Category Archives: Charisma

Secrets Of Magnetic Behavior

The Give and Get Model

There’s a metaphor about heaven and hell that I like.

As it goes, in both heaven and hell there’s both plenty of people, and plenty of food.

And in both heaven and hell, the food comes in these bowls.

In both places, the people have to eat with these really, really long spoons.

The ONLY difference is what goes on in the minds of the inhabitants.

Everything else is EXACTLY the same.

In hell, nobody trusts anybody, so everybody tries to get by solely on their own. But since the spoons are too long to use, everybody’s always starving, lonely, and miserable.

But in heaven, people work together. They trust each other. They are willing to take risks. They know that you can get whatever you want, so long as you help others get what THEY want FIRST.

So they first take their long spoon, scoop out some food in some other person’s bowl, and feed them. They don’t know if they’ll reciprocate. They don’t worry that the person might take advantage of them. They don’t worry that everybody might think their an idiot for being so gullible.

And guess what?

This selfless behavior INSPIRES others. That other person that got fed by a stranger CAN’T wait to return the favor. They look around for somebody in need, so they can help.

Pretty soon, everybody is eagerly helping others, sharing, creating relationships, making friends.

Everybody’s happy. Everybody’s full. Nobody’s left behind.

Meanwhile, back in hell, everybody’s still starving, angry, alone, and worried that somebody is going to come and steal their food (that they can’t eat anyway).

This is the secret of charisma and personal magnetism.

Forget about talking about yourself and your own desires. Forget about your own shortcomings (real or imagined). Forget about all the constant approval seeking.

Go first. See somebody who could use a friend. Go and talk to them. Ask them about what they want. Find out what’s special and unique about them.

Spend your time focusing on and helping others.

Be an inspiration.

Do this, and others will be EAGER to help you get what you want, whatever it is.

What’s more, since all of us humans are MUCH MORE similar than we are different, there’s a really good chance what YOU want shares a lot with what THEY want.

And that overlap is the source of all partnerships, friendships, and romances.

Get Started:

Charisma Generator

The Social Snowball Effect

Get Out Of Your Head

One of the nicest things you can do for anybody is to simply pay attention to them.

Most of us have all kinds of thoughts, ideas, dreams, that NEVER leave our brains.

Maybe once in a while, we’ll spit out a quick piece of evidence. Maybe we’re afraid people will laugh at us, maybe we’re afraid somebody will tell us our ideas our foolish.

But the truth is, when we are bold enough to speak just a small bit of our true selves, it feels REALLY good when somebody not only listens without laughing, but is genuinely interested in what we’ve got to say.

In order to be the one doing the listening, you’ve got to be careful. Many of us have a subconscious desire to “be right” or “be in charge.” Social status is something that we all crave, and recent studies from Harvard have shown that wanting increased social status is something that underpins pretty much every conversation we have with somebody.

So it can be very, very difficult to put your own opinions, desires and beliefs aside and really listen.

This is one those times when you’ve got to be your higher self. To ignore those lower-self instincts, and live fully consciously.

Because when you do, it’s pretty amazing.

AND it’s incredibly easy.

The simplest way to really listen is to simply PAY ATTENTION to the words and phrases they use, and HOW they use them.

Then, when describing what they’ve just described, instead of “paraphrasing” them, like some folks teach, use the EXACT same words, in the EXACT same way they did.

Now, this sounds like you’ll come across as fake and manipulative, and you will if you’re not being sincere.

But if you repeat their words and phrases while fully trying to imagine whatever they were imagining when they said it, the results are flabbergasting.

Not only will they light up like a Christmas tree, but they’ll NEVER forget you.

They’ll see you as somebody who really gets them. Somebody who really understands them.

Obviously, this can be easily misused, especially if you’re in sales.

But if you’re just having fun in a social setting, and talking about things they’d like to do in the future, it’s really cool.

A side benefit is that while you’re talking to this person, and they are clearly VERY interested in you, everybody else is going to notice.

And everybody else will notice everybody else noticing. It’s like a snowball effect.

