It can be incredibly frustrating if you don’t have the social skills and confidence to walk up and start talking to a cute girl, even though you’d really, really like to.

Especially if you haven’t done anything like this before. Many guys are desperately searching for some kind of magic line or phrase that will instantaneously fire up her attraction.

In reality, those first few moments of the conversation are not nearly as dependent on words as we’d like to believe. It really doesn’t matter WHAT you say, so long as you’re relaxed, and confident, and not pushy.

If you’re a little nervous, that’s OK. She is usually going to be to. That’s normal, and that’s expected.

It’s when you’re SUPER nervous is when that becomes a problem.

However, the only way to move from SUPER nervous from a normal level of nervousness is to practice doing things that make you nervous.

No memorized lines or patterns are going to do this. In fact, they are likely going to hurt in the long run.

Why?

The best possible thing you can say is whatever comes up, in the moment. If you practice a bunch of memorized stories and openers, you’ll just get good at these particular openers or routines.

This takes away feeling of spontaneity that’s a crucial ingredient in that first important conversation.

The only way to be “in the moment” is to practice being “in the moment.”

But before you start walking up to strange girls just to practice, ease into it.

Start with whatever you’re comfortable with, and work your way up. If you’re comfortable with eye contact, then start with that. Then move to flirty eye contact. Then move to eye contact and smiles. Then move to saying, “hi.” Then move to short conversations.

It’s absolutely crucial to see this as exercise. Skill building. Not actual pick up. If you’re working on eye contact, for example, DON’T do anything else. If she says “hi,” don’t get excited and try to number close her or make her your girlfriend.

This is much harder than it sounds. The tendency is to suddenly treat her as a potential relationship and go as far as you can. This will hurt your ego, and will be counter productive.

When doing these skill building exercises, tell yourself before you go out it’s ONLY PRACTICE. Don’t push yourself further than you can. Just get ten “hello’s” and that’s that (or whatever level you’re at.)

When you finally do see a girl you’d like to talk to for REAL, it will be a lot easier.

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