Category Archives: Congruence

How To Trick Yourself Into Easy Action

Reach Higher!

Expand The Potential Positive

I remember a few years ago when Michael Jordan decided to try baseball.

Now, this guy is arguably one of the best basketball players in a generation, but he absolutely SUCKED at baseball.

Even on a medium level minor league team, he still struggled.

On the other hand, there’s been a few athletes who excelled in many sports.

Musicians (or artists) are the same.

There are some that can play a whole range of instruments, and some that can only sing.

Often times in life we find people that are super skilled in one area, but absolutely suck in others.

Plenty of excellent entrepreneurial types, for example, are horrible in other areas. They are great at building a thriving business from the ground up, but not so great at holding a romantic relationship together.

On the other hand, some folks are GREAT a building wonderful relationships, but absolutely suck at anything related to finances.

The trouble with us humans is we get too focused on “content.” On the surface, it seems like building a business is completely different than starting a relationship.

But in reality the two are very, very similar.

So is pretty much anything else you’d like to create.

It’s just that because we have more experience in some things, and not others, it seems like some things are easy, while others, not so much.

Nevertheless, the structure is the same.

We look out into the world, decide what we want, and take action.

Then we measure the results, and see if we got any closer.

If we did, we do more. 

If we didn’t we do something different.

So long as you continue to take action, and accept any feedback, you simply can not fail.

The trouble comes when we talk ourselves out of taking action. We imagine some negative outcome as bigger, and more likely than any positive outcome.

This makes it seem like it’s safer to stay where we are. But it’s really all in our mind.

The truth is we can imagine anything we want.

Even stuff you’ve never done before can seem easy, if you imagine the future in the right way.

If you’d like to learn how, check this out:

Self Confidence Generator

You Mad Bro?

Don't Get Angry, Get Better

Anger Is Not The Answer To Your Girl Problems

It can be tough to be without a lady, and try and not succeed. One thing that humans are very, very good at is blaming others. No matter what people’s shortcomings are, we tend to point fingers.

For every finger you point, as the saying goes, you’ve got three pointing back at you.

Even Jesus said that before you point out the dirt in somebody’s eye, take out the big pile of crud in your own.

Now, whether or not you believe Jesus was real or just a metaphorical teaching instrument, the point is that the idea of people pointing fingers when they should be taking responsibility goes back to Biblical times.

It comes out with guys looking for girls like this. Guy sees a girl. He approaches her, and she’s not interested. So instead of thinking about what he could do better, he gets angry at the girl.

If he does this a few times, pretty much he hates women.

Go on any seduction forum and you’ll see that guys have NO PROBLEM trying to become the most alpha and eloquent member of the “he-man women haters club.”

But guess what? Anger, frustration, and unhappiness are the some of the WORST attitudes you can have when meeting girls.

Sure, misery loves company. Sure, guys hang out and bitch and moan about how there’s some secret feminine conspiracy and all the women are somehow “wrong” for not liking them.

That may make you feel better. It may protect your ego. 

But it certainly won’t create any desire in any females.

The truth is that despite how many blogs and gurus and goofs giving out advice (ahem…) on game, most guys’ game absolutely sucks.

Somewhere along the line studying game or complaining about women became a substitute for actually learning game.

Let’s look at a sports analogy to make this easer to understand.

Take two guys, Hector and Alfalfa.

Alfafa spends all his time in the library, studying basketball. He even spends a few thousand dollars on a seminar with Lebron James. He’s watched thousands of instructional videos on basketball.

Yet every time he shoes up the court, he’s intimidated. He’s always got a ready made excuse. The ground isn’t right. The backboards aren’t regulation. The guys aren’t really following the rules.

Now let’s look at Hector. All he does is show up to the court, and play. At first he sucks. People rag on him all day long. But he has fun. He keeps playing. He shows up when there’s nobody else there and practices. Dribbling, inside shots, outside shots, free throws, etc.

Pretty soon Hector is a respectable player. Nothing close to NBA quality, but he can hold his own in a street game.

Now suppose Hector and Alfalfa have a friendly one on one? Who wins?

Obviously, Hector is going to wipe the floor with poor Alfy.