If you do this with just a couple people, you’ll soon develop a subconscious reputation in their minds for being truly charismatic and magnetic.

All by getting out of your own way, and simply listening to others.

Learn More:

Charisma Generator

Look For Treasure In Others

Avoid The Lonely Trap

Many people don’t think they are assertive enough.

To be sure, speaking up on your own behalf, or those around you, is a good skill to have.

And just like learning any skill, especially a skill that is based on how you interact with others, you’re going to expand your comfort zone.

And for many, this means getting some unexpected blowback from others.

For example, many of your friends like you because of the way you are now. Then you come along and start speaking up more for your wants, needs, and desires, and suddenly you don’t seem like that nice, passive guy or gal they used to know.

I’ve heard from a few assertiveness trainers that often times, “assertiveness training” is synonymous with “loneliness training.”

It’s also a common idea that if you always need to be “right” you won’t win any friends. In fact, in Dale Carnegie’s famous book, being “right” all the time is the surest way to destroy friendships and alienate people.

This is a common and unexpected outcome when people learn and begin to play around with the “meta-model.”

The meta model is a set of language patterns that are designed to get more specific information whenever people are speaking in vague language.

For example, if I said, “I had chicken for dinner last night,” you could use the meta model to find out what kind of chicken, how did I eat it, who did I eat it with, how long did I take to eat it, how was it cooked, and on and on.

Now, you can imagine if I was just saying that conversationally, grilling me about my chicken dinner (see what I did there?) wouldn’t likely make me more interested in you. It would likely have the opposite effect.

However, the meta model (finding out more specific information by asking why, when, how, etc.) can be a FANTASTIC tool when getting the person talking about the thing they REALLY want to talk about.

For example, think of your biggest life’s dream, right now. This is not something you generally walk up and start talking about.

But if it comes up conversationally, and somebody seems genuinely interested in YOUR DREAM, and they start asking meta model questions, based on their interest, it will generally feel pretty good.

Of course, if their interest was totally fake, you’d think they were warming you up for some kind of MLM pitch.

But if it was genuine, and they really liked the fact that you had a dream, and wanted to find out more, chances are you’d feel pretty good talking to them.

As you can probably guess, YOU can be that person who’s extremely interesting to talk to. Simply get out of your own head, forget about proving how right you are, and simply look for the treasure in others.

Do this, and they’ll never forget you.

Learn More:

Charisma Generator

Make Them Love You

Secrets Of Automatic Charisma

According to Dale Carnegie, the original guru of social skills, everybody’s always listening to their favorite radio station.

WII-FM

Or, “What’s In It For Me?”

Now, this isn’t bad, or negative or a slam on human nature. If humans DIDN’T always concern themselves for what was important to us, we’d never get anything.

Even on a subconscious level, whenever we consider taking action, there’s part of us that’s hoping to improve ourselves.

Now, a lot of people have problems with this. But even when we’re doing charity work, selflessly serving others, we are STILL doing it for OUR own reasons, even if they are spiritual.

And even if those reasons are only known by us, even subconsciously, they are STILL our reasons.

However, humans are ALSO highly social creatures. We also know on a deep level that one of the BEST ways to get what we want is to participate in a group so that EVERYBODY’S interests kind of overlap.

It’s a lot more fun when everybody’s getting their needs met. When it’s win-win instead of win-lose.

Unfortunately, a lot of people are too afraid to participate like that. They’re so worried about getting the short end of the stick that they make sure they stick it others before they get stuck.

But if you’re brave, you can find plenty of people that have enough overlap. Otherwise society wouldn’t be possible.

The way most people go about doing this they talk about what’s important to them, but in a friendly and outgoing way.

It’s like they’re tossing their own interests out there, and hoping somebody will share them.

This works pretty well. In fact, you may say this kind of behavior is hard wired into us.

However, there is a better way.

And that is to simply START OFF by finding out what’s important to other people FIRST.

Keep asking them about their interests, their desires, their goals.

Get them fired up. If you do that, a funny thing will start to happen.

