Category Archives: Dating

Should You Hide Your Attraction For Her?

Be An Open Book PUA

Ditch The Day Game

Many guys think they need to “slip in under the radar” when they are out meeting girls. To some extent, this is true. If it’s obvious that you are in a club, for example, and are chatting up and number closing every girl in sight, you might put out the wrong vibe.

Nobody, girls included, likes to feel like they are just another number in a book that you get to when all the others don’t pan out.

Of course, if you see a cute girl in a place that’s NOT a meet market, then it’s usually OK to let her know why you’re talking to her. Naturally, you won’t have to say anything, since girls pretty much know that if a guy walks up to her in public, it’s not for the time or some lame, “I’m shopping for my sister” pick up angle.

If you make eye contact, do a bit of non-verbal flirting, then she knows what’s what. She likely, in her own mind, has already sent you a clear and conscious message she wants you to walk over. No point in covering up your approach by pretending your not approaching, especially when she knows you’re approaching.

So why do guys use lines like that? Short answer is they want to bypass the non-verbal flirting stage. They approach at an angle, surprise her, and try to “sneak their way in” to her mind. Then if the conversation goes well, they figure they can number close.

But unless you are VERY smooth, she’s going to know you were just running game. Now, some guys might think this makes them ultra suave and alpha PUA. But in reality, she’s going to think you were to shy to simply be straight with her.

Remember, girls like a guy with confidence. A guy that can look at her, and let her know in no uncertain terms that he likes looking at her because she is pretty. Pleasing to the eyes. Guys that are afraid to do this, and come up with “approach at an angle” type of game can come off as kind of less than honest. And weak.

Since first impressions last a long time, you may be shooting yourself in the foot before you even call her.

Bottom line is if you see a pretty girl, don’t be shy about it. Let her know you think she’s cute. Be comfortable checking her out. If she responds in kind, walk over. She’s already invited you. And when you, don’t worry about any lines or any goofy game. She knows what’s up.

Lay it all out. Say she’s pretty, say you’d like to know more about her personality. Say it in your own words, and go from there.

Why You Must Be A Leader

Become A Leader To Create Attraction

Essential Skills To Create Attraction

On a deep and fundamental level, it’s easy to see what women want, and what men want.

Look back into our long evolutionary history, and it becomes pretty obvious. Women want a strong, confident, socially comfortable man to lead. Men want a supportive, loyal, feminine woman to stand behind him.

Sure, this sounds very old school, very anti-feminist, very anti-modern and empowered. But consider the vast majority of human history, where our instincts and gender roles were pretty much set.

Men went out every day and hunted. Took risks, found new places to live, and pretty much built all the tools of society. Women stayed behind while the men were hunting, and gathered. They took care of the kids. They got roots, nuts, other food in case the men got skunked.

Scientists tell us that this “sexual diversification of labor” was one of the main drivers of our evolutionary success. In all other mammals, both men and women searched for the same type of food.

Because humans looked for different food between men and women, we could live in twice as many places.

This is also why men are good at some things, while women are good at others. Men have narrow, long range vision, for example. Women have short, very wide vision. One is good for hunting, the other is good for gathering while watching kids at the same time.

Men don’t talk much, women talk all the time. Hunters vs. gatherers.

How does this translate to the modern dating scene?

On a deep level, she wants you to lead the way. She wants to follow you. But if you assume she SHOULD follow you, you’re in for a surprise.

Sadly, many “men” today are simply not worthy of being followed.

Are you?

When you make a decision, do you immediately take action, or do you wait to make sure it’s OK?

If you are on a date, for example, this is the worst thing you can do. Ask your date if your decision is OK.

Now, you don’t want to be rude, but you also don’t want to radiate a sense of weakness, and lean on her to call the shots.

In the very early stages, this means you MUST lead in all aspects. You MUST be the one who approaches. You MUST be the one who carries the conversation. You MUST be the one to set the first get together.

Will she follow? Maybe, maybe not. The ones that don’t follow simply aren’t into you. Let them slide.

But the ones that do follow you are the ones you’re after.

Start leading, and see who follows. That will tell you everything you need to know.

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How To Plan Your Relationships

Do You Depend On Blind Luck?

Don’t Rely On Blind Luck

Do you have any seduction goals?

