Category Archives: Frame Control

Are You Imprisoned By Social Fear?

Stop Acting Like A Caveman

Ditch The Caveman Thinking

One of our deepest fears is social exclusion.

Getting kicked out of the group feels horrible on a deep level.

In our past, we only had our local group. To get kicked out meant certain death.

But today, we have the luxury of choosing who we hang out with. We can choose who we work for, what clubs we join, etc.

But since our instincts are still living in the stone age, where they were developed, it doesn’t always feel this way.

It’s similar to trying to diet, when you’ve got a fridge filled with goodies. You can consciously try all you want to avoid putting another frozen burrito in the microwave, but when your caveman decides to eat, you’re going to eat.

You’ll tell yourself common lies like, “It’s just this once,” or, “Well, I REALLY get started tomorrow,” or, “Well, as long as I’ve got these burritos, I may as well eat them.”

The truth is our inner caveman is a highly skilled con artist that would make P.T. Barnum green with envy.

Whenever we’re in a group, it can feel incredibly difficult to speak up, or go against the flow, or hold fast to your ideas when people are looking at you as if you’ve gone nuts.

It can feel comfortable to sit around and wait for something to happen. Something safe, something that won’t rock the boat. Something that won’t require you to go out on a limb and risk social exposure.

Step Up And Lead!

Be What Everybody Is Waiting For

But if we’re being honest with ourselves, sitting around and waiting for something to happen isn’t the greatest strategy. Especially when everybody else has that same strategy.

But when you step up and go against the flow, and take a leadership position, something very interesting will happen.

When I was in junior high school I made an interesting discovery. Me and a buddy were sitting in a class, waiting for the bell to ring. We started talking like kids do, how everybody is an obedient sheep, etc.

We decided to “rebel” and stand up BEFORE the bell rang. But as soon as we did, so did everybody else.

The wonderful truth is that YOU can BECOME that “thing” that everybody is waiting to happen.

When you throw caution to the wind, stand up and assert your ideas, people will follow. Maybe not right away, but you’d be surprised how little effort it takes. They may be a bit timid at first, and give you a bit of resistance. Once you overcome that, what happens next is pretty amazing.

The truth is that most of us are terrified to lead. Terrified to make decisions. Terrified to make a mistake in front of everybody.

Which is why when YOU decide to be the leader, the rewards will be enormous.

Learn How:

Frame Control

Secrets Of Massive Social Influence

The Missing Ingredient For Effortless Persuasion

Rapport Is Crucial

Most people would love to have some magic skills of persuasion, seduction, sales.

To be able to walk up to some girl, spit out some magic words, and have her look you with those gorgeous submissive that says your wish is her command.

Or maybe you dream of making a killing in sales. Using some wicked nested loops and convincing your client that closing the deal with you is as natural as sleeping late on Saturday morning.

But here’s something to consider.

Most of the time, before you even open your mouth, the tone has been set. And if you haven’t enough rapport, or the RIGHT rapport, words can’t do much.

In fact, if you NEVER learned any sales techniques, seduction techniques, language techniques, and you ONLY spent time developing deep and powerful rapport, you’d get more girls than any natural, and you’d close more sales that any seasoned professional.

Don’t believe me?

Consider your best friend. Right now. Imagine you are out shopping for something, and you were REALLY only window shopping.

You had no plans to buy anything. You just heard from a friend of a friend that this “thing” is pretty cool, and you happened to be driving by a store that sold this “thing” so you figured you’d pop in and take a look.

So there you are, taking a look at this “thing.” Sure it looks good. Sure you can understand why some people would salivate over it. Sure you may even buy it in the future. 

But now? You’ve got other things on your mind. Maybe you’ll file it away in your brain for later.

Then your best friend pops out of nowhere. Your closest, help-you-bury-the-bodies friend.

How To Create A Deep Connection

Deep Levels Of Connection

“Dude! This thing is AWESOME! I got mine yesterday! Get this one and I’ll show you how to use it!”

Would this cause you to buy it?

Now, consider some creepy salesman that smells like he sleeps in a vomit filled ashtray. He walks up and says the exact same thing, in the exact same way.

Would this cause you to buy it?

This is the HUGE difference that rapport makes.

Now consider your best friend again, saying “Dude! Buy This Now!”

And compare that to vomit cigarette man using all kinds of language patterns.

Who would be more persuasive?

Again, this is the power of rapport.

If you’ve got HUGE rapport with a lady, you won’t need much else. You could talk about last night’s hockey game, and she’d be all over you.

How do you create rapport?