They’ll start to SEE YOU through the lens of their desires and interests.

Meaning before they even know anything about you, they’ll have a deep appreciation and attraction for you.

Which means if then start talking about what’s important to you, they’ll almost certainly help you get it.

This is what charisma and personal magnetism REALLY is.

It’s being interested enough in others so that NO MATTER what you start talking about next, THEY will be interested in you. Not only that, but they’ll be willing to help you get it, simply because how you make them feel on a deep level.

Learn More:

Charisma Generator

Make People Happy To Be Around You

Express Yourself!

Why are little kids so cute?

One reason is they are totally innocent. When they express themselves, they have no ulterior motive, like many adults.

They also don’t have a lot of fears, like many adults. We grown-ups tend to get an impulse to say something, but then we imagine all kinds of horrible things that might happen, so we back pedal a bit, in our minds.

Then we say something that’s less than 100% congruent.

Kids, on the other hand, are pure congruence. They’re not like, “Part of me wants to run over and see what that red shiny thing is, but another part is still kind of tired out from this morning.”

They see something they want, and go after it.

I used to know this guy in college. Always smiling, always making people laugh. Always making some lighthearted joke about any particular situation. Never putting anybody else down, except when it was perfectly clear it was a good-natured joke.

Always with over the top facial expressions and gestures.

And ALWAYS surrounded by girls.

This guy was the total opposite of the typical “player” type you see on TV or in the movies.

This was a guy you just enjoyed being around. If there was a party, and you knew this guy was going to be there, you wanted to go.

This is what happens when you carry that child like congruence into adulthood.

You have that congruence, but also the responsibility of being an adult.

You don’t censor yourself because you’re afraid how people will respond, you only censor yourself because you honestly don’t like saying mean things about other people.

But the funny thing is once you spend just a little bit of time expressing yourself like this, all those negatives ideas in your mind about others tends to vanish.

Since whenever you show up, people are always so happy to see you, you suddenly think of everybody in at their best.

It’s like you project this bubble out around that everybody is happy to be in.

Of course, this isn’t magic. You still need to think and act and plan ahead, and be careful how you use your energy and resources.

But it sure makes life a lot more fun.

If you’d like to be more charismatic, check this out:

Charisma Generator

Make It Easy To Talk To Her

Not Always Do Or Die

It can be incredibly frustrating if you don’t have the social skills and confidence to walk up and start talking to a cute girl, even though you’d really, really like to.

Especially if you haven’t done anything like this before. Many guys are desperately searching for some kind of magic line or phrase that will instantaneously fire up her attraction.

In reality, those first few moments of the conversation are not nearly as dependent on words as we’d like to believe. It really doesn’t matter WHAT you say, so long as you’re relaxed, and confident, and not pushy.

If you’re a little nervous, that’s OK. She is usually going to be to. That’s normal, and that’s expected.

It’s when you’re SUPER nervous is when that becomes a problem.

However, the only way to move from SUPER nervous from a normal level of nervousness is to practice doing things that make you nervous.

No memorized lines or patterns are going to do this. In fact, they are likely going to hurt in the long run.

Why?

The best possible thing you can say is whatever comes up, in the moment. If you practice a bunch of memorized stories and openers, you’ll just get good at these particular openers or routines.

This takes away feeling of spontaneity that’s a crucial ingredient in that first important conversation.

The only way to be “in the moment” is to practice being “in the moment.”

But before you start walking up to strange girls just to practice, ease into it.

Start with whatever you’re comfortable with, and work your way up. If you’re comfortable with eye contact, then start with that. Then move to flirty eye contact. Then move to eye contact and smiles. Then move to saying, “hi.” Then move to short conversations.

It’s absolutely crucial to see this as exercise. Skill building. Not actual pick up. If you’re working on eye contact, for example, DON’T do anything else. If she says “hi,” don’t get excited and try to number close her or make her your girlfriend.

This is much harder than it sounds. The tendency is to suddenly treat her as a potential relationship and go as far as you can. This will hurt your ego, and will be counter productive.

