Category Archives: Conversational Skills

The Myth Of Female Desire

Attraction Is Like Hunger

Are You Building A False Image?

What do women want?

All you’ve got to do is figure this out, and you’ll be in good shape, right?

Maybe.

First, remember that attraction, deep physical and emotional attraction is an instinct. Sure, the longer you’re in a relationship with somebody, and the more you get to know each other, and the more you learn to respect and support each other, you can certainly “grow to love them.”

And certainly this is the way relationships were built for most of human history. That instant lust that we all sometimes confuse for love wasn’t there in the beginning. It was a long, slow process.

But these days, you’d need to belong to some crazy religious cult or seriously consider one of those mail order bride websites to get together with somebody you barely know.

Which means in order to create a decent relationship, you’ve got to be able to create real attraction.

And once again, keep in mind this is an instinct.

Consider another instinct. Hunger. If you are hungry, you might not be sure what you want. You certainly can’t predict what you would like. Sure you might try and scan your memory to some of the things you’ve eaten in the recent past, or maybe imagine a few restaurants in your neighborhood.

But this is only an approximation. A conscious guess of how your unconscious will respond to a certain stimuli.

You could not even know you’re hungry, and then suddenly somebody puts a plate of food in front of you that you’ve never seen, and suddenly it’s your favorite dish!

This is an instinct, and we simply can’t predict how we’ll respond to certain stimuli unless it’s in front of us.

When creating attraction in women, this presents a few problems.

No woman is going to know how she’ll feel about any guy until she interacts with him. Pictures won’t do it. A copy of his resume won’t do it. Even his ultra polite behavior on a first date won’t do it.

So asking her what kind guy she likes is kind of pointless. Or even dangerous if you listen to her answer and assume it’s actually true.

This would be like you saying you’d like to eat a cheeseburger, and then suddenly wolfing down a plate of chicken wings. You weren’t lying, you were only guessing. But somebody who was busily cooking you a cheeseburger based on what you said wouldn’t really understand.

So trying to figure out what women want, and then trying to figure out how to turn yourself into that person is not a great strategy.

So what is?

Just talk to as many woman as you can. Find the one that is turned on by the natural you. And who spurs the natural desire in you for her.

It may take a while, but when you find her, you’ll be glad you put in the effort.

Is Dating Dead?

Quality Will Always Be In Demand

Quality Will Always Be In Demand

For most guys, there’s a pretty tough stage when it comes to women. That is if you are trying to create a traditional relationship. For some guys, all they want is to get laid, and get laid a lot, and this is actually pretty easy, once you get the hang of it.

But getting a “quality girl” for a “quality relationship” is not so easy.

In the old days, before the internet and social media, it was pretty straightforward. You grew up, dated a few girls, maybe even only one or two, and settled down for life.

Now, some people claim that people aren’t as “pure” as  they used to be, or they aren’t as “moral” as they used to be.

The truth is that people have many, many more options then they used to. Think of it this way. A typical guy who lived fifty years ago didn’t have that much experience with a lot of women. Not on TV, certainly not online, and usually not in real life.

The ONLY way to even see women was in person. And there simply weren’t too many places where guys and girls would go and hook up. Which meant that most men met most women through their neighborhood, their social circle, their church, their work, etc.

Which meant that when they found somebody halfway decent, they hung on for dear life. Both men and women.

Today, however, we have the illusion of choice. Anybody can go on Facebook and feel popular. Anybody can watch vlogs of girls talking and pretend, on a subconscious level, they’re in a “conversation” with her, especially if they make comments and she responds.

There’s no shortage of online forums where people can safely interact from their own homes, and put on whatever personal they’d like to pretend to be.

Does this mean the dating game is done? Killed? Dead and buried?

It can certainly seem like it. If you are with a girl who’s just not into you, she’s going to have a million options other than sitting there pretending she’s into you.

Which only means one thing.

If you really DO want to create a special relationship, you’ve got to seriously increase what you bring to the table.

Massive social skills, self-confidence, and ultra powerful frame, and a iron-clad set of criteria that you’re looking for.

Just showing up to the club and spitting enough game to get laid is not going to get you very far.

What will?

Genuine social skills. Face to face social skills. The kind where you walk into a room and people would RATHER interact with you, in person, than stare at their phones.