Here’s some harsh wisdom. It may be right, it may be wrong. But just for fun, pretend and live your life as if it were absolutely true.

If you aren’t getting laid by gorgeous women, your game sucks.

If gorgeous girls are begging you to be in a relationship with them, your game sucks.

What do you do? Practice your game.

How do you practice?

By playing.

Why else is it called game?

How To Update Your Brain

Update Your Brain Software

Don’t Wait For Automatic Updates

Often times I’ll be getting ready for bed, and I’ll go to shut off my laptop.

Then Windows tells me I’ve got to wait for more than ten updates before it shuts down.

Thanks Windows!

Since shutting down my laptop is the last thing I until I hit the sack, it kinds of throws a monkey wrench into my big plans!

I’ve also got a couple other pieces of software that kind of fire off on their own.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t be without these. One is an anti-virus checker, and one is an automatic backup.

I had a computer crash many years ago and lost TONS of data. Never again.

While they do seem to fire off at the absolute wrong times, they are pretty amazing.

Those dudes and gals who design all this software know that most of us are pretty lazy, and if it didn’t update automatically, it never would.

Our brains are sort of the same way, but not really.

On the one hand, our brains are way more advanced that humans a few hundred thousand years ago.

So our brains do kind of “manually update,” just like Windows, only the process is very, very slow.

At least the automatic process.

The reality is that your brain is much more under you control that you realize.

But since nobody ever teaches how to do this in school, we assume our brain are fixed.

Now, there ARE plenty of types of folks who benefit from this. Politicians, advertisers, con artists, etc.

Which is why often times the “powers that be” would much rather us stay with our factory programming.

If we are unaware, and prone to fear and anxiety, we’re much easier to control, and sell stuff to.

As I’m sure you’re aware, creating fear is a great way to sell a product, get votes, make sure you slip a couple of extra bills into the collection basket at church, etc.

The good news is that you don’t need to keep relying on your factory settings.

You can rewrite the wiring in your brain.

Instead of feeling anxious and nervous when going into new situations, you can feel relaxed and confident.

Now, it’s not as easy a waiting around for a few extra minutes before you go to sleep while your brain downloads the latest updates, but it’s pretty darn close.

To learn how, check this out:

Self Confidence Generator

How To Re-Write Your Caveman Brain

Rewiring Your Brain Is Easier Than You Think

Ready For Human Brain 2.0?

I remember the first time I went bungee jumping, a long time ago.

Of course, I’ve only gone twice, but the first time was WAY different than the second time.

Even though my conscious mind was totally aware there was ZERO danger, I was still petrified.

Me and a buddy went to this amusement park, and one of the rides was bungee jumping. It was about twenty stories high, and the stairway to the top was inside the skeleton like structure.

We decided I’d go first, so my buddy watched me walk up to the top. He said I was slow, and hunched over, like I was walking to the gallows or something.

The guy at the top gave me the instructions (just stand at the edge and lean forward), and I almost passed out from fear.

But as soon as I went past the moment of no-return, something pretty amazing happened.

My fear was immediately replaced by exhilaration. Excitement. A feeling like I’d never felt before.

Pure adrenalin.

The next time I went, (a year or so later) it was much different. Since I knew what to expect, it was exciting the entire time. I walked up the stairs faster, and instead of slowly “leaning forward,” I leapt off the top platform.

Most conventional wisdom tells us we have to do something first, and then the confidence comes later.

Normally, this is true.

But normally, we’re using our brains the way they are hard wired. With the factory installed programming. Programming that was designed for a time when there were just as many critters trying to eat us as we were trying to eat them.

As you’re well aware, that’s not true any more. There’s rarely any physical danger. If you’re in a job interview, and you give the wrong answer, the guy’s not going to call in a couple of goons to beat you to a pulp.

If you walk over and talk to a pretty girl and say the wrong pick up line, she’s not going to pull out a switchblade and stab you in the eye.

But our caveman brains don’t think so. Our caveman (or cave woman) brains are still screaming bloody murder, like there’re tigers around every corner.

The good news is that with a little bit of reprogramming, and some targeted visualization, you can flip the switch on where confidence comes from.

