Category Archives: Frame Control

How To Develop Ultra Strong Frame Control

Massive Frame Control

Bear Theory

You’ve heard that story of the two guys out hiking who saw the bear, right?

One guy starts putting on his running shoes, and the other guys says he can’t out run a bear.

To which the first guy says, “I don’t need to outrun the bear, I only need to outrun you.”

Remember this joke next time you’re out where the ladies are. Take a look around. You don’t have to be the super alpha of the world to get a decent girl. You only need to be slightly more alpha than all the other goofs around.

Even better, you only really need to be more alpha than the last few guys she’s talked to. No need to out-alpha a guy she’s never talked to, and won’t likely talk to, right?

Here’s another application of bear theory.

Whoever has the strongest frame will control the flow of the conversation. This isn’t so PC, but girls are hard wired to be attracted to a guy who can lead. A guy that has a stronger frame than she does. She won’t admit this, and she probably doesn’t know this. 

After all, attraction is not something we can conjure up at will. It just happens. Girls fall for guys all the time when they have no idea why. But now YOU know.

In fact, many times when a girl tests a guy, it’s to VERIFY that his seemingly strong frame is real, and not fake.

So, how do you have a stronger frame than hers? Easy. Just hold a thought longer than she can hold a contrary thought.

Meaning if you’re talking about something, and she tries to change the subject, pace whatever she said, but eventually lead the conversation back to where it was before. This is pure leading 101.

Girls LOVE a guy who can lead. Girls LOATHE guys who need to follow.

You can practice this without even talking to her. Just find a place where you can make eye contact with plenty of girls,  stationary or not.

Then practice “frame wars.”

Simply pick a girl you think is cute. Look at her and smile. Forget anything and just enjoy looking at her.

If she looks at you, HOLD that feeling, and HOLD your eye contact. Do not waver. This is practice only, it’s not intended to get any kind of particular result. The easier you can do this, the stronger your frame will be.

Ideally, you want to hold it while she looks at you, looks away, and then looks back. Even if she looks back a third time, DON’T CHANGE ANYTHING.

Hold your posture, your gaze, your thoughts, your smile, even your eyeballs.

If she comes over and talks to you fine, but she probably won’t. Eventually she’ll go back to what she was doing.

BONUS if she’s with three or four friends, and she mentions to them, and THEY all look at you.

DON’T look at them. Only her. Remember, this is practice.

The idea is to practice holding your frame, regardless of what happens.

If you do this consistently, you’ll be amazed what happens.

Get Started

Girlfriend Generator

Choose The Right Tools For The Job

See More Than Nails

Hammers and Nails

One of the usual elements of the “Hero’s Journey” is some kind of tool.

If you aren’t familiar with the Hero’s Journey, it’s what Joseph Campbell discovered several years ago. Most myths have the same basic structure, and contain the same basic elements.

Some normal guy gets pulled (usually against his will) into some kind of adventure, in which he has to conquer some kind of evil force or person.

And he usually gets certain tools along the way, and usually creates a close group of helpful friends.

It’s amazing how many stories have this blueprint in popular movies and TV. Even goofy (but popular) TV shows like “Chuck” have this same model.

Crucial to most fictional (and real) Hero Journeys is some kind of tool. Chuck (if you’re familiar) had the “Intersect.” Harry Potter had his wand. Luke had his light saber. Dorothy, from the wizard of Oz, had her ruby slippers. Spartacus (in the recent TV series) had his sword and shield. Even Walter White had his meth lab.

Tools are essential to human life. It’s what makes us unique. We use tools to make more tools, to make even more tools.

Toasters, cars, shoes, all can be considered “tools” that we use to make life easier.

On a deep psychological level, we see tools in the same mental category as we see other people.

For example, linguists have discovered that the prepositions we use with words determine what kind of category that word belongs to.

Fall “in” love. Love is a some kind of container. (in).

“Defend” an argument. Arguments are war. (defend).

We went “over” that problem. Problems are obstacles. (over).

I went the store “with” my friend. Friends are companions. (with).

I cut the bread “with” the knife. Tools are also companions. (with).

Without tools, it’s just us, our hands, and the cold hard world. Even our hands are considered tools, or companions. (I built my business with my bare hands).

But with tools we can do quite a bit. Build cities. Cure diseases. Create beautiful works of art that will be enjoyed for generations. Walk on the moon.

What tools do you use?