Sure, developing this level of social skill takes practice. And for many guys, they’d rather bitch and moan about how hard it is.

What about you?

Bottom line is that most people want great things, but aren’t willing to put in the work required to get them.

But if you DO put in the work, you WILL get them.

Get Girls Caveman Style

Sexual Division Of Labor

Division Of Labor

One way to help understand male-female relationships is to imagine we are still cave people.

Humans evolved over a long, long time, and the time we’ve been living in cities is very, very short.

We’ve been in our current form, more or less, for about 100K years. Sure, there are all kinds of different theories as to the specifics, but the bottom line is that in the big picture, we’ve been cave people a lot longer than we’ve been city living folks.

Which means that all of our instincts, specifically the ones that drive male-female attraction, and the ones that serve as the glue for male-female relationships, have been with us a long, long time.

Before technology, before electricity, before running water. Before money was invented.

So the same things that got guys and girls interested in each other back then, and kept them together, still holds true today. It may not seem like it with so much distractions, but it’s still there.

One reason humans did so well was we formed pair-bonds that generally lasted a lifetime. Sure there were exceptions, but those only prove the rule.

And the reason these pair bonds worked so well was because there was a sexual division of labor. Meaning guys did one thing, and girls did something else. Bottom line was the guys hunted, and girls gathered.

Which meant we could live in a lot different environments, since both hunting AND gathering got a lot of different types of food.

Think about this. Every day, the guys would go hunting. And the girls would gather. Both working to support the family.

The idea of a “stay at home mom” is not only an aberration in recent history, due to some extreme productivity in economics, but it’s not part of our evolutionary makeup.

Why is this important?

Because when you choose a girl for a relationship, looking pretty is just the start. You’ve got to be able to trust her, to depend on her, and make sure she’s got your back, and you’ve got hers.

Meaning when it comes to building your life, you’ve both got to be on the same page.

Keeping this in mind can help with the initial approach.

You’ve got to screen pretty carefully, as many girls simply won’t match your criteria.

This, of course, assumes you’ve got some life plans aside from playing video games and checking Facebook.

Get a plan, and start looking for a girl to help you get it.

Is it really that simple?

It’s been working for humans for thousands of years, why not you?

Do Seduction Tricks Really Work?

Beware of Romantic Shortcuts

Beware Of Shortcuts To The Heart

Most guys would love some kind of “shortcut” to a woman’s heart.

Just take a look at some of the headlines of popular seduction products and you’ll see what I mean.

“One weird trick that will make her love you.”

“The three texts to turn her on.”

“How to get your ex back with this one weird trick.”

“The three steps to her bedroom.”

And on and one.

Can it really be this simple? Well, it CAN. But not really. If all you’re after is some physical fun, then these might work. But unless you’re some ultra jaded poon hound, that’s going to cause trouble. 

Why?

Most guys can’t just pump-n-dump, as much as we like to brag like that on the Internet. Emotions have a crazy way of getting involved once we’re intimate with a woman. When it comes to love, sex, and romance, love to slide down that slippery slope. 

Meaning at first it may be just physical. In fact, you may even have a conscious, rational, adult conversation that it’s going to ONLY be physical. But chances are, somebody’s going to develop feelings for somebody. Mother Nature ain’t stupid.

Sure, some primates spend their entire lives banging as many of each other as they can.

But not the human primate. We are hard wired to form long term pair bonds. And when we’re hard wired to do something, our rational plans don’t usually stand a chance.

So if you think you’re only going after a little fun, think again. As Quarterbacks are fond of saying, every time you throw a pass, three things can happen, and two of them are bad.

Same with hooking up. Three things can happen. You both bang each other silly and then go your separate ways. Or you develop feelings and she goes her separate way. Or she develops feelings and you go your separate way. 

Before you even walk up to her, ask yourself, “What do I want?”

If you are absolutely sure you ONLY want to get laid, make sure you project that energy.

Make sure she knows you’re a player.

On the other hand, if you’re looking for an honest relationship, then maybe you should ditch all those “weird tricks” and “three steps” or whatever.

Just talk to her like you confident, relaxed self. Don’t be fake nice, and don’t be fake alpha.

Just talk to her, be in the moment, and see what happens.