You can get the confidence FIRST, and then take action.

Easy action.

To learn how, check this out:

Self Confidence

Be Sociable To Find Your Dream Girl

She's Not Going To Come To You!

Get Off Your Couch!

Many people feel stuck, especially when it comes to the ladies.

It’s kind of like having a job. When you’ve got a good one, everybody wants to hire you.

But when you’re unemployed, and have been for some time, nobody wants to touch you.

Same with the ladies. When you’re in a happy relationship, it seems every girl’s got eyes on you and wants to jump your bones.

But when you haven’t gotten any in a while, no female wants to be around you.

It’s easy to understand why this is. When you’re in a happy relationship, you radiate ZERO neediness. Nothing but happy, relaxed confidence. You like yourself, you like your life. You walk the Earth like everything’s groovy. Girls pick up on this, and they want some.

On the other hand, if you haven’t even touched a female since Bush was president, you radiate something different completely. Neediness, lust, desperation. Things that women absolutely HATE.

So, what do you? How do you remedy this situation? Easy.

Consider how you’d get in shape if you haven’t moved from your sofa in a couple years. First you’d start walking ten or twenty minutes every day. Then maybe a bit longer.

Then you might actually do a couple sit ups and push ups in the morning. Maybe you’d even join a gym.

Keep it up, and pretty soon your jogging a couple miles in the morning, and then hitting the gym every other night after work.

Before long, you’re in pretty decent shape.

Now, imagine if you got right off the couch and tried to run two miles. Then spent an hour in the gym. If you didn’t end up in the hospital, you’d be sore as hell the next day, and you’d likely never work out again.

See what I’m getting at?

You can get whatever you want. Money, girls, a six pack. You just gotta take it slow.

So, how do you take is slow when you’re ultimate goal is to have a sexy sweetheart to call your own?

Start talking to people. Become sociable. Talk to the old lady at the grocery store. Talk to people at work.

Pretty soon talking to people will be easier and easier. And you’ll notice that many people actually LIKE talking to you. They’ll SMILE when they see you coming.

Just keep pushing out your comfort zone very slowly, and eventually pretty girls will be among those you talk to.

And one of them might be the girl of your dreams.

Will it be easy? Probably not. But it won’t be any more difficult than walking twenty minutes every morning if the furthest you’ve ever been is your fridge.

Most guys imagine they need some kind of magic “fix” and then it will be all good with the ladies.

It doesn’t work like that. It takes time, and dedicated effort.

But just like changing from a big squishy couch potato into a solid mass of muscle, if you put in the effort, you WILL get the results.

Just as surely as the night follows day.

These Mind Tools Will Help:

mindpersuasion.com 

Why More Failure Means More Success

Time Waits For No Man

Action Is Everything

In dating they’ve got this thing called the “three second rule.”

When a guy sees a girl, he’s supposed to walk over and start a conversation within three seconds.

Now, some say this is because all girls are super confident and are always in control of their emotions, which means if they send a “signal” to a guy that it’s safe to come over, and he doesn’t, then she’ll lose interest, within three seconds.

This, of course, is utter nonsense.

One thing most guys are shocked to find out is that girls are just as clueless as guys when it comes to finding, meeting and creating relationships.

So that’s not the reason for the three second rule.

What is?

If you expand this back a bit, and consider ALL desires, then the three second rule makes more sense.

I remember a long time ago I was at this goofy real estate seminar. The instructor, (in a clever ploy to “train” the audience to take action) pulled out a hundred dollar bill and just held it out.

About one or two seconds passed by, until one person got up and ran to the front. Soon after she did, about twenty other people did the same thing.

Since she was first, she got the $100.

Everybody else that was waiting to make sure it was “safe” didn’t get squat.

(As an aside, that same guru did that a few times during this “free” seminar before the big “pitch” which meant that by then many of the attendees were “well trained” to dive right into his multi-thousand dollar course.)

The bottom line is that when you see an opportunity, it’s a good idea to take it.

Not wait around for confirmation.

Not wait for somebody to give you clear instructions

Not wait until other people take action so you know it’s safe.

Hence the three second rule.

