Category Archives: Communication

Are You Playing The Numbers Game?

Put Down The Phone

Hang Up The Phone

​Long, long time ago, I had a job in a call center.

One of those aggressive, call-a-million-people-a-day places.

They were selling some kind of long distance service. The training was one day, with the guru firing everybody up.

They had a new training class once a week. Maybe 50 new people. After one week, about 40 would quit.

And within a month, half of those who were left would quit.

They paid ten bucks an hour, plus commissions.

So they were willing to pay 45 people (those that quit) for up to a month, without much return.

The idea was that the remaining five people that would stay would make up the difference.

Meaning the income generated by those five sellers, calling people over and over and over would MORE than pay for what it costs to pay the other 45 who never made a nickel.

I’m sure you’ve heard of the 80/20 rule? Twenty percent of the people make eighty percent of the profits?

It’s the same from the sellers point of view. Sure, 9 out of 10 people would hang up. But that tenth person was where the money was.

So long as they kept calling, they kept making money.

As you can see, having awesome sales skills wasn’t required. Only the ability to memorize a short script, and a VERY thick skin.

Same goes with meeting people for romantic reasons. At least according to the theory. Come up with an easy to spit out pick up line, say to enough people, and you’ll collect some numbers. Call enough numbers, and you’ll get some dates.

After all, it’s just a number’s game, right?

Well, it is to most. But it doesn’t HAVE to be.

Because most communication models don’t teach people HOW to be persuasive. At the heart of most strategies is the “numbers game” theory.

But in reality, there is a much, much better way.

A way that doesn’t require massive rejection. Or the stigma of being pushy or creepy.

A much more respectful communication model. That is based on the OTHER PERSON first, not your wants or needs.

A way to get them to WILLING open up to you, and tell you things they’ve never told anybody before.

A way to make them GLAD they interacted with you, even if you don’t exchange contact information or contracts or even agree on anything you’ve discussed.

In truth, most communication strategies only teach two quadrants, when in reality there are four.

When you respect ALL FOUR, you’ll speak to people in a way they’ve never heard before.

Making YOU stand out in their memory for the rest of their lives.

In a very, very good way.

Learn How:

Open Them Like A B-Day Present

Open Them Carefully

Avoid Putting Them On The Spot

​There’s all kinds of funny scenes in movies when two people are talking, but they both think they are talking about something different.

One of the key components of the Milton Model, the set of language patterns used in conversational hypnosis, is artful vagueness.

Meaning if I said something like, “He said that they were thinking about doing that, until she came up and said it was a bad idea, until they realized the true implications,” you really have ZERO clue what that means. Lots of unspecified pronouns and verbs.

But when you use these with a lot of skill, you can kind of “guess” what meaning the listener or reader will use when they fill in the blanks.

For example, consider this sentence:

“My brother and his cousin were talking about whether or not to study hypnosis or work on their language skills, and then he decided it was a good idea, so they did that.”

It’s still pretty confusing, but any meaning you come up with has to do with improving your communication skills.

Unfortunately, a lot of people use those vague words without being clear what they refer to, or without using them with any thought.

So you get two people talking about something and they both kind of have to guess what each other means.

One way to see this in action is to listen in on a conversation. Or be quiet for a few minutes when you’re in a group setting. Pay close attention to the specific words and sentences others use. 

You’ll find that most of the time, the stuff people talk about is VERY vague.

Now, what happens if you want to get more information?

Most people ask equally vague questions. Like, “What do you mean?” or “Tell me more.”

And if you’re talking about something, and somebody asks you a question like that, it’s easy to feel “on the spot,” as if everybody is suddenly looking at you to deliver some kind of genius idea.

Luckily, there is a pretty easy way to get people to speak more specifically about what they want.

And it WON’T make them feel “on the spot.” It will have the opposite effect. It will make them feel validated and noticed. Something we ALL crave. Not just for “being them” but for their specific ideas.

The set of questions is kind of the polar opposite of the Milton Model, which is based on vagueness.

When used carefully, not only will they open up like a birthday present, but they’ll NEVER forget you.

What’s more, is the more you ask them about their deepest desires, the more they’ll naturally associate their deepest desires with YOU.

What could you do with that?