When doing these skill building exercises, tell yourself before you go out it’s ONLY PRACTICE. Don’t push yourself further than you can. Just get ten “hello’s” and that’s that (or whatever level you’re at.)

When you finally do see a girl you’d like to talk to for REAL, it will be a lot easier.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

Get In The Game And Find Your Match

The Jigsaw Puzzle Pattern

When I was a kid I loved jigsaw puzzles. Sort of. I like the idea of being able to finish one, but I never really had the motivation. I would put together all the outside edges, since that was the easy part.

But once it got to the inside pieces, I just didn’t have the patience to sort through all those pieces.

Lots of things are like that. For a jigsaw puzzle, it’s kind of easy to understand. When you finish, you’ve got some picture of a castle or something. For some, the feeling of accomplishment is a good enough feeling.

But for kids, when all you end up is a picture of a castle after spending a few hours that you COULD have been doing something fun outside, well…

You can think of meeting the right woman as putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Every woman’s got her own set of things she’s looking for in a guy. And every woman’s got her own qualities that she has to offer to a guy.

Every guy has (or should have) these same two groups of qualities. Those he’s looking for, and those he’s got to offer.

The more you’ve got to offer, the more you can demand. Basic market economics.

The process seems simple enough.

Work on yourself, building up what you’ve got to offer. Keep meeting girls until you find a match.

Luckily, even if you are starting from zero, meaning you have no idea what you have to offer, and no idea what you want, both of these will build over time.

Meaning the very process of walking up to and talking to girls (and falling on your face) will build up your self confidence, your social skills, and your experience. All things a quality woman looks for in a guy.

At the same time, you’ll be refining your criteria of what’s important to you in a woman BEYOND her looks.

Which means if you treat “pick up” as an exercise in criteria generation, AND personal development, you’ll be a natural in no time.

The trick is to see it as scrimmage. Those pretend games in practice that have no effect on the standings.

Sure, it sucks getting shot down, but think if it as practice. Practice in building up your skills until you meet Miss Right.

The more you build your skills BEFORE you meet her, the more likely she’ll be AUTOMATICALLY attracted to you when she sees you.

Making it easy to get together with her.

Get Started:

Girlfriend Generator

What Kind Of Hills Do You Like?

Get In The Game

I used to go skiing when I was a kid. I belonged to the Explorer Scouts, which was kind of like boy scouts.

But instead of merit badges and helping old ladies cross the street, we just did things like camping and hiking.

And once a year, we all went on this big ski trip to this big mountain resort. Bunch of kids crammed into a cabin, away from out parents, and only a few adults. All of us with crappy equipment that we had to rent. Great fun.

I remember two types of ski runs as a kid. One was steep and flat. One was steep with these HUGE moguls.

Moguls are like little hills, (some not so little) and are kind of put there accidentally by how skiers make a lot of quick turns going down the mountain.

Since I was never good enough to do that, I HATED moguls. I would make this HUGE zig-zags down the mountain, and moguls made that incredible difficult.

Problem was you couldn’t tell which runs had the huge moguls unless you went down the run. So I had to kind of remember which ones did and which ones didn’t.

Once we got the nerve to take the lift up to the biggest, steepest run. We all looked over the edge and said, “No Way!”

So we went down the backside. Through a bunch of trees and back around to the front.

Funny thing was that was likely the most fun we had that trip. It took us a couple hours, since we had no idea where we were going, and a lot of it was pretty flat. But it was an adventure.

Had we not had the courage to go all the way to the top, we would never have experienced that.

The best things can happen when you least expect them. But unlike the movies, they don’t really happen “to” you, while you’re sitting around.

That’s the great dream of most of us, to be thrust into some kind of adventure without much effort on our part.

But in real life, we’ve got to take part. We’ve got to get out there and get in the mix.

Sure, sometimes we’ll come across these huge scary moguls we’ve got to get around.

Other times, we’ll look down and say “No Way!” and try to find another path.

But those “other paths” are where all the good stuff is.

Amazing things will happen when you get out there and open yourself up to whatever is waiting.