If you could train yourself, to AUTOMATICALLY take action, without thinking, within three seconds, what would you do?

In the dating community, guys that do this are called “approach machines.”

See somebody cute, walk up and start talking BEFORE you get a chance to talk yourself out of it.

What if you could do this with ALL opportunities?

Sure, you’d strike out a bunch.

But so did Babe Ruth.

AND he also hit WAY more home runs than anybody else, at the time.

He didn’t wait for an OK or a signal from his coach before he swung.

He saw high fat one and instinctively swung with all his might.

(He also lived large off the field as well).

Would you like to do the same?

This will teach you how:

Self Confidence

How To Feel Confident In Any Situation

Life Is An Inside Game

It’s An Inside Game

I remember a long time ago I decided to learn the piano.

I bought a fairly cheap keyboard, and couple of “do it yourself” learning books.

And I stuck with it long enough to be able to play a few fairly complicated songs from memory.

At the same time, I didn’t really want anybody to know. If my friends and colleagues knew, they might ask me to play in front of them (or so I imagined).

Playing at home seemed fine, but the idea of playing in front of people was something I was definitely NOT interested in.

Funny how a lot of our behaviors are like that. We do great on our own, but are embarrassed as hell if we find out somebody’s watching.

If you ever get caught singing in the car, you know what I mean.

There’s a reason why that saying, “Dance like nobody’s looking” has so much power.

Something about social pressure makes us cringe.

On the other hand, if you get unexpected and positive social attention, there’s not much that feels better.

Napoleon learned a long time ago that the easiest way to generate loyalty among his troops was to praise them in front of others.

The funny thing is that if you watched two videos of two different situations, it would be hard to tell the difference between social pressure and positive social recognition.

If you’ve ever done something publicly, thought it went terrible, and then were told you did perfect, you know what I’m talking about.

Back when I was doing Toastmasters, for example, I’d give speeches. I’d think I’d failed miserably, and then people would come up afterwards and not only compliment me, but ask me for more information about the topic.

The truth is that feeling confident or not confident when doing something is more of an inside game than most of us realize.

If we imagine something is going to be hard, or we’re going to fail, we’ll feel nervous and anxious.

But if we imagine something is going to be easy and we’ll succeed, we’ll feel like we own the situation.

The good news is that both of these “hallucinations” is totally under your control.

You just have to learn how to “front run” your brain so it doesn’t slip into automatic thinking.

To learn how, check this out:

Self Confidence

The Subconscious Improvement Trap

How To Improve Yourself

Need A Push?

Many people have found fantastic success with mind programming, specifically subliminal message, or affirmation overload sessions like the one below:

However, these do present a problem. Believe it or not, many people are finding that the results that they are achieving are not quite what they had anticipated. For example, one client, a world class athlete , has reported becoming “lazy” with his training. At least on a conscious level.

This is a common scenario, and with some understandings of the subconscious-conscious mind interface, we can not only understand how this works, but use it to create even more success.

Wishing Vs. Creating – The Cake Example

One important aspect is the idea of “wishing for success” rather than “creating success.” When many people imagine a better life for themselves, they imagine the final product, rather than the path and the product. Meaning they imagine they’ve got the girl, or the money, or the ideal job or house, and it feels wonderful. 

Since they only imagine the end result without visualizing the path that gets them there, this can easily fall into the “wishing” category, and the final result can begin to feel like a “gift.”

To be sure, it feels wonderful to receive an unexpected gift. Everybody loves birthdays for this very reason. Imagine somebody giving you a cake, unexpectedly, vs. taking the time to bake a cake.

The “gift” cake is sudden, unexpected and it comes with the extra energy of somebody else caring about you enough to make or buy you a cake.

The cake may represent much more than a few mouthfuls of sweet deliciousness!

Now consider baking a cake. You plan the time, organize the ingredients, and bake a cake. The end result is the same. Before you didn’t have a cake, and now you do have a cake.

So why doesn’t baking a cake (and eating it) yourself feel the same as getting it as an unexpected gift?

For one, you are expecting the cake. You have plan to think about it, visualize it, see it to completion. There is no doubt in your mind that you are getting some cake. So when it shows up, there’s nothing surprising about it. You bite into it and it tastes EXACTLY like you’d expected.