You might be VERY surprised!

Prove Them Wrong

Forge Your Own Path

Forge Your Own Path

Most of us would love a brain-dead-simple way to make money.

Or do pretty much anything, for that matter.

Guys would LOVE a surefire, guaranteed way to get a girl in love with them.

Girls AND guys would LOVE some magic, step by step “fix” to “get their ex back.”

Most people would readily say that they are truly willing to do ANYTHING, as long as somebody just told them what to do.

You see this in the movie all the time. The guy tells the girl, “Tell me what to do to get you back!”

Salespeople are even trained to ask customers this question:

“What can I do to earn your business today?”

Bottom line is if they’re not feeling it, it’s not going to happen.

Think of it this way. Imagine you showed up at your friends house, your belly full after eating a nice dinner.

They’ve just finished baking an onion and broccoli pie, with sliced squid on top.

You say, “No, thanks. I just ate.”

And they say, “C’mon! Tell me what to do in order to make you hungry for this!”

If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it.

I hate to break this to you, but if your ex doesn’t want you want, you ain’t getting them back. No matter HOW perfect you are together.

The same goes with creating things, from scratch, like businesses, relationships, families, careers.

First of all, nobody, not even YOU, knows the full range of your skills and abilities.

Which means NOBODY can give you more than basic guidance on how to build those things.

Your job is to keep trying different things, to see how they work.

If you get closer, do more. If you don’t do less.

The truth about this is that when most people say, “I’m willing to do anything, just tell me what to do,” what they REALLY mean is “tell me the secret easy way that doesn’t involve any risk or me feeling uncomfortable.”

But this is wonderful.

The process of discovery, not only of what works, but what you’re REALLY made of is like nothing most people will ever experienced.

Most people ARE content to be told what to do. And since most people ONLY do what they’re told, most people only get what most people get. Which ain’t much!

In order to rise above the mediocrity, you’ve got to FIGURE OUT what to do, ON YOUR OWN.

This means taking risks, feeling foolish, and yes, even hearing those close to you, maybe even your loved ones, tell you you’re an idiot.

But the flip side of is that later on, when you ARE successful, they’ll PROVE their worth to you by saying, “Wow, you really ARE awesome! I’m glad I was wrong! I’m glad I know you!”

So get going.

Prove them wrong:

Prosperity Generator

The Truth Of Rejection Vs. Regret

Not As Bad As You Think

How To Gain Real World Experience

They say that rejection is better than regret.

Meaning if you walk up, talk to a girl, and get rejected, it feels pretty bad. 

On the other hand, if you see a pretty girl, and DON’T talk to her, it feels pretty bad to.

However, even if you agree with the above statement, it may not make it any easier to approach.

Why?

It only holds true on an experiential level.

Meaning if you’re like most guys, you’ve got TONS more experience with regret than with rejection.

Which means you’re pretty used to regret. So much in fact it feels normal.

On the other hand, rejection is mostly in your imagination. And anything in our imaginations can feel pretty terrifying.

So, what good does that statement or any other supposed “truism” about dating, do for us?

If you gain as much experience with rejection as we do with regret, then you’ll get it on a gut level.

So much so that it seems totally obvious, and even silly to say out loud.

Kind of like if you told your buddy, “the sky is blue,” as if it were some kind of genius insight.

This is pretty common when guys start to get pretty good with game.

They wonder what the big deal is.

Why?

If you don’t have a lot of success with girls, it’s easy to imagine that talking to girls on the one hand is totally terrifying. But it’s also pretty easy to imagine that it’s also like cutting in line to heaven.

But in reality, it’s nothing like that.

Any girl you walk up to and talk to isn’t going to scream at the top of her lungs, get all her friends to gang up on you and beat you to death.

On the other hand, she’s not going to morph into your fantasy porn goddess and go into a trance of desperate sexual submission.

In fact, when you get into the habit of talking to cute girls, you’ll find out that they are pretty normal. They ARE people after all.

And in case you haven’t noticed, most people are pretty normal. Some are weird, some absolute nut jobs and some you wish you’d never met. But most are pretty normal.

The more girls you talk to, the less you’ll worry about rejection. 

What about regret?

Imagine you were walking down the street, and you saw something on the ground that looked like it might be money.