Learn More:

Two Secrets Of Irresistible Communication

Are You Spitting Word Salad?

Do Your Words Make Sense?

​Dale Carnegie tells an interesting story in one of his books.

Some famous lady (politician or rich person or something) had a “conversation” with Carnegie one evening.

Only Carnegie didn’t speak much. All he did was ask directed questions and follow up questions. All the while being genuinely interested in what she had to say.

A couple days later, when somebody asked her opinion of Carnegie, she said, “He’s the most interesting conversationalist I’ve ever met!”

This, of course, is after he discovered that EVERYBODY is always most interested in themselves.

So when you talk to people about themselves, they will like talking to you.

ESPECIALLY when most of us walk around talking about ourselves.

If you want to do an interesting, eye opening experiment, eavesdrop on a couple people talking. Or take yourself out of the conversation, mentally, if you’re in a group. 

You’ll hear something like this:

“Well, I …. and I … so I…”

“Yes, that’s fascination. But me… and me… and me…”

Another thing you’ll notice is there is a HUGE lack of “content” in most every day conversations.

In our heads we’ve got these half baked ideas. Then we attach a bunch of random words onto these ideas and spit them out. And hope something works.

Trouble is, when EVERYBODY is doing that, you get a bunch of people talking about themselves with a LOT of “fillers.”

Sure, talking is natural. Walking is natural. Eating is natural. We don’t have to think about it. We just do it.

But you can also improve the way you walk, talk and eat.

In fact, ANYTHING you can do, you can improve upon. All you’ve got to do is elevate it to the conscious level, improve what works, get rid of what doesn’t and let it sink back down into your unconscious.

Your words are your most valuable tool. Your most effective skill. Your ability to take a thought from inside your head, put words to it, and put that SAME thought (and what you think about that thought) into the heads of others will open doors most don’t know exist.

The power of your words will take you farther than any degree, any amount of experience, and any connections (or lack thereof).

And when you combine these two ideas, that if increasing your ability with your words AND the fact that everybody is MOST worried about themselves, you can create anything you want.

Learn More:

Are You Running Numbers?

Stop Ignoring People

Find Out What They Want First

​A long, long time ago, I used to work at Disneyland.

No, I wasn’t dressed up as a character. My job was to walk around and ask people various questions. Where they were from. How long they were staying. Which rides they liked the best, etc.

I worked for the “guest research” department. Our job was to collect demographic data to support the marketing department.

At first, it was pretty nerve wracking. We had to walk up and start conversations with people all day long. On an average day, we’d interact with 500-1000 people. A lot of people quit after a week.

But after a while, it became pretty fun. After all, you get to meet people from all over the world who are on vacation, and usually in a pretty good mood.

There’s a lot of ways you can use statistics. Marketing, sales, baseball, economics. If it weren’t for statistics, we humans would be pretty clueless. They wouldn’t even know how much to charge for insurance.

Sometimes when we think in terms of meeting people, for friends, romance, or even in sales, we tend to think in terms of “numbers.”

If you call enough people, you’ll get enough sales. If you ask enough people for their phone number, and go on enough dates, you’ll meet Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Problem is sorting through all those people can be pretty intimidating. Sure, you intellectually know that if you “number close” the next 500 attractive people you see, your BOUND to find your “soul mate” in there somewhere! (Or at least somebody close enough!)

However, the whole “numbers game” theory can be a little misleading.

Sure, no matter WHAT you do, you will NEVER be able to convince everybody. Despite what WAY over-hyped marketing may claim, there ARE going to be people who simply aren’t interested.

However, with just a few simple tweaks in how you communicate, you can SIGNIFICANTLY increase your odds.

What if you KNEW that you really only need to talk to TEN people before finding your soul mate?

What if you KNEW that instead of calling a hundred people for every sale, you only needed to call ten?

Would that make it easier? You bet it would!

How do you do this? The first step is to remove all your inner conflicts. Even if you have the best sales pitch written by Dale Carnegie himself, it won’t work if you’re so nervous you’re shaking when you deliver it. (Same goes with meeting guys and girls for relationships.)

The second step is to FIRST find out what THEY want, so you can speak in “their language.” You’ll find this will SIGNIFICANTLY improve your chances. With ANYBODY you speak with.