Here’s How:

Frame Control

How To Generate Meta Social Confidence

See The Big Picture

How To Get The Big Picture

Sometimes we feel pretty good about ourselves, other times we don’t.

While everybody’s different, we all have common areas where we’re most likely to feel “in the zone” or “in our element.”

For most of us, that’s whenever we’re doing something familiar, something that we’ve done well in the past.

If you’ve been playing the piano and doing recitals since you were in grade school, for example, playing a medium difficult piece in front of strangers is probably no big deal.

Other people would be terrified of sitting down at the piano in a hotel lobby and playing “chopsticks.”

Once I was watching this TV show with an old roommate of mine. It was this guy trying to break some record with the Rubik’s Cube.

My roommate told me he could NEVER perform like that in front of people, even if it was something he did very well.

He said all that attention and focus on him would make it impossible for him to perform.

This is also pretty common. Something you’re good at, but you’ve never really done it in front of others.

This can be anything from cooking to typing to balancing a broom on your nose. Most of us feel a lot more pressure, and a lot less confident, when we’re the center of social attention.

Direct Correlation?

Content Stays With Content

Even the guy in the example above who’s comfortable playing the piano in front of others might not feel so comfortable giving a speech or riding a unicycle while juggling in front of others, or even walking up to and talking to strangers.

There’s something about being at the center of social attention that makes most of us shake in our boots.

There are basically two ways of getting over this fear. One is content based, one is structurally based.

The content way is like the guy with the piano. Just practice whatever skill you want to practice, and get plenty of practice doing it in front of others.

You can do this with pretty much any skill. If you can find a way to practice that skill in front of others, you’ll do pretty good.

Except it generally won’t translate into other skills that need to be done in front of others.

Playing the piano in front of others won’t help you become a better speaker.

Unless you attack this from a structural level. 

Instead of simply focusing on any particular skill, just focus on feeling a general sense of confidence in any social group, especially unknown social groups.

This is the great thing about our brains. It’s very good at generalizing. Once you learn to tie on pair of shoes, you can tie all the shoes on Earth.

So when you learn to simply be confident in social situations, anything you choose to do socially (create relationships, make sales, juggle on a unicycle) will seem easy and familiar.

To learn how, check this out:

Frame Control

How To Be An Outlaw Seducer

Become An Outlaw

Are You Riding Training Wheels?

Most guys believe in a set of “rules” to follow when getting girls.

To be sure, there’s no shortage of procedures, methods, sequences of events, etc.

And for some guys, these work pretty good. They can keep you from blowing it, stepping on your toes, etc.

Like one “rule” that many guys follow is to NEVER say the “L” word until she does.

Now, this may not be such a good thing, especially if SHE’S following the same rule.

But it certainly IS a good thing to keep in mind when you’ve only been on a few dates. To be sure, if you guys have been together for a while, and you stare deeply into each others eyes, and you’re feeling it, and you KNOW that she’s feeling it, it’s not such a big deal.

Clearly, sticking TOO MUCH to the rules can get you blown out.

I remember watching some TV show about a high school basketball team. The coach had this really complicated, drawn out play, where the ball was supposed to be passed around a certain number of times.

Only the first player to get the ball drove right to the rim and scored a quick two.

The coach asked him what happened, and the player looked at him and said, “I know coach, but he gave me the lane, so I took it.”

The coach didn’t have a comeback. When your opponent is giving you an opening, you take it. No matter WHAT your “plan” or set of “rules” is.

Hit It While She's Hot!

Strike Whenever The Iron Is Hot

So, yea, follow your “rules,” whatever they are, as a basic guideline.

But think of them as “training wheels.” Wait three seconds before approaching. Don’t call within 48 hours. Don’t text more than once a day. Don’t text her back within three minutes. Always try kino before number closing.

Whatever.

But when she gives you the lane, you’d better take it!

How will you know?

This is perhaps the biggest secret of natural game. Natural “game” isn’t really that different from yours.

It’s just being SUPER attuned to how she is responding. All the micromovements, pupil dilations, slight changes in skin color and how much blood is or isn’t in her lips.

All of this hits in a big, unconscious wave, and gives them that “instinct” that tells them whether or not to push forward, or pull back.

This ability will get you MUCH more action than any memorized set of patterns, or any sequence of events.

And the real secret is that once you get out of your head, you’ll see these signals EVERY WHERE.

Meaning you’ll finally get inside that mythical “secret society” where all is revealed.

Learn How:

Frame Control

How To Become a Pure Adult

Time To Grow Up!

Are You Still A Child?

Most of us would love to be recognized for who we really are.