But you were feeling lazy, so you didn’t pick it up. Then later, you’d start to wonder. What if it WAS money? What if was A LOT of money?

You’ll never know. Compare that to the “rejection” of picking it up and finding it was some pretend money or monopoly money or something. Sure, you’d be disappointed, but not “rejected.”

This is the comparison of “rejection vs. regret” that you’re going for.

The more experience you get, the sooner you’ll get there.

The more people you talk to, the more experience you’ll get.

So get going!

How To Properly Discriminate

Discrimination Isn't Always Bad

Increase Speed And Accuracy

They say discrimination is a bad thing, and should be avoided at all costs.

While this is true for some things, it’s certainly not true for others.

“Discriminate” is one of those vague words that has taken on some negative connotations in the past few decades.

But what does it mean?

Basically, it means looking at several choices, and choosing one for your purposes, based on some specific qualities of the things you are looking at.

Like if you wanted to buy only red apples and not green ones, you would discriminate by color. Absolutely nothing wrong with this when buying apples.

Or if you were choosing a job, and you only wanted to work in a couple cities, you would discriminate by location.

This only becomes a problem when you are assuming things about the “thing” which you are choosing, based on a very superficial quality.

Like the old saying, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” It could have a crappy cover, but be a great story. Or could have a fantastic cover, but be a horrible book.

Personally, I’ve been “conned” many times by choosing a DVD by the cover, only to find that the movie absolutely sucked. (Sometimes I think they spend more money on the cover than they do on the actual movie!)

One type of discrimination is absolutely crucial.

The women you choose to be with. Now, all humans are pre-programmed with some basic filters on what they find attractive, and what they don’t find attractive. We automatically discriminate this way. But since it’s unconscious, we don’t really acknowledge it.

But that’s not what I’m getting at.

Since getting together with (or chasing) the wrong women can cause you a LOT of grief, it’s a good idea to make sure you choose wisely.

The more accurately you can discriminate, and the earlier, the better.

Ideally, you’d be able to tell if she was your type or not within the first few minutes of talking to her.

That way you don’t waste any time.

Of course, if all you want to do is get laid, then you’ll walk up to any attractive enough girl with a pulse and do and say anything to get her into bed.

Again, that’s not what we’re after here.

So, how do you discriminate, or to use a less loaded word, qualify?

First, you need to be comfortable around attractive women so you don’t get hypnotized by their beauty.

The easiest way to do this is to simply talk to as many attractive girls as you can find. Not to pick them up, just to fill your brain with experience.

And the more you talk to, you’ll learn something amazing.

Some of them will become MORE attractive the more you talk to them.

Some of them will become LESS attractive the more you talk to them.

The more of this experience you get, the easier it will be to qualify.

Ultimate Life Strategy For Romance

Don't Be A Player

Too Much Game Is Harful

Learning too much game can do more harm than it’s worth.

There’s plenty of movies about some ultra player who’s ultra skillful with the ladies, and has billions of notches on beds all over town.

Then he meets “The One” but she sees him as a true player. Someone who’s nature is to love ’em and leave ’em.

Similar to the story of the frog and the scorpion. The scorpion begs for a ride, but the frog says he’ll sting him, and they’ll both die. The scorpion pleads and pleads, and finally the frog is convinced.

Halfway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog, and they both die. Just as they are going under, the frog asks why, and the scorpion responds, “It’s my nature.”

This is the danger of learning so much game it becomes a part of who you are. So that any time you are talking to girls, you are “game mode” where you have one outcome, and one outcome only. 

To be sure, if you are absolutely certain you never ever want to settle down, then by all means. But even if you are sure now, Mother Nature has a way of messing you up when you least expect it.

You may be happily hopping from bed to bed, and then you get hit with the thunderbolt. Suddenly you’re in love. You don’t care if you ever see or sleep with another woman again.

Only problem is that girl you’re with sees you as a stone cold player.

And guess what? You may be just like that scorpion. The scorpion actually believed he wouldn’t kill the frog. But Mother Nature won.  She always does.

How do you avoid this?

If you have any inkling that you’d like to settle down in a real relationship with real potential, leave the game strategies behind.

Instead, practice simple social skills. Practice talking to people, and becoming generally interested in them. You’ll slowly expand your social circle, and build up a network of folks who’ve got your back, and you theirs.

