So they give it a try, and fall flat on their face. And laugh. And try again. And fail. And laugh. And continue until they succeed.

Being able to walk up and confidently talk to girls, and walk away JUST as confident regardless of what happens is also a skill.

And just like any other skill, it requires practice. Lots of practice.

But whenever most guys walk up to a girl, they tell themselves that THIS girl is going to be the one for them. If they succeed, they’ll be the happiest guy on Earth.

If they fail, they’ll be miserable for the rest of their lives.

Hard to practice under the sitatuions.

But practice you must, says Master Yoda.

How can you practice? One way is to simply keep some stats. Just of yourself. Not to show off to your boys or post online or try to prove your alpha-ness. Just to keep the idea of practice firmly in your mind whenever you see a cutie.

Just write down the number of girls you made eye contact with, smiled at, talked to, exchanged names with, etc.

Keep it in Excel or another form. It’s really BEST if you don’t share this with anybody.

Once you get started, you’ll see girls in a different light. It will seem much LESS like a do or die situation, and much more like practice.

Becuase you’ll have proof that every single girl is a stat. (Within YOUR experience).

Imagine if a baseball team played every single game like it was the last game of the world series.

They’d be a basketcase! In truth, if a team is a few games over 500, they’re doing pretty good. Since they play 162 (I think…) games a year, they KNOW they are bound to lose some.

Since baseball is the most statistically driven sport on Earth, they all know this.

So will you when you start keeping stats.

This will jack up your confidence, and make you much more attractive.

And pretty soon, those cute girls will be trying to get YOU into a relationship.

Had Enough TV Yet?

Start Your Journey

Answer Your Calling

One common theme among many movies is the “reluctant hero” idea.

Some normal guy or girl is hanging out, and suddenly something happens.

They don’t have a choice to “step up” and do something magnificent.

And often, they have a choice between using their new “power” for good or for evil.

Since these are movies, or stories with a “meaning,” the hero usually chooses the path of righteousness instead of evil.

But in real life, that is all from certain.

When I was a kid, I’d used to complain to my parents.

“I didn’t ask to be born!”

This is one of the reasons we identify with all the movie and story heroes that are “called” rather than people who consciously decide to become heroes.

None of us asked to be here. (At least not in this plane of existence.)

But here we are.

The BIG question is, what are you going to do about it?

Many folks (who have decided to use their powers for selfish purposes) would rather you NOT discover who you really are.

They would MUCH rather that part of you stays hidden, and you live a life of “quiet desperation.”

Unfortunately, most people are happy to comply.

Sure, they complain that life sucks. That they are always broke. That they never catch any breaks.

Then they proceed to tear open another bag of Cheetos and see what those crazy Kardashians will do next.

The bottom line is that because you are reading this now, there’s something inside of you that knows something’s fishy.

That there’s something more to TV, fast food, and the ever popular finger-pointing blame game.

Once again, what are you going to do about it?

It’s scary to leave your safe comfort zone behind.

But outside of your comfort zone is where all the good stuff is.

The REALLY good stuff, that most people only see on TV.

Will you go after it?

It’s not easy, it’s far from guaranteed, and it ain’t quick.

But you didn’t show up here to live the easy life. The safe life. The TV life.

You showed up here to achieve something MAGNIFICENT.

What are you waiting for?

Always Be Ready To Bounce

Keep One Of These In Sight At All Times

Always Have An Exit Strategy

What thing that can get anybody into a heap of trouble is having unrealistic expectations.

It works like this. You think you’re going to get something good. Doesn’t matter what. But if something happens and you DON’T get it, you’re going to feel cheated.

Now, if you think you might have one more slice of pizza leftover from last night, but really don’t, that’s not so bad.

The trouble comes when you think you are going to get something from somebody else.

Most people set themselves up for HUGE pains when they think they are getting something they deserve, and it doesn’t show up.

Even if somebody tells you they are giving you something for free, and then they change their mind, you’re going to feel cheated.

There’s no rhyme or reason to this, it’s just human nature.

And when there’s sex or romance of affection involved, it REALLY hurts.

Guy walks up to a girl, and he does everything right. She’s even into him for a while, friendly, flirty, touchy-feely, etc.

Then he number closes her, and gets shut down.

In this situation, it is REALLY easy to feel burned. Like she played you for a chump. Like she’s off with her buddies laughing all the free booze she mooched off you.

And yes, this DOES happen. Quite a bit.

But guess what?

Getting angry will ONLY make it worse.

Getting angry or hurt because of what a girl DIDN’T give you will make you much LESS attractive, not the other way around.

This why any idea of “deserving” should be absolutely ABSENT from your mind whenever you’re interacting with the ladies.

No girl wants to end up with a guy that she’ll feel any sort of obligation to.

No guy wants that either.

Humans are hard wired to cherish our freedom. Our freedom of thought.

Whenever you try to put her in a box where she SHOULD behave in a certain way, you’re basically trying to get her to be your willing mind slave.

Nobody likes doing things because they HAVE to. We only want to do things because we CHOOSE to.