Of course, it can be tough to choose the right tool before you know what the job is. So a better question might be, what kind of life are you building? (Life is a “creation.” You build it).

Choose your tools, and get started:

Mind Tools

Make Her Wait For Sex?

Don't Be So Easy!

Can All The Gurus Be Wrong?

Imagine you lived in a house, and you had an extra room to rent. So you put an add on Craigslist or wherever, saying the location and the rent. Some guy showed up, and all you knew about him was he had the cash in hand. Six months worth.

Would you accept him as your roommate? Most people wouldn’t. Most would ask some questions, at the very least. Does he smoke? Does he work, if so, what hours? Does he play the drums? Play loud music? Cook weird food at six in the morning? On the run from the law?

Most people recognize right away you’d need to screen your roommates. Call some references, etc.

But this is precisely what most guys DON’T do when they meet girls. All they care about are two things, one is she’s hot. Two is she’s willing to sleep with him.

This is exactly like ONLY demanding your imaginary future roommate can pay his rent, and nothing else.

Now, some guys don’t really care about what kind of girl she is. They’re not looking for Ms. Right, they’re looking for Ms. Right Now. They don’t care what happens the next morning.

But what if you’re looking for something a bit more long term? Something that can many turn into something more permanent?

Then you’d better know what you’re looking for!

Whether or not she’s hot, and wether or not she’s good to go (with you) is only the beginning. Cavemen from a hundred thousand years ago had the same criteria.

Which means it may be a pretty good idea to think of what kind of girl you’d like to wake up next to in the morning.

Not only that, but it may also be a good idea to figure out a way to screen her BEFORE you wake up next to her in the morning.

I know this is contrary to pretty much everything every guru and online game expert will tell you. That getting laid is the number one, primary goal. Nothing else matters.

But if you want to see her for more than a few drunken hours of fun, you might want to keep your little buddy in his pants.

I know, sacrilegious advice!

But think about it this way. If you took your time, got to know her a little bit, pretty soon you’d have a LOT of high quality candidate to choose from.

Think of this from a sales perspective. Sure, you CAN sell things to people quickly. But most people who buy things quickly don’t have money, or they have horrible credit. Because they are always buying things without thinking!

But the customers that take a while to close, the customers that think a lot about what they are buying, these are high quality customers. Customers that will keep buying from you again and again.

Of course, it depends you. What you want, and what you’re willing to do to get it.

Continue Your Journey

Let Loose Your Inner Hero

Have You Discovered Your Inner Hero Yet?

What is your greatest gift?

We all love a good movie, and one of the most powerful movie structures is the “Hero’s Journey.”

Spiderman, Dorothy, Luke, Neo, Harry Potter, all these characters have the same kind of path.

That is they all pretty normal dudes, (or gals) living normal lives, and then something takes them (usually against their will) somewhere and forces them to step up their game. 

A lot.

Luke has to defeat Vader, Dorothy has to overcome the fake Wizard, Harry has to kill Voldemort, etc.

Why are these stories so popular?

Because they represent our lives.

From the time we are born (actually a few hours before) we face the same structure, over and over again.

We’re cruising along, safe, (and also kinda bored) and then something pulls us out of our comfort zone.

We pretty much HAVE to learn new skills. Going to school for the first time, making friends, getting a job, starting a family, becoming an established member of your community, all follows the same path.

Leaving behind your comfort zone and moving further out into the world.

Those stories, books, and movies speak to us on a deep level.

They help us remember who we are.

Heroes.

Now, I’m not saying you need to grab a cape and start beating up bad guys. That might get you arrested.

But if you’re playing it safe, you’re not living up to your potential. If you believe in any kind of a Creator, you can’t think He or She put us here so we could be safe.

We were put here to continuously move forward. Take risks. Make mistakes. Expand our social circle. Expand our vision. Create dreams and MAKE them come true.

Go. See. Conquer.

So, what is your greatest gift?

When you’re long gone, what would you like your greatest contribution to humanity be?

What would you like to create? What service would you like to provide? How will you help people?

Deep within you lies the answer.

Discover It:

Prosperity Generator

The Process Of Dating

The Never Ending Process Of Relationship Building

Flow Power

What’s the difference between a process and an outcome?

One way to describe them is that the process is a way to get an outcome. Or you may say that a process is made of many, many outcomes that lead to a greater outcome.