With a solid social circle as your anchor, you’ll learn talking to cute girls doesn’t require any hidden strategies or ninja tactics. Just open, honest communication. No fear, no pretend nice guy or alpha crap to protect your ego.

Let people see the real you, while you continue to improve the real you.

You may be surprised what happens.

Simple And Easy Skills

Social Skills Are The Most Important Of All

Improve Your Social Skills

Some things are simple, and some things are easy.

What’s the difference?

One way to think about this is that simple things aren’t complicated to understand and only take a few steps.

Easy means that it’s not emotionally difficult to carry out the steps, whether they be complicated or simple.

For example, walking up and talking to attractive people or potential clients is simple, but not easy.

I mean, you walk up, use some kind of an ice breaker, develop rapport, and see if there’s any mutual interest right?

Yet for many of us, that can be the most difficult thing to do.

And the funny thing is we usually convince ourselves we’re NOT doing it because we imagine that it’s complicated. So we read books on communication, go to seminars on dating, all because we don’t want to avoid the big gorilla in the room (or in our brains):

We KNOW what we need to do, we just can’t get ourselves to do it.

On the other hand, some things are pretty complicated, from the number of steps, but are pretty easy for a lot of people.

Computer programming, engineering, medicine, flying planes, cooking complicated recipes, coming up with interesting characters and plots, playing musical instruments. 

These require an intense amount of concentration, focus and intelligence.

But once you’re practiced enough, these things can be easy. Routine even.

I had this roommate once who was studying to become a physical therapist. As part of his training, he had to observe several joint replacement surgeries. Incredibly complicated.

But to the docs and nurses doing the surgery, it was pretty easy. Straightforward. They would listen to ball games on the radio, and talk to each other like they were hanging out at the local pub.

One of the biggest mistakes we can make is when we assume something is complicated, when it’s really simple.

As a general rule of thumb, anything that involves talking to and creating relationships (business, romantic, and otherwise) with others is pretty simple.

Since that’s what humans have been doing since day one.

Even building a business is based on relationships. Every cent you can get is based on your ability to figure out what others want, and then figure out a way to give it to them.

Sure, you might need to learn some complicated technical skills, but those will become easy after a while.

Then you’ll be in that wonderful place where you’re not only combing easy AND simple, but getting paid.

Get Started:

Prosperity Generator

Essential Skills For Dating

Leave The Lines On The Wall

Stop Relying On Memorized Lines

If you want to be successful with girls, you’re going to need to think on your feet.

Most guys don’t like to hear this. Most guys imagine there is some kind of magic combination of words or behaviors that will “create attraction.” And all they’ve got to do is perform these in the right order, and she’ll fall into some kind of life long trance of obedient desire.

Now, if that DID happen, that would be pretty horrible. It’d be like having a non-thinking robot who does nothing but follow you around and agree with everything you say.

Now, if you haven’t been getting a lot of female attention lately, this sounds like the greatest thing ever. Even if you have been getting a lot, this may sound like a good deal.

But it’s not. Because you’re missing out on the greatest part of attraction. A free thinking, intelligent, self confident women who treats you kindly and affectionately because she wants to, and is driven to, both consciously and unconsciously.

Many people have bosses they have to pretend to be friends with. Maybe you’ve got one like this. Maybe you ARE a boss like this. And after a while, the bosses start to think that the people that work for them really DO like them.

But they don’t.

Only because he or she controls you’re livelihood, do you pretend to be best buddies. If you changed jobs, and then saw them at the mall, you’d probably avoid them.

This is the kind of thing most guys THINK they want. A girl who is affectionate and kind to them because they’ve hypnotized her some way, and she has no choice.

But when a girl has a choice to stay with you, or leave you, and chooses to stay with you, that is a wonderful feeling.

And it only comes with being spontaneous, in the moment, and genuine.

This is utterly terrifying for many people. We feel if we show people the REAL us, they’ll see who we really are, and reject us.

And guess what? Some of them will.

But a few of them won’t.

The ones that like us for who we REALLY are, not some fake nice guy, or pretend player, or overly aggressive alpha, they’ll stick around.

Not because they have to. Not because they are afraid what people will say if they don’t. Not because of social pressure.

But because they want to.