Do that, and ALL communication will be much, much easier.

Learn More:

Find Their Buried Treasure

Find Their Treasure

The Diamond Inside

​Long time ago I went to this persuasion seminar.

One of the metaphors was a Russian doll. The speaker actually had one of those dolls that had a bunch of smaller dolls on the inside.

On the very inside, to emphasize his point, was a real blue diamond. Very rare. Very expensive.

The message, of course, was that everybody has something EXTREMELY valuable on the inside.

And it’s our job, as communicators, to find that.

Since most people are afraid to go first, it will help our cause (whatever you’re individual cause may be) to GO FIRST.

Most people won’t approach, so they wait for somebody else to approach.

Most people won’t start conversations, so they wait for somebody else to start conversations.

This puts YOU in a very powerful position.

You, of course, are an EXPERT on the human condition.

We all are, since we’re all humans!

When you start off by ASSUMING that person has treasure buried deep beneath their fears, you’ll speak to them in a much different way.

However, this requires a couple of things to happen.

One is you’ve got to be wholly congruent yourself. If you walk over and start talking, but are nervous or anxious, it’s going to come across in your body language, facial expressions, and overall energy.

Luckily, this is pretty easy to fix. Just take a few minutes every day, and relax into your emotions. Imagine something scary or unpleasant, and just accept those emotions. Don’t try to change them, or ignore them, or explain them away.

Just accept them as part of who you are.

We ALL have a HUGE mix of emotions. Good ones, neutral ones and bad ones.

If you can accept ALL of them as purely natural, then you’re WAY ahead of the game.

The second thing you can do, to open up the treasure in others, is to ask them the right questions, in the right way.

Instead of sounding like an interrogator, you’ll sound like you are GENUINELY interested in them, which you will be.

Simply by being in their presence, you’ll make them feel safe and comfortable. Comfortable enough to share with you their deepest desires. The greatest hopes. Their biggest dreams.

And once they start talking about them (with you), a few pretty AMAZING things will happen.

One is they’ll NEVER forget you. Since so few people have EVER made them feel that way.

Two is that they’ll subconsciously associate those dreams and desires with YOU.

Three is that ANYTHING you say or suggest will be much, much more likely to be accepted and acted upon by them.

And I’m sure you can start to imagine, now, how many ways you can use these skills!

Get Started:

Who Do You Hang Out With?

Choose Wisely

Choose Your Friends Wisely

I used to work with this guy who was an ultra machine shop wizard.

He could take a hunk of metal and turn it into anything, provided he had specific details.

Even without specific details, if I told him what I needed it for, he could figure it out, through a couple runs of trial and error, until it was right.

I never really thought about his line of work until I got to know him.

One thing that surprised me was that top notch machine shop guys have their own sets of tools. Meaning if they leave one company and go work for another, they bring all their tools with them.

Sure, those huge machines that are several hundred thousands of dollars stay put, but their huge toolbox filled with every tool imaginable goes wherever they go.

There’s a few games where you imagine you’re stranded on a desert island, and you’ve got to pick three or four things from a list to take with you. Sometimes it’s supposed to tell you something about your personality, sometimes there are actually things that’d make a difference. (Like a parachute to use to make some kind of shelter).

Linguistics tell us that when we speak of tools, we think of them subconsciously as companions.

Based on the prepositions we use with nouns, it gives us an idea of how we think of those nouns.

“I went to the mall with my friends.” 

“I cut the bread with a knife.”

Since both use the word “with,” it suggests we think of them as the same thing.

A companion. A helper. A friend.

Skills are also the same way.

I got the job “with” my conversational skills.

I got her number “with” my friendly demeanor.

I finished the project on time “with” my attention to detail.

They say the friends you keep determines the life you have. If you surround yourself with decent friends, you’ll always be motivated to keep up your game.

If you surround yourself with lazy bums who play video games and eat microwave food all day, you might not ever get that corner office.

Which “friends” do you bring with you everywhere you go? Helpful ones, or ones that hold you back?

Inhibitions or strengths?

If you always carry top notch skills with you, these “friends” will help you achieve anything you want.