Or you may say that a process is a consistently evolving system based on tons of interdependent variables and feedback loops. An outcome is an event in time or a thing.

Take rain and the weather, for example. The weather is always changing, always in flux, and always feeding back into itself. The amount of variables are few, and are inorganic. Pressure, wind speed, heat, humidity, that’s about it. 

The outcome is the weather event. Rain, snow hail, whatever. Of course, each event, if you drill down into the time span is a process unto itself. The process of rain can cause all kinds of events, or outcomes. And in turn, they themselves are processes that create outcomes.

The weather is the process that creates an outcome of rain. Rain is a process that creates an outcome of wet soil. We soil is a process that leads to mature corn. Mature corn is a process than turns into popcorn. And and on. In reality, there’s not a hard limit between any process, and any outcome.

It all depends on your frame of reference.

One life long process that many guys treat as an outcome is male and female interactions.

Even within a relationship, a happy committed relationship, the process is ALWAYS changing. The needs, wants, desires, subjective beliefs and values of each person are ALWAYS changing.

Once you get past that lovey dovey super sex part, a real relationship takes a ton of work. Real work, not just check-the-boxes-off-a-list work.

That’s why so many relationships fail. Neither person is willing to put in any work after the lovey dovey sex magic ends, and the real give and take begins.

Of course, if all you care about is the lovey dovey super sex part, and you’re happy to be a serial monogamist your entire life, more power to you. Plenty of people are happy with that, men and women.

But if you want something more, you’ve got to understand that ALL aspects of human relationships RARELY leave the process stage.

Unless you’re at a funeral, and your throwing dirt on a dead dude in a box.

So next time your out in a social setting, and you see some girl you’d like to talk to, think of your potential interaction with her as one long process.

Instead of saying, “how can I GET some of that,” which implies you’re going after some static “thing,” think more in process terms.

“How can I create a sustained interaction with that person that will satisfy both of our wants and needs in a way that will make us both better off than we are now?”

Or if that sentence is too long, how about this one:

“I wonder if we can build something together.”

Try this, and see what happens.

How To Radiate Confidence and Attraction

Don't Make This Mistake

Ditch The Nice Guy Routine

One of the most attractive things in a person is congruence. If you want to do better with the ladies, all you’ve got to do is increase your congruence.

What is congruence? Basically it means being your true, honest self. Now, this doesn’t mean blurting out whatever comes to your mind. But it does mean not hiding your emotions, intentions and desires.

Many guys, when talking to girls, tend to hold back. They’re afraid of rejection, afraid of offending her and ruining their chances, or maybe even saying something silly.

So they pretend to be somebody they’re nice. Many guys go too far in the opposite direction. They’re so worried about offending her, that they become overly nice. This is the stereotypical “nice guy” that girls don’t like. In fact, they despise them.

Not because they are mean, or they’d rather date some biker who just escaped from prison. It’s because they don’t trust him. Maybe consciously he seems OK. But on a subconscious level, he’s sending some creepy vibe. Some vibe that says “I’d really like to have sex with you but I’m pretending really hard that I just want to be your friend.”

Sex is natural, normal and healthy. Sexual desire is natural, normal and healthy.

Yea, but what about that time you were checking a girl and she gave you a dirty look?

She gave you a dirty look not because you were checking her out, but because you were checking her out while feeling like you were doing something wrong. You judged yourself before she got a chance to. Since you yourself felt you were doing something wrong, so did she.

That’s why some guys can seemingly get away with murder. They talk raunchy, tell dirty jokes, and have no problem talking about sexual topics.

Since they accept these as normal things, so does she.

She’d LOVE IT if you talked to her like you talk to your buddies. Relaxed, confident, playfully teasing her, and generally  having a good tie.

So, back to that hard to define word, “congruence.”

Simply accept your desires. Don’t be afraid to look at girls, and let them know through your eye contact and self confidence that you like what you see.

Do this, and you’ll be miles ahead of all the other clowns out there.

How To Lead Her

How To Lead Her

The Goldilocks Strategy

Most guys know, at least instinctively, that in order to create attraction, real attraction, in a woman, you’ve got to lead her. But beyond that, it’s kind of fuzzy.

If you go too far, you come across as some insecure, knuckle dragging psycho who most girls normal girls don’t want anything to with.

Not far enough, and you come across as a pushover, like most guys today.