This is one reason why creating something consciously can sometimes give us with that “let down” feeling.

But consider this. Consider creating a million dollars. To be sure, it would feel pretty frikking fantastic if somebody showed up to your house with an unexpected sack of money. But how likely is this to happen?

On the other hand, with a solid goal of creating a million dollars, it may take some time, but having a million dollars means having a million dollars.

That is the main advantage of creating vs. wishing. There really is no limit.

The Unconscious Success Scenario

Milton Erickson, the inventor of covert hypnotherapy, noticed something strange about his patients. Often times he would cure there problems, but they wouldn’t notice.

They would come in with a huge phobia of driving over a bridge, for example. He would tell them some crazy, seemingly nonsensical stories, and then they would leave.

Only they would be driving over bridges all day long and not notice anything. Then maybe a week or two later (sometimes even a year!) they would realize that fear of bridges vanished.

Poof!

This why a few people don’t seem to get results with these programs. They affect deep change on a subconscious level, which alters behavior without the person noticing.

For example, many guys are terrified of starting conversations with cute girls. They listen to a few of the “seduction” sessions, and then suddenly notice they are getting all kinds of positive effects with girls.

What’s going on? Is it magic?

Nope. What’s happening is that their beliefs are slightly changing, altering their behavior, which is getting them the additional response from females. Perhaps their “new” behavior which still “feels” normal is a much more relaxed or happy facial expression. Perhaps longer or more friendly eye contact. Perhaps even slight smiles at girls as they pass by.

All of this is unconscious, and all of this elicits a completely different response from the world around them.

However, it isn’t always as easy to see the results. For example, a martial artist may be making fantastic improvements, but not really noticing anything.

Firstly, how do we know we are being successful, and secondly, how can we get that awesome feeling when we DO achieve our goals?

Objective Measurements

There’re a couple ways to help. Firstly, whenever doing any kind of deep change work, it’s crucial to have a specific intention. Something you are intending to create. 

Secondly, it’s very helpful to have a specific method of measuring your progress. This when being able to associate and dissociate is extremely useful.

Normally, it’s good to be associated. Within your own body, and looking about subjectively to the world, through your own eyes, and with your own feelings.

But sometimes it’s useful to step outside yourself and measure your progress. 

How can you do this?

One way is to become your own “coach” with whatever you are doing. You’ll need to set aside some time everyday for “coaching.”

Meaning you kind of step outside yourself objectively, look at your progress, and give yourself some pointers on how to continue to improve. Look at all the things you are doing, your behaviors, and most importantly any feedback you are receiving. Things people say to you, things you see yourself doing differently.

Then, come up with some specific milestones to shoot for that are above and beyond what you’ve been doing so far.

Once you are comfortable stepping into your own “coaching shoes” you can really begin to “push yourself.”

At the end of every day, from the “coaching perspective” simply write down all the things you’ve done that day that has moved you closer to your goal. Then write down a list of things “to do” the next day that will move you even closer.

You’ll have your own personal coach who will push you, support you, and know you better than anybody else.

Because it IS you!

You’ll know when you’ve arrived at this “dual mind, conscious-unconscious collaboration” when you feel like you are being “watched” by some ever present “boss.”

Meaning you feel as though you’ve been given a “to do” list from a real person. Of course, this sounds like it borders on the schizophrenic, but so what?

The purpose so to create as much as you can with your life.

And this is a great method for coach-you to keep creator-you on track.

So BOTH of you can create whatever you’d like.

Mythical Traits Of Women

Got Girl Problems? Look Right Here!

She’s Right In Front Of You!

Many guys see women as objects, rather than people.

This is pretty obvious. But it manifests itself in a way that is very damaging to the men, rather than the women.

Men tend to assume them women fall into different “categories.” To an extent this is true. Of women as well as men. Physical appearances, religious beliefs, cooking skills, family background, etc.

One thing that all men claim to be “looking for” is a “high quality women.”

The act as if her overall “quality” is something like her height or her political affiliation.

If only it were that simple!

(You want republicans, go to a republican fund raiser!)