You aren’t going to like this, but that’s kind of a myth.

When we were children, we didn’t have to do anything. We just kind of expressed ourselves, however we knew how, and got instant feedback.

This lead us to develop a strategy, that was helpful as a child, but not so helpful as an adult.

As a child, in most situations, you just need to speak up, and somebody will come and give you what you need. If you’re a parent, then you know children are hard wired to be the best manipulators on Earth.

Before they learn to talk they learn that certain expressions and sounds will get certain results.

It’s hard to shed this strategy.

As an adult, it’s incredibly tempting to think that all we need to do is simply express ourselves, and get our needs met.

The trouble is that in the adult world, we’re dealing with other adults. Adults we AREN’T related to, and adults who really don’t have any reason to “give us” what we want or need.

In fact, when you consider that MOST adults still have remnants of this childhood strategy, it’s kind of silly to expect that it would work.

Because if you’re sitting there thinking all you need to do is express yourself and you’ll get what you want, everybody else is thinking the same thing, to a certain degree.

It's NOT Really All About YOU!

Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!

This is one of the reasons we ALL tend to blather on and on about oursevles in social conversations.

It’s that deep inner child screaming out, “Look at me! Notice me! I’m special!”

See, in order for others to fully recognize who we are, we’ve got to make it worth their while. Since most adults are still operating from a childhood mentality, they’re not going to suddenly ditch that mentality when we show up and demand the same thing that they’re demanding.

So, how do you make it worth their while?

How do we set it up so they’ll WANT to get to know us?

By becoming a leader. Not the kind where you get up on the table and rally the troops to march on the castle, but the kind of person who REALLY knows where he’s going.

By becoming a person who has shed all  neediness, and looks out into the world with eyes of expectation and curiosity.

Someone who looks out into the world and thinks, “Hmm, I wonder what opportunities I’ll find here…”

When you develop THAT personality, that energy, that aura, people will feel they are getting their needs met simply by being around you. 

And since they’ll feel, on a deep subconscious level, that you are NOT biologically connected, that good feeling of being around you will ALWAYS be conditional.

Making them the perfect support crew for WHATEVER you’re creating in life.

How do you GET that personality?

Right Here:

Frame Control

Secrets Of Frame Test For Instant Attraction With Gorgeous Girls

Scientifically Proven Paths To Her Magic Box Of Love

How To Pass Every Test

How do you pass a girl’s tests?

It’s not like most guys think.

To understand how, you’ve got to understand the difference between “re-framing” and “out framing.”

Reframing is when you take something she’s said, usually a “cause effect” type statement, and then using the content within that statement and flip it around to make it mean something else.

For example, let’s say you’re talking to some girl in a club or wherever. Things are going good, and then she looks over and see’s a guy who’s a bit taller than you, maybe a bit more handsome than you, and maybe has on some better bling than you.

She says something like, “Wow, that guy looks like he’s famous or something. I bet he gets ALL the girls!”

Now, a guy without any control of his frame would get all butt hurt, and get angry at her for even saying such a thing, and stomp home in a huff of boyish anger.

Don’t do that.

In order to “reframe” what she said, you’d take the same content (the handsome guy over there) and flip it around so it means something else.

Now, this is a “test” because it’s SUPPOSED to rattle your cage a bit. She’s actually hoping it doesn’t rattle your cage, so she can be more attracted to you. That’s why she’s talking to you in the first place. She HOPES you seduce her and take her home.

Anyhow, you may say something like this:

“He’s not famous, he’s gay, look at the way he’s holding is drink!”

Or

“Yea, but I bet that guy doesn’t have a very good sense of humor.”

Or

“Yea, but only sluts go for somebody that’s so obviously fake.”

Now, these might work, but it shows you are threatened by him (what she wanted, to see how you’d respond) and they all attempt to “disarm” the threat.

Go Big Or Go Home Baby!

Go Big Baby!

A much better way would be to OUT FRAME.

Which means that you just take what she said, agree with it, and put it in a larger context. You agree that guys handsome, and he gets laid a lot, and he should be famous.

Instead of putting him down, you completely accept it, and come up with a reason it’s a GOOD thing, because it supports YOU in some way.

Something like these might work:

“Yea, I’m glad there are guys like that, or else all those fake girls would be all over me, and I’d have no time for a nice, sweet girl like you.”

Or

“Yep. If it wasn’t for guys like that, and the girls who love them, places like this would never stay in business and we never would have met!”