So next time you’re out and about, think of how you could behave and interact with her so she’ll CHOOSE you, rather than feel obligated by any imaginary social pressure.

How do you do this?

Luckily, all humans are hard wired to want what we think we can’t have.

This is why being confident AND slightly aloof is so powerful.

Talk to her, enjoy her, but also radiate a slight vibe that says, “I like you, I enjoy you, but if you suddenly vanished from site, I’d recover pretty quickly.”

If she ever THINKS she has you, you’re done.

And any sign of neediness or expectation of what she SHOULD do is about a clear a sign as you can send that she does indeed have you.

Avoid this at all costs.

Friendly, confident, playful, and ready to bounce at any moment.

Have You Started Your Hero’s Journey?

Are You Thinking Like A Robot?

Think For Yourself

Long time ago I had this job as a telemarketer.

It only lasted about a week, because I absolutely hated it, but the training was pretty insightful.

Not in learning any kind of useful skills, but the mindset of the guy who put together the whole thing.

This was during the early 2000’s when real estate was booming. The job was to sell this marketing package to real estate agents.

But the way the trainer (and founder) described these people was pretty horrible.

His opinion was that people have no real control of their thinking, and if you only push a few buttons, it’s easy to get them to do whatever you want.

That guy had an incredibly low opinion of his customers.

Before every shift, he’d get everybody in this one room to “pump us up” and build up some story that we were giving these poor customers some life or death information.

If you’ve seen the movie “The Wolf of Wall Street,” it was very similar to that.

The truth is that there are a LOT of people like that.

People who have low regard for their customers, and who see all of us as easy marks, just desperate to buy the next “thing.”

Unfortunately, the only reason they think that is because it works.

Most of us are TERRIFIED of thinking for ourselves. We would much rather be told what to do, even if it’s some kind of con, than try and figure it out on our own.

But if you’re honest with yourself, you know that is the biggest con of all.

That inside you is a literal HERO just waiting to come up.

But if you continue to expect others to tell you what to do, step by step, that HERO is going to stay hidden.

And when I say “hero” I’m not talking dressing up and fighting crime, or flying around with a cape.

I’m talking about REAL LIFE heroes. The kind build things, invent things, create things that other people desperately need.

The kind that aren’t afraid to express themselves without concern social pressure or “what others will think.”

The kind of folks that society NEEDS to keep functioning.

One of the main goals of the hero is to FIND the journey.

Not to be told what to do, or how to do it, or how to stay safe.

Your purpose in life is to not only unleash your inner hero, but to be the one who defines their journey.

Where you are going, and how you will get there.

Are you ready?

This will help:

Self Confidence Generator

Your Biggest Obstacle To Love

It's All In Your Head

Hint: It’s All In Your Mind

Most everything you’ll read or be sold today regarding seduction and dating is partly a scam.

I don’t mean that sellers or bloggers are scamming readers or customers. It’s the people reading and buying that are scamming themselves.

The biggest block to guys getting the girls they want is fear. I know many guys will disagree, and say their not afraid. It’s just that the market is too bad. Or they don’t want to spend a lot of money. Or they don’t have the right job, or whatever.

But think about this, if you can. Imagine you’re at the grocery store, and you’d like an apple. You have an idea of the perfect apple. So you head over to the apple cart. You start picking up the apples, looking at them, feeling their softness or hardness. Finally after ten minutes or so (you’re REALLY picky when it comes to apples) you finally settle on the perfect one.

Now, when you were picking up any individual apple, what were your emotions like? Afraid, nervous, worried, impatient, bored?

Most likely not. You looked at this big pile of apples and were pretty certain you’d find ONE that would be perfect. It may take a few minutes, but you KNEW you’d find one. The entire time, you’d likely be thinking “Man, this is going to taste SO GOOD!”

Now, just for the sake of argument, imagine if you could talk to girls, all girls, with the same mindset. Zero fear, zero anxiety, zero worry, zero consideration to what other people were doing or whether or not they were watching you.

Would you have ANY trouble finding your dream girl, REGARDLESS of your status in life?

Nope.

But many guys are terrified to admit they are terrified. So they come up with all kinds of excuses. Some of them cover up their fears by approaching and closing TONS of women, creating numerous but shallow relationships that are based on nothing but drunken fun. (Not that there’s anything wrong with drunken fun!)

The structure is the same, inspecting apples vs. dating girls, but the time period is far, far longer.

What if you were as completely open and fearless with not only talking to girls, but dating them, and completely and confidently opening yourself up to them?

Not only that, but what if you had such rock solid criteria, you’d know RIGHT AWAY if they were your type or not. There’d be NO WAY they could fool you.

What would your life be like then?

Would you need a billion and one pick up lines? Would you need to strategically organize your bedroom for the most efficient, resistance free closing?

Most likely not.

Obviously, this is much more easier said than done. Even admitting that the biggest problem is emotional resistance is tough for most guys.

It’s hard to let go of being able to blame the world, blame society, blame women, whatever.

But once you realize all you need to do is get over your irrational fears, there’s a whole world of women out there just waiting to be loyal to a guy like you.