What does “lead her” even mean, any way? It could mean to physically lead her across the room. It could mean lead the conversation. But what happens when she tries to go her own way, as most normal people do? Sure, must guys think they’d like some super obedient girl who would eagerly follow all their orders.

But if you actually met a girl like this, you’d be turned off in a hurry. She would seem like she’s escaped from the nut house, just after receiving her daily injection of whatever drugs they give people in those places to keep them passive.

So no matter HOW you are going to lead her, she’s going to resist. She HAS to resist. The more she resists, the  more you can prove to her how strong you are.

How do you do this? One way to NOT do this is to get angry, either at her, yourself, or the world. It’s not HER job to follow you. It’s your job to lead her.

Another way to NOT do this is to collapse in a puddle of hurt feelings and close down.

Another way to NOT do this is to give up completely, and let her lead.

Believe it or not, girls don’t really like a guy much who NEVER leads, and ALWAYS defers to them. It may make them look good to their friends, and it make not create stress, but it won’t create any attraction.

So, how DO you lead? Well, you first need to go where you’re going. This means you’ve got to have an intention for the particular girl you’re talking to.

Now, this can get confusing. As I’m sure you’ve heard, you need to be “outcome independent” when talking to a girl.

This means you shouldn’t choose an outcome that REQUIRES her compliance, BEFORE you meet her.

But you still need an intention.

It’s kind of like goal setting. When you set goals, you need to make sure they are under your control. If you’re goal depends on other people doing things, you’re going to run into trouble.

But you STILL need to have a intention when talking to her.

It could be to find out if she’s interested in you. It could be to ASK for her number, not necessarily get it.

It could be to try kino three times within ten minutes, NOT to get a certain response from her.

So long as you’ve got an intention, that is based on YOUR actions, you’re doing pretty good.

Stick to them, and you’ll be doing better than most guys.

How To Open Up Their Treasure

Stay Away From Features and Benefits

No Memorized Sales Pitches

Once I had this sales job where we had to memorize this long, long pitch.

They wouldn’t even let us out in the field (it was an in-home sales job) unless we could successfully demonstrate the pitch to our boss.

I had other sales jobs with similar structures.  They give you a pitch, a phone and a list of numbers, and away you go.

From a big picture standpoint, this is a pretty efficient way sell stuff, especially if the salespeople are getting commissions as part of their salary.

I’ve worked in other sales jobs that were purely hourly wage, and people learned pretty quickly it didn’t matter if anybody signed up or bought anything. Then the ones that could, simply said the same, boring, pitch over and over without a care in the world, and collected a check every week.

Funny thing was, even THOSE folks still sold stuff.

Studies have shown that with even a halfway decent pitch, and a halfway decent product, about one or two percent of the population will buy something.

From a management perspective, it’s just about getting the numbers right. If you’ve got a hundred people making calls, you’ll get one sale for every minute (or however long it takes to make one call). If that’s enough to pay the rent, electricity, and minimum wage salary of all the phone-robots, then you make money.

Of course, on a personal level, this is not the best job. It’s pretty close to the worse job you could get. 

For every ONE sale,  you’re going to get 99 people that DON’T buy. And out of them, you’ll get five or ten people that get REALLY angry that you called them.

This is why people seem to cringe whenever they hear anything related to sales, or selling, or even persuasion.

Because for most people’s experience, BOTH sides of the coin absolutely SUCK.

However, you still need to persuade people. Doesn’t matter who you are, or what you want to do.

Even convincing your buddy to go to Bar X instead of Bar Y will take some influencing skills.

The good news is that influencing people doesn’t HAVE to be like that robotic hellish experience.

It can be fun, easy and the person you’re persuading will be GLAD you did so.

How?

When most of those phone robots sell anything, they spit out a bunch of “benefits” or try to hit a bunch of “triggers.”

But when you persuade on a one-to-one level, in a way where you WANT to see the other person better off (and you better off as well), you NEVER lead with what you want.

It’s always much, much easier to start out talking to people about what THEY want.

And since most people NEVER do this, you’ll seem like an open window inside a smoke filled phone room.

And once you get them going about what THEY want, they’ll be much, much more eager to help you get what you want.

And if what you want is to make them happier? Even better.

To learn how do to this, check this out:

Covert Hypnosis

Who Is Low Quality? Them Or You?

The Global Marketplace

The Solution Is In The Mirror

There’s many qualities you’ve got to have to get a girl interested in you. Many guys are looking for what to say, or how to approach. And there’s no shortage of guys who complain they can’t find a “quality woman.” That the market sucks, or whatever.