Most guys don’t. Most guys are happy with their preprogrammed desires for sex, intimacy, and companionship. They go out, keep trying, until these get fulfilled.

For a long, long time, this was all men needed. Only in recent times did people need to consciously plan what they were going after. Why?

Up until fifty years or so ago, once a guy and a girl hooked up, there were plenty of “negative incentives” to keep them together. Meaning if they broke up, especially after they were married and had kids, everybody would know.

Even on “Mad Men” there was that one single mom in the neighborhood that everybody gossiped about.

The thing about having “negative incentives” is that we don’t tend to notice them. Kind of like having a boss that will fire you if you show up late. So long the rest of the job is pretty good, and you get paid well, getting up early in order to show up on time (so you don’t get fired) will kind of slip into the back of your mind.

At first it might be pretty difficult, but pretty soon it will be just be something that you do without thinking.

This is the kind of world couples lived in a generation or so ago. Since they were many more negative incentives regarding breaking up, they were much more motivated to work on the relationship, and deal with whatever issues came up instead of ignoring them.

Nowadays, people don’t do that. There’s zero stigma with breaking up, getting divorced, or being a single parent.

Which means if you want a happy relationship, it’s going to take a lot of SELF MOTIVATION, rather than relying on those external negative incentives.

However, most guys don’t even realize this. They just hook up with whoever they can hook up with, cross their fingers and hope for the best.

Now, sometimes you’ll get lucky. Sometimes you’ll meet a girl from a similar background, who has similar beliefs as you, and shares plenty of the same interests. This will make it much more likely you’ll both WANT to work on any issues, as you genuinely like each other’s company, beyond just sex and intimacy.

But if you just get with whoever you can get with, this isn’t very likely.

Instead, consider the type of girl you’re going after. Consider the type of girl you’d like to hang out with AFTER that initial thrill wears off. Consider a girl who has the same basic life plans as you, instead of some girl who you expect will blindly follow you wherever you go.

To be sure, this is a lot of work. But the work you put into today will save you a lot of pain tomorrow.

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How To Measure Her Attraction

Always Be Testing

Always Be Testing

There are plenty of ways to measure how much a girl is attracted to you. There are also different methods to use during different stages of the relationship.

This is important to know how to do, but it’s also important to know WHY to do this.

Many guys make the tragic mistake of assuming once she’s attracted to you, she’ll ALWAYS be attracted to you. This is absolutely false.

In reality, her attraction, especially in the first few weeks or even months, will fluctuate. Even in it’s not set in stone. Guys who have been married for years are FLOORED when she suddenly announces she wants a divorce.

He thought everything was going smooth, but in reality, her attraction was slowly declining. Sometimes for YEARS.

And for better or for worse, there are few negative incentives to keep women in “bad” relationships these days.

So if you ARE intending to create a mutually happy, long term relationship, you’d better be ready to accept the fact that it takes CONSISTENT EFFORT on your part.

And measuring her attraction is the first step. Once you know if it’s high or low, you can adjust accordingly, or even decide she’s not the one for you.

In the first conversation, it’s pretty easy. Is she looking at you most of the time? When you break rapport slightly, does she follow you to get back into rapport? How does she respond when you apply some light and socially appropriate kino? Does it make her happy? Does she respond in kind?

If you’ve been dating a couple weeks, all of the same apply, but you’ve got to be able to measure her deeper behavior.

Does she show up on time? Does she return your calls promptly? When you ask her out does she agree happily or suggest another time and place if she’s busy?

These all things a highly attracted girl will do. A girl with medium or low attraction won’t.

If you’ve determined her level of attraction is less than you’d like, you’ve got a couple options.

One is to try and ramp it back up. Do something different. Measure again.

Another is to simply realize it’s not in the cards.

The cold harsh truth is that relationships are a LOT of work.  If you choose a girl that takes a lot of effort to begin with, you know you’ve got an uphill battle for the duration.

Often times, it’s much, much easier to just realize it’s not in the cards and move on.

Ideally, you want to find a girl who’s willing to work as hard as you to maintain the integrity of the relationship.

When you do that, it will make everything worthwhile.

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Why To Expand Your Social Circle

Always Be Friendly

Always Be Friendly

A long time ago, I had a job selling insurance. It was the first day out, and we were going to people’s homes who had requested information. I was with my trainer, and she was showing me the ropes.