Learn More:

Charisma Generator

Easy Mind Shift For Elegant Persuasion

There's A Whole World Out There

Get Out Of Your Head

Few skills are more important than communication.

Mark Twain was fond of saying that there was no difference between somebody who can’t read, and somebody who doesn’t read.

Similarly, it doesn’t matter how many great ideas and insights you have, if you can’t get them out so that people will hear them, there’s really no difference between somebody who doesn’t have ANY ideas.

Speaking up is one thing most people have a hard time with, let alone speaking up eloquently and passionately.

All you need to do is listen to a few best man speeches to see that!

One of most people’s biggest fears is public speaking, for this very reason. Being on the spot, in the center of attention is cause for massive anxiety in most of us.

This is that invisible barrier that stops almost everybody from sharing their brilliance with the world.

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression that, “Genius is 1% inspiration, and 99% perspiration,” right?

Well, plenty of that “perspiration” is getting your ideas out of your brain and into the brains of those who can make a difference.

If communicating openly, congruently, and confidently isn’t something that comes easy to you, you aren’t alone.

Most people have a few half baked ideas, which come out sounding even less than half baked.

Those that get heard are the ones make it obvious that they believe in their own ideas. They don’t speak them timidly or half-heartedly.

One of the surest ways to get your ideas heard is to present them so they are framed in the interests of the person you are speaking with, or the group you are speaking to.

This is precisely why the best salespeople ALWAYS elicit criteria BEFORE they start their pitch. If they just spit out a bunch of random features and benefits, they may get lucky, they may not.

But when they tailor their communication so that it makes the most sense to the listener, that’s when ideas and desires cross from one brain into another.

The easiest way to do this is to slightly shift your thinking from talking about you, to finding out about them.

Since most people are running around blasting their own ideas regardless of who they’re talking to, you’ll come across like a tall glass of ice water in the desert.

And the more you find out about them, the more you get them talking about things they care about, the less work you’ve got to do.

You’ll find that most of the time, you won’t have to do ANY work at all. After you get them fired up, anything you say will seem like the greatest idea ever.

Learn More:

Charisma Generator

The Social Snowball Effect

Get Out Of Your Head

Get Out Of Your Head

One of the nicest things you can do for anybody is to simply pay attention to them.

Most of us have all kinds of thoughts, ideas, dreams, that NEVER leave our brains.

Maybe once in a while, we’ll spit out a quick piece of evidence. Maybe we’re afraid people will laugh at us, maybe we’re afraid somebody will tell us our ideas our foolish.

But the truth is, when we are bold enough to speak just a small bit of our true selves, it feels REALLY good when somebody not only listens without laughing, but is genuinely interested in what we’ve got to say.

In order to be the one doing the listening, you’ve got to be careful. Many of us have a subconscious desire to “be right” or “be in charge.” Social status is something that we all crave, and recent studies from Harvard have shown that wanting increased social status is something that underpins pretty much every conversation we have with somebody.

So it can be very, very difficult to put your own opinions, desires and beliefs aside and really listen.

This is one those times when you’ve got to be your higher self. To ignore those lower-self instincts, and live fully consciously.

Because when you do, it’s pretty amazing.

AND it’s incredibly easy. 

The simplest way to really listen is to simply PAY ATTENTION to the words and phrases they use, and HOW they use them.

Then, when describing what they’ve just described, instead of “paraphrasing” them, like some folks teach, use the EXACT same words, in the EXACT same way they did.

Now, this sounds like you’ll come across as fake and manipulative, and you will if you’re not being sincere.

But if you repeat their words and phrases while fully trying to imagine whatever they were imagining when they said it, the results are flabbergasting.

Not only will they light up like a Christmas tree, but they’ll NEVER forget you.

They’ll see you as somebody who really gets them. Somebody who really understands them.

Obviously, this can be easily misused, especially if you’re in sales.

But if you’re just having fun in a social setting, and talking about things they’d like to do in the future, it’s really cool.

A side benefit is that while you’re talking to this person, and they are clearly VERY interested in you, everybody else is going to notice.

And everybody else will notice everybody else noticing. It’s like a snowball effect.

If you do this with just a couple people, you’ll soon develop a subconscious reputation in their minds for being truly charismatic and magnetic.

All by getting out of your own way, and simply listening to others.