Having the courage to do so will help.

Learn More:

Emotional Freedom

What Kind Of Movie Is Your Life?

Your Epic Hero’s Journey

I like watching movies. It’s one of the ways I like to “turn off my brain” and relax.

Some movies are really good, I can watch them over and over again.

Some moves are pleasant to watch, but I wouldn’t want to see them again.

I also like reading novels. I’ve noticed the same thing. There’s a few, really good novels that I read every few years.

People have been telling stories, in one form or another, for as far back as humans have been writing down history.

Interesting thing is that the same story structures keep popping up in various cultures.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m watching a good movie, sometimes I imagine myself in the lead role. How I’d respond to the situation, what I may do differently.

They say a good writer can come up with a character the audience can sympathize with. Meaning we watch the guy or girl and we root for them. If we can imagine ourselves in their shoes, the writer has done a good job.

One common “feeling” when watching movies is being uplifted, inspired, motivated.

Milton Erickson (the famous hypnotist) knew that stories were the most powerful way to quickly and permanently affect change in the lives of his patients.

He wasn’t one of those, “And how do you feel about that? What do you think that means?” type of therapist.

He was a “Hmm. Interesting. That reminds me of a story. Once upon a time…” type of therapist.

Sure, stories can kill time.

But they can also do a lot more.

One type of movie that generally gets slammed by critics, even though people enjoy the movie, are “feel good” movies. These are the movies where there’s never any question the good guys are going to win. There’s not much conflict, no real bad guys, just a happy adventure where the good guys have a good time and a few laughs.

While they feel good, they don’t really inspire anything.

It’s like eating something really sweet, with no nutritional value. Tastes good, but that’s about it.

On the other hand, movies that send us through the ringer are the ones we like. When we really don’t know what’s going to happen. When we really are relieved when the good guys win.

Which do you think is a more appropriate metaphor for life? Not just life in general, but your life?

A sappy, smiley, skip through the colorful meadow? Everything works out?

Or an epic adventure, where the hero’s got to dig deep and put it all on the line?

Since this is YOUR life, and YOU are the hero, what do you want?

Snappy theme songs and happy faces?

Or you do you want to get out there and slay some frikkin dragons?

Get Going:

Mind Persuasion

Rediscover Your Inner Hero

Awaken Your Genius

A long time ago, you were an absolute genius.

You looked out into the world, with nothing but excitement and curiosity.

You had no idea what was out there, only that you wanted to find out.

And the more you found out, the more you wanted to find out.

A perfect balance between means and ends. The means of getting out there was an end in and of itself, but not so much that you forgot about the ends.

You enjoyed the process, but not so much you were content to run around in circles.

You wanted to get somewhere. Then that end, that thing you were going after, was merely a small step to a larger goal. Something you sort of knew about, but not really.

The more you achieved, the more you wanted to achieve, and the more you needed to learn.

A perfect balance of learning, achieving, appreciating, and wanting more, and having the confidence, curiosity, drive and pure love for the whole process to keep you moving forward.

Then something happened. Learning stopped being so easy and natural, and started becoming frustrating, and sometimes scary.

The results were good, but not nearly as good as before.

Why?

Instead of YOU choosing them, these “results” were chosen for you.

Not only that, if you didn’t go after them the way THEY they told you to, it made you less and less excited, and more and more anxious, nervous, and frustrated.

Why does this happen?

Why do we come into this world, filled with so much love, appreciation and desire only to have it slowly and meticulously pounded out of us?

Is the world evil?

Were we put here to suffer?

I think you know the answer.

In those quite moments of inner peace, those fleeting moments of clarity, you KNOW why you are here.

You might not give it name, or words. But you know. Deep down, you know.

Your purpose is to remember who you are.

To find that inner explorer, the fearless discover of the world around you.

Perhaps you knew this before you came here.

That only that small, brief taste of your true potential would be enough.

Enough to launch you into your life’s mission to discover your true purpose.

To not only rediscover who you are, but to maximize your ability to share your gifts with the world.

Get Started:

Mind Persuasion