We were talking to this one couple, and I could sort of tell right away they weren’t “qualified.” Meaning they didn’t likely have the income to be able to afford what we were selling, nor would they really get much use out of the benefits.

But my trainer kept talking to them, asking them all about their problems and concerns. She even gave them some free advice that seemed to help them out.

Later, I asked why she did that, when she clearly wasn’t going to make any sales.

She explained that she recognized that they belonged to a couple of “networks” of similar workers from retired industry. Meaning they knew a LOT of people. People that would likely be able to afford what we were selling and would want what we were selling.

She explained that in the office we were working out of, the most successful salespeople made the bulk of their sales from referrals. Not cold clients, or people who responded to mailers.

Later I learned this was true in most sales jobs, other than retail. Even then if you make a good impression on a customer, they’ll send other people your way.

Most people will judge you based on how you interact with others when you have clearly nothing to gain.

Hopefully, you do this as well. If you’re out with a girl, for example, and she is exceptionally rude to the wait staff or other “help,” this should be a red flag. As least it is for most guys who know their worth.

The moral of the story? Be nice to people. Be interested in people. Even for the pure selfish boost to your self-confidence.

But chances are, if you are genuinely friendly to everybody you meet, it will send out a LOT of positive signals. One is that you’re a genuinely friendly guy. Another is that you’ve got pretty decent social skills and self confidence.

Of course, if you are social like this, you’ll meet a LOT of girls who are either interested in you, or know somebody that is.

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Your Slow Steady Path To Natural Game

What Does This Turtle Know About Seduction?

Aesop Was A Player

What is your biggest obstacle to meeting girls?

Most guys come up with all kinds of reasons. There’s no quality women. They don’t know where to meet girls. They don’t know what to say. They don’t have time, they don’t have money.

All of these are ego protecting excuses, rather than reasons.

There’s a principle in psychology called “cognitive dissonance” where we don’t see or accept parts of reality because they’ll make us feel like an idiot, or weak, or foolish.

The human brain is a master manipulator of itself in order to protect our ego.

Where does the ego live? Behind our greatest fear. But also behind our greatest fear is our greatest strength.

The good news is that when it comes to meeting girls for potential relationships, you don’t need to go full steam ahead and damn the torpedoes or go big or go home. Leave that crap for Hollywood.

It’s entirely possible, and even highly recommended, to take it slow. Very slow. If ALL you did for the next year was to slowly increase your comfort zone when it comes to talking to girls, you’d be a stone cold natural.

You wouldn’t need to spend any time on forums, or study game, or practice patterns, or change your wardrobe or even get a job. Well, you might need a job to KEEP a quality woman, but you certainly don’t need one to CREATE ATTRACTION in a quality woman. (But then again, women today are so starved for a self confident man that they would likely keep you around even if you were unemployed!)

So, how do you go about this?

Start very slow. Start very small. Take small baby steps. Every day do something that just a half inch outside your comfort zone. When it becomes easy, stretch it out just a LITTLE bit further.

Eye contact, smiles, conversations, wherever you are comfortable now, just start there.

If you do NOTHING ELSE but push your comfort zone out just a little bit at a time, you’ll become a social skill ninja that can easily seduce girls any time, any where.

Now, a year is a long time. But ask yourself this: Where were you a year ago, compared to now? If you continue to do the same thing, and get the same results, where will you be a year from now?

That may seem harsh to think about, but just wait until this time next year, when you’ve got all kinds of choice, all kinds of potential, and can talk anybody into anything.

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How To Conjure Social Proof

How To Conjure Social Proof

Easily Increase Attraction

One thing that can almost always help you is social proof. This is often misunderstood, and sometimes confused with “authority.” The two often go hand in hand.

Simply stated, social proof is when many people are doing something, and it makes that “thing” seem more attractive, purely because the crowd is doing it.

The paradox of social proof is that every single human on Earth is hard wired to respond to it, while at the same time, all of us will argue that it doesn’t have any effect on us at all.

For example, let’s say you’re walking down the street and you see a crowd lined up outside a particular store. Social proof is the crowd, and simply because the crowd is there, you are interested. If you walk up and you see them all holding fistfuls of money buying some shiny object, social proof will also make you want to buy it, even though you don’t know what it is.

Then later on, when you get home, you’ll have come up with some rational, logical reason why you bought that object. Even though you really believe these are the real reasons, they’re really just excuses. 