But here’s a harsh truth most guys don’t want to hear: The quality of the woman you can get (however you define “quality”) is directly proportional to YOUR quality, as perceived by HER subjective criteria.

The real truth is that most guys have trouble finding “quality women” because they themselves are low quality males. 

Like it or not, male female interactions are just as tied to the laws of economics, namely the laws of supply and demand, as with any commodity.

If she looks at you, and figures she can get guys of your quality without much hassle, then she’s simply NOT going to think YOU are high quality. Which means when she interacts with you, she’s not going to be THAT interested.

Guys of course, perceive this lack of interest as a “low quality woman.” Meaning their eyes aren’t glued to him the entire conversation. She doesn’t call him back as soon as he thinks she should. She shows up late for dates, etc.

If you don’t believe me, here’s an exercise you can do that will force you to understand this painful truth.

On a sheet of paper, or on a word processor, or in excel or whatever, make two columns.

One column is the characteristics of a “low quality woman.”

The other column is the characteristics of a girl that has low interest in YOU.

You’ll find they are identical.

The bottom line is this: If you want higher quality women, you need to be a higher quality man. And high quality not on paper, but in person.

A man who’s ONLY high quality on paper has things like a good job, low credit card debt, his own place, his own car. Anything that she SAYS she wants.

If you REALLY want a girl to BEHAVE in a way that shows deep levels of REAL attraction, you’ve got to be a high quality male IN PERSON.

You’ve got to be self confident, easy to talk to, engage everybody in the group, have an ultra strong frame, ALWAYS be in a good mood. Never butt-hurt because she’s not treating you the way you think you deserve to be treated.

These qualities are very, very rare.

Which means when you take the time to develop them, you’ll have ZERO competition for all those “high quality women” that suddenly start popping up everywhere.

Everybody Else Is Doing It Wrong

How You Can Easily Do It Right

How You Can Do It Right

Here’s the basic structure of any persuasion. But first, understand one thing. Some, all, or none of these parts are unconscious, and conscious. If you’re persuading something in a pure sales or negotiation session, they will  mostly be conscious. Everybody knows what’s going on.

If you’re creating attraction, most will be unconscious. In an attraction setting, most happen on their own, without either person really knowing what’s going on. That’s why the term “falling in love” is the way it is. We “fall” in love, we don’t “go in love” or “enter in love” or “step into love.” The use of the verb “fall” indicates it’s something that happens without us really knowing what’s going on. Like walking down the street, staring at your iPhone, and falling into a ditch. (Nice metaphor, eh?)

Why is that important? Because any time you use any kind of conscious technology to “force” an unconscious process, there’s all kinds of hidden dangers. Be warned.

Any now, here’s the process that underpins every effective persuasion. (At least ones that don’t come out of the barrel of a gun!)

Rapport

The first step is to create rapport. Get the other person feeling comfortable with you. Get them to let their guard down. Get them to open up and trust. Here’s a secret. If you can do this part well, you’re done. The rest will take care of itself.

Elicit Criteria

This is where you find what’s important to them. If their dreams come true, what would they look like. You’ll know you’ve got rapport when you’re asking them what’s important to them, and they simply won’t shut up. Congratulations!

Leverage Criteria

This is where you show them that what you’ve got is a perfect match for what they want. This when all those crazy language patterns come in. When you can use linguistic technology to show them that their criteria (usually pretty vague) can be found in your products, services, or romantic skills (also usually pretty vague). Here’s a big fat warning: If you can promise them you can satisfy them, and you really can’t, they won’t be happy until you’re dead or in jail. Be careful.

Close

This is you get them to sign the contract, give you their phone number, or go home with you. Here’s another secret. The more you do the previous steps, the easier this part is.

In fact, think of these four steps as a pyramid. The first is the very most important. The next is less important, and so on.

If you do the first really, really well, you don’t need the rest. If you do a pretty good job with the first two, you don’t need the rest, etc.

Here’s another secret. The first two are based only on your abilities to talk to others like a natural, self confident, human being. They have nothing to do with sales skills or seduction skills.

Guess which parts those sales and seduction courses focus on? That’s right. The last two. The two the won’t work for squat if you can’t do the first two.

Now you know why most people suck at sales, and suck at seduction.

They’re doing it wrong.

Do it, and you won’t have any problems. With money, or girls.