Or

“Actually, I think that guys IS famous. He was on the cover of some mens magazine with an article teaching guys how to give women three hour long orgams. I’ve been dying to try some of those techniques…”

Now, this are tough to come up with off the top of your head, so practicing can help a lot.

How do you practice?

Here’s How:

Frame Control

How To Become A Mesmerizing Leader

Become A King Of The World

Jack Up Your Social Status

Every morning I go for a walk, very early.

There’s a park a pass through, and it’s always filled with “dog people.”

These are also people that walk early with their dogs.

They meet up in the park and socialize in the wee morning hours. It’s funny how the dogs interact when they meet each other, especially if it’s the first time.

They approach carefully, sniff each other, walk around each other in careful circles.

There’s a common phrase called “The Pecking Order,” which refers to somebody’s place in their social group.

It comes from chickens. These scientists noticed that a group of chickens would always eat in the same order whenever they dumped a bunch food in their cage. Other animals would fight every single time, but these chickens would always eat in the same order. This is why they called it the “Pecking Order.”

Whenever they did introduce somebody into the mix, they would mix it up a bit, to find where that new member fit into the pecking order. But once they had it figured out, it was business as usual. Food would come, and they would eat in their own self-determined order.

I’m sure you’ve noticed that humans behave in EXACTLY the same way. This makes perfect sense since we are social creatures.

And as social creatures, we will ALWAYS organize ourselves into hierarchies.

Funny thing is we do this quickly, and pretty much subconsciously. Anytime you walk into a room, you add yourself to the mix. Everybody quickly senses where they stand, and it’s back to work.

Any time there’s a change in group structure, this happens, whether we like it or not.

Eat or Be Eaten

Eat Or Be Eaten

And if you’re NOT projecting strong confidence and social presence, you ARE going to get discounted. People will check you out, assume  you’re not a threat, and then see you as another faceless member of the group.

This is what they mean by “First Impressions.” They often happen quickly, subconsciously, and before anybody ever says a word.

If you are in any kind of business where you need to approach people, or if you’re ever in situations where you’d like to approach strangers and build good relationships, it’s crucial that you get a handle on this skill.

The harsh truth about being humans is that because we ARE social animals, no matter where you go, there will be followers, and there will be a leader.

Now if you are content to be a follower, that’s fine. Most people are. Most people are terrified to step up and claim the leadership position. It’s scary, and there’s a lot of pressure.

But there are also ENORMOUS benefits.

If you want some, check this out:

Frame Control

The Easy Way To Deal With Obstacles

Life Can Be Fun Or Frustrating - Your Choice!

Who Decides What They Mean?

There are a lot of very cliche sayings that have some powerfully deep truths.

Take the super corny one, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

Sounds like some t-shirt slogan you’d find in the $0.99 bucket, right?

But let’s dig a little deeper.

Say you’ve got some plans. Maybe big plans, maybe not so big.

If you’re like most people, you start out like gangbusters, and then run into trouble.

Maybe things didn’t go as smoothly as you thought. Maybe you ran into some unexpected obstacles.

Maybe when you told other people they looked at you like you were crazy or something.

There’s also a very powerful technique in covert hypnosis called “utilization.”

This means that you, as the hypnotist, have a strong intention. No matter what the client or customer says during the conversation, you simply weave it into your language, and use it. You don’t resist it. You don’t wish they didn’t say it. You have the attitude that everything that they do, you can use to get closer to your outcome.

Nothing we choose to do ever goes without a hitch, except super safe and super boring stuff that anybody can do. (Like watching familiar TV shows on our familiar houses while we eat familiar comfort food).

In order to get the REALLY good stuff, we’ve GOT to fall on our faces. Not just once or twice, but on a regular basis.
 

Enjoy The Game

The Good Stuff Will Always Take Time And Risks

This is probably the BIGGEST thing that keeps people from achieving their dreams. They somehow bought into the notion that it should be easy or simple or risk free.

So when they run into obstacles, they figured they’d been cheated or conned or the “world is against them.”

But what happens when you see everything that happens, good AND bad, as instructive events to help you get closer?

If you’ve ever been in sales, you’ve likely heard another super corny yet super true statement:

“Every no is one step closer to a yes.”

Now, here’s a weird question.

When you come across those “obstacles” that seem to hold you back, who decided they were obstacles?

Do they HAVE to be thought of as obstacles? If you think of them as learning experiences, are the thought police going to pop out of nowhere and write you a ticket?

Every experience, especially ones you’ve never experienced before, will give you more experience. (huh?)

And every time you come up against an unknown experience, you’ll automatically try and recall all your past similar experiences. The more of those you’ve got, the better you’ll do.