Whatever you are selling, if you have social proof, it’s a LOT easier to sell.

If you walk into a club with three or four girls, you’ll be a LOT more attractive. If these girls are attractive themselves, you’ll have to do VERY LITTLE work to get pretty much every girl in the club interested in you.

To make matters even BETTER, all the girls will also notice that every other girl is also interested in you, which will give you even MORE social proof.

So long as you have decent social skills, and can hold a regular conversation, it will be VERY EASY to get what  you’re after.

The problem is, of course, is that few guys have three or four girls to “wing” for them at the club.

Sure, you could hire some, and it would work, but it would be expensive.

But there’s another way. One that will give you almost the same result.

The first part is to simply talk to girls anywhere and everywhere, with two objectives. One is to get their names, two is to find out something interesting about them. That’s it. This is your “ammunition.”

Then, when you’re out and trying to meet girls for real, just start talking to any girl who’s attractive enough and giving you enough IOI’s.

This will be easy since you’ve been talking to girls everywhere.

Then, whenever you can, mention one of those girls, and that thing you found about her that’s interesting. So long as that interesting thing is appropriate for your current conversation, you can slide it right in.

And when you are vague who that particular girl is you are referencing, even better.

For example, don’t say, “This girl Betty I talked to at the post office and whom I’ll never see again said she also likes hang gliding.”

Say this instead:

“Oh you like hang gliding? This girl Betty I know also likes hang gliding. How long have you been doing it?”

And then just leave it at that. The girl you’re currently talking to will start wondering who “Betty” is, and will assume you two are together, or were together, or something.

Giving you social proof.

How To Develop Ultra Strong Frame Control

Massive Frame Control

Bear Theory

You’ve heard that story of the two guys out hiking who saw the bear, right?

One guy starts putting on his running shoes, and the other guys says he can’t out run a bear.

To which the first guy says, “I don’t need to outrun the bear, I only need to outrun you.”

Remember this joke next time you’re out where the ladies are. Take a look around. You don’t have to be the super alpha of the world to get a decent girl. You only need to be slightly more alpha than all the other goofs around.

Even better, you only really need to be more alpha than the last few guys she’s talked to. No need to out-alpha a guy she’s never talked to, and won’t likely talk to, right?

Here’s another application of bear theory.

Whoever has the strongest frame will control the flow of the conversation. This isn’t so PC, but girls are hard wired to be attracted to a guy who can lead. A guy that has a stronger frame than she does. She won’t admit this, and she probably doesn’t know this. 

After all, attraction is not something we can conjure up at will. It just happens. Girls fall for guys all the time when they have no idea why. But now YOU know.

In fact, many times when a girl tests a guy, it’s to VERIFY that his seemingly strong frame is real, and not fake.

So, how do you have a stronger frame than hers? Easy. Just hold a thought longer than she can hold a contrary thought.

Meaning if you’re talking about something, and she tries to change the subject, pace whatever she said, but eventually lead the conversation back to where it was before. This is pure leading 101.

Girls LOVE a guy who can lead. Girls LOATHE guys who need to follow.

You can practice this without even talking to her. Just find a place where you can make eye contact with plenty of girls,  stationary or not.

Then practice “frame wars.”

Simply pick a girl you think is cute. Look at her and smile. Forget anything and just enjoy looking at her.

If she looks at you, HOLD that feeling, and HOLD your eye contact. Do not waver. This is practice only, it’s not intended to get any kind of particular result. The easier you can do this, the stronger your frame will be.

Ideally, you want to hold it while she looks at you, looks away, and then looks back. Even if she looks back a third time, DON’T CHANGE ANYTHING.

Hold your posture, your gaze, your thoughts, your smile, even your eyeballs.

If she comes over and talks to you fine, but she probably won’t. Eventually she’ll go back to what she was doing.

BONUS if she’s with three or four friends, and she mentions to them, and THEY all look at you.

DON’T look at them. Only her. Remember, this is practice.

The idea is to practice holding your frame, regardless of what happens.

If you do this consistently, you’ll be amazed what happens.

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Should You Learn Fractionation?

There Are No Magic Bullets

Do Magic Bullets Even Exist?

There’s a lot of confusion about certain techniques in covert hypnosis as it applies to seduction. One of those is something called “fractionation.” This is a proven technique that shows up pretty much everywhere, and has been used very effectively in traditional hypnosis.