But you ask guys what they mean by “quality woman” they’ll usually say things like loyalty, integrity, won’t cheat on you, etc.

Now, this may not be something you enjoy reading about, but consider this “model” of the female population available to you.

ALL WOMEN can potentially become high quality women.

Huh?

If a woman feels DEEP ATTRACTION to you, she’ll be loyal. She won’t cheat on you. She’ll eagerly follow you if you get transferred across the country.

The problem is most guys couldn’t create attraction to save their lives. They go out, talk to a few girls, get laid, and suddenly think they’ve got mad seduction skills.

But consider this. There’s a whole RANGE of attraction that you can create. And the simple truth about society today is that many girls and guys will jump into the sack without needing much convincing.

Absolutely nothing wrong with.

But what is troublesome is when a guy assumes that because a girl slept with him, it means she’s attracted to him as much as she can be.

But consider this.

On the scale of female attraction, getting her to sleep with you is maybe a 4 or 5 out of ten.

But getting her to feel ENOUGH attraction to behave like a “quality woman” she’s going to need to feel attraction at least 8 or higher, out of ten.

And sadly, most guys just aren’t capable of creating that kind of attraction in the girls they are interested in.

So what you have is all these girls interacting with all these guys. Sure, everybody’s banging each other, but nobody’s feeling levels of attraction more than luke-warm.

This leaves guys thinking there are no quality women, and this leaves girls thinking that this level of attraction is all they’re going to get.

Which makes them start coming up with these ridiculous lists you hear guys complaining about.

Certain income, certain height, job prospects, car, home, etc.

That’s natural.

Think of it this way. Imagine going out and picking up girls. Imagine ALL the girls you found were only 4’s and 5’s according to your scale.

How would you respond?

You’d probably start demanding that they have a LOT more going for them than their looks.

So if you want a quality woman, you’re going to have to take a good, long look in the mirror.

Accept responsibility, and start to work on your skills.

Have You Started Phase II Yet?

Ready To Cross Over?

Which Side Are You On?

One of my favorite lines from the movies is from the old Clint Eastwood movie, “The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly.”

Where they are about to find the gold, and one guy says:

“There’s two kinds of people in this world. Those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig.”

This easily lends itself to the organization of society since the dawn of time. There are people who hold power, and people who do all the work.

And usually power comes from whoever has all the best weapons. Guns, bombs, planes, swords, the biggest clubs, rocks, alien technology, whatever.

Might, as they say, makes right.

But it also illustrates the human tendency to categorize things. Usually into two or three different groups.

All kinds of studies have shown that our brains pretty much seize up when we’ve got too many choices.

When we’ve got two or three, it’s pretty easy. But when we’ve got five or six, we tend to stand there in confusion.

“Wow! Look at all the stuff!”

(BTW this really sucks when you’re in line behind somebody like this at a fast food joint!)

Most people, as they get older, tend to categorize their lives into “before” and “after”.

Before a certain event, and after that certain event.

Maybe a horrible divorce, maybe when they found out Santa Claus wasn’t real, maybe when they had kids.

In ancient societies, the most crucial barrier to cross was that of childhood, to that of adulthood.

Back then, there were no safety nets. No hospitals, no police. Nobody to call if you got into any trouble.

If you weren’t entirely self sufficient as an adult, you were a huge liability to the tribe.

So they made sure kids turned into adults.  They put them through extended ceremonies, days at a time, where they would have to dig deep and face a horrible life or death situation.

Of course, it was all staged, but the kids didn’t know that.

By facing death, they went in as kids, and came out as adults.

Unfortunately, there is nothing remotely close to this today. It’s very easy to stay in the “childhood mindset” your entire “adult” life.

It’s incredibly hard to make this transition completely on your own. Back then it was a tribal event. The whole tribe participated to make sure the kids made the transition.

Today, it’s all up to you.

You may say the whole purpose of life is to become an adult. To become actualized may mean to become fully responsible, fully capable, and fully in control of who you are, what you get, and where you go.

One step in the that direction is taking charge of your mind. Instead of accepting beliefs from others, you can learn to choose them yourself.

See the world how YOU want, not how THEY want you to.

Learn how:

Belief Change