When most people come up against an obstacle, they usually complain. “Oh WHY does my life suck so much?”

What about you? What do you think? 

What happens when you think this instead:

“Hmm. Interesting. How can I use this?”

With the right frame of mind, this can be your “go to” mindset, making everything a LOT easier.

Learn How:

Frame Control

How To Create Irresistible Rapport

Create Instant Rapport

Their Idea Is Always Best

The easiest way to get somebody to do something is to get them thinking it was their idea.

This is an old idea, made famous by Dale Carnegies “How To Win Friends And Influence People.”

It’s also plays a large part in covert and conversational hypnosis, both in sales, therapy and relationships.

The basic structure is to use a variety of vague language, so the listener or reader will need to fill in the blanks on their own, using their own specific experiences and beliefs. 

Which means when they finally come to a conclusion, they will have done so based on thoughts and pictures in their own brain, rather than thoughts put there by you.

Naturally, this takes a lot of practice, as there are plenty of different language patterns, and virtually endless combinations. Similar to learning a martial art, there’s tons of single moves to learn, and tons of ways to use them in various combinations.

But there is one thing that will make it much smoother.

It leverages the same process, but on a much deeper level.

Whenever you intend to persuade somebody, you’ve got to have rapport. This is the most crucial, and often overlooked aspect. Since it seems so simple, most people feel they don’t need to really focus on it.

Which means they’re done before they start.

But with enough rapport, you don’t really need much else.

Do Best Friends For Life Need Language Patterns?

Who Do YOU Trust The Most?

Consider somebody, now, as you read this. Somebody you totally trust. Somebody you’ve known for a long, long time. Somebody you’d turn to if you needed to bury some bodies.

Now, consider them suggesting something to you. Would they need to do a lot of convincing? Probably not. Would they need to use all kinds of language patterns and influence techniques? Probably not.

Because you have such a HUGE amount of rapport with this person, they don’t really need to explain themselves.

Now, imagine if you could create this amount of rapport in people that you’d just met. Anything you wanted to talk to them about would be much easier, and much more natural, and much less dependent on “technology.”

How do you create such rapport?

By building a powerfully attractive frame. The strong dominant and charismatic frame that will get people WANTING to be in rapport with you. The kind of frame that when people look at you, they’ll think, “Wow, I wish I was hanging out with THAT person!”

How can you get this? Easy. From the inside out.

Learn How:

Frame Control

How To Become The Definition Of Charisma

The Supreme Judgment of Charisma

The Supremes Know What’s Up

“I don’t know what it is, but I know it when I see it.”

That’s what one member of the supreme court said many years ago when trying to define “pornography.”

Many things are like that. We’re hard pressed to define them, but we certainly know it when we see it.

Some of these are subjective, some of these are objective.

Taste in food is more on the subjective side.  You can’t really describe what “delicious” means to you, but you certainly know it when you taste it. And everybody has their own unique classifications of delicious.

Beauty leans more on the objective side. Most people would agree that certain paintings, landscapes, or yes, even people, are beautiful, while others are not.

Charisma and social magnetism are like that as well. It’s really hard to define what it is, without describing the feeling that comes from seeing somebody that is incredibly charismatic and magnetic.

Ultimate Enlightment

Tale From The Temple

I was once at this open house at a local Buddhist temple, and there were plenty of local folks there. They had it set up so you could just wander around, look at stuff, and ask questions.

We were all in this big room, kind of doing our own thing, and this “guy” came walking in. All of us stopped what we were doing, and turned to look at this “guy.”

He had a certain “energy” about him. He was tall, good looking, and had pretty good posture. His movements were slow and purposeful. There didn’t seem to be any fear or anxiety or worry. Like he knew where he was going and was very aware of his surroundings, including all the people that were covertly watching his every step.

Like he felt totally comfortable in his own skin, totally at home wherever he was. As if it was the most important place on Earth or event in time. Total focus, presence and congruence.

As he got closer, I noticed he was wearing a name tag. Turned out he was the mayor. A mayor of a town famous for it’s ultra rich people.

Now, did he have charisma because he was mayor, or was he mayor because of his charisma?

I suspect it was both. Certainly, being in a position of power and surrounded by people who recognize that power will certainly give you a confidence boost.

But you can’t get there unless you’ve got the confidence to begin with.

Many people assume that having such massive charisma and magnetism is like being born tall or super athletic. You’ve either got it or you don’t.

They’re wrong.

You CAN build in that confidence, that charisma. So YOU can be the one walking in the room and turning heads.

Learn How:

Frame Control