However, because it’s kind of confusing, and vague, some marketers have treated it like some magic bullet that can instantly get a girl ready to go. This is not really true. Not even close.

The truth about fractionation is that is one technique, among many, that can accelerate a process. But in order to use fractionation to accelerate the process, you’ve got to first be able to do the process. Fractionation is NOT a replacement for the process.

So, what IS the process? Talking to a girl, and getting her feeling those special feelings when she thinks about you. If you can do this during the first meeting, you’re doing pretty good.

Now, this is pretty vague. How do you talk to her and get her thinking those special feelings? There’s a million ways to do that. It depends on the girl. It depends on you. It depends on the location. It depends how you compare in her mind to the last five or ten goofs that have tried to pick her up.

In fact, there are so many variables that are always changing, there is simply NO WAY to come up with a memorized set of behavior patterns that will work. The ONLY way to develop the skills to get her feeling those good feelings is to simply talk to as many girls as you can, and try to get as many of them feeling those feelings as you can.

Naturally, you’ll fail most of the time.

But think of what human life on Earth would be like if any goof could memorize a bunch of techniques and then go out and get any girl dreaming of sex? The entire planet would be populated by single guys and single mothers who have no clue who the father is!

Luckily, this is not the case. Luckily, girls DO have certain criteria, conscious or not, for the guy they want to hook up with. And unless you meet this criteria, you aren’t going to get far.

Luckily, one of these criteria that’s VERY important is a guy who’s got really good social skills. And the only way to GET really good social skills is to get out there and be social.

You CANNOT learn social skills by studying techniques or memorizing patterns.

But the more you get out there and practice, the more fun you’ll have, and the more attractive you’ll become.

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You Are Not A Snowflake

Use Your Uniqueness As Strengths, Not Weaknesses

Follow The Same Path Of Success

One of the BIGGEST mistakes you can make in life is to fully believe or accept the idea of, “My case is different.”

Everybody’s been taught that they are special. They are unique. There’s nobody else like them, and there will never be another person like them. Ever.

Just like a snowflake.

No two are the same. This both true and false. To the extent you know the difference, you will be wildly successful. To the extent you don’t, you’ll spend life in emotional agony, and never know why.

Now, to start off with, let’s address the snowflake is unique myth. In reality, there are two snowflakes that WILL be the same, statistically speaking. But that’s now what we’re talking about.

Let’s just assume that the physical appearance of every single snowflake that ever was, and ever will be is different. As a metaphor if nothing else.

But that doesn’t mean that all snowflakes are created differently. That doesn’t mean that they don’t follow the same laws of physics. That doesn’t mean they’ll all eventually melt, turn into water, and get all their snowflake molecules (which is WATER, btw) mixed back in with everything else.

So yea, they’re all different. But they’re also all the same.

Which means you, as a human, are the same and different than everybody else.

You have the same basic desires. You face the same basic obstacles. You face the same basic limitations.

It’s only when you start to use your own unique qualities as a reason you CANNOT overcome the same obstacles everybody else has to overcome, is it GAME OVER.

To the extent you believe you CAN overcome ANY obstacle, if merely because somebody else did, then you will ALWAYS eventually be successful.

Here’s an example. Every guy would like a girl. Usually a girl that’s pretty, nice, friendly, and intelligent.

And every guy also has a bunch of reasons why they think they CAN’T get that girl.

Every. Single. Guy.

The ones that get the girl, don’t listen to their own excuses. The ones that don’t, do.

Once I knew this doctor. Smart guy. Good looking guy. Rich guy. Friendly guy. But he was also about 5’5″.

He had a rock solid belief, that no “quality girls” would date short guys. This was his REASON for thinking that he was EXCUSED from not facing the same obstacles every other guy faces.

Namely, trying and getting rejected and trying again. Over and over until you finally get the girl you want.

Because he was TOO AFRAID to even try, he created what he thought was a REASON to not try.

He thought HE WAS DIFFERENT. Every single piece of evidence he saw to the contrary, he kept telling himself the same lie. “Yea, but I’m different.”

If you hear yourself telling yourself this, it’s a lie. Which is good news. Because the single most powerful thing you can do that will SKYROCKET your success with women is to STOP BELIEVING YOUR OWN LIES.

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